Apr 08, 2007 23:53
Blah Blah Blah, lots of stuff going on.
Hav'nt wrote in forever, thought about it though. It's the thought that counts.. right?
So Im thinking Im just not gonna study for my SATs and wing it, cause my friend who had a tutor got a 1300 out of 2400. I have no tutor, I have refused my parents to getting it, its WAY to expensive. But now I might be getting one, but my test is in less then a month. OH FUCK. My birthday is in 19 days.. yay? Im not much of a birthday person. I don’t tell people. This is the big one seven. Drivers license? I think not, I need to wait for d-ed to end. yay me. So sometimes I think my life totally sucks, but that really is being so selfish. Honestly who am I to complain? Did you know that if you have excess change lying around that you are among the rich of the world. It may not seem so. I always forget that little fact because so many people I know are filthy rich. But I should be truly grateful for everything I have. And I am, but its so hard to not want things I don’t have. Does that make me a bad person? I hate that all I ever see is the bad in everything. I wish I was more involved in the world. Like actually know what’s going on outside of my house. I just never put an effort into trying to find out. Im too lazy.
SATs for one. Im NOT amazing at volleyball, like all my friends. And although I should be perfectly content with my volleyball situation on the worst team, Im not. I should be happy that Im getting any training. But Im not. Why should I keep playing if Ill be played 50% of the time, if Im lucky. But quitting will be so hard because volleyball is my life. No joke, its sad. Looking for colleges, just shoot me in the head now. There is so many to chose from, I have no idea. And a major, I have no idea what I want to become. Im 17, who the hell knows. This world is revolved around money, money is power, but it shouldn’t be. No boyfriend, I honestly think Im an annoying person. Im not just saying that because Im "lonely", but because I really think I am. I hear the things that come out of my mouth sometimes and its just like what the fuck? I have no control. Oh and here is a typical issue that is so stupid and is played out by the media. I am overweight. Now I am not saying Im fat and Im gonna go puke. But I am overweight for my age, I do need to cut down like 10-15 pounds. Its pretty bad. Its because I have no control on my eating habits. Its not just the junk food, but it’s the quantity in which I eat them. I eat like 10 servings of each thing. I need to tone my body bad and if I lose wait, the size of my boobs will go down. I seriously need a breast reduction. Try playing sports with 36D (border line DD), its embarrassing. I cant find bras or tops or bathing suits. Its near impossible. Nothing ever fits me like anyone else. I hate it. Ugh I hate going on about stupid shit like this.
Here are the good things in my life:
My mom: Sure everyone says there mom is amazing, but mine really is. She works overtime almost every day, trying to make money to support three kids. She is the most caring person I know. She rarely gets mad and puts up with so much crap that my brothers and I do. Its bad, we put her through to much. We take advantage of her. She gives up everything for us at the drop of a dime and do we ever say a thank-you? Not enough.
My brothers: They are crazy and so important. I look up to them so much its crazy. What they think of me means everything to me. They mean more to me then they can even realize. I love spending time with them so much. I wish I could be half of what they are. They know who they are, they know their friends and they are okay with everything. They just, its so hard to explain them. But they are just so cool. I don’t even know. They are my brothers.My dad: Sometimes he is just so frustrating. I only see him every other weekend, and he honestly doesn’t know half the stuff that goes on in my life. He just doesn’t understand me sometimes, but I feel as though I don’t let him sometimes. And the thing is, he really loves me so much. I don’t appreciate him enough. He gives me everything and I hope he knows that he really is a good father because he doubts him self.
Sam: My best friend. I have had a few best friends, and I have a few others. But Sam is truly my twin. We are so much alike its scarey. We are always thinking the same thing, we say the same thing, do the same thing and so on. I have been best friends with her for a little over two years now and we have not gotten in one fight. That is just odd. Cause come one, everyone gets in fights. Is it unhealthy that we don’t get in fights? But she really means a lot to me. I can talk to her about anything and I can trust her with anything. I have ever had such a strong friendship with anyone before. And what’s so amazing that we are so much alike, is the fact that we do have our differences. It makes times together so much fun and unique.
My best friends: Elena, Jackie and Stacie. I have known them practically my whole life, since I was 6 or so. Now I can turn to them for anything, hang out and just do nothing. Elena is like a sister to me, we have been through practically everything together. As well as Stace and Jac, now I wont go into detail, but they are my best friends.
I have a lot of other good things in my life, but these people mean the most to me.
GOALS
1. stop eating junk food
A. once that is done, learn to control how much I eat
2. Start working out, including running
3. stop picking (I wont say what, its gross, but if it helps its not my boogers. I left that at age 7 thank you.)
Lets see how long I last. I say two days, If Im lucky.
ps. I really miss Chris Mike and Dave. :(