It's 3am, we must be lonely (for katieisperalda)
Title: It’s 3am, we must be lonely
Rating: PG
Genre: Slice of life, romance, fluff, modern setting AU
Word Count: 8766 words
Recipient: katieisperelda
Summary: Yuto thinks he knows why Chinen suddenly takes on a new housemate, but eventually he discovers that he doesn’t really mind.
Author’s note: Thanks to M who took it upon herself to act as my makeshift muse when my own was nowhere in sight, my other hand holders, and my lovely beta. Title adapted from a line in Matchbox Twenty’s song, 3am. Dear katieisperalda, I really hope you enjoy this!
“So I have a housemate now,” Chinen says through a mouthful of grilled meat, right in the middle of their conversation about full body umbrellas as though it’s the next logical stage in the topic’s development.
There was once a time Yuto would have been thrown off balance by this sudden change in direction, but he’s so used to Chinen’s quirks by now that he doesn’t even blink. There’ll be plenty of other times to talk about the advantages of a bubble of clear plastic covering your entire body, anyway. “Oh?” he prompts.
Chinen nods and shrugs. He holds his plate out and Yuto drops more meat onto it. “I almost didn’t take him in because he has a pet, but Ryosuke swears she’s tame.” Yuto’s about to ask when Chinen has ever believed pet owners when Chinen adds, “She’s pretty cute, too. He showed me some pictures.”
“She won you over with a picture?” Yuto is startled. For anyone else this would pose no problem, but Chinen avoids animals like the plague. Chinen says it’s just because he likes things clean, thank you very much, but sometimes Yuto wonders if he’s scared of them. “You’re done for.”
Chinen shudders and makes a face. “Stop that! Before I change my mind. She’s small and cute. I don’t know what came over me. I should have asked him if he got her checked for fleas or something.”
Yuto scoffs but Chinen looks so uncharacteristically flustered that he decides to take mercy on him. “So when does he move in?” Yuto changes the subject.
“Next week. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure he’s fit for social integration before I introduce him to you guys,” Chinen replies, waving his hand around loftily.
Yuto snorts, and when he asks whether Chinen’s got things the wrong way round, Chinen narrows his eyes and reaches over to take the remaining piece of meat from Yuto’s plate. Yuto watches him munch on it while he thinks.
After a while Chinen notices his silence. “What?”
He’s a little reluctant to bring it up, but he can’t hide anything from Chinen. “Are you sure you want another housemate?”
Chinen shrugs. “It’s been almost a year since Inoo moved out. I figured it was time.”
“But you don’t need one, do you?” Yuto is trying to put it as delicately as possible while still getting his point across. Either he’s being too delicate, or Chinen’s purposely playing ignorant.
“I felt like one. Besides, it’s close to the kindergarten so I thought I’d help him out.” Yuto doesn’t entirely believe him, but something in Chinen’s voice tells Yuto he doesn’t want to discuss it anymore, so he drops it.
“Be sure to tell Keito that he missed out on tons of fun tonight,” Chinen instructs him later at the station when they’re about to part ways. Yuto just laughs and waves goodbye, fairly certain that even if he did, Chinen would still take it upon himself to tell him at work tomorrow.
It’s almost eleven when Yuto gets back to the apartment and is greeted by the image of Keito slumped in a stool, his head on the kitchen counter with an assortment of papers scattered all around him.
“I’m not a teacher, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how you’re supposed to mark papers,” Yuto remarks, placing his bag on the only patch of the counter not occupied by student essays. “Are you hoping the grades will transfer to the tests via osmosis? Is that what they teach you at university?”
Keito doesn’t stir, and Yuto wonders briefly if he’s fallen asleep until he hears a loud groan. Yuto claps him on the shoulder and manoeuvres himself around Keito’s pitiful form for a few minutes while he clatters around the kitchen. He rummages through their tea storage for a while before deciding on one.
“Listen to this,” Keito says when he finally does sit up, and grabs the nearest one. He clears his throat loudly. “My English teacher looks like a tame lion,” he reads aloud in English. “But a funny lion, not a scary one.”
Yuto can’t help it - he laughs. “What was the topic, even?”
Keito mumbles something about teachers and school, then groans again. “I swear they’re doing this just to get to me.”
“Sure,” Yuto agrees to humour him, and presses a mug into his hands. “Have some tea.”
“Thanks.” Keito accepts the mug and continues his rant without any further pause. “My students are all brats. Cute brats, but brats nevertheless.” It takes a few sips for him to remember. “Oh yeah, how was dinner?” he asks.
Yuto shrugs, collecting the papers with visible red marks on it and placing the stack to one side. He then plops himself on the stool on the opposite side of the counter, stretching out his legs with a yawn. “Pretty good. Chinen wants you to know that you missed out.”
Keito groans. “Tell me something I don’t know.” Tonight was supposed to be a fun night out for the three of them, celebrating being able to properly meet for the first time in a few weeks. It’s unheard of for them to meet so irregularly, but Yuto’s been picking up more shoots, and Keito recently implemented a new class program that made him even busier. Chinen should theoretically have been busier too, but it never seems like it even though he works so hard. Both Keito and Yuto don’t know how he does it. In the end, though, Keito hadn’t been able to finish marking his papers in time, and had to bail out at the last minute. Chinen is never going to let him live it down, but only because he finished his batch of marking three hours earlier than Keito.
“He got a new housemate,” Yuto reports, and that has Keito sitting up in interest.
“Really? So did this person cast a spell on him, or is he doing this to avoid Takaki?” Keito asks dryly. Yuto shrugs.
“Who knows. He claims he was won over by a dog, and that he’s doing this out of the goodness of his heart.” It’s not that far of a stretch, the second one, since Chinen helped Inoo out last time in the same way. Still, the timing seems far too convenient for it to be coincidental.
Keito blinks. “I don’t know which sounds more implausible,” he says, and Yuto chuckles in agreement.
“Well you remember what happened the last time we tried talking Chinen into doing something. He said he might introduce us one day.” A yawn almost swallows up his last word. That means bedtime. Yuto stands up and stretches again before he leaves.
“I don’t suppose I can persuade you to keep me company, can I?” Keito asks plaintively, eyes pleading. To really ham it up, Keito even clasps his hands together, desperation plain on his face.
“Sorry bro. You’re on your own tonight. I have an early shoot tomorrow.”
Yuto hears the thud of Keito’s head falling back onto the counter as he makes his way to his bedroom.
It’s two weeks before they get to hear anything about Chinen’s new housemate, because test period always has Keito and Chinen pulling out their hair. The night after the social science exam Chinen comes over to the apartment, bringing with him a huge stack of papers in his briefcase. While the two teachers occupy the entire dining table, Yuto’s sole job is to provide them with refreshments he’d been instructed to stock up on the day before. As he pours the first cup of coffee of the night, Yuto tries very hard not to think about the folder on his desktop full of photos he has yet to edit.
They learn that in the past week, Chinen has already gained an admirer in his household. His housemate’s toy poodle, Sora, has taken to following him around everywhere.
It turns out that only three days in, Yamada had already seen him wearing only a bath towel. Chinen had to solicit his help in getting Sora out of the bathroom when he wanted to use it, because she just wouldn’t listen.
“Aww, she likes you!” Yuto coos while Keito roars with laughter next to him.
“Well I don’t like her! No matter how cute she is. I like my privacy, thank you very much.”
Aside from that Yamada isn’t a bad housemate in Chinen’s book, which means that he does more than his fair share of the cleaning and offers to cook every so often when he’s not swamped with work. Speaking of which--
“Come round on Saturday,” Chinen offers, rubbing his eyes and staring at his still-tall stack of unmarked papers. “Ryosuke’s cooking.”
On Saturday evening, Sora jumps on them the moment a dishevelled Chinen opens the door, red marker ink all over his hands. There are even some specks of ink on his face, but both he and Keito share a conspiratorial glance as Yuto holds open the door and decide then and there that they’re not going to tell.
“Sora-chan, down!” Chinen scolds. When she turns around, tail wagging frantically, they have a staring competition. Chinen loses. He picks her up with a sigh. “Spoilt brat,” he says, but it sounds peculiarly affectionate.
“She’s growing on you,” Yuto teases him, laughing when Chinen makes a face at him, then directs it to Sora. Sora ignores it and headbutts his chin. Yuto wants to carry her, too.
A wonderful smell invades Yuto’s senses the moment the walk through the door, and the fragrance only intensifies the closer they get to the kitchen.
“Ryosuke, they’re here!” Chinen calls out and moments later his housemate emerges from the kitchen waving around a spoon. “Hey!” he greets them, cheerfully. His smile is a bit sheepish but genuine, and Yuto decides he likes it instantly. “Yamada Ryosuke. Here, try this.” And with that, he promptly shoves the spoon into Chinen’s mouth. They all laugh at the way Chinen’s eyes immediately light up.
With Chinen effectively silenced they exchange greetings and shake hands.
“Where did you get that apron from?” Chinen asks once he’s swallowed, pulling on the apron with two fingers, his expression one of mild curiosity.
Yamada looks at him oddly. “It’s yours, I borrowed it.”
Even with that explanation, all three of them continue to be confused until they find Chinen Saya’s name scrawled on the faded tag.
“You stole your sister’s apron?” Keito teases him, dodging neatly out of reach of Chinen’s half-hearted kick.
When dinner is ready they sprawl in the lounge around Chinen’s small coffee table.
“So you’re a kindergarten teacher?” Yuto addresses Yamada when they’re all seated. Sora jumps into his lap and starts licking his face, so Yuto holds his plate up high in the air until she’s calmed down enough to lie quietly in his lap.
Yamada nods, reaching over to scratch Sora behind her ears and chuckling when she whimpers. “Yep. Just at the school not far from here. How about you guys?”
“Photographer,” Yuto says. Still in his lap, Sora begs for more attention so he uses a hand to pet her.
Keito swallows his food. “English teacher. We teach at the same middle school.” He gestures between himself and Chinen.
“Can you teach me English?” Yamada asks, only half joking. “I’m terrible at it.”
“Come karaoke with us one day,” Keito offers. “That’s how Yuto learnt most of his English.”
Yuto swats at him and pretends to scowl. “You didn’t have to tell him that. But yeah, come with us one day, Keito will show you his favourite English songs so many times you’ll get sick of them.”
“And then he’ll make you sing them too,” Chinen adds, shaking his head slightly. Yuto would bet all his cameras and two of his tripods that he’s remembering the time the three of them had a karaoke session with one of Chinen’s friends. Chinen’s never brought Arioka to sing with Keito again, though Keito occasionally asks about him. Put them in a room together and you don’t know what they’re going to belt out.
Yamada doesn’t look deterred. “I’m looking forward to it.”
Yuto has a good time, the four of them joking, laughing and talking right up until the time he and Keito absolutely have to return back to their apartment. If Keito doesn’t get enough sleep he becomes spectacularly grumpy in the morning, and Yuto just doesn’t want to deal. Chinen looks happy too, because despite his complaints about the human race, he does actually enjoy having friends. Although Yamada seems just as shy as Chinen, it looks like they’re getting along well in such a short space of time. For that, Yuto is glad.
His observations seem to be correct, judging by the fact that it’s not the last time they ever see him.
“This guy was just going to rot by himself in the apartment so I brought him over,” Chinen announces cheerily the first time he brings his housemate along for dinner. Afterwards they all go to karaoke, where they belt out songs from the current trendiest girl groups, and English songs handpicked by Keito. Chinen complains initially, but later he sings along to Maroon 5 just as heartily as Yuto and Keito do. Yamada watches in awe, bopping his head along to the music, so Keito promises to lend him a CD next time. The next time they go, he and Keito sit with jaws wide open as Yamada and Chinen launch into perfect renditions of Harder to Breathe and Love Somebody.
“How is your pronunciation so good?” Yuto demands to know after they’ve taken a bow.
Yamada shakes his head slightly. “I’m not sure, either.”
Yamada cooks for them a lot. He reasons that when he was living at home, he and his mother had to fight over who got to cook for the family. He lost most of the time. Nobody minds.
Having four people in the group is good for more reasons too, because none of them enjoy playing three-player monopoly.
“I went to a new cafe in Shinjuku today,” Yuto says to nobody in particular when Keito leans over the entire board to take his turn, because Chinen doesn’t notice him ask for help with moving his token. He slips his Shinjuku card halfway underneath the game board.
Keito picks up a Chance card and curses. “Jail. Don’t pass Go, don’t collect 20 million yen. Yeah, yeah, okay.” He lurches again to move the wheelbarrow to the jail square.
“What are you in for?” Yuto and Chinen ask simultaneously. They high-five each other over the board and Yamada laughs.
"I tried to make normal office hours start at eleven.”
“Bad luck, I’d support that,” Chinen says sympathetically.
“Dude, how is there still cafes in Tokyo you’ve never been to?” Keito asks when he turns back to him. Yuto just sticks his tongue out because really, Keito is no better.
“Which cafes?” Yamada asks as he takes his turn, taking great care to place the sheepdog down on every square along the way. “Any recommendations?”
“Yeah, a new one opened up near the studio I worked at the other day,” Yuto says. He’d been drawn to it because of the red, brick walled exterior and the friendly message written in colourful chalk on the blackboard outside. “It’s small and homey and really nice in there. I want to go back.”
“Take me one day? I’m always looking for new cafes.” Yamada counts out some notes and hands them to their resident banker. “Chinen, I wanna buy that.”
“Nara for Ryosuke.” Chinen accepts the money and gives him a card. “Have fun playing with the deer!”
“I’ll probably be going there again next Tuesday afternoon, will you be free?” Yuto asks Yamada as Chinen rolls the dice. As a kindergarten teacher, Yamada only works for the first half of every day, so there’s a chance they’ll both be free.
Part of him is surprised at the invitation he offered without hesitation because Yuto usually goes to cafes alone whenever he needs to wind down. It’s been like that ever since university; he’d take a book or his camera to immerse himself with, forgetting about his worries for a few precious hours.
“Yutti, your turn,” Chinen interrupts them then, handing him the dice.
“I’ll be glad for the company,” Yuto tells Yamada as he hastily takes his turn. He lands on Shizuoka. While he forks out two thousand two hundred yen and passes the bills to a gleeful Chinen, Yuto wonders how much of his statement true. Now it’s weird to think about going with someone else, although certainly not unwelcome.
“Tuesday afternoon is perfect,” Yamada replies, and smiles at him. “Thanks!”
Returning his smile, Yuto tells him the address he’d saved on his phone during his previous visit. They agree on a time to meet at the station while Chinen chants to Keito in English to ‘show him the money’ when he unfortunately lands on Ginza.
Yuto turns back to the game and tries to concentrate, pushing his anxiousness to the back of his mind. Sora pads into the living room and jumps into his lap. Yuto scratches the back of her ear.
“I got arrested because I hypnotise people for fun,” Chinen announces loud and proud.
Tuesday’s shoot goes well, and Yuto soon finds himself packing up and waving goodbye to the rest of the staff and models on his way out of the building. He takes his equipment to the car, storing everything in the trunk, save for a smaller camera he takes with him just in case they run out of things to talk about. He’s probably being over cautious, but it’s happened before. Conversation doesn’t come naturally to him all the time, even with friends. Yuto laughs a little at himself as he walks down the street to the cafe, and finds Yamada leaning against the wall, playing with his phone while he waits. Yuto wants to pull the black beanie down over his eyes.
“Hey,” he greets Yamada when he looks up. “Sorry for making you wait.”
“Hi!” Yamada shoves his phone into his pocket. “Not at all, I came early because I thought I would get lost.’
“Good thing you didn’t, because I would have gotten lost trying to find you.”
The cafe is not crowded, so they’re able to get a seat easily once they’ve ordered. Yamada chooses one next to the window and sinks down onto a chair gratefully.
“Busy day at work?” Yuto asks. Yamada gives a half nod and sinks lower in his chair.
“The kids don’t like social science,” he sighs, looking a little dazed. He then sits up and looks around warily. “Don’t tell Chinen I said that, he’ll probably blame me.”
Yuto laughs. “Your secret is safe with me,” he promises.
“How was your day?” Yamada asks. He fiddles with the strands of hair peeking out from underneath his beanie.
Yuto nods eagerly. “Really good! The models were really responsive, so it was easy getting great shots.” He’s about to go on about how he was really interested in today’s concept and how the director was really easy to communicate with, but then Yuto remembers he’s not talking to a fellow photographer. He clears his throat awkwardly, but Yamada isn’t giving him the same bored look that Chinen or Keito usually have when he rambles on for too long, and Yuto already feels better when he realises this. “Yeah,” he finishes lamely, and luckily he’s saved by their drinks arriving.
“Here you go!” the waitress places their drinks in front of them with a wide smile and a little wave.
“You know she was waiting for you to smile at her,” Yamada says when she’s out of earshot.
Yuto hadn’t noticed at all and Yamada laughs at him when he gets flustered. “You’re really clueless.”
“Shut up,” Yuto says sheepishly. To hide his embarrassment he swings his plate around so he can get a nice shot of his green tea.
“Do you take photos of everything?”
Yuto gives a half nod and a shrug, then presses the shutter button halfway. “More or less.”
He can feel Yamada watching him even as he concentrates on taking the final shot. “Take one of me?” he asks.
Satisfied, Yuto looks up. “Of you, or with you?”
“Ooh.” Yamada thinks about it for a second, looking as though he doesn't know whether he wants to be in the photo or not. Tilting his head at Yuto. Yuto can’t help but laugh - his expression is akin to a curious puppy’s. He scoots over to Yamada’s side of the table. Years of being friends with Keito have perfected his selfie-taking skills. “Make the stupidest face you can,” he instructs, and takes their photo.
Yamada bursts into laughter when Yuto shows him the resulting pièce de résistance. “Wow we’re attractive.” They take another one on Yuto’s phone, because Yuto’s weakness is that he can’t ever stop at just one photo. He’s working on it, but admittedly he hasn’t made much progress.
When he returns to his seat, he presses another button with a flourish. “And sent, to Keito.”
Across the table, Yamada gapes at him. “You didn’t.” Yuto cracks up. “You didn’t.” Yuto can’t stop laughing, and he almost chokes when Yamada’s face turns bright red with disbelief. Eventually though, he changes his tune when Keito sends one back of him and Chinen in the teachers’ breakroom and the two of them laugh so hard they cry.
Yuto may have gotten used to going to cafes alone for the past few years, but being there with Yamada doesn’t feel as strange as he thought it would. It’s easy and it’s comfortable, and Yuto finds that they continue to seek each other out more and more. Sometimes they talk the entire time, making jokes and taking selfies and laughing at Chinen’s recent escapades with Sora. Other times Yuto sits reading his book, and Yamada his manga, and they leave without even a single word sandwiched between their greetings. Yuto doesn’t ever feel as though he has to force himself when he’s with Yamada.
Keito’s locked himself in his room one night, having sworn he wouldn’t come out until he finished writing all his student reports, so Yuto’s left all alone in the kitchen. He downs the rest of his tea and is contemplating an early bedtime out of sheer boredom and a reluctance to work because he has a day off tomorrow, when his phone rings.
“Yamada? What’s up?”
“Hey.” Yamada sounds exhausted. “Can I come over?”
“Oh.” Yuto is surprised. “Sure. But Keito’s in self-imposed exile, so it’ll just be me around if you don’t mind.”
“I just need to do some work. I need to finish up some drafts for next semester’s projects and I have about six more to go and I’ve run out of ideas. I think I just need a change of scenery, so Chinen suggested coming here, I’m sorry.” For some reason, Yuto finds Yamada’s anxiousness amusing. “I feel really trapped in our apartment and I’ve exhausted all the cafes open at this time within a 5km radius,” Yamada rushes on to explain. “And I’m pretty sure Chinen’s so eager to kick me out because Takaki is over.”
Yuto laughs. It wouldn’t be the first time. “Sure, come over.”
“Thank you so much,” Yamada rushes out a sigh of relief, and hangs up the phone.
Yamada’s on the doorstep fifteen minutes later, hair all mussed up like he’s been running his fingers through them repeatedly, a messy stack of papers in his arms. “I’m so sorry to impose,” he starts babbling the minute Yuto opens the door. “I’m so stupid, I’ve been stuck on these for days and I’m freaking out and--” He’s cut short when Yuto yanks on his arm to pull him inside.
“Ssh don’t worry about it. I said it’s fine, right?” Yamada’s still looking panicked, and Yuto is suddenly filled with the desire to pat Yamada’s cheek. “Is the living room okay?” he asks, closing the front door.
“That would be perfect.”
Within minutes, sheets of loose paper completely cover the living room table that Yamada is hunched over, forehead scrunched up in concentration. Yuto quietly places a hot mug of tea on the side table next to him.
Yamada still notices him. “Thank you,” he says, smiling wanly and taking a sip. “Don’t let me keep you from doing what you were going to. Just pretend I’m not here.”
Yamada can be so exasperating sometimes. “Don’t worry,” Yuto tells him. “I’ll probably keep you company if you don’t mind.” He gestures to the desktop computer sitting in the corner. On it are photos from last week’s shoot that still need to be edited. Sleep sounds nice, but he really should make a start on them.
Yamada huffs with amusement. “I’ll be glad for it. We can keep each other from going insane.”
They become engrossed in the work, the silence in the air punctuated only by the clattering of Yuto’s keyboard and the clicks of his mouse, the rustling of Yamada’s paper, and intermittent sighs. Yuto slowly moves onto photo after photo, not noticing the time pass them by, not stopping until he’s reached almost the halfway point of the folder.
When he feels his eyes can’t take anymore, Yuto turns off the computer and gets up from the chair, sprawling out on the floor near the centre of the room. A quick check of the wall clock startles him; it’s already past two am. He’s too exhausted to move, so he just watches Yamada as he frowns and moves pieces of paper around until he’s happy with them. Some time later, he sees Yamada smile widely and sink back onto the couch, arms stretched above his head as he sighs with relief.
“Done.” Yamada removes his glasses and tilts his head back so he’s facing the ceiling.
“Good job.” Yuto can’t help sharing his grin.
Yamada relaxes and looks back at him. “Thank you so much, seriously. It really helped.”
“Anytime.” Yuto means it. Somehow, in this moment, seeing Yamada on the couch like that it’s as though he’s no longer the distant man Yuto doesn’t quite understand, but more like someone he’s known all his life. Yuto wants to learn more, wants to make this fleeting thought a reality.
Somehow, a part of Yuto’s brain registers that while he’s staring at Yamada, Yamada is eyeing him right back.
“What are you thinking about?” Yuto whispers, and Yamada blinks sleepily in response.
“Hmm?”
“You’re staring at me.” Yuto’s breath catches in his throat. He’s never seen this particular expression on Yamada’s face before.
Then his face changes, and It’s a while before Yamada replies. “I like spending time with you,” he says, purposefully making his tone casual, but his eyes don’t leaving Yuto’s as he curls up on the couch.
Yuto’s lips quirk up. “I would hope so, since we seem to do nothing but these days.”
“Yeah but…” he begins, but seems to think better of it and shakes his head. He tries again, but no words come out.
Yuto’s curious, but he doesn’t want to push. “Why don’t you try again later?” he suggests. It’s late. Things always get harder when it’s late. “Nothing makes sense at 3am, Yama-chan.” It’s the first time he’s called him that, and both their eyes widen.
Eventually, Yamada shrugs. “You’re right,” he says. His looks rueful, though, and Yuto doesn’t know why, but makes the decision not to question further.
They both yawn at the same time. “I don’t think I can get up to move,” Yuto confesses through his laughter. Despite his shaking, his eyes are already drooping and he’s fighting so hard to keep them open.
Yamada makes a sound between a chuckle and a sigh, and holds out his arms. Yuto reaches over to take his hands and all of a sudden he’s pulled up to the couch alongside him. “Do you mind if I stay on your couch tonight?” Yamada asks quietly, and he sounds a little apologetic. “Speak now or forever hold your peace.”
Yuto’s so tired he can’t even manage proper words, so he just snorts and wraps his arm around his waist. “Stay,” he mumbles when he finally finds his voice, and then he blacks out.
He’s shaken awake from the most peaceful sleep by Yamada, one hand shaking Yuto’s shoulder slightly, the other pulling his grey coat on.
“Yama-chan?” Yuto manages to slur when he’s able to crack open his eyes just enough to register the mop of messy, brown hair.
“Sorry for waking you. I didn’t want to leave while you were still asleep. I’m going now, thank you for letting me stay over,” Yamada babbles, hopping around as he pulls one of his socks up. “ Thanks again for last night. Keito’s up so I’ll make him let me out.”
“Okay, bye~” Yuto raises his hand in a half-wave, then promptly falls back asleep the minute he lets it fall.
Two hours later he wakes up again and he feels fine when he yawns and stands up to stretch. He feels fine when he heads to the kitchen and makes breakfast and coffee. He feels fine right up until he pulls out a chair at the table, but when he sits down it suddenly crashes on Yuto that Yamada had left so quickly, like he was trying to avoid him.
Spoon hanging in mid-air, Yuto pauses to recall the events of last night. A frenzied Yamada showing up on his doorstep. Yamada rubbing his eyes when he finally finished. Yamada curled up the sofa laughing at him, strong arms held out to pull him up. And then it hits him. Yamada trying to tell him something, eyes wide and panicked as he struggled for words.
”Nothing makes sense at 3am, Yama-chan.
The resigned way in which Yamada had backed off and refused to elaborate. What had Yamada been trying to tell him?
It lingers in the back of his mind all throughout the breakfast he now struggles to finish and he almost breaks a plate because he’s not paying attention when doing the dishes. When he tries to concentrate on finishing off the batch of photos he didn’t complete last night, his mouse keeps wandering over to the still untouched photos he took at the cafe that first afternoon. Yamada and his cross-eyed expressions leer at him from his huge monitor.
Somehow, a whole day passes by with him moping in front of the computer. Keito comes home in the evening and all it takes is one look at Yuto’s face. “Something happened.”
“I think Yamada was trying to tell me something at 3am,” he sighs. He still hasn’t figured it out.
“Nothing ever makes sense at 3am,” is Keito’s automatic response, but he continues to peer at him in concern while taking off his tie.
Yuto bites back a laugh. “I know. I told him that too, and then we slept together on the couch and I thought things were fine, but this morning he left without barely saying anything.”
“He went home to shower. Chinen told me. He was probably just in a hurry to get to work,” Keito says, and then he pauses. “You slept together on the couch?”
This makes sense and Yuto knows it, but he still feels a little bad. The more he thinks about it, the more it seems like what Yamada was trying to say was important. “I was too tired to walk to my room,” he shrugs in response to Keito’s question. Keito just gives him an exasperated look. “But yeah you’re probably right.”
Keito sighs. “Let’s get dinner,” he suggests, patting him on the back. They get his favourite and afterwards, Yuto feels marginally better.
It still weighs on his mind on and off for the next few weeks, but Yuto’s relieved to find that Yamada wasn’t affected by that one act of insensitivity. Yamada still asks him to accompany him to places. They still gang up on Keito together. Yamada still sucks at monopoly almost as much as he does. They still sit across from each other in random cafes again, debating its overall quirkiness factor out of a scale of ten over ice green tea and chai lattes, and taking ridiculous selfies again.
He often wonders what it was that Yamada was trying to tell him that night, but Yamada never brings it up, and Yuto never asks.
“I hated school when I was younger,” Yamada confesses during an impromptu shopping trip. They’d bumped into each other in town and decided to run their errands together. “School’s important, but I didn’t realise that until much later.”
Yuto picks up a pair of jeans, admiring the faded wash. “Is that why you became a teacher?”
Yamada makes a beeline for a grey jacket hanging on the wall. “I figured if I was to help children actually like school, it would be best to start from young.” He turns to looks sideways at Yuto. “What about you? Why did you decide to become a photographer?”
“It was an accident,” Yuto admits. He finds the jeans in his right size and swipes them up triumphantly. “I had just gotten my science degree. Photography had always been a hobby, and one day I was asked to take photos for a wedding. I have too many hobbies,” he reflects, and Yamada nods, pretending to disapprove. “Anyway, after that the offers kept coming in. I can’t imagine doing anything else.”
“Try these on,” Yamada instructs after another perusal of the store, shaking a different pair of pants in his face.
They finish shopping, but when they get back home, Yamada tosses the jacket at Yuto and tells him to give it to Keito. “I don’t actually need three jackets that look the same,” he grumbles.
Back when they were in uni, he and Keito would sneak into the campus practice rooms after-hours with the help of Hikaru. Together they’d have jam sessions until the early hours of the morning, then they’d sneak back into Hikaru’s room to crash for a few hours before properly starting the day. If he had time Yabu joined them, but it was never for long.
“You can’t write your thesis on no sleep,” Hikaru would natter, holding Yabu’s laptop with one hand and pushing him into his bed with the other, ignoring Yabu’s weak protests. “I’ll give this back to you tomorrow.”
They haven’t seen either of them in a while, but occasionally Keito takes his guitar out and Yuto sits at the drums. They pretend they’re twenty again with the whole world at their feet and nothing to lose. One night Yamada makes them play, so he and Chinen lounge on the sofa while they bring out some music their college selves had written together. They take turns singing, just like they used to. Yuto has never forgotten the words. Sometime during the night he meets Yamada’s eyes and drops a drumstick, sending it clattering onto the floor. Sheepish, he plays one-handed for thirteen more bars before it’s feasible for him to pick it up, poking his tongue out when he re-emerges to a laughing Chinen.
It’s only when they finish that Yuto feels the burn all throughout his body. “I guess it’s a good thing Inoo always makes me come and play for the music class,” Keito admits, looking down at his fingers ruefully.
Yuto half groans and chuckles, throwing himself down onto the floor next to him. “I am going to be useless tomorrow.”
“So I guess tomorrow would be the best day to steal this sofa,” Yamada tells Chinen.
It hits Yuto one day that for the first time since his university days, he might have a crush. There’s no lead up to the realisation, no trigger that sets it off. Just a simple question that pops into his mind suddenly, for which he apparently already has the answer to.
“Yutti, what do you think?”
He blinks. Chinen and Takaki are looking at him expectantly. He blinks again.
“Should we have an anniversary celebration this year?” Takaki asks.
It still takes a while for Yuto to process Takaki’s question, but when he does he practically shouts it, startling all three of them. “Yes! I mean...” Apologetic, he lowers his voice. “Yes, you should have a celebration. Don’t give into Chinen this year, Takaki. Stay strong!” He pumps his fist into the air exaggeratedly. Takaki beams.
“Why are you doing this to me,” Chinen groans, sliding his face into his hands and sinking into his chair. “I thought we were friends.”
“That’s why,” Yuto tells him. He turns to Takaki. “Get him flowers. Roses. Red and white. Throw some coral in there too if you want.”
“I will,” Takaki says solemnly. “I’ll buy lots of them. Only the best for my Yuri.” Beside him, Chinen cringes and drops his head onto the table.
Seconds later, Sora hurtles herself at Chinen and starts trying to climb into his lap, leash still attached to her collar. Begrudgingly helping her out, Chinen’s disappointed to find that Takaki has Yamada’s vote, too.
“Everyone’s against me, Sora-chan,” he tells her sadly. Sora yips at him, then clambers out of his lap to jump into Yuto’s waiting arms. Yamada grins at him, and Yuto immediately feels heart beat embarrassingly fast.
“I think I like Yamada.” The words fall from his mouth the minute he slumps into the living room that evening. Keito was dozing on the couch with the television on, but now his eyes fly wide open.
He says nothing, just looks at him with a level gaze.
“How long did you know?” Yuto mumbles, crawling into his arms. Though all he did was spend the afternoon at Chinen’s place, he’s completely wiped out.
“You don’t want to know.”
He lets out a wail and Keito chuckles.
“I thought I’d have to tell you myself.” He sighs with relief but yelps when Yuto punches him. “Hey! Better me than anyone else. Remember what happened in high school?”
Yuto makes a face over Keito’s head. Time still hasn’t healed that embarrassment. “Yes, yes, you’re always here when I need you,” he says sarcastically, though he knows full well that it’s true.
“Damn right I am,” Keito says in English. Yuto rolls his eyes. “And don’t you forget it.”
Yuto’s quiet for a few minutes. “Yeah, I need you now,” he says finally. Keito makes a questioning noise. “Can you either be my pillow tonight or carry me to bed?”
Keito hits him. “Something that won’t involve breaking me, you jerk.”
“I’m not going to break you!” Yuto acts offended.
Their grapples used to last for ages, but now the two of them are too exhausted to do anything but snark, and even that’s half-hearted. A part of Yuto feels old as he sits up in a daze, trying to get away from Keito’s iron grip.
Keito just sighs and wraps arms around him tighter.
Yuto travels to Okinawa again for a week in October. The first few days are reserved for work, but after that he’s free to do whatever he wants. He’s usually okay with travelling alone, but this time he can’t help but miss the feeling of someone being by his side as he strolls along the beach admiring the horizon, and eating the food he hasn’t been able to eat since his and Keito’s first week of being graduates. Of course, there’s only one face that swims into vision, and by the time Yuto’s wrapped up the work portion of his trip he already feels more than a little homesick. Yuto knows this means it’s about time to act, but the thought of it still has his stomach twisting itself into knots.
Another game of monopoly is scheduled right after he gets back. The entire game, Yuto spends most of it fixated on the board and looking everywhere but Yamada, because he’s finding it extremely difficult to meet his eyes.
“I can’t decide if I’m upset or proud,” Chinen says when, for the first time ever, Yuto wins the game.
The longer he drags it out the worse it gets. Whenever Yuto makes the decision to go and tell Yamada, there’s always something that convinces him to change his mind. He drives Keito mad with his fretting, which he often vocalises out loud on accident, but Yuto has always been stubborn. Keito asks him point-blank one day if he’s waiting for The Right Time to confess, but Yuto really isn’t. He’s well aware that him confessing would affect them both, and he’s rather loath to make Yamada more uncomfortable than he already has. Keito scoffs and calls him a worrywart.
“This is not something you have just learnt,” Yuto points out dryly. Keito sighs and rolls his eyes, muttering something about “so troublesome” under his breath.
Yuto feels like singing a jazz song at their next karaoke session, long overdue. Part of him is hoping to impress Yamada, but another part wants to ignore him, to sing as though he’s all alone. It doesn’t help that Yamada’s seated right in his peripheral vision whenever it’s his turn to face the screen. A few times during the night Yuto convinces himself that Yamada’s staring at him, but then when he takes a peek, Yamada’s either having an animated conversation with Chinen, Keito or Takaki, or playing with his phone.
Tonight, Chinen sings a ballad from memory.
“One of your favourites?” Yamada asks Takaki. Takaki doesn’t seem to hear him, but the way his eyes remain fixated on Chinen is answer enough.
Keito chooses an electronic pop song, energetically bopping along as he sings the high pitched tune. He’s crushed when he turns around to four identical, horrified faces.
“And with that I think we’ve seen all of Keito we ever needed to see.” Chinen declares.
Yamada also selects a ballad. He’s not facing any of them, just keeping his eyes trained on the screen, but something about him still takes Yuto’s breath away. Yuto watches him, his expression soft and unguarded while he pours his whole heart out. He can’t take his eyes away, and sometime between the song beginning and ending, Yuto knows for sure that he’s fallen for him.
He leaves karaoke with an alarming mixture of emotions; anxious and sad, confused and elated, all at the same time. The entire train journey home he doesn’t know what to say, so he says nothing even though Keito asks if he’s okay so many times Yuto wants to strangle him. When they reach the apartment, he makes a beeline straight to his room and passes out as soon as his face meets the pillow.
The next day, however, is a completely different story. Yuto wakes up feeling refreshed and excited, and still confused over this turn of events.
Keito frowns at him when he enters the kitchen, a big smile on his face. “What’s up with you?” he asks through a mouthful of bread. Keito swallows. “You looked like you were about to cry last night.”
Yuto steals the other slice of toast in retaliation. “I wasn’t going to cry.”
“You can’t lie to me.” Keito stands up to make more toast. While his back is turned, Yuto takes his tea, too.
There is a part of Yuto that is a giant brat. It’s this side of him that sits in front of Yamada whenever they meet now, the part that is unable to stop staring and smiling like he’s got some big secret. Several times Yamada has asked why he’s so happy, wanting to know if something particularly good has gone on at work, or if he’s in love with somebody and hasn’t had the courtesy of telling him.
“I thought I was your friend!” Yamada says, placing a hand on his chest as he feigns hurt.
Yuto is an idiot and just grins wider.
It’s two weeks after karaoke that Yuto finally has a full day off. He suddenly decides today will be the day that he finally tells Yamada, because he doesn’t know how much longer he can keep it to himself. He really wants Yamada to know, if he hasn’t already guessed. Yuto tries to push away the part of his mind that questions why Yamada hasn’t said anything, if he has.
Immediately after that, his phone rings.
“Lunch?” Chinen asks when Yuto picks up. “Just the two of us.”
Yuto’s response is automatic. “Sure.” It’s only after he puts down the phone that he registers what he said.
“I’m moving in with Yuya,” Chinen blurts out after fifteen minutes of twirling his noodles around his chopsticks in silence.
Yuto almost chokes on his ramen. “Finally.”
On an ordinary day he’d probably cop something, but today Chinen can’t stop smiling.
“I’m happy for you,” Yuto says. Chinen is the most stubborn person he knows. He’s also unpredictable, and sometimes they don’t know what it is that he wants until he’s already gone out of his way to achieve it. It doesn’t stop them from trying to guess what he wants, anyway, because that’s precisely what insufferable friends are for.
This, everyone Chinen knew saw from a mile away. A few half-hearted prods were made, but the best way to deal with Chinen is always to let him figure it out for himself.
After lunch Chinen asks what his plans for the rest of the day are, then silently passes him his house keys when Yuto hesitates.
“I’m going to Yuya’s,” he says, patting Yuto on the back. “Aren’t you glad I took a housemate in?”
He leaves Yuto standing outside the restaurant with the keys, chuckling ruefully at Chinen’s intuition.
Yamada’s vacuuming the living room with his headphones in, singing and dancing to the music. He doesn’t hear Yuto come in.
He yelps and whips off his headphones when he turns around to find Yuto leaning against the doorframe, smirking.
“You looked like you were having fun, I didn’t want to disturb you,” Yuto says in response to Yamada’s shocked glare. “And now I’ve figured out the secret to your karaoke prowess.”
The tips of Yamada’s ears turn red. “Shut up. I only do this when I’m home alone.”
“I can wait for you to finish,” Yuto offers, but Yamada’s already turned off the vacuum cleaner.
“What’s up?”
Suddenly feeling awkward, Yuto gestures to the sofa and they flop onto it together. Yamada turns to him expectantly.
Yuto takes a deep breath. He hasn’t figured out what he wants to say at all, but he thinks as long as he says it out loud he can figure it out from there. “I like you,” he blurts out. “I understand if you don’t feel the same way,” he rushes to continue when Yamada gapes at him, speechless. “I hope you don’t mind that I’m saying this.”
“No, shut up,” Yamada says, finding his voice, but it’s gentle this time. Yuto looks at him in puzzlement, and then Yamada gets up from his position on the couch and all but tackles Yuto into a hug.
“I tried telling you that night,” Yamada mumbles against his shoulder. “I feel the same way.”
“The night you stayed over?” Yuto asks, still hardly daring to believe. “That was so long ago.” Yamada wraps his arms around Yuto tighter, and Yuto brings his own up to do the same. Yamada smells of vanilla. He never wants to let go.
It’s a while before either of them speak again.
“I couldn’t get my words out because I was so tired and nervous,” Yamada explains when he pulls away just enough to look up at Yuto.
Yuto feels so remorseful. “I wondered what you wanted to say,” he sighs, leaning closer and bumping Yamada’s forehead with his own. “You left so quickly the next morning. I waited for you to try again. When you didn’t I just assumed it wasn’t important.”
Yamada’s laugh is short and sheepish. “No, I lost my confidence. And somehow I got it into my mind that you stopping me was your way of letting me down easily. I was so embarrassed the next morning I didn’t know what to do but run.”
“No!” Yuto is horrified. “I didn’t know what you were going to say. You were struggling so much, I was worried you might wake up and regret whatever it was. People often regret their actions at 3am.”
The look he gets in response is a frustrated one. “Chinen told me that too! What have you guys done at 3am?”
He shudders and Yamada looks as though he doesn’t know whether to laugh or be scared. “So many things.” He shakes his head. “I don’t even want to get into it right now. Just know that lots of bad things happen at 3am with us. That night is proof of it.”
“You guys are hopeless,” Yamada snorts. “I’ll get the full story out of one of you one day. Maybe Keito will spill the beans.”
“Sure, go ahead and try,” Yuto challenges, leaning over to press his lips to Yamada’s cheek. As he makes contact, Yamada closes his eyes tilts his head up slightly. “Let me know if you succeed.”
“I will.” Yamada’s tone is defiant but when he opens his eyes, they’re soft. He hesitates, and flushes. “There’s more to it, though,” he admits. “Another reason I thought you didn’t feel the same way.”
“What is it?” Yuto urges.
It’s a while before Yamada speaks. “You started calling me ‘Yamada’ again,” he admits, and this time he really can’t meet Yuto’s eyes.
Yuto tries to make him, by taking Yamada’s chin between his fingers and gently tilting his head up. “Yama-chan,” he tries quietly.
He likes the sound of that just as much as he did that night. “Yama-chan,” he repeats, a little louder this time.
“One more time?” Yamada’s smile is teasing, like he doesn’t think Yuto will comply.
Yuto doesn’t comply. “Ryosuke.”
Yamada’s eyes widen. His heart fluttering wildly in his chest, Yuto leans forward to kiss him, and they meet in the middle.
“You didn’t.” Chinen takes one look at Keito when he gets back from karaoke at four in the morning. Yuto and Chinen hadn’t gone with him because they were working, but around midnight had decided to stay up to wait. They were starting to regret their decision when they heard the sound of the front door of Yuto and Keito’s apartment opening. “Tell me you didn’t,” Chinen pleads, but Keito just continues to look guilty. “That’s it, your curfew is now two in the morning.”
Seconds later, Yamada bursts into the living room. He’s still laughing when he collapses onto the couch and leans against Yuto. Yuto puts his arms around him and can’t stop himself from inhaling once. He makes a mental note to ask Yamada if he can borrow his new shampoo. Or persuade Yamada to use it all the time.
“Before you say anything, I was trying to help,” Chinen declares, still eyeing Keito. “He was confused.”
“You made him more confused in the end,” Yuto points out. Chinen turns on him instead.
“What about that time you wore a skirt?”
Yuto feels his entire face burn. He buries his face in Yamada’s hair, still latching onto him even as Yamada shakes with mirth. “I was trying prove my hypothesis,” he says weakly, unable to stop laughing at the memory. “It was in the name of science, okay. I could have become a scientist.”
“Honestly, I thought it was going to be so much worse than that,” Yamada says eventually, wiping tears from his eyes, “the way you guys were carrying on. By the way, I want to see pictures.”
“It’s the integrity that matters.” Even though he’s exhausted, Chinen looks dead serious. “We made a promise.” He dodges a pillow that Keito throws, but his aim hadn’t been very good in the first place.
Yamada scoffs at him. “Who do you think you are?”
“Let him have his way,” Yuto cautions, smiling fondly, taking a strand of brown hair and coiling it around his finger. Yamada turns to glance up. “In case next time it’s you who wants to hide any 3am behaviour.”
Rating: PG
Genre: Slice of life, romance, fluff, modern setting AU
Word Count: 8766 words
Recipient: katieisperelda
Summary: Yuto thinks he knows why Chinen suddenly takes on a new housemate, but eventually he discovers that he doesn’t really mind.
Author’s note: Thanks to M who took it upon herself to act as my makeshift muse when my own was nowhere in sight, my other hand holders, and my lovely beta. Title adapted from a line in Matchbox Twenty’s song, 3am. Dear katieisperalda, I really hope you enjoy this!
“So I have a housemate now,” Chinen says through a mouthful of grilled meat, right in the middle of their conversation about full body umbrellas as though it’s the next logical stage in the topic’s development.
There was once a time Yuto would have been thrown off balance by this sudden change in direction, but he’s so used to Chinen’s quirks by now that he doesn’t even blink. There’ll be plenty of other times to talk about the advantages of a bubble of clear plastic covering your entire body, anyway. “Oh?” he prompts.
Chinen nods and shrugs. He holds his plate out and Yuto drops more meat onto it. “I almost didn’t take him in because he has a pet, but Ryosuke swears she’s tame.” Yuto’s about to ask when Chinen has ever believed pet owners when Chinen adds, “She’s pretty cute, too. He showed me some pictures.”
“She won you over with a picture?” Yuto is startled. For anyone else this would pose no problem, but Chinen avoids animals like the plague. Chinen says it’s just because he likes things clean, thank you very much, but sometimes Yuto wonders if he’s scared of them. “You’re done for.”
Chinen shudders and makes a face. “Stop that! Before I change my mind. She’s small and cute. I don’t know what came over me. I should have asked him if he got her checked for fleas or something.”
Yuto scoffs but Chinen looks so uncharacteristically flustered that he decides to take mercy on him. “So when does he move in?” Yuto changes the subject.
“Next week. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure he’s fit for social integration before I introduce him to you guys,” Chinen replies, waving his hand around loftily.
Yuto snorts, and when he asks whether Chinen’s got things the wrong way round, Chinen narrows his eyes and reaches over to take the remaining piece of meat from Yuto’s plate. Yuto watches him munch on it while he thinks.
After a while Chinen notices his silence. “What?”
He’s a little reluctant to bring it up, but he can’t hide anything from Chinen. “Are you sure you want another housemate?”
Chinen shrugs. “It’s been almost a year since Inoo moved out. I figured it was time.”
“But you don’t need one, do you?” Yuto is trying to put it as delicately as possible while still getting his point across. Either he’s being too delicate, or Chinen’s purposely playing ignorant.
“I felt like one. Besides, it’s close to the kindergarten so I thought I’d help him out.” Yuto doesn’t entirely believe him, but something in Chinen’s voice tells Yuto he doesn’t want to discuss it anymore, so he drops it.
“Be sure to tell Keito that he missed out on tons of fun tonight,” Chinen instructs him later at the station when they’re about to part ways. Yuto just laughs and waves goodbye, fairly certain that even if he did, Chinen would still take it upon himself to tell him at work tomorrow.
It’s almost eleven when Yuto gets back to the apartment and is greeted by the image of Keito slumped in a stool, his head on the kitchen counter with an assortment of papers scattered all around him.
“I’m not a teacher, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how you’re supposed to mark papers,” Yuto remarks, placing his bag on the only patch of the counter not occupied by student essays. “Are you hoping the grades will transfer to the tests via osmosis? Is that what they teach you at university?”
Keito doesn’t stir, and Yuto wonders briefly if he’s fallen asleep until he hears a loud groan. Yuto claps him on the shoulder and manoeuvres himself around Keito’s pitiful form for a few minutes while he clatters around the kitchen. He rummages through their tea storage for a while before deciding on one.
“Listen to this,” Keito says when he finally does sit up, and grabs the nearest one. He clears his throat loudly. “My English teacher looks like a tame lion,” he reads aloud in English. “But a funny lion, not a scary one.”
Yuto can’t help it - he laughs. “What was the topic, even?”
Keito mumbles something about teachers and school, then groans again. “I swear they’re doing this just to get to me.”
“Sure,” Yuto agrees to humour him, and presses a mug into his hands. “Have some tea.”
“Thanks.” Keito accepts the mug and continues his rant without any further pause. “My students are all brats. Cute brats, but brats nevertheless.” It takes a few sips for him to remember. “Oh yeah, how was dinner?” he asks.
Yuto shrugs, collecting the papers with visible red marks on it and placing the stack to one side. He then plops himself on the stool on the opposite side of the counter, stretching out his legs with a yawn. “Pretty good. Chinen wants you to know that you missed out.”
Keito groans. “Tell me something I don’t know.” Tonight was supposed to be a fun night out for the three of them, celebrating being able to properly meet for the first time in a few weeks. It’s unheard of for them to meet so irregularly, but Yuto’s been picking up more shoots, and Keito recently implemented a new class program that made him even busier. Chinen should theoretically have been busier too, but it never seems like it even though he works so hard. Both Keito and Yuto don’t know how he does it. In the end, though, Keito hadn’t been able to finish marking his papers in time, and had to bail out at the last minute. Chinen is never going to let him live it down, but only because he finished his batch of marking three hours earlier than Keito.
“He got a new housemate,” Yuto reports, and that has Keito sitting up in interest.
“Really? So did this person cast a spell on him, or is he doing this to avoid Takaki?” Keito asks dryly. Yuto shrugs.
“Who knows. He claims he was won over by a dog, and that he’s doing this out of the goodness of his heart.” It’s not that far of a stretch, the second one, since Chinen helped Inoo out last time in the same way. Still, the timing seems far too convenient for it to be coincidental.
Keito blinks. “I don’t know which sounds more implausible,” he says, and Yuto chuckles in agreement.
“Well you remember what happened the last time we tried talking Chinen into doing something. He said he might introduce us one day.” A yawn almost swallows up his last word. That means bedtime. Yuto stands up and stretches again before he leaves.
“I don’t suppose I can persuade you to keep me company, can I?” Keito asks plaintively, eyes pleading. To really ham it up, Keito even clasps his hands together, desperation plain on his face.
“Sorry bro. You’re on your own tonight. I have an early shoot tomorrow.”
Yuto hears the thud of Keito’s head falling back onto the counter as he makes his way to his bedroom.
It’s two weeks before they get to hear anything about Chinen’s new housemate, because test period always has Keito and Chinen pulling out their hair. The night after the social science exam Chinen comes over to the apartment, bringing with him a huge stack of papers in his briefcase. While the two teachers occupy the entire dining table, Yuto’s sole job is to provide them with refreshments he’d been instructed to stock up on the day before. As he pours the first cup of coffee of the night, Yuto tries very hard not to think about the folder on his desktop full of photos he has yet to edit.
They learn that in the past week, Chinen has already gained an admirer in his household. His housemate’s toy poodle, Sora, has taken to following him around everywhere.
It turns out that only three days in, Yamada had already seen him wearing only a bath towel. Chinen had to solicit his help in getting Sora out of the bathroom when he wanted to use it, because she just wouldn’t listen.
“Aww, she likes you!” Yuto coos while Keito roars with laughter next to him.
“Well I don’t like her! No matter how cute she is. I like my privacy, thank you very much.”
Aside from that Yamada isn’t a bad housemate in Chinen’s book, which means that he does more than his fair share of the cleaning and offers to cook every so often when he’s not swamped with work. Speaking of which--
“Come round on Saturday,” Chinen offers, rubbing his eyes and staring at his still-tall stack of unmarked papers. “Ryosuke’s cooking.”
On Saturday evening, Sora jumps on them the moment a dishevelled Chinen opens the door, red marker ink all over his hands. There are even some specks of ink on his face, but both he and Keito share a conspiratorial glance as Yuto holds open the door and decide then and there that they’re not going to tell.
“Sora-chan, down!” Chinen scolds. When she turns around, tail wagging frantically, they have a staring competition. Chinen loses. He picks her up with a sigh. “Spoilt brat,” he says, but it sounds peculiarly affectionate.
“She’s growing on you,” Yuto teases him, laughing when Chinen makes a face at him, then directs it to Sora. Sora ignores it and headbutts his chin. Yuto wants to carry her, too.
A wonderful smell invades Yuto’s senses the moment the walk through the door, and the fragrance only intensifies the closer they get to the kitchen.
“Ryosuke, they’re here!” Chinen calls out and moments later his housemate emerges from the kitchen waving around a spoon. “Hey!” he greets them, cheerfully. His smile is a bit sheepish but genuine, and Yuto decides he likes it instantly. “Yamada Ryosuke. Here, try this.” And with that, he promptly shoves the spoon into Chinen’s mouth. They all laugh at the way Chinen’s eyes immediately light up.
With Chinen effectively silenced they exchange greetings and shake hands.
“Where did you get that apron from?” Chinen asks once he’s swallowed, pulling on the apron with two fingers, his expression one of mild curiosity.
Yamada looks at him oddly. “It’s yours, I borrowed it.”
Even with that explanation, all three of them continue to be confused until they find Chinen Saya’s name scrawled on the faded tag.
“You stole your sister’s apron?” Keito teases him, dodging neatly out of reach of Chinen’s half-hearted kick.
When dinner is ready they sprawl in the lounge around Chinen’s small coffee table.
“So you’re a kindergarten teacher?” Yuto addresses Yamada when they’re all seated. Sora jumps into his lap and starts licking his face, so Yuto holds his plate up high in the air until she’s calmed down enough to lie quietly in his lap.
Yamada nods, reaching over to scratch Sora behind her ears and chuckling when she whimpers. “Yep. Just at the school not far from here. How about you guys?”
“Photographer,” Yuto says. Still in his lap, Sora begs for more attention so he uses a hand to pet her.
Keito swallows his food. “English teacher. We teach at the same middle school.” He gestures between himself and Chinen.
“Can you teach me English?” Yamada asks, only half joking. “I’m terrible at it.”
“Come karaoke with us one day,” Keito offers. “That’s how Yuto learnt most of his English.”
Yuto swats at him and pretends to scowl. “You didn’t have to tell him that. But yeah, come with us one day, Keito will show you his favourite English songs so many times you’ll get sick of them.”
“And then he’ll make you sing them too,” Chinen adds, shaking his head slightly. Yuto would bet all his cameras and two of his tripods that he’s remembering the time the three of them had a karaoke session with one of Chinen’s friends. Chinen’s never brought Arioka to sing with Keito again, though Keito occasionally asks about him. Put them in a room together and you don’t know what they’re going to belt out.
Yamada doesn’t look deterred. “I’m looking forward to it.”
Yuto has a good time, the four of them joking, laughing and talking right up until the time he and Keito absolutely have to return back to their apartment. If Keito doesn’t get enough sleep he becomes spectacularly grumpy in the morning, and Yuto just doesn’t want to deal. Chinen looks happy too, because despite his complaints about the human race, he does actually enjoy having friends. Although Yamada seems just as shy as Chinen, it looks like they’re getting along well in such a short space of time. For that, Yuto is glad.
His observations seem to be correct, judging by the fact that it’s not the last time they ever see him.
“This guy was just going to rot by himself in the apartment so I brought him over,” Chinen announces cheerily the first time he brings his housemate along for dinner. Afterwards they all go to karaoke, where they belt out songs from the current trendiest girl groups, and English songs handpicked by Keito. Chinen complains initially, but later he sings along to Maroon 5 just as heartily as Yuto and Keito do. Yamada watches in awe, bopping his head along to the music, so Keito promises to lend him a CD next time. The next time they go, he and Keito sit with jaws wide open as Yamada and Chinen launch into perfect renditions of Harder to Breathe and Love Somebody.
“How is your pronunciation so good?” Yuto demands to know after they’ve taken a bow.
Yamada shakes his head slightly. “I’m not sure, either.”
Yamada cooks for them a lot. He reasons that when he was living at home, he and his mother had to fight over who got to cook for the family. He lost most of the time. Nobody minds.
Having four people in the group is good for more reasons too, because none of them enjoy playing three-player monopoly.
“I went to a new cafe in Shinjuku today,” Yuto says to nobody in particular when Keito leans over the entire board to take his turn, because Chinen doesn’t notice him ask for help with moving his token. He slips his Shinjuku card halfway underneath the game board.
Keito picks up a Chance card and curses. “Jail. Don’t pass Go, don’t collect 20 million yen. Yeah, yeah, okay.” He lurches again to move the wheelbarrow to the jail square.
“What are you in for?” Yuto and Chinen ask simultaneously. They high-five each other over the board and Yamada laughs.
"I tried to make normal office hours start at eleven.”
“Bad luck, I’d support that,” Chinen says sympathetically.
“Dude, how is there still cafes in Tokyo you’ve never been to?” Keito asks when he turns back to him. Yuto just sticks his tongue out because really, Keito is no better.
“Which cafes?” Yamada asks as he takes his turn, taking great care to place the sheepdog down on every square along the way. “Any recommendations?”
“Yeah, a new one opened up near the studio I worked at the other day,” Yuto says. He’d been drawn to it because of the red, brick walled exterior and the friendly message written in colourful chalk on the blackboard outside. “It’s small and homey and really nice in there. I want to go back.”
“Take me one day? I’m always looking for new cafes.” Yamada counts out some notes and hands them to their resident banker. “Chinen, I wanna buy that.”
“Nara for Ryosuke.” Chinen accepts the money and gives him a card. “Have fun playing with the deer!”
“I’ll probably be going there again next Tuesday afternoon, will you be free?” Yuto asks Yamada as Chinen rolls the dice. As a kindergarten teacher, Yamada only works for the first half of every day, so there’s a chance they’ll both be free.
Part of him is surprised at the invitation he offered without hesitation because Yuto usually goes to cafes alone whenever he needs to wind down. It’s been like that ever since university; he’d take a book or his camera to immerse himself with, forgetting about his worries for a few precious hours.
“Yutti, your turn,” Chinen interrupts them then, handing him the dice.
“I’ll be glad for the company,” Yuto tells Yamada as he hastily takes his turn. He lands on Shizuoka. While he forks out two thousand two hundred yen and passes the bills to a gleeful Chinen, Yuto wonders how much of his statement true. Now it’s weird to think about going with someone else, although certainly not unwelcome.
“Tuesday afternoon is perfect,” Yamada replies, and smiles at him. “Thanks!”
Returning his smile, Yuto tells him the address he’d saved on his phone during his previous visit. They agree on a time to meet at the station while Chinen chants to Keito in English to ‘show him the money’ when he unfortunately lands on Ginza.
Yuto turns back to the game and tries to concentrate, pushing his anxiousness to the back of his mind. Sora pads into the living room and jumps into his lap. Yuto scratches the back of her ear.
“I got arrested because I hypnotise people for fun,” Chinen announces loud and proud.
Tuesday’s shoot goes well, and Yuto soon finds himself packing up and waving goodbye to the rest of the staff and models on his way out of the building. He takes his equipment to the car, storing everything in the trunk, save for a smaller camera he takes with him just in case they run out of things to talk about. He’s probably being over cautious, but it’s happened before. Conversation doesn’t come naturally to him all the time, even with friends. Yuto laughs a little at himself as he walks down the street to the cafe, and finds Yamada leaning against the wall, playing with his phone while he waits. Yuto wants to pull the black beanie down over his eyes.
“Hey,” he greets Yamada when he looks up. “Sorry for making you wait.”
“Hi!” Yamada shoves his phone into his pocket. “Not at all, I came early because I thought I would get lost.’
“Good thing you didn’t, because I would have gotten lost trying to find you.”
The cafe is not crowded, so they’re able to get a seat easily once they’ve ordered. Yamada chooses one next to the window and sinks down onto a chair gratefully.
“Busy day at work?” Yuto asks. Yamada gives a half nod and sinks lower in his chair.
“The kids don’t like social science,” he sighs, looking a little dazed. He then sits up and looks around warily. “Don’t tell Chinen I said that, he’ll probably blame me.”
Yuto laughs. “Your secret is safe with me,” he promises.
“How was your day?” Yamada asks. He fiddles with the strands of hair peeking out from underneath his beanie.
Yuto nods eagerly. “Really good! The models were really responsive, so it was easy getting great shots.” He’s about to go on about how he was really interested in today’s concept and how the director was really easy to communicate with, but then Yuto remembers he’s not talking to a fellow photographer. He clears his throat awkwardly, but Yamada isn’t giving him the same bored look that Chinen or Keito usually have when he rambles on for too long, and Yuto already feels better when he realises this. “Yeah,” he finishes lamely, and luckily he’s saved by their drinks arriving.
“Here you go!” the waitress places their drinks in front of them with a wide smile and a little wave.
“You know she was waiting for you to smile at her,” Yamada says when she’s out of earshot.
Yuto hadn’t noticed at all and Yamada laughs at him when he gets flustered. “You’re really clueless.”
“Shut up,” Yuto says sheepishly. To hide his embarrassment he swings his plate around so he can get a nice shot of his green tea.
“Do you take photos of everything?”
Yuto gives a half nod and a shrug, then presses the shutter button halfway. “More or less.”
He can feel Yamada watching him even as he concentrates on taking the final shot. “Take one of me?” he asks.
Satisfied, Yuto looks up. “Of you, or with you?”
“Ooh.” Yamada thinks about it for a second, looking as though he doesn't know whether he wants to be in the photo or not. Tilting his head at Yuto. Yuto can’t help but laugh - his expression is akin to a curious puppy’s. He scoots over to Yamada’s side of the table. Years of being friends with Keito have perfected his selfie-taking skills. “Make the stupidest face you can,” he instructs, and takes their photo.
Yamada bursts into laughter when Yuto shows him the resulting pièce de résistance. “Wow we’re attractive.” They take another one on Yuto’s phone, because Yuto’s weakness is that he can’t ever stop at just one photo. He’s working on it, but admittedly he hasn’t made much progress.
When he returns to his seat, he presses another button with a flourish. “And sent, to Keito.”
Across the table, Yamada gapes at him. “You didn’t.” Yuto cracks up. “You didn’t.” Yuto can’t stop laughing, and he almost chokes when Yamada’s face turns bright red with disbelief. Eventually though, he changes his tune when Keito sends one back of him and Chinen in the teachers’ breakroom and the two of them laugh so hard they cry.
Yuto may have gotten used to going to cafes alone for the past few years, but being there with Yamada doesn’t feel as strange as he thought it would. It’s easy and it’s comfortable, and Yuto finds that they continue to seek each other out more and more. Sometimes they talk the entire time, making jokes and taking selfies and laughing at Chinen’s recent escapades with Sora. Other times Yuto sits reading his book, and Yamada his manga, and they leave without even a single word sandwiched between their greetings. Yuto doesn’t ever feel as though he has to force himself when he’s with Yamada.
Keito’s locked himself in his room one night, having sworn he wouldn’t come out until he finished writing all his student reports, so Yuto’s left all alone in the kitchen. He downs the rest of his tea and is contemplating an early bedtime out of sheer boredom and a reluctance to work because he has a day off tomorrow, when his phone rings.
“Yamada? What’s up?”
“Hey.” Yamada sounds exhausted. “Can I come over?”
“Oh.” Yuto is surprised. “Sure. But Keito’s in self-imposed exile, so it’ll just be me around if you don’t mind.”
“I just need to do some work. I need to finish up some drafts for next semester’s projects and I have about six more to go and I’ve run out of ideas. I think I just need a change of scenery, so Chinen suggested coming here, I’m sorry.” For some reason, Yuto finds Yamada’s anxiousness amusing. “I feel really trapped in our apartment and I’ve exhausted all the cafes open at this time within a 5km radius,” Yamada rushes on to explain. “And I’m pretty sure Chinen’s so eager to kick me out because Takaki is over.”
Yuto laughs. It wouldn’t be the first time. “Sure, come over.”
“Thank you so much,” Yamada rushes out a sigh of relief, and hangs up the phone.
Yamada’s on the doorstep fifteen minutes later, hair all mussed up like he’s been running his fingers through them repeatedly, a messy stack of papers in his arms. “I’m so sorry to impose,” he starts babbling the minute Yuto opens the door. “I’m so stupid, I’ve been stuck on these for days and I’m freaking out and--” He’s cut short when Yuto yanks on his arm to pull him inside.
“Ssh don’t worry about it. I said it’s fine, right?” Yamada’s still looking panicked, and Yuto is suddenly filled with the desire to pat Yamada’s cheek. “Is the living room okay?” he asks, closing the front door.
“That would be perfect.”
Within minutes, sheets of loose paper completely cover the living room table that Yamada is hunched over, forehead scrunched up in concentration. Yuto quietly places a hot mug of tea on the side table next to him.
Yamada still notices him. “Thank you,” he says, smiling wanly and taking a sip. “Don’t let me keep you from doing what you were going to. Just pretend I’m not here.”
Yamada can be so exasperating sometimes. “Don’t worry,” Yuto tells him. “I’ll probably keep you company if you don’t mind.” He gestures to the desktop computer sitting in the corner. On it are photos from last week’s shoot that still need to be edited. Sleep sounds nice, but he really should make a start on them.
Yamada huffs with amusement. “I’ll be glad for it. We can keep each other from going insane.”
They become engrossed in the work, the silence in the air punctuated only by the clattering of Yuto’s keyboard and the clicks of his mouse, the rustling of Yamada’s paper, and intermittent sighs. Yuto slowly moves onto photo after photo, not noticing the time pass them by, not stopping until he’s reached almost the halfway point of the folder.
When he feels his eyes can’t take anymore, Yuto turns off the computer and gets up from the chair, sprawling out on the floor near the centre of the room. A quick check of the wall clock startles him; it’s already past two am. He’s too exhausted to move, so he just watches Yamada as he frowns and moves pieces of paper around until he’s happy with them. Some time later, he sees Yamada smile widely and sink back onto the couch, arms stretched above his head as he sighs with relief.
“Done.” Yamada removes his glasses and tilts his head back so he’s facing the ceiling.
“Good job.” Yuto can’t help sharing his grin.
Yamada relaxes and looks back at him. “Thank you so much, seriously. It really helped.”
“Anytime.” Yuto means it. Somehow, in this moment, seeing Yamada on the couch like that it’s as though he’s no longer the distant man Yuto doesn’t quite understand, but more like someone he’s known all his life. Yuto wants to learn more, wants to make this fleeting thought a reality.
Somehow, a part of Yuto’s brain registers that while he’s staring at Yamada, Yamada is eyeing him right back.
“What are you thinking about?” Yuto whispers, and Yamada blinks sleepily in response.
“Hmm?”
“You’re staring at me.” Yuto’s breath catches in his throat. He’s never seen this particular expression on Yamada’s face before.
Then his face changes, and It’s a while before Yamada replies. “I like spending time with you,” he says, purposefully making his tone casual, but his eyes don’t leaving Yuto’s as he curls up on the couch.
Yuto’s lips quirk up. “I would hope so, since we seem to do nothing but these days.”
“Yeah but…” he begins, but seems to think better of it and shakes his head. He tries again, but no words come out.
Yuto’s curious, but he doesn’t want to push. “Why don’t you try again later?” he suggests. It’s late. Things always get harder when it’s late. “Nothing makes sense at 3am, Yama-chan.” It’s the first time he’s called him that, and both their eyes widen.
Eventually, Yamada shrugs. “You’re right,” he says. His looks rueful, though, and Yuto doesn’t know why, but makes the decision not to question further.
They both yawn at the same time. “I don’t think I can get up to move,” Yuto confesses through his laughter. Despite his shaking, his eyes are already drooping and he’s fighting so hard to keep them open.
Yamada makes a sound between a chuckle and a sigh, and holds out his arms. Yuto reaches over to take his hands and all of a sudden he’s pulled up to the couch alongside him. “Do you mind if I stay on your couch tonight?” Yamada asks quietly, and he sounds a little apologetic. “Speak now or forever hold your peace.”
Yuto’s so tired he can’t even manage proper words, so he just snorts and wraps his arm around his waist. “Stay,” he mumbles when he finally finds his voice, and then he blacks out.
He’s shaken awake from the most peaceful sleep by Yamada, one hand shaking Yuto’s shoulder slightly, the other pulling his grey coat on.
“Yama-chan?” Yuto manages to slur when he’s able to crack open his eyes just enough to register the mop of messy, brown hair.
“Sorry for waking you. I didn’t want to leave while you were still asleep. I’m going now, thank you for letting me stay over,” Yamada babbles, hopping around as he pulls one of his socks up. “ Thanks again for last night. Keito’s up so I’ll make him let me out.”
“Okay, bye~” Yuto raises his hand in a half-wave, then promptly falls back asleep the minute he lets it fall.
Two hours later he wakes up again and he feels fine when he yawns and stands up to stretch. He feels fine when he heads to the kitchen and makes breakfast and coffee. He feels fine right up until he pulls out a chair at the table, but when he sits down it suddenly crashes on Yuto that Yamada had left so quickly, like he was trying to avoid him.
Spoon hanging in mid-air, Yuto pauses to recall the events of last night. A frenzied Yamada showing up on his doorstep. Yamada rubbing his eyes when he finally finished. Yamada curled up the sofa laughing at him, strong arms held out to pull him up. And then it hits him. Yamada trying to tell him something, eyes wide and panicked as he struggled for words.
”Nothing makes sense at 3am, Yama-chan.
The resigned way in which Yamada had backed off and refused to elaborate. What had Yamada been trying to tell him?
It lingers in the back of his mind all throughout the breakfast he now struggles to finish and he almost breaks a plate because he’s not paying attention when doing the dishes. When he tries to concentrate on finishing off the batch of photos he didn’t complete last night, his mouse keeps wandering over to the still untouched photos he took at the cafe that first afternoon. Yamada and his cross-eyed expressions leer at him from his huge monitor.
Somehow, a whole day passes by with him moping in front of the computer. Keito comes home in the evening and all it takes is one look at Yuto’s face. “Something happened.”
“I think Yamada was trying to tell me something at 3am,” he sighs. He still hasn’t figured it out.
“Nothing ever makes sense at 3am,” is Keito’s automatic response, but he continues to peer at him in concern while taking off his tie.
Yuto bites back a laugh. “I know. I told him that too, and then we slept together on the couch and I thought things were fine, but this morning he left without barely saying anything.”
“He went home to shower. Chinen told me. He was probably just in a hurry to get to work,” Keito says, and then he pauses. “You slept together on the couch?”
This makes sense and Yuto knows it, but he still feels a little bad. The more he thinks about it, the more it seems like what Yamada was trying to say was important. “I was too tired to walk to my room,” he shrugs in response to Keito’s question. Keito just gives him an exasperated look. “But yeah you’re probably right.”
Keito sighs. “Let’s get dinner,” he suggests, patting him on the back. They get his favourite and afterwards, Yuto feels marginally better.
It still weighs on his mind on and off for the next few weeks, but Yuto’s relieved to find that Yamada wasn’t affected by that one act of insensitivity. Yamada still asks him to accompany him to places. They still gang up on Keito together. Yamada still sucks at monopoly almost as much as he does. They still sit across from each other in random cafes again, debating its overall quirkiness factor out of a scale of ten over ice green tea and chai lattes, and taking ridiculous selfies again.
He often wonders what it was that Yamada was trying to tell him that night, but Yamada never brings it up, and Yuto never asks.
“I hated school when I was younger,” Yamada confesses during an impromptu shopping trip. They’d bumped into each other in town and decided to run their errands together. “School’s important, but I didn’t realise that until much later.”
Yuto picks up a pair of jeans, admiring the faded wash. “Is that why you became a teacher?”
Yamada makes a beeline for a grey jacket hanging on the wall. “I figured if I was to help children actually like school, it would be best to start from young.” He turns to looks sideways at Yuto. “What about you? Why did you decide to become a photographer?”
“It was an accident,” Yuto admits. He finds the jeans in his right size and swipes them up triumphantly. “I had just gotten my science degree. Photography had always been a hobby, and one day I was asked to take photos for a wedding. I have too many hobbies,” he reflects, and Yamada nods, pretending to disapprove. “Anyway, after that the offers kept coming in. I can’t imagine doing anything else.”
“Try these on,” Yamada instructs after another perusal of the store, shaking a different pair of pants in his face.
They finish shopping, but when they get back home, Yamada tosses the jacket at Yuto and tells him to give it to Keito. “I don’t actually need three jackets that look the same,” he grumbles.
Back when they were in uni, he and Keito would sneak into the campus practice rooms after-hours with the help of Hikaru. Together they’d have jam sessions until the early hours of the morning, then they’d sneak back into Hikaru’s room to crash for a few hours before properly starting the day. If he had time Yabu joined them, but it was never for long.
“You can’t write your thesis on no sleep,” Hikaru would natter, holding Yabu’s laptop with one hand and pushing him into his bed with the other, ignoring Yabu’s weak protests. “I’ll give this back to you tomorrow.”
They haven’t seen either of them in a while, but occasionally Keito takes his guitar out and Yuto sits at the drums. They pretend they’re twenty again with the whole world at their feet and nothing to lose. One night Yamada makes them play, so he and Chinen lounge on the sofa while they bring out some music their college selves had written together. They take turns singing, just like they used to. Yuto has never forgotten the words. Sometime during the night he meets Yamada’s eyes and drops a drumstick, sending it clattering onto the floor. Sheepish, he plays one-handed for thirteen more bars before it’s feasible for him to pick it up, poking his tongue out when he re-emerges to a laughing Chinen.
It’s only when they finish that Yuto feels the burn all throughout his body. “I guess it’s a good thing Inoo always makes me come and play for the music class,” Keito admits, looking down at his fingers ruefully.
Yuto half groans and chuckles, throwing himself down onto the floor next to him. “I am going to be useless tomorrow.”
“So I guess tomorrow would be the best day to steal this sofa,” Yamada tells Chinen.
It hits Yuto one day that for the first time since his university days, he might have a crush. There’s no lead up to the realisation, no trigger that sets it off. Just a simple question that pops into his mind suddenly, for which he apparently already has the answer to.
“Yutti, what do you think?”
He blinks. Chinen and Takaki are looking at him expectantly. He blinks again.
“Should we have an anniversary celebration this year?” Takaki asks.
It still takes a while for Yuto to process Takaki’s question, but when he does he practically shouts it, startling all three of them. “Yes! I mean...” Apologetic, he lowers his voice. “Yes, you should have a celebration. Don’t give into Chinen this year, Takaki. Stay strong!” He pumps his fist into the air exaggeratedly. Takaki beams.
“Why are you doing this to me,” Chinen groans, sliding his face into his hands and sinking into his chair. “I thought we were friends.”
“That’s why,” Yuto tells him. He turns to Takaki. “Get him flowers. Roses. Red and white. Throw some coral in there too if you want.”
“I will,” Takaki says solemnly. “I’ll buy lots of them. Only the best for my Yuri.” Beside him, Chinen cringes and drops his head onto the table.
Seconds later, Sora hurtles herself at Chinen and starts trying to climb into his lap, leash still attached to her collar. Begrudgingly helping her out, Chinen’s disappointed to find that Takaki has Yamada’s vote, too.
“Everyone’s against me, Sora-chan,” he tells her sadly. Sora yips at him, then clambers out of his lap to jump into Yuto’s waiting arms. Yamada grins at him, and Yuto immediately feels heart beat embarrassingly fast.
“I think I like Yamada.” The words fall from his mouth the minute he slumps into the living room that evening. Keito was dozing on the couch with the television on, but now his eyes fly wide open.
He says nothing, just looks at him with a level gaze.
“How long did you know?” Yuto mumbles, crawling into his arms. Though all he did was spend the afternoon at Chinen’s place, he’s completely wiped out.
“You don’t want to know.”
He lets out a wail and Keito chuckles.
“I thought I’d have to tell you myself.” He sighs with relief but yelps when Yuto punches him. “Hey! Better me than anyone else. Remember what happened in high school?”
Yuto makes a face over Keito’s head. Time still hasn’t healed that embarrassment. “Yes, yes, you’re always here when I need you,” he says sarcastically, though he knows full well that it’s true.
“Damn right I am,” Keito says in English. Yuto rolls his eyes. “And don’t you forget it.”
Yuto’s quiet for a few minutes. “Yeah, I need you now,” he says finally. Keito makes a questioning noise. “Can you either be my pillow tonight or carry me to bed?”
Keito hits him. “Something that won’t involve breaking me, you jerk.”
“I’m not going to break you!” Yuto acts offended.
Their grapples used to last for ages, but now the two of them are too exhausted to do anything but snark, and even that’s half-hearted. A part of Yuto feels old as he sits up in a daze, trying to get away from Keito’s iron grip.
Keito just sighs and wraps arms around him tighter.
Yuto travels to Okinawa again for a week in October. The first few days are reserved for work, but after that he’s free to do whatever he wants. He’s usually okay with travelling alone, but this time he can’t help but miss the feeling of someone being by his side as he strolls along the beach admiring the horizon, and eating the food he hasn’t been able to eat since his and Keito’s first week of being graduates. Of course, there’s only one face that swims into vision, and by the time Yuto’s wrapped up the work portion of his trip he already feels more than a little homesick. Yuto knows this means it’s about time to act, but the thought of it still has his stomach twisting itself into knots.
Another game of monopoly is scheduled right after he gets back. The entire game, Yuto spends most of it fixated on the board and looking everywhere but Yamada, because he’s finding it extremely difficult to meet his eyes.
“I can’t decide if I’m upset or proud,” Chinen says when, for the first time ever, Yuto wins the game.
The longer he drags it out the worse it gets. Whenever Yuto makes the decision to go and tell Yamada, there’s always something that convinces him to change his mind. He drives Keito mad with his fretting, which he often vocalises out loud on accident, but Yuto has always been stubborn. Keito asks him point-blank one day if he’s waiting for The Right Time to confess, but Yuto really isn’t. He’s well aware that him confessing would affect them both, and he’s rather loath to make Yamada more uncomfortable than he already has. Keito scoffs and calls him a worrywart.
“This is not something you have just learnt,” Yuto points out dryly. Keito sighs and rolls his eyes, muttering something about “so troublesome” under his breath.
Yuto feels like singing a jazz song at their next karaoke session, long overdue. Part of him is hoping to impress Yamada, but another part wants to ignore him, to sing as though he’s all alone. It doesn’t help that Yamada’s seated right in his peripheral vision whenever it’s his turn to face the screen. A few times during the night Yuto convinces himself that Yamada’s staring at him, but then when he takes a peek, Yamada’s either having an animated conversation with Chinen, Keito or Takaki, or playing with his phone.
Tonight, Chinen sings a ballad from memory.
“One of your favourites?” Yamada asks Takaki. Takaki doesn’t seem to hear him, but the way his eyes remain fixated on Chinen is answer enough.
Keito chooses an electronic pop song, energetically bopping along as he sings the high pitched tune. He’s crushed when he turns around to four identical, horrified faces.
“And with that I think we’ve seen all of Keito we ever needed to see.” Chinen declares.
Yamada also selects a ballad. He’s not facing any of them, just keeping his eyes trained on the screen, but something about him still takes Yuto’s breath away. Yuto watches him, his expression soft and unguarded while he pours his whole heart out. He can’t take his eyes away, and sometime between the song beginning and ending, Yuto knows for sure that he’s fallen for him.
He leaves karaoke with an alarming mixture of emotions; anxious and sad, confused and elated, all at the same time. The entire train journey home he doesn’t know what to say, so he says nothing even though Keito asks if he’s okay so many times Yuto wants to strangle him. When they reach the apartment, he makes a beeline straight to his room and passes out as soon as his face meets the pillow.
The next day, however, is a completely different story. Yuto wakes up feeling refreshed and excited, and still confused over this turn of events.
Keito frowns at him when he enters the kitchen, a big smile on his face. “What’s up with you?” he asks through a mouthful of bread. Keito swallows. “You looked like you were about to cry last night.”
Yuto steals the other slice of toast in retaliation. “I wasn’t going to cry.”
“You can’t lie to me.” Keito stands up to make more toast. While his back is turned, Yuto takes his tea, too.
There is a part of Yuto that is a giant brat. It’s this side of him that sits in front of Yamada whenever they meet now, the part that is unable to stop staring and smiling like he’s got some big secret. Several times Yamada has asked why he’s so happy, wanting to know if something particularly good has gone on at work, or if he’s in love with somebody and hasn’t had the courtesy of telling him.
“I thought I was your friend!” Yamada says, placing a hand on his chest as he feigns hurt.
Yuto is an idiot and just grins wider.
It’s two weeks after karaoke that Yuto finally has a full day off. He suddenly decides today will be the day that he finally tells Yamada, because he doesn’t know how much longer he can keep it to himself. He really wants Yamada to know, if he hasn’t already guessed. Yuto tries to push away the part of his mind that questions why Yamada hasn’t said anything, if he has.
Immediately after that, his phone rings.
“Lunch?” Chinen asks when Yuto picks up. “Just the two of us.”
Yuto’s response is automatic. “Sure.” It’s only after he puts down the phone that he registers what he said.
“I’m moving in with Yuya,” Chinen blurts out after fifteen minutes of twirling his noodles around his chopsticks in silence.
Yuto almost chokes on his ramen. “Finally.”
On an ordinary day he’d probably cop something, but today Chinen can’t stop smiling.
“I’m happy for you,” Yuto says. Chinen is the most stubborn person he knows. He’s also unpredictable, and sometimes they don’t know what it is that he wants until he’s already gone out of his way to achieve it. It doesn’t stop them from trying to guess what he wants, anyway, because that’s precisely what insufferable friends are for.
This, everyone Chinen knew saw from a mile away. A few half-hearted prods were made, but the best way to deal with Chinen is always to let him figure it out for himself.
After lunch Chinen asks what his plans for the rest of the day are, then silently passes him his house keys when Yuto hesitates.
“I’m going to Yuya’s,” he says, patting Yuto on the back. “Aren’t you glad I took a housemate in?”
He leaves Yuto standing outside the restaurant with the keys, chuckling ruefully at Chinen’s intuition.
Yamada’s vacuuming the living room with his headphones in, singing and dancing to the music. He doesn’t hear Yuto come in.
He yelps and whips off his headphones when he turns around to find Yuto leaning against the doorframe, smirking.
“You looked like you were having fun, I didn’t want to disturb you,” Yuto says in response to Yamada’s shocked glare. “And now I’ve figured out the secret to your karaoke prowess.”
The tips of Yamada’s ears turn red. “Shut up. I only do this when I’m home alone.”
“I can wait for you to finish,” Yuto offers, but Yamada’s already turned off the vacuum cleaner.
“What’s up?”
Suddenly feeling awkward, Yuto gestures to the sofa and they flop onto it together. Yamada turns to him expectantly.
Yuto takes a deep breath. He hasn’t figured out what he wants to say at all, but he thinks as long as he says it out loud he can figure it out from there. “I like you,” he blurts out. “I understand if you don’t feel the same way,” he rushes to continue when Yamada gapes at him, speechless. “I hope you don’t mind that I’m saying this.”
“No, shut up,” Yamada says, finding his voice, but it’s gentle this time. Yuto looks at him in puzzlement, and then Yamada gets up from his position on the couch and all but tackles Yuto into a hug.
“I tried telling you that night,” Yamada mumbles against his shoulder. “I feel the same way.”
“The night you stayed over?” Yuto asks, still hardly daring to believe. “That was so long ago.” Yamada wraps his arms around Yuto tighter, and Yuto brings his own up to do the same. Yamada smells of vanilla. He never wants to let go.
It’s a while before either of them speak again.
“I couldn’t get my words out because I was so tired and nervous,” Yamada explains when he pulls away just enough to look up at Yuto.
Yuto feels so remorseful. “I wondered what you wanted to say,” he sighs, leaning closer and bumping Yamada’s forehead with his own. “You left so quickly the next morning. I waited for you to try again. When you didn’t I just assumed it wasn’t important.”
Yamada’s laugh is short and sheepish. “No, I lost my confidence. And somehow I got it into my mind that you stopping me was your way of letting me down easily. I was so embarrassed the next morning I didn’t know what to do but run.”
“No!” Yuto is horrified. “I didn’t know what you were going to say. You were struggling so much, I was worried you might wake up and regret whatever it was. People often regret their actions at 3am.”
The look he gets in response is a frustrated one. “Chinen told me that too! What have you guys done at 3am?”
He shudders and Yamada looks as though he doesn’t know whether to laugh or be scared. “So many things.” He shakes his head. “I don’t even want to get into it right now. Just know that lots of bad things happen at 3am with us. That night is proof of it.”
“You guys are hopeless,” Yamada snorts. “I’ll get the full story out of one of you one day. Maybe Keito will spill the beans.”
“Sure, go ahead and try,” Yuto challenges, leaning over to press his lips to Yamada’s cheek. As he makes contact, Yamada closes his eyes tilts his head up slightly. “Let me know if you succeed.”
“I will.” Yamada’s tone is defiant but when he opens his eyes, they’re soft. He hesitates, and flushes. “There’s more to it, though,” he admits. “Another reason I thought you didn’t feel the same way.”
“What is it?” Yuto urges.
It’s a while before Yamada speaks. “You started calling me ‘Yamada’ again,” he admits, and this time he really can’t meet Yuto’s eyes.
Yuto tries to make him, by taking Yamada’s chin between his fingers and gently tilting his head up. “Yama-chan,” he tries quietly.
He likes the sound of that just as much as he did that night. “Yama-chan,” he repeats, a little louder this time.
“One more time?” Yamada’s smile is teasing, like he doesn’t think Yuto will comply.
Yuto doesn’t comply. “Ryosuke.”
Yamada’s eyes widen. His heart fluttering wildly in his chest, Yuto leans forward to kiss him, and they meet in the middle.
“You didn’t.” Chinen takes one look at Keito when he gets back from karaoke at four in the morning. Yuto and Chinen hadn’t gone with him because they were working, but around midnight had decided to stay up to wait. They were starting to regret their decision when they heard the sound of the front door of Yuto and Keito’s apartment opening. “Tell me you didn’t,” Chinen pleads, but Keito just continues to look guilty. “That’s it, your curfew is now two in the morning.”
Seconds later, Yamada bursts into the living room. He’s still laughing when he collapses onto the couch and leans against Yuto. Yuto puts his arms around him and can’t stop himself from inhaling once. He makes a mental note to ask Yamada if he can borrow his new shampoo. Or persuade Yamada to use it all the time.
“Before you say anything, I was trying to help,” Chinen declares, still eyeing Keito. “He was confused.”
“You made him more confused in the end,” Yuto points out. Chinen turns on him instead.
“What about that time you wore a skirt?”
Yuto feels his entire face burn. He buries his face in Yamada’s hair, still latching onto him even as Yamada shakes with mirth. “I was trying prove my hypothesis,” he says weakly, unable to stop laughing at the memory. “It was in the name of science, okay. I could have become a scientist.”
“Honestly, I thought it was going to be so much worse than that,” Yamada says eventually, wiping tears from his eyes, “the way you guys were carrying on. By the way, I want to see pictures.”
“It’s the integrity that matters.” Even though he’s exhausted, Chinen looks dead serious. “We made a promise.” He dodges a pillow that Keito throws, but his aim hadn’t been very good in the first place.
Yamada scoffs at him. “Who do you think you are?”
“Let him have his way,” Yuto cautions, smiling fondly, taking a strand of brown hair and coiling it around his finger. Yamada turns to glance up. “In case next time it’s you who wants to hide any 3am behaviour.”