this one's for the ages
i have gotten "off-track" so to speak lately. sooo, back to my epiphanies. i know i have been on a gtown rant as of late, and this time i will only reference gtown to prove a larger and more significant point.
now that we are on project, i haven't seen too many ppl. a lot of you are off-campus or have picked classes/studies in the afternoon when i have senior show and crew. so, i have come to the shocking realization that i have only been in direct contact with about 20 or 30 of you all... when i was in contact with just about all of you almost daily before project began. as i have been talkin to a lot of people that are already in college, i hear talk of how college will be the best four years of my life, that college years will never be replaced by any other time...well, it seems to me that the high school years are often lost in the whirlwind of these 8 consecutive years. i was finally brought to this realization when a friend of mine from bc reminded me that i will truly miss my high school friends.
when i told this same friend that i wouldn't be seeing them that much anymore, she, in her infinite wisdom, reminded me again that i would have vacations to see them all. i guess until now i've just kept on pushing into the back of my mind that i wont see everyone for awhile. and i think i've been trying to avoid thinking about it cuz when you think about it, you worry, and when you worry, you can't enjoy the present cuz you're occupied with the future. my brother does not stay in touch with many ppl from high school. but my brother is also very different from me. nonetheless, he has his two or three friends he has stayed in touch with over the years, but i feel like i have so many more people to stay in touch with and i dont know if it would really be possible. and it scares me. it scares me that i'll be so far away from my home and what has become so comfortable to me.
it's tough to make a decision when you try to please everyone. it's just not possible to please everyone. but me, in my infinite stupidity, try to do just that. yay, hooray for me. i dont really like when ppl talk about "the road less traveled by..." cuz to be honest, i think that that is complete and utter bullshit. in this day and age, there is no road that is less traveled. in fact, the road we take isn't what matters. most people spend their entire lives just LOOKING for the path to travel. it's not the road to we choose, but hte decisions we make, the people we affect, the changes we make, the way we grow, and the strength of our character that is important. people could sit at a cross-road and spend their entire lives weighing the pros and cons of each road. but i'd rather just get on a road and do the most with what i have. and to TAKE that road wherever it might go.
it's not to say you are "unlucky" because no one can change luck. there is nothing to be done about unlucky breaks. i think we should just take them and say that that is what reality is. this is how cruel the world can be. and in the end, the universe does tend to right itself, and somehow, the thing that went wrong (like getting rejected from your top choice), could turn into YOUR lucky break. it's true that when it rains, it fucking pours, but when you get on a streak, you better ride high and ride it til it ends and take full advantage of every opportunity and every experience you encounter. if you can take something meaningful out of every experience of every day... then you truly are bettering yourself and teaching yourself how to adjust, how to cope, and how to enjoy everything around you.
so here is my gtown reference... my mom and i are going to gtown next weekend to visit. my mom told me last night that we would be going out to dinner with a friend of hers in DC. now, my mom is not one to travel much. in fact, she doesn't really do anything (besides golf) unless it's with the family. so, when i heard that she had a friend in DC, i assumed it was someone who used to be from the boston area and happened to move to DC. so, i didn't dig for answers. after we finished grocery shopping and on our way to my grandma's house, she reminded me again that i would need to find a hotel because her friend in dc wouldn't be able to host us. i had no idea who this "friend" was, so i finally decided to ask. turns out, this woman went to school with my mom in korea. they were int he same class and graduated together. not college, but high school.
my mom went from her high school, to a 2-year college, then immigrated to the US, got married, had two kids, and settled in belmont. but in the past 30 or so years since she last had daily contact with this friend, it seemed as if nothing had changed. she just picked up the phone one day and told her friend we'd be in DC. i was stunned... absolutely amazed.
...and i felt kind of selfish. here i am, end of high school, and not sure if i should just burn all my bridges, or just hold on to my really close friends, or what. i didn't know if i should just start fresh in college or not. cuz i didn't know how close i really would be to my friends after high school finished. and as i said before, i was scared. but seeing how my mom is now with her friend from high school, i sort of breathed a sigh of relief. i think i can safely assume i can count on my best friends to still be there at the end of things. to be there no matter what might happen in our lives. and i feel bad, just thinking that i might have abandoned some of you all for other ppl or other things. this might not be my most profound entry, although it is definitely one of my longer ones... which is why this one's for the ages. just like my friends, and all the people i have met and all the people that have affected my life and who i am. cuz they will always stay with me til the very end. and although i wont always be able to aknowledge everyone, i can safely say that everyone i have come into contact with, everyone i have met, and everyone who's been a part of my life, is a part of who i am. those people will stay with me through the ages, and i hope that i had as profound of an effect on the people around me (in a positive way) as everyone else has had on me.
i never want to forget my friends or the people that are close to me or the people that have affected me. so, this one will truly be for the ages and i will truly and hopefully always remember everyone and be thankful for all that i have and all the people around me who truly bless my life. okaaay, i'm starting to get sappy, but this is the truth. i will never forget a lot of the fun i've had with certain people, and all the tears with other people. and at the end of the day, i just hope that everybody can say and feel like they've made an impact on whatever road they might be traveling, or they've made an impact on their way to finding their road. it's such a long road that we've been walking on, but lets keep it up. i'm starting to miss you guys already
"i was crying over you. i am smiling, i think of you..."
now that we are on project, i haven't seen too many ppl. a lot of you are off-campus or have picked classes/studies in the afternoon when i have senior show and crew. so, i have come to the shocking realization that i have only been in direct contact with about 20 or 30 of you all... when i was in contact with just about all of you almost daily before project began. as i have been talkin to a lot of people that are already in college, i hear talk of how college will be the best four years of my life, that college years will never be replaced by any other time...well, it seems to me that the high school years are often lost in the whirlwind of these 8 consecutive years. i was finally brought to this realization when a friend of mine from bc reminded me that i will truly miss my high school friends.
when i told this same friend that i wouldn't be seeing them that much anymore, she, in her infinite wisdom, reminded me again that i would have vacations to see them all. i guess until now i've just kept on pushing into the back of my mind that i wont see everyone for awhile. and i think i've been trying to avoid thinking about it cuz when you think about it, you worry, and when you worry, you can't enjoy the present cuz you're occupied with the future. my brother does not stay in touch with many ppl from high school. but my brother is also very different from me. nonetheless, he has his two or three friends he has stayed in touch with over the years, but i feel like i have so many more people to stay in touch with and i dont know if it would really be possible. and it scares me. it scares me that i'll be so far away from my home and what has become so comfortable to me.
it's tough to make a decision when you try to please everyone. it's just not possible to please everyone. but me, in my infinite stupidity, try to do just that. yay, hooray for me. i dont really like when ppl talk about "the road less traveled by..." cuz to be honest, i think that that is complete and utter bullshit. in this day and age, there is no road that is less traveled. in fact, the road we take isn't what matters. most people spend their entire lives just LOOKING for the path to travel. it's not the road to we choose, but hte decisions we make, the people we affect, the changes we make, the way we grow, and the strength of our character that is important. people could sit at a cross-road and spend their entire lives weighing the pros and cons of each road. but i'd rather just get on a road and do the most with what i have. and to TAKE that road wherever it might go.
it's not to say you are "unlucky" because no one can change luck. there is nothing to be done about unlucky breaks. i think we should just take them and say that that is what reality is. this is how cruel the world can be. and in the end, the universe does tend to right itself, and somehow, the thing that went wrong (like getting rejected from your top choice), could turn into YOUR lucky break. it's true that when it rains, it fucking pours, but when you get on a streak, you better ride high and ride it til it ends and take full advantage of every opportunity and every experience you encounter. if you can take something meaningful out of every experience of every day... then you truly are bettering yourself and teaching yourself how to adjust, how to cope, and how to enjoy everything around you.
so here is my gtown reference... my mom and i are going to gtown next weekend to visit. my mom told me last night that we would be going out to dinner with a friend of hers in DC. now, my mom is not one to travel much. in fact, she doesn't really do anything (besides golf) unless it's with the family. so, when i heard that she had a friend in DC, i assumed it was someone who used to be from the boston area and happened to move to DC. so, i didn't dig for answers. after we finished grocery shopping and on our way to my grandma's house, she reminded me again that i would need to find a hotel because her friend in dc wouldn't be able to host us. i had no idea who this "friend" was, so i finally decided to ask. turns out, this woman went to school with my mom in korea. they were int he same class and graduated together. not college, but high school.
my mom went from her high school, to a 2-year college, then immigrated to the US, got married, had two kids, and settled in belmont. but in the past 30 or so years since she last had daily contact with this friend, it seemed as if nothing had changed. she just picked up the phone one day and told her friend we'd be in DC. i was stunned... absolutely amazed.
...and i felt kind of selfish. here i am, end of high school, and not sure if i should just burn all my bridges, or just hold on to my really close friends, or what. i didn't know if i should just start fresh in college or not. cuz i didn't know how close i really would be to my friends after high school finished. and as i said before, i was scared. but seeing how my mom is now with her friend from high school, i sort of breathed a sigh of relief. i think i can safely assume i can count on my best friends to still be there at the end of things. to be there no matter what might happen in our lives. and i feel bad, just thinking that i might have abandoned some of you all for other ppl or other things. this might not be my most profound entry, although it is definitely one of my longer ones... which is why this one's for the ages. just like my friends, and all the people i have met and all the people that have affected my life and who i am. cuz they will always stay with me til the very end. and although i wont always be able to aknowledge everyone, i can safely say that everyone i have come into contact with, everyone i have met, and everyone who's been a part of my life, is a part of who i am. those people will stay with me through the ages, and i hope that i had as profound of an effect on the people around me (in a positive way) as everyone else has had on me.
i never want to forget my friends or the people that are close to me or the people that have affected me. so, this one will truly be for the ages and i will truly and hopefully always remember everyone and be thankful for all that i have and all the people around me who truly bless my life. okaaay, i'm starting to get sappy, but this is the truth. i will never forget a lot of the fun i've had with certain people, and all the tears with other people. and at the end of the day, i just hope that everybody can say and feel like they've made an impact on whatever road they might be traveling, or they've made an impact on their way to finding their road. it's such a long road that we've been walking on, but lets keep it up. i'm starting to miss you guys already
"i was crying over you. i am smiling, i think of you..."