(no subject)
And so reading about consciousnes raising groups during the feminist movement is very ratteling (sp) in a great way. It was weird because I felt like I was placed back in time. It was so invigorating to see the thought processes that went inot what I view as "common knowledge" among women-related topics within sex, work, society, beauty-standards, etc.
I loved the crtiques/argumetns that women had in one group about sex in the workplace. One woman's story about finaly getting ahead, learning quickly, and doing well only to be sexually harassed/propositioned by her boss, was really interesting, because my reaction to the story put me on both sides of the fence. The woman had experienced this on more than one occassion and she always ended up leaving the job afterwards, or retreating and becoming less involved and assertive/aggressive in work-related ways.
Another woman responded by talking about how great sex was..in a "well sex is fun for everyone..." sort of way. And anotherbrought up how men when irritated with women standing up for themselves always say things along the lines of "She just needs a good fuck". And how they're secretly hoping that said fuck will take care of everything. The boss brings sex into the workplace. This reinforces the power relation: he is hoping to literally penetrate (dominance/on top), he calls the shots, and well shows his female employee who's boss in more than one way. He has your job that you don't really even feel like you *own* in the first place--in his hands and now you ahve to deal with him on an extremely--possibly career jeopardizing level--and you back off. Completely forgetting/disregarding the fact that you were really learning some useful skills and engaging in things that would be considered "working your way up" in today's terms.
Wow.
A good lay can ruin everything. And yet the other part of me agrees with another woman in the group who said something along the lines of the boss appreciates her talent and is attracted to her because of it--->that being something good, right?
Well sure, that's flattering. But this is a society were females are socialized into thinking they should be preoccupied with the goal of pleasing men....being a great lay in the eyes of some guy. So is that flattery or...?
My personality--I don't know if it has to do with me being a leo, me being black, the way I was raised, whatever--is one that has been shaped by growing up in a very positive, nurturing, praise-filled environment. I was taught that young girls are beautiful, capable of doing anything they put their minds to, and our bodies are temples. Blah blah blah. But seriously, I've always believed those things. I've always thought of myself as being special, as being worthy of praise and so on. I also have expected other girls to be the same way. But anyway, this relates to sex in that when it comes to guys I'm very picky and discerning, but I am fond of attention. I'm really sexual and passionate. I like flirting, and people in general, and making connections. I'm really social. I guess it would be important to note that I'm turned off by insincere, unnecessary flattery, and I absolutely hate when I feel as if someone doesn't appreciate me for all of who I am. (Now don't get me wrong, these feelings are always at the forefront. This journal has plenty of recorded times where I've forgotten my self-worth or at least put it on the back burner....)
So with sex and guys, I love to please in the "make a guy go crazy" sort of way, because I *am* pleasing, which in turn makes me want to please. lol Does that make sense? Probably not. But I guess I'm trying to say that I enjoy pleasing guys when they've shown that their worthy of that sort of attention by engaging in the "proper" old-school, romantic sort of things like poetry, foot massages lol, staying up all night talking, showering me with ::love:: type of stuff.
So you have the power relations with dominance/submissiveness going in a circle I suppose, but it *starts* differently.
Or it could just be me rationalizing my actions in order to make it seem as if I'm not engaged in the usual "catering to males" sort of activity. I don'tk now, even after having said all that, I want to please my partner because he's my partner. And he should want to please me for the same things. So whether or not the game is played, we both have to show that we're worthy of such love. But is that modern thinking? Would a woman in the late sixties be at the place where she would be saying that? So much of sex at the time revolved around pleasing the man and sitting there trying to renegotiate what satisfies us sexually in order for us to eventually not have a problem with boring sex. Wow. What if that were the norm today? I mean we even have female centered sex shops. That's amazing compared to the fact that women felt weird a little over thirty years ago about discussing the things that I'm broadcasting here in this lj.
But anyway, what's important is not me figuring out the answer exactly, but the different kinds of thoughts and opinions that surfaced throughout the duration of this particular session of a CR group. I was actually able to engage in what CR groups were all about then--that connection with other women. Realizing you're not isolated in your stories, and whatever issues or problems that you may have are not just trivial personal stories.
It's just amazing to me how even at a time with all the laws that have been passed, and cultural progress that has been made in areas like Domestic Violence and Sexual harassment, I can still sit and read about a CR group and feel connected to each and every one of the women I'm reading about. That whole essense of Sisterhood, and all that jazz, is so there.
I'll have to speak on voice, another time.
Peace and love,
Evi
I loved the crtiques/argumetns that women had in one group about sex in the workplace. One woman's story about finaly getting ahead, learning quickly, and doing well only to be sexually harassed/propositioned by her boss, was really interesting, because my reaction to the story put me on both sides of the fence. The woman had experienced this on more than one occassion and she always ended up leaving the job afterwards, or retreating and becoming less involved and assertive/aggressive in work-related ways.
Another woman responded by talking about how great sex was..in a "well sex is fun for everyone..." sort of way. And anotherbrought up how men when irritated with women standing up for themselves always say things along the lines of "She just needs a good fuck". And how they're secretly hoping that said fuck will take care of everything. The boss brings sex into the workplace. This reinforces the power relation: he is hoping to literally penetrate (dominance/on top), he calls the shots, and well shows his female employee who's boss in more than one way. He has your job that you don't really even feel like you *own* in the first place--in his hands and now you ahve to deal with him on an extremely--possibly career jeopardizing level--and you back off. Completely forgetting/disregarding the fact that you were really learning some useful skills and engaging in things that would be considered "working your way up" in today's terms.
Wow.
A good lay can ruin everything. And yet the other part of me agrees with another woman in the group who said something along the lines of the boss appreciates her talent and is attracted to her because of it--->that being something good, right?
Well sure, that's flattering. But this is a society were females are socialized into thinking they should be preoccupied with the goal of pleasing men....being a great lay in the eyes of some guy. So is that flattery or...?
My personality--I don't know if it has to do with me being a leo, me being black, the way I was raised, whatever--is one that has been shaped by growing up in a very positive, nurturing, praise-filled environment. I was taught that young girls are beautiful, capable of doing anything they put their minds to, and our bodies are temples. Blah blah blah. But seriously, I've always believed those things. I've always thought of myself as being special, as being worthy of praise and so on. I also have expected other girls to be the same way. But anyway, this relates to sex in that when it comes to guys I'm very picky and discerning, but I am fond of attention. I'm really sexual and passionate. I like flirting, and people in general, and making connections. I'm really social. I guess it would be important to note that I'm turned off by insincere, unnecessary flattery, and I absolutely hate when I feel as if someone doesn't appreciate me for all of who I am. (Now don't get me wrong, these feelings are always at the forefront. This journal has plenty of recorded times where I've forgotten my self-worth or at least put it on the back burner....)
So with sex and guys, I love to please in the "make a guy go crazy" sort of way, because I *am* pleasing, which in turn makes me want to please. lol Does that make sense? Probably not. But I guess I'm trying to say that I enjoy pleasing guys when they've shown that their worthy of that sort of attention by engaging in the "proper" old-school, romantic sort of things like poetry, foot massages lol, staying up all night talking, showering me with ::love:: type of stuff.
So you have the power relations with dominance/submissiveness going in a circle I suppose, but it *starts* differently.
Or it could just be me rationalizing my actions in order to make it seem as if I'm not engaged in the usual "catering to males" sort of activity. I don'tk now, even after having said all that, I want to please my partner because he's my partner. And he should want to please me for the same things. So whether or not the game is played, we both have to show that we're worthy of such love. But is that modern thinking? Would a woman in the late sixties be at the place where she would be saying that? So much of sex at the time revolved around pleasing the man and sitting there trying to renegotiate what satisfies us sexually in order for us to eventually not have a problem with boring sex. Wow. What if that were the norm today? I mean we even have female centered sex shops. That's amazing compared to the fact that women felt weird a little over thirty years ago about discussing the things that I'm broadcasting here in this lj.
But anyway, what's important is not me figuring out the answer exactly, but the different kinds of thoughts and opinions that surfaced throughout the duration of this particular session of a CR group. I was actually able to engage in what CR groups were all about then--that connection with other women. Realizing you're not isolated in your stories, and whatever issues or problems that you may have are not just trivial personal stories.
It's just amazing to me how even at a time with all the laws that have been passed, and cultural progress that has been made in areas like Domestic Violence and Sexual harassment, I can still sit and read about a CR group and feel connected to each and every one of the women I'm reading about. That whole essense of Sisterhood, and all that jazz, is so there.
I'll have to speak on voice, another time.
Peace and love,
Evi