Just a Spoonful of Sugar, Chapter 17
Chapter 17.
Chapter 17: A Long Overdue Discussion
After some time had passed, she inched her way out of his arms and backed away from him. A coldness washed over her as the contact was broken and she took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I didn’t intend on doing that.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said gently. “I’m really grateful that I could at least be there for you.”
There it was again, that kind acceptance and reassurance. Why did this have to happen? She asked herself. Not knowing what to say, she bit down on her lip unconsciously only to feel the soft fingers of the chocolatier touching the affected area.
“You really shouldn’t do that, you’ve already caused it to start bleeding.” He said as he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and ever so gently, he pressed it against her lower lip. “Is that better?”
She nodded. “Yes, t-thank you.”
Willy nodded, but after several moments had passed, he inhaled slowly and began to speak. “Tamara, what happened that caused you to have such a terrible nightmare? You were screaming as though you were being tortured.”
She took a deep breath, but raised her head and looked at him. “I-I was just…trying to get away from…someone.”
“Was this your dream or reality?” He asked.
“What do you mean?” She asked.
“I don’t know if it was just me, but your actions the other night when we spoke on the bench sort of mirror what you said just now. The thing is, you kept looking over your shoulder as though you were afraid. I figured that something was wrong, but I didn’t inquire as to whom or what you were thinking about.”
“I d-didn’t know I was doing that until you told me.” Instead of going into detail about this, she closed her eyes.
“You know, I’m not a psychologist, but it might actually help get rid of the nightmares if you were talk about it,” he said gently. “I realize that I am perhaps the last person you would want to spill your guts to…” his voice tapered off as he regarded her. Her face had become even redder in color, and he figured that she had remembered exactly what had happened in the Beige Room. A light blush tinged his cheeks as he pondered what he had just said. “…I mean…oh wangdoodle, that was definitely the wrong wording, wasn’t it?”
He paused, but after several seconds, he released a pent up breath and allowed his next words to emerge. “If you want to talk about it, then I’m here and I will listen.” As if to emphasize this point, he reached over and took her hand gently in his and gave it a comforting squeeze.
Tamara could say nothing for several moments, instead she stared down at where his hand was holding hers. Despite her unwillingness to admit it, she actually liked the feeling of his touch. She had always imagined that his hands were coarse from years of laboring and making candy, but in reality, they were not. The skin was smooth and soft, and that seemed to encase so many of the things that no one really knew about this man.
Deep down inside, just from hearing his words, she somehow realized that she could talk to him, and that he would understand her feelings perhaps better than anyone else would.
When she was finally able to speak, her words emerged in a soft murmur. “I’m trying to stay away from my ex-boyfriend,” she confessed, but looked away.
“It would seem as though you had a pretty messy breakup, if that’s the case,” he said, his voice filled with compassionate undertones.
Tamara nodded. “W-when we broke up, he completely freaked out and got really angry with me. He started spreading rumors around town that I was trying to make out with every guy I met. These rumors eventually got back to my boss and he pulled me aside and said that under no uncertain terms was he interested in me. I had no idea where that came from, but three weeks later, I was fired. My family was completely outraged and wanted me to call a lawyer and sue him, but I told them that I wasn’t interested in getting even or ever going back. I suppose, I interpreted those events as a sign that it was time for me to get out of town, so that’s what I did.”
“Your ex-boyfriend’s name was the name you said the night before you got sick, correct?” He asked.
She nodded, her hand once more sliding out of his hold as she took a deep breath. “When all this started, I figured that Neil was behind it. That he had somehow put you up to doing this. Then, when I heard you say Belinda’s name, I realized that my assumptions were wrong. This wasn’t about Neil at all, but it reminded me so much of the things he had done. It was strange, but a small part of me was kind of relieved, but there was another part of me that was terrified. I had no idea what was going to happen next.”
Willy looked at her. “Will you forgive me for that?”
“I want to,” she whispered. “I mean; when you helped me that morning after I got sick all over the place, I felt so torn.”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s a part of me that’s so angry, and a part that’s scared,” she shook her head. “Then there’s this other part that sees something in you that is nice…”
“…Nice?” He asked.
She nodded, her eyes closing for a moment. “Not very many people would have offered to even help me like you did.”
“I will admit that that was a pretty disgusting situation, but I couldn’t have done otherwise,” he admitted. “After all, you did got sick trying to prove a point. What sort of person would I have been to not have helped you?”
“I don’t know,” she said softly. “Just please don’t try and give me anything else that I’m allergic to.”
“You have my word,” he said simply, but instead of elaborating on that, his next question emerged, the curiosity getting the better of him. “I know that this seems a bit wrong of me to ask, but what else did this Neil person do after you broke up with him?”
“Pretty much the same things that I can imagine Belinda doing to you. H-he’d send me letters telling me that something terrible was going to happen if I didn’t go back to him. When I wouldn’t respond to these threats then he’d turn around and send pictures of us where my head was cut off and it would be lined with red ink…” She shook her head her hand self-consciously raising and covering her neck. “After a time, I just got so scared that I knew that I had to get out of there. So, I decided to move here to this town, just to get away from him. Instead of finding a full-time job, though, I now sell candy part-time and have to live with a woman who is psychologically not all there.”
“I had no idea,” Willy said softly. He took a deep breath. “I know that I brought back some very painful memories to you. Although, I know that my actions were quite drastic, I really didn’t know what else to do. Tamara, I really didn’t.”
“Usually women are the victims of this kind of thing,” she said softly. “I never knew that a man could find himself feeling threatened by someone like that. I just know that it’s scary.”
“Yes, it is quite scary,” Willy said with an unhappy sigh. “I never thought that such a thing could happen to me. Tamara, I’m nothing more than a candy maker who loves what he does. I’m not even an actor or singer.”
“But you are well known,” she said weakly. “You’re a very famous person because what you create is so extraordinary.”
“Maybe, but do you know what is so hard about this?” He asked.
“What?”
“It may sound rather strange to you, but right now I feel quite alone in all of this,” he said weakly. He took a deep breath and released it after several moments. Instead of waiting for her to speak, he continued, his blue eyes carrying traces of fatigue. “Please understand, this is not a ploy for sympathy, it’s just a fact of my existence.”
“You really feel alone?” Tamara asked as she raised her head and looked at him. When she saw him nodding slowly, her eyes widened. Was it possible that the world famous chocolatier carried the exact same feelings and emotions she did? She waited, her words hanging in the air for several minutes. She reached over and touched his hand. “I always assumed that you were surrounded by friends.”
“I have a few friends, yes, but none of them really know or understand how I feel right now,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders. “Not like you apparently do.”
“Me?” She shook her head. “But, Mr. Wonka, I’m just a boring and ordinary person who is worried and afraid.”
“You are not boring or ordinary as you may think,” he said. “In fact, I think you are far more than that.”
“Are you saying that just to flatter me?” She asked.
“No, I’m saying it because it’s the truth,” he smiled weakly at her. “You honored me by sharing something with me today. It takes a pretty unique and trusting person to find the courage to do that.” He took a deep breath. “I am wont to say that in comparison, I must seem rather naïve.”
“No, not naïve,” she lowered her head. “You’re just worried…and…afraid.” As the last word emerged, she inhaled sharply as the parallel between them washed over her. After several moments, she raised her head and saw that he was nodding.
“You know Charlie said the same thing to me several days ago and yet I did not feel too terribly inclined to believe him,” he said softly. “Thank you.”
“For what?” She asked.
“Your kindness. I do know that I am perhaps not deserving of it, but I do appreciate it,” he pulled his hand away and took a deep breath.
The young woman nodded, but this time did not make the attempt at reaching for his hand.
After several minutes, the silence started to feel as though it was suffocating her, and she spoke, her next words emerging as a sort of confession. “You know, when I first got here, I was afraid that you would be angry with me when you discovered that I was not Belinda.”
“I don’t think I could hurt anyone,” he said simply. “Right now, even if Belinda was standing in front of me, I could do nothing. I suppose I have come to realize that it’s simply not my way.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion. She began to pick at the blankets that covered her, the softness feeling rather like the finest silk in the world. “We do have one thing in common, though.”
“Being afraid?” Willy asked.
She nodded. “Yes, and although I believe you, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit scared. The truth is, I have never been so afraid in my life.”
“I did this to you,” he whispered as he reached for her hand and once he held it, he brought it slowly to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss.
She watched this and despite her unwillingness to feel anything towards him, she did, and the hint of a blush covered her cheeks. Before she could speak, Willy looked at her, his next words emerging. “Would you tell me why you came to the factory two days ago?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I guess I came by because I…I…I mean…”
“…Because you understood how I felt?” His question emerged.
She nodded. “After I left work, I was trying to get my thoughts straight about everything that was happening. I needed some time to think through all of these things. My boss sent me home because I was so frazzled by what Belinda was doing. I suppose my daily walks by the factory could have roused suspicions, but I just liked it because the scent of chocolate always made me feel relaxed. But, then when I got there, I s-saw all those balloons and wanted nothing more than to get rid of them before you saw them. That was the only thought that was going through my mind. I remembered what it felt like to have someone hunting me down like I was an…animal…”
She shook her head as the words faded. She could feel the tears as they streamed from beneath her eyes. After several moments had passed, she could feel herself breaking down, the emotions finally getting the better of her. She covered her face with her hands and allowed herself to weep bitterly.
Before Willy could say a word, she had somehow gotten some sort of control of her emotions. She took a deep and staggering breath before her wavering words once more emerged. “Y-you asked me about the dream I had earlier. I’ll tell you what I remember about it. I-I was in this strange place with countless halls and corridors and I couldn’t find my way out. It was like walking through a labyrinth and at each turn, it revealed another door that led into even more hallways. I suddenly felt like I was going in circles and was seeing no end in sight. I-I kept trying find a way out and wanting only to scream at how scary and alone I felt…” She wrapped her arms around herself. “T-then Neil’s voice filled my head, and I was standing alone in this corridor and it felt like his eyes were following every movement I made…”
Her voice trailed off and she took a gasping breath as she tried to continue speaking. “…I kept hearing his voice and the words followed me everywhere I went.”
“What did he say, Tamara?” Willy asked softly.
“He said, ‘you cannot get away from me, you will suffer for having left me alone… You will suffer.’ H-he was screaming that at me and I was so scared that I screamed as loud as I could because I wanted out…I just wanted out…”
Willy wordlessly got to his feet and sat down on the edge of the bed. He pulled her gently into his arms until she felt herself being shifted until she was resting in his embrace.
At that moment, he spoke, his words soft. “It’s alright to cry,” he whispered as he meshed his hands in her hair and held her gently against his chest, the softness of his vest once again touching one side of her face. His other hand was lightly stroking her cheek.
Instead of fighting against his comforting hold, she allowed herself to rest in his embrace, her body still trembling uncontrollably. Never in her life had she ever felt as comforted and safe in someone’s arms as she felt at that precise moment.
Now, contrary to the awkward circumstances in which they had become acquainted, Tamara was starting to feel as though she had found a friend who understood how she felt. Without thinking about what she was doing, she allowed her arms to wind slowly around him.
Chapter 17: A Long Overdue Discussion
After some time had passed, she inched her way out of his arms and backed away from him. A coldness washed over her as the contact was broken and she took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I didn’t intend on doing that.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said gently. “I’m really grateful that I could at least be there for you.”
There it was again, that kind acceptance and reassurance. Why did this have to happen? She asked herself. Not knowing what to say, she bit down on her lip unconsciously only to feel the soft fingers of the chocolatier touching the affected area.
“You really shouldn’t do that, you’ve already caused it to start bleeding.” He said as he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and ever so gently, he pressed it against her lower lip. “Is that better?”
She nodded. “Yes, t-thank you.”
Willy nodded, but after several moments had passed, he inhaled slowly and began to speak. “Tamara, what happened that caused you to have such a terrible nightmare? You were screaming as though you were being tortured.”
She took a deep breath, but raised her head and looked at him. “I-I was just…trying to get away from…someone.”
“Was this your dream or reality?” He asked.
“What do you mean?” She asked.
“I don’t know if it was just me, but your actions the other night when we spoke on the bench sort of mirror what you said just now. The thing is, you kept looking over your shoulder as though you were afraid. I figured that something was wrong, but I didn’t inquire as to whom or what you were thinking about.”
“I d-didn’t know I was doing that until you told me.” Instead of going into detail about this, she closed her eyes.
“You know, I’m not a psychologist, but it might actually help get rid of the nightmares if you were talk about it,” he said gently. “I realize that I am perhaps the last person you would want to spill your guts to…” his voice tapered off as he regarded her. Her face had become even redder in color, and he figured that she had remembered exactly what had happened in the Beige Room. A light blush tinged his cheeks as he pondered what he had just said. “…I mean…oh wangdoodle, that was definitely the wrong wording, wasn’t it?”
He paused, but after several seconds, he released a pent up breath and allowed his next words to emerge. “If you want to talk about it, then I’m here and I will listen.” As if to emphasize this point, he reached over and took her hand gently in his and gave it a comforting squeeze.
Tamara could say nothing for several moments, instead she stared down at where his hand was holding hers. Despite her unwillingness to admit it, she actually liked the feeling of his touch. She had always imagined that his hands were coarse from years of laboring and making candy, but in reality, they were not. The skin was smooth and soft, and that seemed to encase so many of the things that no one really knew about this man.
Deep down inside, just from hearing his words, she somehow realized that she could talk to him, and that he would understand her feelings perhaps better than anyone else would.
When she was finally able to speak, her words emerged in a soft murmur. “I’m trying to stay away from my ex-boyfriend,” she confessed, but looked away.
“It would seem as though you had a pretty messy breakup, if that’s the case,” he said, his voice filled with compassionate undertones.
Tamara nodded. “W-when we broke up, he completely freaked out and got really angry with me. He started spreading rumors around town that I was trying to make out with every guy I met. These rumors eventually got back to my boss and he pulled me aside and said that under no uncertain terms was he interested in me. I had no idea where that came from, but three weeks later, I was fired. My family was completely outraged and wanted me to call a lawyer and sue him, but I told them that I wasn’t interested in getting even or ever going back. I suppose, I interpreted those events as a sign that it was time for me to get out of town, so that’s what I did.”
“Your ex-boyfriend’s name was the name you said the night before you got sick, correct?” He asked.
She nodded, her hand once more sliding out of his hold as she took a deep breath. “When all this started, I figured that Neil was behind it. That he had somehow put you up to doing this. Then, when I heard you say Belinda’s name, I realized that my assumptions were wrong. This wasn’t about Neil at all, but it reminded me so much of the things he had done. It was strange, but a small part of me was kind of relieved, but there was another part of me that was terrified. I had no idea what was going to happen next.”
Willy looked at her. “Will you forgive me for that?”
“I want to,” she whispered. “I mean; when you helped me that morning after I got sick all over the place, I felt so torn.”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s a part of me that’s so angry, and a part that’s scared,” she shook her head. “Then there’s this other part that sees something in you that is nice…”
“…Nice?” He asked.
She nodded, her eyes closing for a moment. “Not very many people would have offered to even help me like you did.”
“I will admit that that was a pretty disgusting situation, but I couldn’t have done otherwise,” he admitted. “After all, you did got sick trying to prove a point. What sort of person would I have been to not have helped you?”
“I don’t know,” she said softly. “Just please don’t try and give me anything else that I’m allergic to.”
“You have my word,” he said simply, but instead of elaborating on that, his next question emerged, the curiosity getting the better of him. “I know that this seems a bit wrong of me to ask, but what else did this Neil person do after you broke up with him?”
“Pretty much the same things that I can imagine Belinda doing to you. H-he’d send me letters telling me that something terrible was going to happen if I didn’t go back to him. When I wouldn’t respond to these threats then he’d turn around and send pictures of us where my head was cut off and it would be lined with red ink…” She shook her head her hand self-consciously raising and covering her neck. “After a time, I just got so scared that I knew that I had to get out of there. So, I decided to move here to this town, just to get away from him. Instead of finding a full-time job, though, I now sell candy part-time and have to live with a woman who is psychologically not all there.”
“I had no idea,” Willy said softly. He took a deep breath. “I know that I brought back some very painful memories to you. Although, I know that my actions were quite drastic, I really didn’t know what else to do. Tamara, I really didn’t.”
“Usually women are the victims of this kind of thing,” she said softly. “I never knew that a man could find himself feeling threatened by someone like that. I just know that it’s scary.”
“Yes, it is quite scary,” Willy said with an unhappy sigh. “I never thought that such a thing could happen to me. Tamara, I’m nothing more than a candy maker who loves what he does. I’m not even an actor or singer.”
“But you are well known,” she said weakly. “You’re a very famous person because what you create is so extraordinary.”
“Maybe, but do you know what is so hard about this?” He asked.
“What?”
“It may sound rather strange to you, but right now I feel quite alone in all of this,” he said weakly. He took a deep breath and released it after several moments. Instead of waiting for her to speak, he continued, his blue eyes carrying traces of fatigue. “Please understand, this is not a ploy for sympathy, it’s just a fact of my existence.”
“You really feel alone?” Tamara asked as she raised her head and looked at him. When she saw him nodding slowly, her eyes widened. Was it possible that the world famous chocolatier carried the exact same feelings and emotions she did? She waited, her words hanging in the air for several minutes. She reached over and touched his hand. “I always assumed that you were surrounded by friends.”
“I have a few friends, yes, but none of them really know or understand how I feel right now,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders. “Not like you apparently do.”
“Me?” She shook her head. “But, Mr. Wonka, I’m just a boring and ordinary person who is worried and afraid.”
“You are not boring or ordinary as you may think,” he said. “In fact, I think you are far more than that.”
“Are you saying that just to flatter me?” She asked.
“No, I’m saying it because it’s the truth,” he smiled weakly at her. “You honored me by sharing something with me today. It takes a pretty unique and trusting person to find the courage to do that.” He took a deep breath. “I am wont to say that in comparison, I must seem rather naïve.”
“No, not naïve,” she lowered her head. “You’re just worried…and…afraid.” As the last word emerged, she inhaled sharply as the parallel between them washed over her. After several moments, she raised her head and saw that he was nodding.
“You know Charlie said the same thing to me several days ago and yet I did not feel too terribly inclined to believe him,” he said softly. “Thank you.”
“For what?” She asked.
“Your kindness. I do know that I am perhaps not deserving of it, but I do appreciate it,” he pulled his hand away and took a deep breath.
The young woman nodded, but this time did not make the attempt at reaching for his hand.
After several minutes, the silence started to feel as though it was suffocating her, and she spoke, her next words emerging as a sort of confession. “You know, when I first got here, I was afraid that you would be angry with me when you discovered that I was not Belinda.”
“I don’t think I could hurt anyone,” he said simply. “Right now, even if Belinda was standing in front of me, I could do nothing. I suppose I have come to realize that it’s simply not my way.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion. She began to pick at the blankets that covered her, the softness feeling rather like the finest silk in the world. “We do have one thing in common, though.”
“Being afraid?” Willy asked.
She nodded. “Yes, and although I believe you, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit scared. The truth is, I have never been so afraid in my life.”
“I did this to you,” he whispered as he reached for her hand and once he held it, he brought it slowly to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss.
She watched this and despite her unwillingness to feel anything towards him, she did, and the hint of a blush covered her cheeks. Before she could speak, Willy looked at her, his next words emerging. “Would you tell me why you came to the factory two days ago?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I guess I came by because I…I…I mean…”
“…Because you understood how I felt?” His question emerged.
She nodded. “After I left work, I was trying to get my thoughts straight about everything that was happening. I needed some time to think through all of these things. My boss sent me home because I was so frazzled by what Belinda was doing. I suppose my daily walks by the factory could have roused suspicions, but I just liked it because the scent of chocolate always made me feel relaxed. But, then when I got there, I s-saw all those balloons and wanted nothing more than to get rid of them before you saw them. That was the only thought that was going through my mind. I remembered what it felt like to have someone hunting me down like I was an…animal…”
She shook her head as the words faded. She could feel the tears as they streamed from beneath her eyes. After several moments had passed, she could feel herself breaking down, the emotions finally getting the better of her. She covered her face with her hands and allowed herself to weep bitterly.
Before Willy could say a word, she had somehow gotten some sort of control of her emotions. She took a deep and staggering breath before her wavering words once more emerged. “Y-you asked me about the dream I had earlier. I’ll tell you what I remember about it. I-I was in this strange place with countless halls and corridors and I couldn’t find my way out. It was like walking through a labyrinth and at each turn, it revealed another door that led into even more hallways. I suddenly felt like I was going in circles and was seeing no end in sight. I-I kept trying find a way out and wanting only to scream at how scary and alone I felt…” She wrapped her arms around herself. “T-then Neil’s voice filled my head, and I was standing alone in this corridor and it felt like his eyes were following every movement I made…”
Her voice trailed off and she took a gasping breath as she tried to continue speaking. “…I kept hearing his voice and the words followed me everywhere I went.”
“What did he say, Tamara?” Willy asked softly.
“He said, ‘you cannot get away from me, you will suffer for having left me alone… You will suffer.’ H-he was screaming that at me and I was so scared that I screamed as loud as I could because I wanted out…I just wanted out…”
Willy wordlessly got to his feet and sat down on the edge of the bed. He pulled her gently into his arms until she felt herself being shifted until she was resting in his embrace.
At that moment, he spoke, his words soft. “It’s alright to cry,” he whispered as he meshed his hands in her hair and held her gently against his chest, the softness of his vest once again touching one side of her face. His other hand was lightly stroking her cheek.
Instead of fighting against his comforting hold, she allowed herself to rest in his embrace, her body still trembling uncontrollably. Never in her life had she ever felt as comforted and safe in someone’s arms as she felt at that precise moment.
Now, contrary to the awkward circumstances in which they had become acquainted, Tamara was starting to feel as though she had found a friend who understood how she felt. Without thinking about what she was doing, she allowed her arms to wind slowly around him.