Day 13, 5:30
[After his fight with Wolfram here]
*Jerey doesn’t speak to him as they make their way outside, and he’s thankful for it. His head is just so full and his heart so heavy he feels like if he starts talking, he’ll explode. Without being asked, Jerey saddles up a horse and takes him out to the field behind the ball stadium Conrad had built. Once they’ve arrived and Jerey has helped him down, he stops Jerey from following him. After getting a promise to stay in sight at least, Jerey lets him wander out into the tall grass.*
*Once he’s found a spot he likes, he sits down, bare footed and still in his pajamas, and takes out the little baseball he rescued from his room. He concentrates on the feel of the object in his hand and breathes in deeply. If he tries hard enough, he can imagine that Conrad is standing, or maybe sitting, right across from him, ready as always to help him. Maybe they just finished playing catch, or are about to play. So it’s a good thing be remembered to bring to ball.*
*Whenever he’s needed to get his thoughts out and just talk to someone, he’s always turned to Conrad. Strong, solid, consistent, Conrad always listens quietly has he runs himself around in circles and then calmly reminds him of what he’s forgotten and suddenly things don’t seem so bad. Even though Conrad’s not here. He’s out there somewhere, captive, hurt or worse. But for the moment, he needs Conrad. And so he’ll pretend, if only for a moment, that he’s not quite so alone.*
Conrad.
Conrad, Wolfram and I are fighting again. I’m not evens sure why it happened! I was just worried about him, and then he turns on me! But Conrad, that’s not even the worst part right now.
Conrad, what am I supposed to do about this war? If Belal refuses to leave our shores, what am I going to do? Can we support a long, drawn out war? Will our people and allies stand for it? We’re protecting ourselves, and I will NOT allow us to invade the human lands. I don’t believe in war, Conrad. You know this. And it hurts that I have to not only allow this, but at least publicly support it.
I met you dad the other day, Conrad. Very...interesting man. He says that he’s back from the dead. I’m sure you’ll both have a lot of catching up to do. But he asked me a lot of things, things that I’d rather not think about. He’s very different, but I sense a goodness in him that reminds me of you. Cheri-san must be very happy to have him back, I think.
And...
*Oh fine. Why not? As long as he’s out here talking to Conrad even though Conrad isn’t here...* Conrad? I, I slept with Wolfram *he blushes and ducks his head almost apologetic and sheepish* twice. I know, I know, but it seemed like a good idea at the time! Besides, it doesn’t really seem like anything has changed between us. And yet, at the same time everything has.
Conrad, I’m so afraid for him. The thought of anything happening to him makes me feel sick. It was so much easier when I could just ignore his ‘expressions of his love’ and keep him as a good friend. And now, he’s so angry with me. I don’t regret it; if he tried to go after Greta on his own, he would have been killed. Or made into one more new hostage for Belal to hold over my head.
But he’s acting like I deliberately went and tried to, I don’t know what! He’s so confusing sometimes. *sighs* You all really spoiled him terribly. I don’t think he’s used to being told that there is something he can’t do. And he hates me for it. It, it makes me sad. Wolfram’s hate hurts. I know you know that. How come it seems like his is harder on us that anyone else’s?
What do you think I should do, Conrad? *But it’s silence that answers him.* Conrad? *he repeats, trying to give him imagination time to fill in the calm, reassuring words and gentle arm around his shoulders. But baseball is still in his hands and only the wind, tugging at his hair, answers.*
*Slowly he bows his head, and thinks perhaps, it’s raining.*
*Standing obediently at his post, Jerey watches with a feeling of helplessness as the Maou, their peaceful ruler with the gentle heart, begins to cry.*
*Jerey doesn’t speak to him as they make their way outside, and he’s thankful for it. His head is just so full and his heart so heavy he feels like if he starts talking, he’ll explode. Without being asked, Jerey saddles up a horse and takes him out to the field behind the ball stadium Conrad had built. Once they’ve arrived and Jerey has helped him down, he stops Jerey from following him. After getting a promise to stay in sight at least, Jerey lets him wander out into the tall grass.*
*Once he’s found a spot he likes, he sits down, bare footed and still in his pajamas, and takes out the little baseball he rescued from his room. He concentrates on the feel of the object in his hand and breathes in deeply. If he tries hard enough, he can imagine that Conrad is standing, or maybe sitting, right across from him, ready as always to help him. Maybe they just finished playing catch, or are about to play. So it’s a good thing be remembered to bring to ball.*
*Whenever he’s needed to get his thoughts out and just talk to someone, he’s always turned to Conrad. Strong, solid, consistent, Conrad always listens quietly has he runs himself around in circles and then calmly reminds him of what he’s forgotten and suddenly things don’t seem so bad. Even though Conrad’s not here. He’s out there somewhere, captive, hurt or worse. But for the moment, he needs Conrad. And so he’ll pretend, if only for a moment, that he’s not quite so alone.*
Conrad.
Conrad, Wolfram and I are fighting again. I’m not evens sure why it happened! I was just worried about him, and then he turns on me! But Conrad, that’s not even the worst part right now.
Conrad, what am I supposed to do about this war? If Belal refuses to leave our shores, what am I going to do? Can we support a long, drawn out war? Will our people and allies stand for it? We’re protecting ourselves, and I will NOT allow us to invade the human lands. I don’t believe in war, Conrad. You know this. And it hurts that I have to not only allow this, but at least publicly support it.
I met you dad the other day, Conrad. Very...interesting man. He says that he’s back from the dead. I’m sure you’ll both have a lot of catching up to do. But he asked me a lot of things, things that I’d rather not think about. He’s very different, but I sense a goodness in him that reminds me of you. Cheri-san must be very happy to have him back, I think.
And...
*Oh fine. Why not? As long as he’s out here talking to Conrad even though Conrad isn’t here...* Conrad? I, I slept with Wolfram *he blushes and ducks his head almost apologetic and sheepish* twice. I know, I know, but it seemed like a good idea at the time! Besides, it doesn’t really seem like anything has changed between us. And yet, at the same time everything has.
Conrad, I’m so afraid for him. The thought of anything happening to him makes me feel sick. It was so much easier when I could just ignore his ‘expressions of his love’ and keep him as a good friend. And now, he’s so angry with me. I don’t regret it; if he tried to go after Greta on his own, he would have been killed. Or made into one more new hostage for Belal to hold over my head.
But he’s acting like I deliberately went and tried to, I don’t know what! He’s so confusing sometimes. *sighs* You all really spoiled him terribly. I don’t think he’s used to being told that there is something he can’t do. And he hates me for it. It, it makes me sad. Wolfram’s hate hurts. I know you know that. How come it seems like his is harder on us that anyone else’s?
What do you think I should do, Conrad? *But it’s silence that answers him.* Conrad? *he repeats, trying to give him imagination time to fill in the calm, reassuring words and gentle arm around his shoulders. But baseball is still in his hands and only the wind, tugging at his hair, answers.*
*Slowly he bows his head, and thinks perhaps, it’s raining.*
*Standing obediently at his post, Jerey watches with a feeling of helplessness as the Maou, their peaceful ruler with the gentle heart, begins to cry.*