[April Fool's Fic Challenge] - Maneki Neko

[yuui_nyanko]

Here is my fic, for lieraantoinette
C:
hope you like it :D

I'm so totally nervous that I did it wrong.... I told my friend about this just after I accepted the prompt and she dared me to do it totally serious and without crack so like... yeah....

It turned out kinda gruesome, but I had fun C:

Here it is...

Title: Maneki Neko
Words: 3118
Characters:

Comments

[maijame]

I liked it, really like it, despite the disturbing ending!

Only one part, that made me a little uncomfortable:
"The Japanese, Fai had been quick to learn, were very unused to women being in any position of power. The general standing of a woman was to obey her father, her husband when she married and her sons when she gave birth. Any independent woman in Japan was as strange as a foreigner"

The Japanese are the only ones who have a SUNGODDESS and not a God, Amaterasu and the general standing of women was very high and they had influence on many things, even though men held the really high positions of power, it was general consent, that these men in turn where ruled by their women. Japanese women usually do the finances around the household and especially in Kurogane's case, he's grown up with powerful and independet women all around him. There is SOME truth to what you wrote, but Japan is not the middle east and women surely don't obey their sons. So I found this part somewhat aggravating.

The rest though, was brilliant! Suspense and the feeling of the inevitable crash and burn of the setup...very tragic, mysterious and very japanese with the double death as the only way to resolve everything (as I don't think Kurogane survives long with a crushed windpipe?)

[yuui_nyanko]

OH, god, yes how could I forget?! X__X goddamn... I feel very silly now;;; I think I was probably over-focused on kabuki and the demon split-narrative.... I won't remove that part just yet as I am not really up for thorough editing, but I will tweak it a little C:

Thank you for commenting C: you are very right, of course, and it was a huge oversight of mine. I just think that I was remembering all of the other kinds of stories I've read where women in power unnerved some people... x__x your words will stick with me and I will make sure to not make such an error in future :) And, of course, I'm very glad that you liked it despite my fail!

[maijame]

I know the feeling of being influenced by something you read, especially if there's more than one story, so don't beat yourself up about it. ^^°

It stood out so much, because you were otherwise really authentic (or at least I felt you were, I don't really know anything firsthand about Kabuki). But I'm glad you're planning to edit it some time.

*goes off to check out your new post*