There is an order to things
Title: There is an order to things
Pairings: N/A - Friendship
Group: NEWS, KAT-TUN
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst/ Comfort
Summary: "Jin didn’t understand it. But then again it isn’t always easily understood."
Note: This is staying unlocked, because I feel this piece is appropriate in my life right now.
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Jin didn’t understand it. But then again it isn’t always easily understood. Most of the time people deny the incident before they get angry at others or themselves then usually bargain with a high power offering up their own lives before a serious wave of depression washes over them concluding with accepting the fact that the person they once cared for is no longer with them.
For Akanishi Jin, he felt… strange. When he first heard the news he understood the circumstance. But it felt… surreal. Not in the way where Koyama had been denying the death of his best friend or the anger Yamapi felt for not being a good enough leader to guide his colleague in the right path. Tegoshi’s bargaining. Ryo-chan’s depression. Acceptance came too soon for Jin.
Akanishi was never close with Shige. To him, he and Shige worked for the same company and that was it. So when he stood there amongst his devastated best friends, holding them close providing them with a shoulder to cry on at the funeral service, he couldn’t cry. He felt like he should, but he just couldn’t. Incidentally he had to try and hide that awkward smile.
Yamapi had turned to him later on, in the car ride home from the Kato residence, asking why Jin hadn’t stood around stoically. Awkwardly. Not saying a word, only a drink in his hand, sipping it slowly.
His answer was, “I barely knew Kato-kun, what was I supposed to say?”
As days went by Jin found himself consistently in the company of Yamapi and Ryo-chan. Not that he minded but he was having a hard time trying to make them smile. He only got a small twitch from Yamapi. That was 3 days ago.
All Yamapi, sitting on Jin’s couch beer in hand and idly watching old NEWS concerts, would talk about was how much Shige meant to him, all the good aspects. Like the boy never had a fault in his life. Even Ryo-chan kept complimenting the late Shige to the point where his anguished filled voice melded into dry sobs. He wished he had told Shige all those things while he was around.
It was heartbreaking to watch two strong people become so fragile in the matter of moments.
It had been a week after the funeral and press conference regarding what will become of NEWS. During that time Jin tried to formulate a memory. Any memory what so ever of Shige. All Jin could see was the boy’s face as he was only days ago. Cold, rubbery, pale skin with bluish lips. They had cleaned up his face, and covering up the gashes of skin missing with gauze. But what was the use. He wouldn’t know. He wouldn’t appreciate. He’d never smile and thank them for taking care of him.
Then there was a flash of something before Jin’s eyes as he stared coldly at the TV as they ran a memorial special on Shonen Club. It was that smile that Kato flashed him once. So full of life, promise. It was the start of his, what he knew, a long career as an idol.
Summary 2004. Kame made Jin watch it with him, Nakamaru and Massu. Kame said he wanted to remember the better times. The room had been silent as they watched. They were able to laugh when they remember how young and inexperienced they were. How Ueda was already starting to look like a girl with his long dyed hair. How little had changed between the two groups. But so much had changed. As Jin watched himself he caught glimpse of Shige. Awkward and unsure as ever. He was completely unprofessional. That wasn’t him anymore. Would never be him. He’d never run into him in the hallways, which they once walked in, going opposite directions. Never have to whine to Yamapi about spending too much time with Shige and not enough with him.
It hit him all at once. Kato Shigeaki the boy he saw on TV. Plastered over the news. He was real. Jin actually stood beside him once upon a time, smiling, singing, celebrating. He knew that boy that everyone cried over. He wasn’t just a passing figure in a dream. He had been real.
His chest clenched, pain and realization searing through his veins. His body suddenly becoming heavy. Why didn’t he ever give Shige an extra moment? Why didn’t he ever learn what was so special about the boy Ryo-chan and Yamapi spoke so kindly of? Maybe he could have understood why it was said that he was such a genius, why he was so prone to being teased, why everyone loved him so much. It was too late. Much too late.
Kame looked up at him from his seat on the floor, rubbing tears out of his own eyes only to notice he was not alone. They poured down Jin’s face quickly as the boy gripped his shirt with one hand, the other holding for dear life onto this leather sofa while his socked feet curled against the rug. Kame smiled up at this friend, placing a hand on his knee and shaking his leg lightly before resting his head on it.
“Bakanishi! It took you long enough.”
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