:｡･:*:･ﾟ'☆
Every now and then, I open the door and poke my nose into pagan communities. Just kind of looking around, you know how it is. But after five minutes or so, I find myself scrambling back out and shutting the door.
There's some weird stuff out there, man. And it's kind of - I often end up feeling simultaneously too serious about it, and nowhere serious enough. Like, the way I conduct myself with regard to this tends to be with sober restraint - very "serious" in bearing. But some of the people out there... they're very serious, if you know what I mean. And I find myself wanting to back away slowly, while at the same time wishing I could bring myself to be so passionate.
(Also, apparently male witches are controversial. I did not know this, though I guess I should have expected it. I'm sure you all can guess how I feel about that.)
...Anyway.
I haven't been able to bring myself to do a reading since April. But I'm feeling pretty good now. So... maybe it's time to do one now.
One card. Pacific Rim deck. I decided to go with this one instead of the Rider-Waite because the latter feels too... serious. I'm not ready to touch it yet.
While it's on my mind, I'm thinking that maybe I should make a note to get a proper box for this deck. Right now, it's just in the postal box that was used to mail it. ...On the other hand, most ~fancy~ deck boxes only have room for the deck and a few tiny extras, whereas the postal box is wide enough to fit the deck and the book and some other little things. And it's nice and sturdy, even though it's cardboard, and it has a secure closure -- Maybe I should just decorate this box? Heh.
Card: Seven of Pentacles, "Failure". PFFF--- well, that's, uh. Not reassuring on first glance.
Like previously, since this deck is based on the Thoth deck, which I don't know very well, and since it's kind of doing its own... PacRim-y-thing, I'm mainly going to go by what the book describes, rather than traditional card meanings.
...Right, so it's fear of Failure that this card represents, rather than Failure itself/in general. Fear of success, too, perhaps. All right, that's far less worrisome than I would have expected. Generally, the idea is that fear of failure prevents one reaching one's goals, and that an extra push is required in order to overcome that fear. Pretty simple.
It's definitely an issue that I understand. I think a lot of people feel that way - fearing a lack of success, or the embarrassment of trying something and then screwing it up. For me, it's something I was raised with, unfortunately - I've been told multiple times that if you can't do something well the first time, then you shouldn't bother doing it at all. The surface idea of that seems to be that it will save one from wasting one's time and effort, but when I probe underneath, I think that what it actually means is that failing to do something not only sufficiently but excellently will just bring embarrassment and shame, not only to oneself, but to one's whole family. Which is a really dramatic way of looking at things, and it isn't a productive outlook at all, but... some people in my family are very, er, like that.
This is an attitude that I'm trying to shake, because like I said, it isn't a good way to look at things. It holds one back - not only from major steps, but even from things like, oh, starting a new hobby, or learning to do something new. It's better to put aside one's fears and push forward, otherwise it's hard to get anywhere.
It won't be easy, but nothing is. I'm going to try harder.
This entry was originally posted at http://yuuago.dreamwidth.org/3496373.html. You can comment here or at the original entry.
There's some weird stuff out there, man. And it's kind of - I often end up feeling simultaneously too serious about it, and nowhere serious enough. Like, the way I conduct myself with regard to this tends to be with sober restraint - very "serious" in bearing. But some of the people out there... they're very serious, if you know what I mean. And I find myself wanting to back away slowly, while at the same time wishing I could bring myself to be so passionate.
(Also, apparently male witches are controversial. I did not know this, though I guess I should have expected it. I'm sure you all can guess how I feel about that.)
...Anyway.
I haven't been able to bring myself to do a reading since April. But I'm feeling pretty good now. So... maybe it's time to do one now.
One card. Pacific Rim deck. I decided to go with this one instead of the Rider-Waite because the latter feels too... serious. I'm not ready to touch it yet.
While it's on my mind, I'm thinking that maybe I should make a note to get a proper box for this deck. Right now, it's just in the postal box that was used to mail it. ...On the other hand, most ~fancy~ deck boxes only have room for the deck and a few tiny extras, whereas the postal box is wide enough to fit the deck and the book and some other little things. And it's nice and sturdy, even though it's cardboard, and it has a secure closure -- Maybe I should just decorate this box? Heh.
Card: Seven of Pentacles, "Failure". PFFF--- well, that's, uh. Not reassuring on first glance.
Like previously, since this deck is based on the Thoth deck, which I don't know very well, and since it's kind of doing its own... PacRim-y-thing, I'm mainly going to go by what the book describes, rather than traditional card meanings.
...Right, so it's fear of Failure that this card represents, rather than Failure itself/in general. Fear of success, too, perhaps. All right, that's far less worrisome than I would have expected. Generally, the idea is that fear of failure prevents one reaching one's goals, and that an extra push is required in order to overcome that fear. Pretty simple.
It's definitely an issue that I understand. I think a lot of people feel that way - fearing a lack of success, or the embarrassment of trying something and then screwing it up. For me, it's something I was raised with, unfortunately - I've been told multiple times that if you can't do something well the first time, then you shouldn't bother doing it at all. The surface idea of that seems to be that it will save one from wasting one's time and effort, but when I probe underneath, I think that what it actually means is that failing to do something not only sufficiently but excellently will just bring embarrassment and shame, not only to oneself, but to one's whole family. Which is a really dramatic way of looking at things, and it isn't a productive outlook at all, but... some people in my family are very, er, like that.
This is an attitude that I'm trying to shake, because like I said, it isn't a good way to look at things. It holds one back - not only from major steps, but even from things like, oh, starting a new hobby, or learning to do something new. It's better to put aside one's fears and push forward, otherwise it's hard to get anywhere.
It won't be easy, but nothing is. I'm going to try harder.
This entry was originally posted at http://yuuago.dreamwidth.org/3496373.html. You can comment here or at the original entry.