Moving right along...
I think I had a panic attack about an hour or two ago. At least, I think it might have been. And I'm not sure it stopped. I might still be having it.
I'm going to try to write out what caused it and why it caused it as a way of making sense of things. Maybe that'll help.
I was watching one of those "feel good" videos that pop up. It was a series of clips taken from some kind of Russian road cam showing people doing random acts of kindness. Most of it was things like people stopping their cars to let cats cross the street, and people stopping to help tow out cars that had got stuck in snowbanks, and people getting out of their cars to help little old grannies through crosswalks that weren't marked by traffic lights (there were a lot of these).
But there was one clip that kind of grabbed me and kind of filled me with all these feelings of panic and fear and anxiety. A person using crutches had been crossing the road and they had fallen down. There were cars going past them on the side next to them, and then on the side next to the lane that they were in. In the clip the car is approaching them in the lane that they're in, and they're trying to get up off the road but they can't. Then the car stops and the driver gets out to help them stand up, and then they help them across the road.
I guess it makes sense that I would find this clip terrifying, because unlike the other ones in the video, the person in this situation is in very real danger. It's a really scary situation to be in. People aren't supposed to fall down in the middle of the road, and then to not be able to get up when there are cars coming is fucking terrifying.
I guess I've also been extra sensitive lately when it comes to pretty much anything involving people who are already injured getting put in dangerous situations. Especially if they're on crutches. It's because of my mum - she still has to use crutches to move around and every time she goes somewhere or even steps outside I'm terrified that she'll get hurt again.
It's reasonable to be disturbed by things that are disturbing, and frightened by things that are frightening, but I don't like that seeing something like that can have such an intense effect on me, especially when the result is good (The person received help, they were okay, nothing bad happened to them). It really frustrates me and makes me feel like I need to be extremely careful about what I watch, because clearly even feel-good videos of people helping each other can send me into a panic attack. This is ridiculous.
...Okay, now I think I'm definitely past the "panic attack" stage and am into the "frustrated at myself and my mental illness" stage, haha. That's good. I'd rather be frustrated and angry than hyperventilating and anxious.
I'm going to try to write out what caused it and why it caused it as a way of making sense of things. Maybe that'll help.
I was watching one of those "feel good" videos that pop up. It was a series of clips taken from some kind of Russian road cam showing people doing random acts of kindness. Most of it was things like people stopping their cars to let cats cross the street, and people stopping to help tow out cars that had got stuck in snowbanks, and people getting out of their cars to help little old grannies through crosswalks that weren't marked by traffic lights (there were a lot of these).
But there was one clip that kind of grabbed me and kind of filled me with all these feelings of panic and fear and anxiety. A person using crutches had been crossing the road and they had fallen down. There were cars going past them on the side next to them, and then on the side next to the lane that they were in. In the clip the car is approaching them in the lane that they're in, and they're trying to get up off the road but they can't. Then the car stops and the driver gets out to help them stand up, and then they help them across the road.
I guess it makes sense that I would find this clip terrifying, because unlike the other ones in the video, the person in this situation is in very real danger. It's a really scary situation to be in. People aren't supposed to fall down in the middle of the road, and then to not be able to get up when there are cars coming is fucking terrifying.
I guess I've also been extra sensitive lately when it comes to pretty much anything involving people who are already injured getting put in dangerous situations. Especially if they're on crutches. It's because of my mum - she still has to use crutches to move around and every time she goes somewhere or even steps outside I'm terrified that she'll get hurt again.
It's reasonable to be disturbed by things that are disturbing, and frightened by things that are frightening, but I don't like that seeing something like that can have such an intense effect on me, especially when the result is good (The person received help, they were okay, nothing bad happened to them). It really frustrates me and makes me feel like I need to be extremely careful about what I watch, because clearly even feel-good videos of people helping each other can send me into a panic attack. This is ridiculous.
...Okay, now I think I'm definitely past the "panic attack" stage and am into the "frustrated at myself and my mental illness" stage, haha. That's good. I'd rather be frustrated and angry than hyperventilating and anxious.