What's a journal for if not for pouring out your feelings?
Blah blah blah, my life is still boring as shit, news at 11. I came here intending to say something interesting and...I've got nothing. For the most part, I've given up on looking for a job, mostly because none of these cocksuckers will hire me. At the moment I help my mom clean a building in town three times a week. My aunt originally helped but the strain of physical labor took its toll and she's had to quit for a few months. She even considered giving us the contract entirely but she needs Christmas money. I don't blame her for not letting it go, it's a decent gig.
Anyway, Mom has said she'd give me some money out of this, since I've been helping, and then when my aunt returns, Mom is going to give me the job entirely. Which is about $400 a month. Which hurts my heart because I could have been making so much more than that at, say, Target but such is life. Any little bit helps towards MY ULTIMATE GOAL OF SEEING L'ARC~EN~CIEL which my mother won't even talk to me about but that's...something we won't get into.
And with me doing this little job, I can could easily back to school next semester - oh God - okay, just...just let me tell you a secret. Part of me is still not okay with going to USM. Just a little teensy tiny part that still clings to the Ole Miss dream. A part of me I've got to let go because some nights - and this is really bad - I will go to the website and just...look through class lists and upcoming events. I Internet stalk Ole Miss. That's just sad, y'all. Although I had an awful experience with the entire thing (no financial aid, being depressed, mother flipping the everliving fuck out on me and scaring me shitless) I still view it as this magical dream that I was once a part of. It's something I can't even conceive of. I was there once. It happened. What do I even do?
Disabling comments because I just wanted someplace to put down everything that was swirling in my head. Or something.
Anyway, Mom has said she'd give me some money out of this, since I've been helping, and then when my aunt returns, Mom is going to give me the job entirely. Which is about $400 a month. Which hurts my heart because I could have been making so much more than that at, say, Target but such is life. Any little bit helps towards MY ULTIMATE GOAL OF SEEING L'ARC~EN~CIEL which my mother won't even talk to me about but that's...something we won't get into.
And with me doing this little job, I can could easily back to school next semester - oh God - okay, just...just let me tell you a secret. Part of me is still not okay with going to USM. Just a little teensy tiny part that still clings to the Ole Miss dream. A part of me I've got to let go because some nights - and this is really bad - I will go to the website and just...look through class lists and upcoming events. I Internet stalk Ole Miss. That's just sad, y'all. Although I had an awful experience with the entire thing (no financial aid, being depressed, mother flipping the everliving fuck out on me and scaring me shitless) I still view it as this magical dream that I was once a part of. It's something I can't even conceive of. I was there once. It happened. What do I even do?
Disabling comments because I just wanted someplace to put down everything that was swirling in my head. Or something.