(no subject)
So, adventures in eating healthy....
I do not hate vegetables. I however, am not very good about eating them because I love meat, cheese, and carbs SO MUCH MORE. BUT, I am fat, and I don't want to be fat, and I want to be a lean mean lesbian machine. Rowr. So, in addition to exercising every other day (with occasional two days off because my muscles go "that is ENOUGH right now..." and then I come back BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!) I have decided I need to stop eating like shit.
Which is hard you guys, because I fuckin' love pizza and fast food and ice cream and Indian dishes that are 60% cream and cashews.
BUT. It has been fun because I've been discovering new things I love. For instance, I bought a red bell pepper. WTF? It's like CANDY. But filled with fiber! I dunno who kept this a secret from me, but shame on you.
It has also caused me to trek on the greatest of adventures yet. As I said, I love ice cream. Which is awful for you. I have not had any in weeks, and we haven't bought any in quite a while. But damnit, I want something to fill that void. Smoothies are winning because it's milkshake like AND I can have it for a meal. But how can I make them EVEN HEALTHIER?
Add vegetables.
Awesome. carrots in. Done. Not bad. But how to get those green ones in? Those are always the tricky ones...
So, I present to you an adventure. An adventure involving spinach and chocolate. Oh yeah. We're going there.
Now, I trusted the internet and looked up chocolate spinach, and there are in fact quite a few recipes for this thing. I used this one in particular. I followed it pretty closely, except for a few things I will mention.
I faithfully went to the stores, both grocery and the health food store and carefully picked out what I needed. And finally all the things had been arranged. And the belly wanted food. It was now time.
I set out picking apart the bunch of spinach, a task I hate because bunches of spinach come with half the earth on the farm embedded in them. I picked the leaves off the bunches, ocasionally throwing the half spoiled leaves to the dog so he could fart serenades to hsavinien when he lies under her desk chair (revenge for him liking her more than me.)
I put a generous handful in the blender. The recipe said go easy if this was your first time, but hey, I'm brave, I'm mighty, I'm a god damn warrior who will try all the vegetables, I've even made cauliflower taste good now thanks to the internet. So I can do better than a measly handful. A GOOD handful, that's the ticket. I add the cup of water, and then break open the whey protein powder. I've never had this stuff before, but am slightly comforted by the fact that it smells like the milk powder we used to feed the calves to replace their mother's milk, which smells AMAZING. I was jealous of those stupid cows, I wanted to drink that stuff. But I digress.
After the scoop of protein powder, I put the cocoa, and added the stevia. 5-8 drops. Oh hell, let's round it off to ten. It's my first time. Stevia, for the uninformed, is a plant based sweetener that is made out of unicorn pee. That is to say, it's magical because it's 300 times sweeter than sugar so you can use much less, and it has lower caloric content. Also, it's bitter if you use too much. So. Unicorn urine. I add it.
The recipe calls for frozen banana at this point, but I absolutely loathe banana in anything but its original form. So that was immediately vetoed.
Then I add the ice cubes and begin to blend. I'm vaguely worried as swamp guck begins to form on the bottom layer and the rest of it sits on top, but then I remember I have a 20 dollar blender, and it needs help. So I stir it up, and once the cocoa gets in there, I'm feeling warily optimistic. It kinda smells chocolaty. It looks like a color that could have come from a bowel movement (though, if your poo is the color of this thing, you should probably go get it checked out if it lasts for more than a couple of days. It's a bit off,) but it smells chocolaty....
Finally the ice cubes stop clattering around in there. It is done. Hmn. Ok. Now the moment of truth. Does this chocolate swamp taste like an edible thing, or is it going to taste like .... well what it looks like.
I scoop some into my spoon... I put the spoon in my mouth....
....
I wish at this point I could exclaim that it either tastes like god damn magical unicorn shit, that is, brownies and fudge and sprinkles, or that I thought I was going to die. But it's nothing so exciting. It tastes like you would expect. A kinda healthy chocolate drink.
You cannot really taste the spinach, at least I can't. I taste chocolate. Which is cool. But it's not like ice cream chocolate, or even milk chocolate. It's very much "this tastes very much like cocoa powder." I added a bit more stevia to sweeten it up just a little, figuring the banana would have added more sweet, and it added a bit of sweetness, but short of dumping enough to make it bitter, it's going to stay a not very sweet drink. So, you're probably not going to be able to get kids to suck this down and believe it's ice cream they can have for breakfast. However, it ain't bad. If you like dark chocolate the best, I imagine you'll probably find this pretty good. Right now, my tastebuds still love sweet stuff so they aren't fooled. I could see them getting over that in time though!
I am going to experiment further on this one, to see what other veggies or fruit I can sneak in while keeping the basic taste there. I'm hoping I might luck out and find a fruit of veggie that will add the sweetness I'd like, but as for now, this will be repeated. Not bad internet, not bad.
I do not hate vegetables. I however, am not very good about eating them because I love meat, cheese, and carbs SO MUCH MORE. BUT, I am fat, and I don't want to be fat, and I want to be a lean mean lesbian machine. Rowr. So, in addition to exercising every other day (with occasional two days off because my muscles go "that is ENOUGH right now..." and then I come back BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!) I have decided I need to stop eating like shit.
Which is hard you guys, because I fuckin' love pizza and fast food and ice cream and Indian dishes that are 60% cream and cashews.
BUT. It has been fun because I've been discovering new things I love. For instance, I bought a red bell pepper. WTF? It's like CANDY. But filled with fiber! I dunno who kept this a secret from me, but shame on you.
It has also caused me to trek on the greatest of adventures yet. As I said, I love ice cream. Which is awful for you. I have not had any in weeks, and we haven't bought any in quite a while. But damnit, I want something to fill that void. Smoothies are winning because it's milkshake like AND I can have it for a meal. But how can I make them EVEN HEALTHIER?
Add vegetables.
Awesome. carrots in. Done. Not bad. But how to get those green ones in? Those are always the tricky ones...
So, I present to you an adventure. An adventure involving spinach and chocolate. Oh yeah. We're going there.
Now, I trusted the internet and looked up chocolate spinach, and there are in fact quite a few recipes for this thing. I used this one in particular. I followed it pretty closely, except for a few things I will mention.
I faithfully went to the stores, both grocery and the health food store and carefully picked out what I needed. And finally all the things had been arranged. And the belly wanted food. It was now time.
I set out picking apart the bunch of spinach, a task I hate because bunches of spinach come with half the earth on the farm embedded in them. I picked the leaves off the bunches, ocasionally throwing the half spoiled leaves to the dog so he could fart serenades to hsavinien when he lies under her desk chair (revenge for him liking her more than me.)
I put a generous handful in the blender. The recipe said go easy if this was your first time, but hey, I'm brave, I'm mighty, I'm a god damn warrior who will try all the vegetables, I've even made cauliflower taste good now thanks to the internet. So I can do better than a measly handful. A GOOD handful, that's the ticket. I add the cup of water, and then break open the whey protein powder. I've never had this stuff before, but am slightly comforted by the fact that it smells like the milk powder we used to feed the calves to replace their mother's milk, which smells AMAZING. I was jealous of those stupid cows, I wanted to drink that stuff. But I digress.
After the scoop of protein powder, I put the cocoa, and added the stevia. 5-8 drops. Oh hell, let's round it off to ten. It's my first time. Stevia, for the uninformed, is a plant based sweetener that is made out of unicorn pee. That is to say, it's magical because it's 300 times sweeter than sugar so you can use much less, and it has lower caloric content. Also, it's bitter if you use too much. So. Unicorn urine. I add it.
The recipe calls for frozen banana at this point, but I absolutely loathe banana in anything but its original form. So that was immediately vetoed.
Then I add the ice cubes and begin to blend. I'm vaguely worried as swamp guck begins to form on the bottom layer and the rest of it sits on top, but then I remember I have a 20 dollar blender, and it needs help. So I stir it up, and once the cocoa gets in there, I'm feeling warily optimistic. It kinda smells chocolaty. It looks like a color that could have come from a bowel movement (though, if your poo is the color of this thing, you should probably go get it checked out if it lasts for more than a couple of days. It's a bit off,) but it smells chocolaty....
Finally the ice cubes stop clattering around in there. It is done. Hmn. Ok. Now the moment of truth. Does this chocolate swamp taste like an edible thing, or is it going to taste like .... well what it looks like.
I scoop some into my spoon... I put the spoon in my mouth....
....
I wish at this point I could exclaim that it either tastes like god damn magical unicorn shit, that is, brownies and fudge and sprinkles, or that I thought I was going to die. But it's nothing so exciting. It tastes like you would expect. A kinda healthy chocolate drink.
You cannot really taste the spinach, at least I can't. I taste chocolate. Which is cool. But it's not like ice cream chocolate, or even milk chocolate. It's very much "this tastes very much like cocoa powder." I added a bit more stevia to sweeten it up just a little, figuring the banana would have added more sweet, and it added a bit of sweetness, but short of dumping enough to make it bitter, it's going to stay a not very sweet drink. So, you're probably not going to be able to get kids to suck this down and believe it's ice cream they can have for breakfast. However, it ain't bad. If you like dark chocolate the best, I imagine you'll probably find this pretty good. Right now, my tastebuds still love sweet stuff so they aren't fooled. I could see them getting over that in time though!
I am going to experiment further on this one, to see what other veggies or fruit I can sneak in while keeping the basic taste there. I'm hoping I might luck out and find a fruit of veggie that will add the sweetness I'd like, but as for now, this will be repeated. Not bad internet, not bad.