FIC: A Matter of Faith [Firefly]
Title: A Matter of Faith
Author: atraphoenix
Fandom: Firefly
Pairing: Kaylee/River
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: N/A
Prompt: Taking Apart/Deliverance
Summary: “I have faith in you, even when you don’t have it in me.”
Kaylee sat in her cabin in what was near-total darkness, her knees drawn up to her chest and the leaden sensation of guilt sitting heavily in the pit of her stomach. Today had passed like a storm. It had torn through Serenity, and now they were all sitting alone, trying to work out how to deal with the devastation.
To Kaylee’s surprise (and confusion), it wasn’t the threats that Jubal Early had made which were weighing on her mind. It wasn’t even the look on Simon’s face when she’d finally confessed what she’d seen River do on the SkyPlex.
It was the look on River’s face. She hadn’t been angry, not as far as Kaylee had been able to see, but she looked so terribly sad that the mechanic had half-wished she had been furious.
Which was why Kaylee was now sitting in the shadows, telling herself over and over again that she’d done the right thing. She’d thought about the way River had gunned down those men a thousand times since it had happened, but, somehow, saying the words aloud made it seem so much more real. Her movements had been brutal or monstrous. They’d been impassive and fluid, quick, clean, matter-of-fact deaths. She’d shot those men as easily as she’d stolen Kaylee’s apple, and with the same look of innocent determination in her eyes.
As she was remembering this - yet again - there was a soft click of someone pushed the hatch to her room. For one terrible moment a wave of cold fear swept over Kaylee, but then the new arrival switched on the lights, and she saw that it was only River.
A nasty voice in the back of her mind reminded her that River was more dangerous that Early could ever hope to be, but Kaylee ignored it.
“Hey, River,” she said, her smile wide but her voice somewhat strained. “Couldn’t sleep?”
“I don’t need sleep,” River replied, sitting down on the bunk beside Kaylee, her legs, dwarfed as usual in her colossal boots, swinging aimlessly off the edge. The nasty inner voice was somewhat mollified by this behaviour. River Tam, with her wild hair and overly large clothing, was a lot of things, but she didn’t look much like a monster.
“I tried to fix the Shepherd’s Bible,” River informed her, before Kaylee had thought of some appropriate small talk, “It didn’t make any sense, so I took it to pieces and put it back together again. I thought I could make it better. It seemed so simple. But he told me that the Bible couldn’t be fixed. He said that it didn’t have to make sense, because it was all about faith. He said faith fixes you…”
She paused, looking up at Kaylee from beneath her lashes, and the usually cheerful mechanic stared back in sombre silence as she attempted to predict where the conversation was heading, with little success.
“I have faith,” River continued. “Not in the Bible…I have faith in Simon, and Mal, and Inara, and the Shepherd. I even have faith in you, even when you don’t have it in me...”
Another pause, longer this time, which was followed by a tearful sob from River.
“Why hasn’t it fixed me yet?”
Kaylee stared. It was as if the veil which had been half-concealing River since her arrival had finally slipped away. She’d been damaged, yes, they all knew that, but they had wanted to know exactly how deep her scars ran. Even Simon hadn’t dared look too closely, in case he saw something he wouldn’t be able to make himself forget.
Gazing in mute horror at the teenager, Kaylee didn’t know if she should feel privileged, or frightened, to have seen so much. River was sitting beside her, shaking with half-suppressed sobs, and Kaylee reached out instinctively, placing a hand on the teenager’s shoulder as if she could somehow draw all the pain away through her fingertips.
She wanted to say something kind and comforting, but for once the words wouldn’t come. There was nothing she could tell River that would be remotely adequate.
So, in the absence of words, she leaned clumsily closer, their lips bumping together like moths over a candle flame.
For a full second the whole world seemed to have frozen. River looked up at Kaylee, who was trying to slide away, with an unmistakable expression of guilt and disbelief at her own actions splashed across her face.
But then, to Kaylee’s utter astonishment, River moved. Not to run away, as Kaylee was expecting, but to pin her down to the bunk.
Once again, in the space of only a few minutes, Kaylee found that words failed her.
This time, however, she didn’t really mind.
“No power in the ‘verse can stop me,” River muttered, her lips moved along Kaylee’s collarbones and hands slipping beneath the grubby folds of her overalls. A soft moan escaped Kaylee’s lips, and she decided it was better not to ask why River would say that.
***
In many ways, Kaylee reflected, their relationship was a lot like River’s fruitless attempts to mend the Bible. In the quiet confines of her cabin, or the warm depths of the engine room, they took each other to pieces and then, with infinite care, tried to put the other back together again.
They’d had little success so far, but they were persevering. They also didn’t know what they were endeavouring to build, but Kaylee trusted that whatever River produced would be right thing. In fact, the trust they had in each other - born in friendship and strengthened by love - was growing every day, and that was what really mattered, not the end result.
Really, it was all just a matter of faith.
Author: atraphoenix
Fandom: Firefly
Pairing: Kaylee/River
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: N/A
Prompt: Taking Apart/Deliverance
Summary: “I have faith in you, even when you don’t have it in me.”
Kaylee sat in her cabin in what was near-total darkness, her knees drawn up to her chest and the leaden sensation of guilt sitting heavily in the pit of her stomach. Today had passed like a storm. It had torn through Serenity, and now they were all sitting alone, trying to work out how to deal with the devastation.
To Kaylee’s surprise (and confusion), it wasn’t the threats that Jubal Early had made which were weighing on her mind. It wasn’t even the look on Simon’s face when she’d finally confessed what she’d seen River do on the SkyPlex.
It was the look on River’s face. She hadn’t been angry, not as far as Kaylee had been able to see, but she looked so terribly sad that the mechanic had half-wished she had been furious.
Which was why Kaylee was now sitting in the shadows, telling herself over and over again that she’d done the right thing. She’d thought about the way River had gunned down those men a thousand times since it had happened, but, somehow, saying the words aloud made it seem so much more real. Her movements had been brutal or monstrous. They’d been impassive and fluid, quick, clean, matter-of-fact deaths. She’d shot those men as easily as she’d stolen Kaylee’s apple, and with the same look of innocent determination in her eyes.
As she was remembering this - yet again - there was a soft click of someone pushed the hatch to her room. For one terrible moment a wave of cold fear swept over Kaylee, but then the new arrival switched on the lights, and she saw that it was only River.
A nasty voice in the back of her mind reminded her that River was more dangerous that Early could ever hope to be, but Kaylee ignored it.
“Hey, River,” she said, her smile wide but her voice somewhat strained. “Couldn’t sleep?”
“I don’t need sleep,” River replied, sitting down on the bunk beside Kaylee, her legs, dwarfed as usual in her colossal boots, swinging aimlessly off the edge. The nasty inner voice was somewhat mollified by this behaviour. River Tam, with her wild hair and overly large clothing, was a lot of things, but she didn’t look much like a monster.
“I tried to fix the Shepherd’s Bible,” River informed her, before Kaylee had thought of some appropriate small talk, “It didn’t make any sense, so I took it to pieces and put it back together again. I thought I could make it better. It seemed so simple. But he told me that the Bible couldn’t be fixed. He said that it didn’t have to make sense, because it was all about faith. He said faith fixes you…”
She paused, looking up at Kaylee from beneath her lashes, and the usually cheerful mechanic stared back in sombre silence as she attempted to predict where the conversation was heading, with little success.
“I have faith,” River continued. “Not in the Bible…I have faith in Simon, and Mal, and Inara, and the Shepherd. I even have faith in you, even when you don’t have it in me...”
Another pause, longer this time, which was followed by a tearful sob from River.
“Why hasn’t it fixed me yet?”
Kaylee stared. It was as if the veil which had been half-concealing River since her arrival had finally slipped away. She’d been damaged, yes, they all knew that, but they had wanted to know exactly how deep her scars ran. Even Simon hadn’t dared look too closely, in case he saw something he wouldn’t be able to make himself forget.
Gazing in mute horror at the teenager, Kaylee didn’t know if she should feel privileged, or frightened, to have seen so much. River was sitting beside her, shaking with half-suppressed sobs, and Kaylee reached out instinctively, placing a hand on the teenager’s shoulder as if she could somehow draw all the pain away through her fingertips.
She wanted to say something kind and comforting, but for once the words wouldn’t come. There was nothing she could tell River that would be remotely adequate.
So, in the absence of words, she leaned clumsily closer, their lips bumping together like moths over a candle flame.
For a full second the whole world seemed to have frozen. River looked up at Kaylee, who was trying to slide away, with an unmistakable expression of guilt and disbelief at her own actions splashed across her face.
But then, to Kaylee’s utter astonishment, River moved. Not to run away, as Kaylee was expecting, but to pin her down to the bunk.
Once again, in the space of only a few minutes, Kaylee found that words failed her.
This time, however, she didn’t really mind.
“No power in the ‘verse can stop me,” River muttered, her lips moved along Kaylee’s collarbones and hands slipping beneath the grubby folds of her overalls. A soft moan escaped Kaylee’s lips, and she decided it was better not to ask why River would say that.
***
In many ways, Kaylee reflected, their relationship was a lot like River’s fruitless attempts to mend the Bible. In the quiet confines of her cabin, or the warm depths of the engine room, they took each other to pieces and then, with infinite care, tried to put the other back together again.
They’d had little success so far, but they were persevering. They also didn’t know what they were endeavouring to build, but Kaylee trusted that whatever River produced would be right thing. In fact, the trust they had in each other - born in friendship and strengthened by love - was growing every day, and that was what really mattered, not the end result.
Really, it was all just a matter of faith.