Noir: Chloe/Kirika: "One Identity"

[star_of_heaven]

Title: One Identity
Author: Star of Heaven
Fandom: Noir
Pairing: Chloe/Kirika
Rating: PG
Request: #14 - Great Possessing/Great Possession
Summary: Kirika has one identity, and Chloe makes her doubt it.

Comments

[dauthik]

Oh, that was pretty, especially the last two lines. I also like the hints of Mireille/Kirika sprinkled throughout. The scene mentioned makes me want to rewatch Noir again. (I don't remember the part about giving the ID card back...) Nice job!

[star_of_heaven]

Thank you! Chloe/Kirika is a pairing that intrigues me greatly (the two of them have such interesting dynamics!), but as Mireille/Kirika is my favorite pairing, it deserves a few hints. Also, Mireille gave Kirika back the ID card at the end of the episode, saying something like "You forgot this." It was a very touching scene.

[musedmoose]

I really liked that. while I never really thought that Kirika returned Chloe's feelings, not from what I saw in the series, you really made me believe that it could happen - that, as she came closer to the truth, Kirika could develop those feelings for Chloe. nicely done.

I do have a bit of what I hope is constructive criticism, though. you do a great deal of telling about things, mostly with Kirika's feelings, instead of showing them. I think the story would be a lot richer if you could really get into Kirika's head and help the reader get a sense of what she's feeling, rather than just saying how she feels. I hope that makes sense.

[star_of_heaven]

Advice is good! Don't apologize for it. I had noticed that thing about Kirika's thoughts, but I was aiming for something short and simple rather than a tense psychological workout. But I'll keep your words in mind for future stories. Thanks!