eighth.
Title: All the pieces
Fandom: Super Junior
Pairing: Kibum x Sungmin
Rating: PG-13
Words: 2 974
Chapter: 3/3
A/N: I'M REALLY REALLY SORRY FOR LATE UPDATE TT_TT I worked on it and it was ready at wensday, I finished it in the middle of the night, but then my internet became selfish and went to sleep. The next day I was re-reading the last part, looking for some mistakes and guess what? I decided the ending is stupid and I changed it completely. Hope, You'll like it, though. anyway, my internet started working only now, after a hell I gave to that little man in the office~~ sooo, REALLY REALLY SORRY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME *hides* *gets shot anyway*
Kibum realized that Sungmin was extremely quiet lately. During practice the only sign that he was there was when he occasionally sung along with the tape, louder than the recorded voice did. Also it was hard not to notice the figure in the back wearing pink and black. Right, not white and pink, not yellow and pink but pink and black. That was quite a change, honestly speaking a change for good. The combination of these two colors looked really well, they fit. Kibum thought it looked good, not to say hot. He still didn’t use the word sexy, when speaking of his bandmates, especially Sungmin. It made him feel certain about still being straight.
What was more, the clothes were not only matching nicely, they also fit the owners body. And Sungmin had a nice body. Years of mastering martial arts gave him a figure that wasn’t as rough as Kangin’s or Siwon’s but still not as fragile as Leeteuk’s or Heechul’s. He had a body that no one with such a cute face should possess.
Kibum tried hard not to use the word sexy for the first time, when he watched Sungmin dance in the mirror in front of his eyes.
He did also realize, that his thoughts somehow naturally flew from the things he was concerned about to things like the way material stretched on Sungmins butt when he moved. That felt strange, really. What’s more he didn’t think of it as gross or at least inappropriate - it was as it was and he couldn’t change it so he let it be. And sometimes he found his attitude strange.
*
The first time he verbalized his worries was when he was drunk. This time it was him who was dragged along by Heechul, Hanyung and Kangin, who made him sit and drink until he couldn’t worry anymore. When he felt he drank enough to gather the courage, he started playing with his half-full glass, obviously trying hard to organize his thoughts.
- I’m worried about Sungmin - he said finally, not looking up, afraid to see his friends reactions. Which were, by the way quite interesting - Kangin just blinked absentmindedly , Hankyung took a deep breath and finished his beer and Heechul leaned in with interest and a little smile on his face.
- Oh really? How come? - Heechul asked. That made Kibum rise his head and meet his hyung’s gaze.
- Well, how to put it… He’s acting strange… I think - he answered quietly waiting for Heechul to start laughing so he can change the subject and pretend he never said that. And hope, that they won’t remember anything by tomorrow. That should work with Kangin at least.
- Well, congratulations, my lovely intellectual friend, for noticing - Heechul’s smile widened - it’s a bit late realization, but counts, if You ask me.
Kibum chocked, almost spitting out the beer he was drinking.
- You mean, You knew and never said nothing?
- Of course I knew, who do You think I am? I know things - said Heechul, playing with his, now empty glass.
- I thought I just imagined things or something. I mean, no one behaves differently, it’s like me being the only one who noticed. You didn’t act different either - Kibum murmured silently, adding the last sentence quickly, before Heechul could add that he has, of course, noticed too. They were sitting in silence for some time, Hankyung watching them with worried expression before he was dragged by Kangin to the bar, to buy more alcohol. He looked a bit relieved when they were leaving the table. Heechul watched Kibum carefully as if looking for something.
- Just go and tell him - he frowned finally.
- Wha… no, that’d be strange - Kibum shrugged, sure that his face gets red. He’s drinking, it’s natural to get red, right? - Besides, I asked him what’s wrong countless times and he never tells me. He just looks more sad when I ask. I don’t want that - he sounded as if he was just thinking aloud.
- You’re hopeless, You know - Heechul decided, taking a glass of beer from Hankyung, who just returned.
- Oh thank You very much - Hankyung sighed knowing, he’s got a sleepless night waiting for him, listening, why Heechul thinks Kibum acts ridiculous.
- Ignore him, he thinks he’s the wisest person in the world - Kangin suddenly appeared next to Kibum, patting his shoulder - You yourself know, what’s the best.
He was completely lost in what to say. He didn’t get the situation. Especially when all of them behaved as if they knew something he didn’t. It was a strange feeling. Partially, he regretted starting this conversation. It didn’t help but thankfully made him sure he wasn’t going crazy, seeing things his own mind produced. On the other hand he would be quite happy to hear it was just his imagination going rampage - now he was even more worried. Think about going out to relieve some stress.
- Let’s forget about Kibum living in delusion for a while and have fun - Heechul’s voice distracted his thoughts.
- Karaoke, anyone? - Kibum proposed to show that he was listening and actually, he still hoped he would be able to release his mind from worries once again this night.
***
Next morning they were all, except Heechul, an image of misery called “the day after”. The said man was of course teasing his friends, telling stories about the results of not knowing when to stop drinking and suffering from hangover. And he was, of course, talking too loud and too fast to their actual liking.
They were doing their best trying to silence him, when Shindong came in and sighed in disappointment.
- Anyone saw Sungmin? - he asked standing in door.
- No, why - asked Kangin from his place, his head on the desk, hands swinging freely on his sides.
- Manager just called me. There’s an uproar, all tabloids shouting about Min and Sunny dating, full of their photos together. Manager’s mad and I’m going to beat him up for not telling me anything - with those words he left the room, leaving three people chewing on what he just said and Kibum suddenly feeling that he’s going to throw up.
*
- Lucky You, congratulations - Kibum said when he saw Sungmin later, still feeling a bit sick.
“No more drinking competitions with Kangin” he swore to himself, but even he didn’t believe his resolution would live a long life.
- What - surprised Sungmin rose his brows.
- Sunny. I heard You’re dating.
- You’re congratulating me?
- Actually, I am - responded Kibum with a smile - what did You expect me to do? Burst into tears and lament till the day the world collapses?
- No, not really. But still… - he didn’t finish the sentence, instead he sighed and said - well, sorry to disappoint, I’m not the blessed one.
- Really? What were you two doing then?
- Just helping her with a birthday present for her father.
He didn’t know why, but Kibum felt relieved when he heard that.
- That excuse won’t work for your fans, Minnie. Especially after You said that You became close to her while working on radio show together.
- I know - murmured Sungmin leaning on wall - I’m not opening my Cyworld for the next month. Or maybe I’ll create a new account - he smiled and shake his head - it’s stupid. Every girl I even talk to becomes my girlfriend in worlds eyes. I’m thinking about turning gay.
- Fans would love that - Kibum laughed.
- I’d rather see someone else happy about that - Sungmin whispered and turned his back on shocked friend.
*
Kim Kibum had to finally say this - he was amazed.
The thing was, he didn’t understand not only Sungmin but also himself anymore. What’s more his friends got on his nerves, trying to show him they knew something he didn’t and when he asked they just smiled at him and didn’t answer.
The rest was normal, as long as anyone called Super Junior members normal.
He didn’t understand his own reactions. Why should it bother him that Sungmin was lately plastered to Zhou Mi? They didn’t see each other often and he knew Sungmin loved Zhou Mi, so it’s obvious they would spend time together when Chinaman was in Korea. Right? So, of course, the thought that Sungmin was avoiding him was utterly illogical. The way he shrugged when he thought about Sungmin loving Mi was stupid too. That talking about turning gay was just a joke. How come he still remembered that anyway?
He rested his head on his elbows and observed the room. The members were gathering for some early-morning photoshoot. He watched them entering the room as he was the first one to arrive. Yesung walking behind Ryewook, who looked quite upset, Hankyung and Siwon listening to Heechul and carrying his bag, Donghae and Eunhyuk starting practicing some dance steps as soon as they entered, Kanging carrying sleeping Leeteuk on his back, Zhou Mi explaining something with a huge smile to Kyuhyun and Henry. No Sungmin. Another thing to add to his list of strange things.
After next ten minutes Sungmin still wasn’t there and Kibum started to worry. He eyed the room in case he didn’t notice when he entered, but didn’t find him.
- He’s not coming, he’s doing something for his radio show - Kibum heard Hankyung’s voice and nodded. That kind of thing happens all the time, right? They all had their schedules.
But then Zhou Mi left back to China and Kibum still felt left behind.
He himself got more and more busy, so he had less occasions to see his bandmates but they met from time to time, they made phone calls, they send text messages. Nevertheless Sungmin was always busy, expected to show later or gone already. All those times when he waited fruitless effected in hundreds of bottled emotions, which decided to get out in the middle of the night and that resulted in an emergency meeting with Heechul.
He started talking about how he felt bad and strange and angry at the same time, how he had problems with concentration, how his thought got their own life and drifted to Sungmin, who ignored him for way too long. At the end he just sighed and declared he hated him and won’t worry or come to help him anymore, he had enough, he’s sick of Sungmin acting like a child, thank You very much.
The smirk on Heechul’s face silenced him.
- Stop talking, start thinking - the older man said in a low voice - just put it together.
Heechul watched in amusement how the expressions on Kibums face changed, from anger mixed with resignation to pure shock.
- You can thank me later, Kibummie - he added as he walked his friend with his eyes.
*
Kim Kibum had to admit that maybe, just maybe, he was in love with Lee Sungmin.
*
Honestly speaking, he felt like a traitor. He was supposed to be his best friend. He was supposed to watch over him and support him. Yet he retreated. He left him, because he felt tired. He should have tried harder. He knew Sungmin put himself in an armor, that he was wearing a mask, that he didn’t show his true self to others. That he, Kim Kibum, was the one who peeled those layers patiently, the one who saw a boy looking for acceptation and understanding. A man, who was ready for sacrifices to reach his goal and make his dreams reality. A boy, who was sometimes lost but never calls for help. A man, who didn’t know where to reach, to get a hold of a friendly hand. A boy, who still believed anything is possible. A man, who didn’t believe his life belongs to himself anymore.
Also, he, Kim Kibum was the one who left the boy and then pretended to be the one in pain.
Perhaps it was the feeling of always watching Sungmin’s back, maybe it was the way Sungmin’s back looked more stiff every next day, perhaps it was the fact that Kibum got tired of his position and wanted to change the view in front of him. Perhaps it was the way Sungmin tried to look alright and listened to everyone with a kind smile plastered to his face. Perhaps Kibum was tired of watching not Sungmin’s back but Sungmin’s fake life.
He didn’t know what it was, but something pulled the trigger inside his mind.
He was now completely aware of his feelings and had to accept them, happy or not. Also, he was never the one to play around the bushes and wait to see what happens.
He decided to talk with Sungmin and straighten the things up. He planned to offer him his help, his friendship, a shoulder he can lean on as he didn’t hope for anything from him. He didn’t even think about trying to start a relationship or something. If Sungmin refuses, runs away or stops talking to him at all, Kibum’s going to make Zhou Mi or Shindong or Henry take proper care of him and leave his sight. He didn’t want to make more damage than he already had.
*
- Sungmin, we have to talk - he started simply, when they were leaving the studio.
- Here? Now?
- Well, not necessary here, but I’d like it to be as soon as possible - Kibum smiled softly.
- Okay, let’s go the cafeteria - Sungmin proposed. Kibum could swear he saw fear mixed with hope in his eyes for a moment, but at the second thought he discarded it as his imagination. He followed his hyung, once again watching his back.
-So, what is it, Kibummie - Sungmin asked sipping his coffee.
- You drink too much of that - the younger man said with a grin.
- Don’t tell me this was so important.
- No that’s not it. I just realized that You drink hectoliters of coffee everyday. That’s quite unhealthy, You know.
- I do many unhealthy things - Sungmin replied, his eyes and tone becoming a bit colder. He searched his back and took out a pack of cigarettes, then lit one up and stared at his drink.
- I didn’t know You… - he didn’t finish the sentence as he was met with the look in Sungmin’s eyes - I’m sorry I wasn’t around lately - he said instead.
- Don’t give me that, Kibum - Sungmin whispered after a long pause - just don’t fucking give me this kind of sweet-talk.
Kibum’s eyes widened as he noticed tears forming in his friend’s - did he still had the right to call him that? - eyes.
- Wha… Don’t… Minnie, I didn’t mean… Just… - he didn’t know what to say. He blinked few times as if he hoped this was just an illusion, that Sungmin was looking at him with a smile or impatience on his face, waiting for him to explain, what he wanted. It didn’t work - Sungmin in front of him was still trying to force back his tears.
- I… I don’t know, what’s going on, but I somehow know, it’s my fault - Kibum murmured finally.
- Of course it’s Your fault, You idiot! Why else would sit here, sobbing like a little kid? - hissed Sungmin in response, surprising Kibum even more - I thought You were my friend, I thought I finally found someone I could lean on, someone I can be myself with and then You do what? You leave me! I thought You understand me, but apparently I’ve been wrong, thanks for correcting my thinking.
- Hey, wait. It was You, who started avoiding me. After that ruckus with Sunny You were strange and distant - Kibum didn’t like where this was going. Somehow this talk turned into an argument and it seemed they were arguing, who was to blame. Talk about ridiculous.
- Oh, right. I though You knew me better, Kibummie - said Sungmin finally, all his anger disappeared from his voice. Now it was just sad and low. Once again, Kibum felt guilty. Meanwhile Sungmin packed his stuff and was on his way out of the cafeteria. Before he realized, the older one was already on the corridor. Kibum jumped off his seat and followed him, grabbing him by his shoulders and plastering him to the wall.
- That’s just stupid, You know - he breathed with his head lowered. Sungmin didn’t try to free himself, just waited with his eyes open wide - how both of us act like kindergarten kids.
- I wanted to be Your friend, but I can’t be. It’s impossible, I guess.
Sungmin watched him in shock, trying to ask why, but unable to speak.
- The thing is, I love You and thus being Your friend could be quite dangerous thing to do - he continued with a smile. Sungmin took a deep breath and placed one hand on Kibums chin, making him look in his eyes.
- Don’t say that, unless You really mean it - he whispered.
- But I do mean that - Kibum laughed desperately - it freaked me out at the beginning, You know? You’re my friend, my bandmate, and could You imagine how strange it is, to be jealous over Zhou Mi or Henry? As if I could spend those hours with You shoping.
- You’re right, that’s ridiculous - Sungmin replied, playing with Kibum’s hair - because we spend all that shopping time trying to figure out, how not to scare You with my confession.
If there was a right time to kiss Sungmin and feel madly happy for a moment, Kibum was sure it was right now. He leaned in and…
- Ewww, get a room, I’m gonna puke!
Yes, it was Heechul leaving the studio later than the rest.
A/N 2: well, that's it! hope I didn't totally destroy it, that it wasn't a complete crap in the end. hope You had fun :3 and oh, Sungmin behavior wasn't completely off just because he was lovesick. he's not a teenage girl helplesly in love, he's a grown up man with a lot of worries. okay, someone please shoot me now so I can shut up.
comments and criticism are love~~!
Fandom: Super Junior
Pairing: Kibum x Sungmin
Rating: PG-13
Words: 2 974
Chapter: 3/3
A/N: I'M REALLY REALLY SORRY FOR LATE UPDATE TT_TT I worked on it and it was ready at wensday, I finished it in the middle of the night, but then my internet became selfish and went to sleep. The next day I was re-reading the last part, looking for some mistakes and guess what? I decided the ending is stupid and I changed it completely. Hope, You'll like it, though. anyway, my internet started working only now, after a hell I gave to that little man in the office~~ sooo, REALLY REALLY SORRY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME *hides* *gets shot anyway*
Kibum realized that Sungmin was extremely quiet lately. During practice the only sign that he was there was when he occasionally sung along with the tape, louder than the recorded voice did. Also it was hard not to notice the figure in the back wearing pink and black. Right, not white and pink, not yellow and pink but pink and black. That was quite a change, honestly speaking a change for good. The combination of these two colors looked really well, they fit. Kibum thought it looked good, not to say hot. He still didn’t use the word sexy, when speaking of his bandmates, especially Sungmin. It made him feel certain about still being straight.
What was more, the clothes were not only matching nicely, they also fit the owners body. And Sungmin had a nice body. Years of mastering martial arts gave him a figure that wasn’t as rough as Kangin’s or Siwon’s but still not as fragile as Leeteuk’s or Heechul’s. He had a body that no one with such a cute face should possess.
Kibum tried hard not to use the word sexy for the first time, when he watched Sungmin dance in the mirror in front of his eyes.
He did also realize, that his thoughts somehow naturally flew from the things he was concerned about to things like the way material stretched on Sungmins butt when he moved. That felt strange, really. What’s more he didn’t think of it as gross or at least inappropriate - it was as it was and he couldn’t change it so he let it be. And sometimes he found his attitude strange.
*
The first time he verbalized his worries was when he was drunk. This time it was him who was dragged along by Heechul, Hanyung and Kangin, who made him sit and drink until he couldn’t worry anymore. When he felt he drank enough to gather the courage, he started playing with his half-full glass, obviously trying hard to organize his thoughts.
- I’m worried about Sungmin - he said finally, not looking up, afraid to see his friends reactions. Which were, by the way quite interesting - Kangin just blinked absentmindedly , Hankyung took a deep breath and finished his beer and Heechul leaned in with interest and a little smile on his face.
- Oh really? How come? - Heechul asked. That made Kibum rise his head and meet his hyung’s gaze.
- Well, how to put it… He’s acting strange… I think - he answered quietly waiting for Heechul to start laughing so he can change the subject and pretend he never said that. And hope, that they won’t remember anything by tomorrow. That should work with Kangin at least.
- Well, congratulations, my lovely intellectual friend, for noticing - Heechul’s smile widened - it’s a bit late realization, but counts, if You ask me.
Kibum chocked, almost spitting out the beer he was drinking.
- You mean, You knew and never said nothing?
- Of course I knew, who do You think I am? I know things - said Heechul, playing with his, now empty glass.
- I thought I just imagined things or something. I mean, no one behaves differently, it’s like me being the only one who noticed. You didn’t act different either - Kibum murmured silently, adding the last sentence quickly, before Heechul could add that he has, of course, noticed too. They were sitting in silence for some time, Hankyung watching them with worried expression before he was dragged by Kangin to the bar, to buy more alcohol. He looked a bit relieved when they were leaving the table. Heechul watched Kibum carefully as if looking for something.
- Just go and tell him - he frowned finally.
- Wha… no, that’d be strange - Kibum shrugged, sure that his face gets red. He’s drinking, it’s natural to get red, right? - Besides, I asked him what’s wrong countless times and he never tells me. He just looks more sad when I ask. I don’t want that - he sounded as if he was just thinking aloud.
- You’re hopeless, You know - Heechul decided, taking a glass of beer from Hankyung, who just returned.
- Oh thank You very much - Hankyung sighed knowing, he’s got a sleepless night waiting for him, listening, why Heechul thinks Kibum acts ridiculous.
- Ignore him, he thinks he’s the wisest person in the world - Kangin suddenly appeared next to Kibum, patting his shoulder - You yourself know, what’s the best.
He was completely lost in what to say. He didn’t get the situation. Especially when all of them behaved as if they knew something he didn’t. It was a strange feeling. Partially, he regretted starting this conversation. It didn’t help but thankfully made him sure he wasn’t going crazy, seeing things his own mind produced. On the other hand he would be quite happy to hear it was just his imagination going rampage - now he was even more worried. Think about going out to relieve some stress.
- Let’s forget about Kibum living in delusion for a while and have fun - Heechul’s voice distracted his thoughts.
- Karaoke, anyone? - Kibum proposed to show that he was listening and actually, he still hoped he would be able to release his mind from worries once again this night.
***
Next morning they were all, except Heechul, an image of misery called “the day after”. The said man was of course teasing his friends, telling stories about the results of not knowing when to stop drinking and suffering from hangover. And he was, of course, talking too loud and too fast to their actual liking.
They were doing their best trying to silence him, when Shindong came in and sighed in disappointment.
- Anyone saw Sungmin? - he asked standing in door.
- No, why - asked Kangin from his place, his head on the desk, hands swinging freely on his sides.
- Manager just called me. There’s an uproar, all tabloids shouting about Min and Sunny dating, full of their photos together. Manager’s mad and I’m going to beat him up for not telling me anything - with those words he left the room, leaving three people chewing on what he just said and Kibum suddenly feeling that he’s going to throw up.
*
- Lucky You, congratulations - Kibum said when he saw Sungmin later, still feeling a bit sick.
“No more drinking competitions with Kangin” he swore to himself, but even he didn’t believe his resolution would live a long life.
- What - surprised Sungmin rose his brows.
- Sunny. I heard You’re dating.
- You’re congratulating me?
- Actually, I am - responded Kibum with a smile - what did You expect me to do? Burst into tears and lament till the day the world collapses?
- No, not really. But still… - he didn’t finish the sentence, instead he sighed and said - well, sorry to disappoint, I’m not the blessed one.
- Really? What were you two doing then?
- Just helping her with a birthday present for her father.
He didn’t know why, but Kibum felt relieved when he heard that.
- That excuse won’t work for your fans, Minnie. Especially after You said that You became close to her while working on radio show together.
- I know - murmured Sungmin leaning on wall - I’m not opening my Cyworld for the next month. Or maybe I’ll create a new account - he smiled and shake his head - it’s stupid. Every girl I even talk to becomes my girlfriend in worlds eyes. I’m thinking about turning gay.
- Fans would love that - Kibum laughed.
- I’d rather see someone else happy about that - Sungmin whispered and turned his back on shocked friend.
*
Kim Kibum had to finally say this - he was amazed.
The thing was, he didn’t understand not only Sungmin but also himself anymore. What’s more his friends got on his nerves, trying to show him they knew something he didn’t and when he asked they just smiled at him and didn’t answer.
The rest was normal, as long as anyone called Super Junior members normal.
He didn’t understand his own reactions. Why should it bother him that Sungmin was lately plastered to Zhou Mi? They didn’t see each other often and he knew Sungmin loved Zhou Mi, so it’s obvious they would spend time together when Chinaman was in Korea. Right? So, of course, the thought that Sungmin was avoiding him was utterly illogical. The way he shrugged when he thought about Sungmin loving Mi was stupid too. That talking about turning gay was just a joke. How come he still remembered that anyway?
He rested his head on his elbows and observed the room. The members were gathering for some early-morning photoshoot. He watched them entering the room as he was the first one to arrive. Yesung walking behind Ryewook, who looked quite upset, Hankyung and Siwon listening to Heechul and carrying his bag, Donghae and Eunhyuk starting practicing some dance steps as soon as they entered, Kanging carrying sleeping Leeteuk on his back, Zhou Mi explaining something with a huge smile to Kyuhyun and Henry. No Sungmin. Another thing to add to his list of strange things.
After next ten minutes Sungmin still wasn’t there and Kibum started to worry. He eyed the room in case he didn’t notice when he entered, but didn’t find him.
- He’s not coming, he’s doing something for his radio show - Kibum heard Hankyung’s voice and nodded. That kind of thing happens all the time, right? They all had their schedules.
But then Zhou Mi left back to China and Kibum still felt left behind.
He himself got more and more busy, so he had less occasions to see his bandmates but they met from time to time, they made phone calls, they send text messages. Nevertheless Sungmin was always busy, expected to show later or gone already. All those times when he waited fruitless effected in hundreds of bottled emotions, which decided to get out in the middle of the night and that resulted in an emergency meeting with Heechul.
He started talking about how he felt bad and strange and angry at the same time, how he had problems with concentration, how his thought got their own life and drifted to Sungmin, who ignored him for way too long. At the end he just sighed and declared he hated him and won’t worry or come to help him anymore, he had enough, he’s sick of Sungmin acting like a child, thank You very much.
The smirk on Heechul’s face silenced him.
- Stop talking, start thinking - the older man said in a low voice - just put it together.
Heechul watched in amusement how the expressions on Kibums face changed, from anger mixed with resignation to pure shock.
- You can thank me later, Kibummie - he added as he walked his friend with his eyes.
*
Kim Kibum had to admit that maybe, just maybe, he was in love with Lee Sungmin.
*
Honestly speaking, he felt like a traitor. He was supposed to be his best friend. He was supposed to watch over him and support him. Yet he retreated. He left him, because he felt tired. He should have tried harder. He knew Sungmin put himself in an armor, that he was wearing a mask, that he didn’t show his true self to others. That he, Kim Kibum, was the one who peeled those layers patiently, the one who saw a boy looking for acceptation and understanding. A man, who was ready for sacrifices to reach his goal and make his dreams reality. A boy, who was sometimes lost but never calls for help. A man, who didn’t know where to reach, to get a hold of a friendly hand. A boy, who still believed anything is possible. A man, who didn’t believe his life belongs to himself anymore.
Also, he, Kim Kibum was the one who left the boy and then pretended to be the one in pain.
Perhaps it was the feeling of always watching Sungmin’s back, maybe it was the way Sungmin’s back looked more stiff every next day, perhaps it was the fact that Kibum got tired of his position and wanted to change the view in front of him. Perhaps it was the way Sungmin tried to look alright and listened to everyone with a kind smile plastered to his face. Perhaps Kibum was tired of watching not Sungmin’s back but Sungmin’s fake life.
He didn’t know what it was, but something pulled the trigger inside his mind.
He was now completely aware of his feelings and had to accept them, happy or not. Also, he was never the one to play around the bushes and wait to see what happens.
He decided to talk with Sungmin and straighten the things up. He planned to offer him his help, his friendship, a shoulder he can lean on as he didn’t hope for anything from him. He didn’t even think about trying to start a relationship or something. If Sungmin refuses, runs away or stops talking to him at all, Kibum’s going to make Zhou Mi or Shindong or Henry take proper care of him and leave his sight. He didn’t want to make more damage than he already had.
*
- Sungmin, we have to talk - he started simply, when they were leaving the studio.
- Here? Now?
- Well, not necessary here, but I’d like it to be as soon as possible - Kibum smiled softly.
- Okay, let’s go the cafeteria - Sungmin proposed. Kibum could swear he saw fear mixed with hope in his eyes for a moment, but at the second thought he discarded it as his imagination. He followed his hyung, once again watching his back.
-So, what is it, Kibummie - Sungmin asked sipping his coffee.
- You drink too much of that - the younger man said with a grin.
- Don’t tell me this was so important.
- No that’s not it. I just realized that You drink hectoliters of coffee everyday. That’s quite unhealthy, You know.
- I do many unhealthy things - Sungmin replied, his eyes and tone becoming a bit colder. He searched his back and took out a pack of cigarettes, then lit one up and stared at his drink.
- I didn’t know You… - he didn’t finish the sentence as he was met with the look in Sungmin’s eyes - I’m sorry I wasn’t around lately - he said instead.
- Don’t give me that, Kibum - Sungmin whispered after a long pause - just don’t fucking give me this kind of sweet-talk.
Kibum’s eyes widened as he noticed tears forming in his friend’s - did he still had the right to call him that? - eyes.
- Wha… Don’t… Minnie, I didn’t mean… Just… - he didn’t know what to say. He blinked few times as if he hoped this was just an illusion, that Sungmin was looking at him with a smile or impatience on his face, waiting for him to explain, what he wanted. It didn’t work - Sungmin in front of him was still trying to force back his tears.
- I… I don’t know, what’s going on, but I somehow know, it’s my fault - Kibum murmured finally.
- Of course it’s Your fault, You idiot! Why else would sit here, sobbing like a little kid? - hissed Sungmin in response, surprising Kibum even more - I thought You were my friend, I thought I finally found someone I could lean on, someone I can be myself with and then You do what? You leave me! I thought You understand me, but apparently I’ve been wrong, thanks for correcting my thinking.
- Hey, wait. It was You, who started avoiding me. After that ruckus with Sunny You were strange and distant - Kibum didn’t like where this was going. Somehow this talk turned into an argument and it seemed they were arguing, who was to blame. Talk about ridiculous.
- Oh, right. I though You knew me better, Kibummie - said Sungmin finally, all his anger disappeared from his voice. Now it was just sad and low. Once again, Kibum felt guilty. Meanwhile Sungmin packed his stuff and was on his way out of the cafeteria. Before he realized, the older one was already on the corridor. Kibum jumped off his seat and followed him, grabbing him by his shoulders and plastering him to the wall.
- That’s just stupid, You know - he breathed with his head lowered. Sungmin didn’t try to free himself, just waited with his eyes open wide - how both of us act like kindergarten kids.
- I wanted to be Your friend, but I can’t be. It’s impossible, I guess.
Sungmin watched him in shock, trying to ask why, but unable to speak.
- The thing is, I love You and thus being Your friend could be quite dangerous thing to do - he continued with a smile. Sungmin took a deep breath and placed one hand on Kibums chin, making him look in his eyes.
- Don’t say that, unless You really mean it - he whispered.
- But I do mean that - Kibum laughed desperately - it freaked me out at the beginning, You know? You’re my friend, my bandmate, and could You imagine how strange it is, to be jealous over Zhou Mi or Henry? As if I could spend those hours with You shoping.
- You’re right, that’s ridiculous - Sungmin replied, playing with Kibum’s hair - because we spend all that shopping time trying to figure out, how not to scare You with my confession.
If there was a right time to kiss Sungmin and feel madly happy for a moment, Kibum was sure it was right now. He leaned in and…
- Ewww, get a room, I’m gonna puke!
Yes, it was Heechul leaving the studio later than the rest.
A/N 2: well, that's it! hope I didn't totally destroy it, that it wasn't a complete crap in the end. hope You had fun :3 and oh, Sungmin behavior wasn't completely off just because he was lovesick. he's not a teenage girl helplesly in love, he's a grown up man with a lot of worries. okay, someone please shoot me now so I can shut up.
comments and criticism are love~~!