lonely month
meghans entry inspired me to do the same. I have a lot of burned bridges in my life, and its time to start building them back. Its hard being empty.. having no one to really talk to.. nor see. I havent hung out with a good friend and had a genuinely good time for so long. yes, i have friends, but i just dont connect. dont get me wrong, i have had some pretty great times, but empty ones. so heres my little shout outs:
Meghan- I miss what our friendship was. no one ever came close to how comfortable i was with telling you how i felt. we went through some of the hardest times of our lives together. getting our first jobs, first cars, ward dying, first real boys, first real hardships with our parents, and first arrests. some of the things i am not proud of, but i know it completely helped us in our favor. Without all the things we went through together, our friendship would crumble forever. and although it has been a vacant thought in my mind, i know you are still there. i still have your number. you still have mine. and i know i could count on you in hard times. Time has gone on in the months weve been distant, many things have happened to us, and we have a lot to catch up on, but if i have any faith in anything, its that we can understand. we always had that connection, you were the only one who stuck up for me when everyone turned away, even after they told you i was lying to you and manipulating you, you still gave a damn about how i felt, and i dont think i will ever forget about that, and honestly, its really the best thing you can find in a friendship, forgiveness and understanding. I really hope we get together soon, im sick of wishing for something more. Come on! i graduated and its your senior year! the time for friends! so wtf is going on? just know that im here for you, 24/7.
Sarah- I dont know what would have happened to us if i wouldnt be going to RCI. and even though thats pretty much the only thing we have in common these days, i still love hanging out with you and being completely careless in any sense. I dont have to care how i act around you. and i hope you feel the same. we have been through rough times, worked it out, leaned on eachother, tried to run away at meijers, worked together, made our own song, met kid rock haha come on! we were so innocent and free. we thought we were the funniest people in the world. YOUR DAD. everyone thought we were annoying. lmao but did we care? hell nawww. We always told eachother wed never try drugs and it wasnt for us. look at us now. and if thats the cause in our differences, thats okay, because it gave us experience, it gave us a new outlook on life.. well, me anyway. i know i have treated you SHITTY in the past, and i want to put that past us, and start over. i know we still have a fighting chance. god i feel like such a lesbian. Sarah, i know youre going through a really rough time these days, and i want you to know that if you need someone to talk to or just listen, im there. i will listen to your heartaches night after night, if that was what you needed. you just need to know that you have someone to turn to during this. i think that will help alot. :)
Blaine- i know there is no way to read this, but there are things i need to say. i miss you. i love you. but its over. you wronged me in more ways than one, and you've left me vulnerable to everything around me. you introduced me to some things i wish i never would have seen. you really changed my life. in some ways, you changed me for the better, but in more ways, the worse. i cant live life the way i used to. i cant enjoy things like i used to. and since everyone has to point their fingers somewhere, i blame you. it sucks that you are gone for 4-5 years, but it serves you right. you were irresponsible, immature, and stupid. but god damnit all of those things made you more intriguing to me. you were someone i could change. and i did in some ways, but now, i realize im not the one to change your ways. you are. and if youre not ready to do that, then you arent ready for me.
now that my fingers hurt like a bitch, i cant think of anyone else to say anything to. and even though blaine wont read that, it was nice to get it off of my chest. im taking baby steps to get my life back, and ive realized i need the people who helped me before, and i hope that for christmas, i get that.
i know this christmas will be lonely but some reason i know people will come through to me, as will i to them.
i miss my car :(
Meghan- I miss what our friendship was. no one ever came close to how comfortable i was with telling you how i felt. we went through some of the hardest times of our lives together. getting our first jobs, first cars, ward dying, first real boys, first real hardships with our parents, and first arrests. some of the things i am not proud of, but i know it completely helped us in our favor. Without all the things we went through together, our friendship would crumble forever. and although it has been a vacant thought in my mind, i know you are still there. i still have your number. you still have mine. and i know i could count on you in hard times. Time has gone on in the months weve been distant, many things have happened to us, and we have a lot to catch up on, but if i have any faith in anything, its that we can understand. we always had that connection, you were the only one who stuck up for me when everyone turned away, even after they told you i was lying to you and manipulating you, you still gave a damn about how i felt, and i dont think i will ever forget about that, and honestly, its really the best thing you can find in a friendship, forgiveness and understanding. I really hope we get together soon, im sick of wishing for something more. Come on! i graduated and its your senior year! the time for friends! so wtf is going on? just know that im here for you, 24/7.
Sarah- I dont know what would have happened to us if i wouldnt be going to RCI. and even though thats pretty much the only thing we have in common these days, i still love hanging out with you and being completely careless in any sense. I dont have to care how i act around you. and i hope you feel the same. we have been through rough times, worked it out, leaned on eachother, tried to run away at meijers, worked together, made our own song, met kid rock haha come on! we were so innocent and free. we thought we were the funniest people in the world. YOUR DAD. everyone thought we were annoying. lmao but did we care? hell nawww. We always told eachother wed never try drugs and it wasnt for us. look at us now. and if thats the cause in our differences, thats okay, because it gave us experience, it gave us a new outlook on life.. well, me anyway. i know i have treated you SHITTY in the past, and i want to put that past us, and start over. i know we still have a fighting chance. god i feel like such a lesbian. Sarah, i know youre going through a really rough time these days, and i want you to know that if you need someone to talk to or just listen, im there. i will listen to your heartaches night after night, if that was what you needed. you just need to know that you have someone to turn to during this. i think that will help alot. :)
Blaine- i know there is no way to read this, but there are things i need to say. i miss you. i love you. but its over. you wronged me in more ways than one, and you've left me vulnerable to everything around me. you introduced me to some things i wish i never would have seen. you really changed my life. in some ways, you changed me for the better, but in more ways, the worse. i cant live life the way i used to. i cant enjoy things like i used to. and since everyone has to point their fingers somewhere, i blame you. it sucks that you are gone for 4-5 years, but it serves you right. you were irresponsible, immature, and stupid. but god damnit all of those things made you more intriguing to me. you were someone i could change. and i did in some ways, but now, i realize im not the one to change your ways. you are. and if youre not ready to do that, then you arent ready for me.
now that my fingers hurt like a bitch, i cant think of anyone else to say anything to. and even though blaine wont read that, it was nice to get it off of my chest. im taking baby steps to get my life back, and ive realized i need the people who helped me before, and i hope that for christmas, i get that.
i know this christmas will be lonely but some reason i know people will come through to me, as will i to them.
i miss my car :(