make a wish for you on every star ♥
I actually don't know what I should write.
As I think back to 2009, I realized that I started the year with such a naive optimistic spirit.
At that beginning of the year, I just got into KPOP and I was so smitten with DBSK and beginning to forget about SHINee, my first KPOP love. DBSK went back to Japan and I believed in YunHo's words, saying that they will be back in Korea soon.
Soon turned out to be never.
Then came Super Junior, this 13-member-group that I was scratching my head at because I didn't know what to do with them. Sharm and Kat told me that it will be easy learning all of their names, their faces, their positions, their sub-groups, their histories, their pairings and their birthdays. Well...it took three weeks, a lot of pictures and throttling from Kat before I can differentiate them by their hairstyles. And then, WHAM BAM, Sorry Sorry came out and I'm like WTH, I'M ALL CONFUSED AGAIN because they have different hairstyles. Sorry Sorry sure did hook me and I was repeating the video and the song a million times. Before long, I was in love with them while watching EHB, Full House and Intimate Note. The fact that the song became a hit song all over the world makes me a very proud SuJu fan. From KyuHyun to SungMin to ZhouMi to Siwon, I'm glad my heart is back with Siwon because *sighs* he is just such a handsome and perfect sweetheart.
And then Jinny convinced me to join LJ and I never regretted the decision. LJ to me, was like a starting over again because my previous blog was all filled with my angst, my rants and my insecurities that I couldn't face it again. So I started LJ with a mental reminder to be positive and not pour too much of my real-life angst into it.
Well, the real fun started when I started joining communities and I felt myself getting sucked into DBSK fics. I swear I read almost all of the one-shots that has ever been posted to hug__ (Doing the same thing to SuJu fics now)Then I got more LJ friends that not only spazz with me but also posted encouraging comments whenever I have something to rant about. And aday-comms are the best inventions ever, seriously.
I actually can't remember how I got into SNSD. I think it was their picture from Genie comeback? Like SOOYOUNG AND YOONA WERE FREAKING HOT IN THEIR SHORT HAIR ASDFGH;JKL ♥♥♥ But I didn't dare to say much because magnae!hazel didn't really like them much then. I almost got a heart attack when she started playing "Into the New World" and "Girl's Generation" and she confessed that she adores Seobaby. The level of my incoherency climaxed when she told me she has been FANY-FIED too; dying of happiness was actually an understatement of my state when she did two batches of Fany icons. I now think that Yuri is all sorts of awesome and SooYoung is lovely in her boyish, blunt and FIERCE way. But no SoShi girl holds my heart like Fany Fany Tiffany. <3
At this point of time, all the mess and complications of the JaeChunSu lawsuit started to surface and honestly, I felt my love for DBSK and YunHo especially, fading. Added to that was Jay leaving and then Kangin's troubles and I was really x 100 crushed. Problems in fandoms affected me in ways that wasn't right. I was not only losing faith in DBSK, Super Junior and 2PM but also in God and my friends. Things that happened in church and especially in my CG did not help and I really thought of giving up. Give up being a leader and even giving up my faith. Things became better and...I think I learnt not to care about what happens to DBSK, though...I think can still say that I have faith in them. All right, it's just a little bit but faith as small as a mustard seed is workable too, I'm sure?
Now and then, I write little one-shots, more as a comfort to me than to actually get comments. So when your love is like light got recommended in the weekly recommendations post at miracle__ by coyotecolored , I was actually very happy. :)
Nearing to Christmas, the SuJu fandom was thrown into chaos by news of Geng's lawsuit to terminate his contract with SME. It's a horrible time because not only were our hearts crushed but friends got into argument about the evilness of SME. I hated it all and sometimes I dreaded going to twitter and seeing all the horrible news/tweets going back and forth. When Mi's mistake was revealed and SJM disbanded, I lost all festive cheer and mood to make Christmas cards okay, i admit the loss lasted a day only because SJM was the source of SiHan, QMi, HenHaeWook and Siwon's crack. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITHOUT THEM. The thought of never seeing that blindingly-bright smile on long-legged China boy and the mochi cheeks on violin prince scared me. A LOT. I guess we have to see what will happen in 2010. :/
All in all, 2009 was a crappy year with little burst of happiness that are actually you guys, my f-list.
summerflake : You the Hangeng to my Siwon. I love that we talk/discuss/spazz under my block. And when I couldn't say anything about what I was really feeling during all the fandom problems because people wouldn't understand, I'm glad I can tell you truthfully because you understood and you even reminded me what is true faith. I think I wouldn't have held on to the faith if I didn't have you ♥
thewongzynator : Dongseang, I'm really glad I helped to convert you to a SuJu fan. I remembered you saying that they were boring and ♥♥♥ for loving them now. I have no words to say what your doodles and letters do to me cause it made me so happy at times when I felt that loving those boys isn't worth all this heartbreak ♥
theretroradio : People or you yourself may feel that you're cold when it comes to fandom but it's good to have fans like you who thinks objectively and refuse to let their bias get in the way of thought. Still, it's extremely cute when you do fangirls. I love all our discussions about SNSD before and after you like them, I don't know why but I do. I'm sorry if sometimes I'm wayy too spazzy/ditzy for your liking and I can only do incoherent comments. But do know that I love all your graphics and your fics like I memed every single fic you write. Sometimes it saddens me that I can't be there when you're feeling down or rant-y because I can never understand what you go through or because I'm not that crazy over CSJH/Riin or I come to a loss of words to comfort you but my MSN window/twitter page/handphone is always open when you need it ♥
moonjjang : Lovely moondust, you are. I love our late-night MSN conversations and all the long comment threads that we leave on each other entries. Even though we seemed to have stop doing them, know that I still love you very much and your love for jinkss. Sometimes I don't really understand what you're saying or what I'm supposed to say in respond and I apologize for it; I'm just wayy too insensitive and ditzy sometimes. Like what I told magnae, my MSN window/twitter page is open when you need it. (And your card still smells nice) ♥
lavender_rain13 : Jinny! You're the Jae to my Yun and the Mi to my Q. I sort of regretted getting out of the DBSK fandom and stopped spazzing about them with you. I missed those long posts we made to each other, discussing about DBSK and annoying the other mod crews. Sometimes it seems that I'm angry at you for whatever reasons but please know that I still love you and that you're still my sister-in-Christ. It's just something that will never change and really, I pray that our friendship will be centered around God. I'm still waiting for the day when you will suddenly pop up in Singapore and go all :DDDDDDDDDDDD at me ♥
kitsie_chan : WEIRDO! *clings* You're just someone I feel so happy with. That even when things are so bad and difficult in fandom, you're able to do something that will somehow cheer me up. The crack we both made up may make me wonder what the hell is wrong with our brains but at least it's fun when we do it again. I swear in 2010, we have to start it again. And I was actually very happy when we actually got to meet up in Singapore! Just don't stop being weirdo, okay? And please please please don't stop loving Arashi/SuJu/CSJH ♥
sleepy_ef : I can't remember when we started talking to each other. Before or after we were fighting for YunHo? Well, I definitely remember the coining of the invincible foursome that were me, you, YunHo and JaeJoong on MSN *gets bricked* And I have no idea how we somehow got Siwon and a hundred other guys into the story. But yeah, Siwon is mine now >:D You're really a sweet girl, no wonder Sarah is clinging tightly to you. I really hope that we will still get to meet up lots in 2010. ♥
jaeviais : the awesome one. I remember talking to you when we first became trials and it wasn't even about KPOP, it was instead about our faith. I am really happy to have someone like you, someone who is still holding on through the obstacles in her life. I may not know much about your life, but sometimes your entries about loving God a bit more and doing something more for Him encourages me. And your love for SNSD is just so JJIANG. I'm relying on you to tell me more about the 9 precious girls and more Yesung-HyoYeon interactions. ♥
2worldsend : I'm just so so so sorry that we seemed to have stopped talking these days. You, the first AF friend I met up in real life and the one who went with me to the first ever concert -OMG JOEY WAS AMAZING LIVE, WASN'T SHE?!- The first time we talked to each other in ahem some thread, I never really thought that we will end up meeting each other in real life and become good friends. Please don't let it stop just because we are in different fandoms. ♥
annabel92 : When I stopped seeing your posts in my friends page, I was WHERE IS ANNABEL, I MISS HER. And today, I just realized that I accidentally cut you off my f-list. I didn't mean to do it, please don't be mad at me ;_; And I think you're in HK already T_T I love you lots! I love all the comments we have on each other's entries, talking about everything about SuJu to SNSD to God to weather (snow) and everything! Hope that everything goes well in 2010 and that you will get into the university of your choice. ♥
bitmoo : Girl, you are epic, you know? I have never met anyone as obsessed as Mi and QMi before you added me. And I was really surprised that you added me because I never really spazzed much about Mi. I'm sorry that you had a crappy year and sometimes I read through all your entries without commenting because I don't know what to say to comfort you (I'm just really bad at comforting people). I just hope that you wouldn't let all that has happened bring you down because you are so so so talented and a lovely person, in so many ways. I believe that in 2010, we will have more things to spazz about Mi and the too-obvious-love-those-dorks-have-for-each-other ♥
bunnylla : We only gotten to know each other for a month and don't really talk much but I'm so thankful that you're in my f-list. I hope we will talk more in 2010 about fandom, bunny boy and 137bunnykangaroo and about God. ♥
catchmyambition : Ahhh...my favorite mod! You and Kim and midori never fail to make me happy with all the SungMin pictures. Thanks for running the comm so well and always choosing pictures that just make me go ASDFGHL;JKL TAKE ME NOW LEE SUNGMIN! Please continue to post such pictures and continue to stay my fave mod. Have fun in HK and Korea! ♥
cinnamonzz : I love that you are the one who literally saved me and gave me the idea for the Secret Santa Fic. Fandom may be a mess and difficult to deal with but have a break, just don't give up. Will it make you feel better if I give you the freedom to try to get me into MBLAQ? I welcome the dump of MBLAQ pictures/gifs/videos :D ♥
cleverlilwill : I really like you, you're a perfect Kyu and it was really fun r-playing with you. It makes me giggle when you write about your Eng professors because finally there is someone else who has the same love for their professors. It's just something that non-Lit students will understand. I'm already dying to see the huge QMi primer post that you and your QMi crusade are working on; I wish I have things to contribute but I'll just let you guys do the things you guys do best ♥
dapooh : OMG, I love you, you know? Cause you're one of the few that actually watche TVB dramas. It was really really nice discussing BTROC and we will continue to do so about other dramas. I'm kinda apologetic that I didn't try to stuff SJM onto you earlier; maybe you would have love them more when they were still together promoting. All I'm hoping is that they will be back together so that you will fall more in love with them and LiXu and Henry. I know you are really frustrated with your FYP now but continue to work and struggle through; God will sustain and bring you through all the way to graduation. ♥
gummylovesme : *clings to you* My fellow SiHan lover. So happy that you added me just because I commented on your SiHan one-shot. Because we ended up talking about things other than SuJu/SNSD. Your fics are wonderful, continue to write more SiHan please. ♥
koshoo : ASHLEY *glomps* You're just such a sweet person and I'm so glad that we became friends. Even more wonderful is your love for Siwon and Tiffany and especially Siwon-Fany. Like you say, THEY SHOULD GET MARRIED AND HAVE PRETTY BABIES. I wish that I know what to say to comfort you when you go through difficult times but I'm really bad at such things. All in all, I love you and I really hope that you will have a better year in 2010 ♥
roks_angel : Mai, though we don't talk much on LJ or on AF but I'm glad we're friends. Your entries and your faith in DBSK is just so incredible. Your entry about SuJu being DBSK rejects is something I still read sometimes, not because I'm looking for things to defend them, but because it's written so well. And that A-Z entry about YooChun cracks me up. I'm still waiting for that entry where you will lay down your evidence about your theory of DBSK's infatuation with Riin :P 2010 will be a better year for us, especially since CSJH is coming back. Always keep the faith, bb ♥
thelovelight : We became friends recently and we didn't talk much but still, I'm glad you added me. I still remember that SJM crack-fic and I read it sometimes just so that I can cheer up. It's just so asdfgh;jkl and OH GOSH, THERE GOES MY SIHAN RADAR AGAIN. Please do write more, I will give you a million hearts in a bottle for anything SiHan. And I just found out that I'm a few months older than you. LMAO...It was such a pity that you left the suju_rp community and we didn't really have a thread with just the two of our muses but it was fun r-playing with you and the others during the epic SJM post. I'll really look forward to talking to you more and reading your KiHae fic. ♥
themadcheshire : Girl, do you know how much I love you? I love you as much as SungMin and SooYoung love each other. ... Okay, not as much but you get the idea. Thank you so much for cheering me up with your drawings, they really rock and I'm just so excited about the urban!au verse. It already sound so good when you told me. And all the nonsense we talk about in our long comment threads are just awesome. I can never get the image of Min petting kitty!Kyu and Kyu having the secret stash of Min porn in his laptop out of my head now. Continue to stay awesome and have more beautiful drawings. ♥
violetxylophone : I was a bit puzzled when you added me but I'm so glad that you did now! And I didn't know that you are Hannah's real life friend too, I always thought that you two were only LJ friends. LMAO...fail. Continue your love for everything KPOP, especially for that Lee DongHae and keep on loving our Heavenly Dear Father ♥
xinliyoushu : MY VICTIM. Now that we have gotten to know each other, I suddenly don't feel like killing you already. What sadness :( But you're such a bundle of joy and happiness to have in LJ! Really, I love everything about you, from your GIFs to your pic-spam/spazzes to your million and one tweets to your personal life. I hope that 2010 will be a better year for you and that more happiness and joy will be in store with you. *cuddles the marshmallow* And because I promise you this...
LEE SUNGMIN SHOULD BE PROUD OF US! MUAHAHAHAHAH *imitates Kyu's evil laughter* ♥
So this song is all about giving love and you guys have already proven that you're part of those types of people...and those are my favorite type of person. And I want to give love and say thank you for making [this entry] possible.
Sara Barielles in "Many the Miles" LIVE