Fic: I Tear My Heart Open, I Sew Myself Shut (4/?)
Erica is just tired enough that a giggle escapes, and it quickly degenerates from there. Her laughter is contagious, and pretty soon the entire team is gasping for breath. Eduardo looks like a deer caught in the headlights, which does not help at all.
Taking pity on the new agent, Erica chokes out, "It's just, ju-ju..." -- She forces herself to take a deep breath -- "We're all on a first name basis here." Erica shrugs. "My team isn't big on formality."
When that doesn't seem to reassure Eduardo, she tries to glare everybody into silence. An errant snort from Dustin ruins the effect. "Or on having a social life." Christy kicks her under the table, affronted at being lumped in with the geeks and outcasts, but Erica continues on, "Or clubbing for that matter." She looks at Eduardo. "We could have used you in Indiana. Took us forever to link the disappearances and the 'Ladies Nights.'"
Eduardo flushes scarlet at the public praise and Agent Albright -- no, Erica's -- warm tone of approval. There are truly no words for how much he hates to do this, but, "In the interest of full disclosure, I...I really don't have much of a social life either. Unless you count the two cats I'm thinking of adopting." He manages a weak smile that garners a few chuckles from the team. "So I hope you're not hiring me for my...uhm connections to people or uh clubbing experience? Because-I-honestly-don't-have-much-of-either."
Erica looks curious rather than angry, which hopefully means that she is not going to revoke his transfer. "How did you know about the Wednesday Ladies Nights then?"
"I like to write algorithms in my spare time." Eduardo tries vaguely.
Erica wrinkles her brow, not making the connection. No choice but to go on then.
"Well I had calculated the relative frequency of what stuff happens on which days based on the number of Google results.
"This actually resulted in some really interesting data. For example, even though Wednesday is often referred to as 'Hump Day,' it actually had the lowest results for 'this day sucked.' In fact, Thursday is usually the worst day for people by about 25%. Events like 'company meeting' are 40% more likely to happen on a Tuesday than any other day. And 75% of all break-ups occur on a Friday. What becomes really fascinating is when you plot this with a polar graph where relative frequency is shown by distance from the center an--" Tangent! Abort! ABORT! Eduardo freezes in mid-sentence but there's no taking back the word vomit. Somehow he manages to stumble onward.
"But uh well, that's not really important. The relevant point here is that there were two extreme outliers in my data set. One was unsurprisingly 'Church Sunday' and the other was -- 'Ladies Night Wednesday' So uhm yeah. When I saw the case report with all the women missing on Thursday morning, it all uh clicked for me."
By the end of his disastrous monologue, spontaneous combustion is no longer out of the realm of possibility. Eduardo almost jumps out of his skin when the team's technical analyst tackles him in a bear hug. "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO EARLIER?" the ginger-haired man bellows, voice muffled against Eduardo's chest. "YOU'RE ONE OF US!"
Eduardo has literally no frame of reference for this, no idea how he should be responding. A glance around the table reveals the Media Liaison looking pained but fond, SSA Lee mouthing what looks suspiciously like What is it with you and strays? at Erica, and Dr. Zuckerberg doodling on a notepad in apparent disinterest of the spectacle but with the corner of his lip quirked up in a crooked smile. Eduardo quickly averts his eyes.
///
Chris gently extricates Eduardo from Dustin's octopus arms. "Sorry," he apologizes. "Don't worry. He's not crazy." He flashes Eduardo a quick smile. "His mother had him tested."
Chris drags Dustin back to his seat, turning a deaf ear to the other man's indignant squawks.
Erica clears her throat. "Let's get started. Chris?"
Chris nods. "West Bune, Texas. Two police officers were dispatched to investigate an explosion at the residence of Rod Norris. Right after Deputy Savage calls in to report that Norris was DOA, both officers were shot and killed." Chris holds up a picture of a thick-set man in workman clothing. "First victim: Rod Norris. Manager of a chemical plant in Ibis."
Christy looks down at her own copy of the case file. A crime scene photo shows Rod Norris post-mortem, body horribly disfigured, covered in burns. The force of the explosion had thrown him into the branches of a tree next to his house. Death must have been instantaneous.
Chris is still speaking. He displays the next picture, showing a young girl with a sweet smile and blond hair falling in loose curls around her shoulders. "They're still trying to ID the remains of the second victim, whom they believe is his 16 year old daughter Jordan. From the condition of the remains, she would have had to been inside the house, close to the source of the blast."
"Clearly, they used the bombing to set the officers up for an ambush." Mark hates stating the obvious, but he's learned the hard way that getting everybody on the same page is necessary to avoid wasting even more time later on. "It's a well-established terrorist tactic. First wave takes out civilians. The second wave takes out first responders."
Christy flips through the brief report. "The locals are thinking terrorism in...West Bune, Texas?" she asks skeptically.
"Not exactly a Tier One target," Chris acknowledges. Christy shoots him a look that clearly says, No shit, Sherlock. "But DHS did issue a terror alert for the border states yesterday. Just due to the timing and nature of the attack..."
"I'm...I've never even heard of this place," Christy argues. "I mean the militia, okay that I could see, but..."
"Well it is close to the border." Eduardo speaks up for the first time. "Could be traffickers sending a message. We don't have enough information to exclude anything."
"Also, we need to be cautious of the locals," Erica says quietly. "They've lost two of their own. They're anxious. They're scared. And...and they're going to want revenge."*
Christy curls her lip. "Can you blame them?"*
Nobody speaks for a long moment.
Finally, Erica stands up. "I know it's late. I know we're tired and on edge. Eduardo's right. We don't have enough information to do much else right now. Everybody get some rest on the plane, and we'll build our profile once we arrive on site." She nods at Dustin. "On the off chance this is a terrorist attack, I'll need you with us to work your special brand of magic." Dustin beams proudly. "Your go bag packed?"
"Aye aye Captain!"
Erica glances down at her watch. "Alright. I'll see you guys on the plane in 15."
///
The team troops out, until only Erica and Eduardo remain in the conference room.
"Hey," the Unit Chief calls out.
Eduardo turns around, a reflexive "Yes, ma'am?" falling from his lips.
Erica waves off Eduardo's embarrassed backpedaling. "Just thought I should tell you...you know, in the interest of full disclosure..."
Eduardo smiles a little sheepishly.
"I'm hiring you because: one, Chris is an excellent judge of character, and you managed to charm him into giving you privileged information. Not an easy task. And two, because your profile was dead on."
Eduardo looks dazed, and Erica can't help adding, "The fact that you're an even bigger geek than me? Was just an added bonus." She grins impishly and then sweeps out of the room.
///
*A/N: I'm don't trust myself to come up with a realistic case for the team, so I'll be borrowing heavily from Elephant's Memory. The entire profiling scene is copied here. Asterisks just denote lines I really liked when watching the original episode.
Taking pity on the new agent, Erica chokes out, "It's just, ju-ju..." -- She forces herself to take a deep breath -- "We're all on a first name basis here." Erica shrugs. "My team isn't big on formality."
When that doesn't seem to reassure Eduardo, she tries to glare everybody into silence. An errant snort from Dustin ruins the effect. "Or on having a social life." Christy kicks her under the table, affronted at being lumped in with the geeks and outcasts, but Erica continues on, "Or clubbing for that matter." She looks at Eduardo. "We could have used you in Indiana. Took us forever to link the disappearances and the 'Ladies Nights.'"
Eduardo flushes scarlet at the public praise and Agent Albright -- no, Erica's -- warm tone of approval. There are truly no words for how much he hates to do this, but, "In the interest of full disclosure, I...I really don't have much of a social life either. Unless you count the two cats I'm thinking of adopting." He manages a weak smile that garners a few chuckles from the team. "So I hope you're not hiring me for my...uhm connections to people or uh clubbing experience? Because-I-honestly-don't-have-much-of-either."
Erica looks curious rather than angry, which hopefully means that she is not going to revoke his transfer. "How did you know about the Wednesday Ladies Nights then?"
"I like to write algorithms in my spare time." Eduardo tries vaguely.
Erica wrinkles her brow, not making the connection. No choice but to go on then.
"Well I had calculated the relative frequency of what stuff happens on which days based on the number of Google results.
"This actually resulted in some really interesting data. For example, even though Wednesday is often referred to as 'Hump Day,' it actually had the lowest results for 'this day sucked.' In fact, Thursday is usually the worst day for people by about 25%. Events like 'company meeting' are 40% more likely to happen on a Tuesday than any other day. And 75% of all break-ups occur on a Friday. What becomes really fascinating is when you plot this with a polar graph where relative frequency is shown by distance from the center an--" Tangent! Abort! ABORT! Eduardo freezes in mid-sentence but there's no taking back the word vomit. Somehow he manages to stumble onward.
"But uh well, that's not really important. The relevant point here is that there were two extreme outliers in my data set. One was unsurprisingly 'Church Sunday' and the other was -- 'Ladies Night Wednesday' So uhm yeah. When I saw the case report with all the women missing on Thursday morning, it all uh clicked for me."
By the end of his disastrous monologue, spontaneous combustion is no longer out of the realm of possibility. Eduardo almost jumps out of his skin when the team's technical analyst tackles him in a bear hug. "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO EARLIER?" the ginger-haired man bellows, voice muffled against Eduardo's chest. "YOU'RE ONE OF US!"
Eduardo has literally no frame of reference for this, no idea how he should be responding. A glance around the table reveals the Media Liaison looking pained but fond, SSA Lee mouthing what looks suspiciously like What is it with you and strays? at Erica, and Dr. Zuckerberg doodling on a notepad in apparent disinterest of the spectacle but with the corner of his lip quirked up in a crooked smile. Eduardo quickly averts his eyes.
///
Chris gently extricates Eduardo from Dustin's octopus arms. "Sorry," he apologizes. "Don't worry. He's not crazy." He flashes Eduardo a quick smile. "His mother had him tested."
Chris drags Dustin back to his seat, turning a deaf ear to the other man's indignant squawks.
Erica clears her throat. "Let's get started. Chris?"
Chris nods. "West Bune, Texas. Two police officers were dispatched to investigate an explosion at the residence of Rod Norris. Right after Deputy Savage calls in to report that Norris was DOA, both officers were shot and killed." Chris holds up a picture of a thick-set man in workman clothing. "First victim: Rod Norris. Manager of a chemical plant in Ibis."
Christy looks down at her own copy of the case file. A crime scene photo shows Rod Norris post-mortem, body horribly disfigured, covered in burns. The force of the explosion had thrown him into the branches of a tree next to his house. Death must have been instantaneous.
Chris is still speaking. He displays the next picture, showing a young girl with a sweet smile and blond hair falling in loose curls around her shoulders. "They're still trying to ID the remains of the second victim, whom they believe is his 16 year old daughter Jordan. From the condition of the remains, she would have had to been inside the house, close to the source of the blast."
"Clearly, they used the bombing to set the officers up for an ambush." Mark hates stating the obvious, but he's learned the hard way that getting everybody on the same page is necessary to avoid wasting even more time later on. "It's a well-established terrorist tactic. First wave takes out civilians. The second wave takes out first responders."
Christy flips through the brief report. "The locals are thinking terrorism in...West Bune, Texas?" she asks skeptically.
"Not exactly a Tier One target," Chris acknowledges. Christy shoots him a look that clearly says, No shit, Sherlock. "But DHS did issue a terror alert for the border states yesterday. Just due to the timing and nature of the attack..."
"I'm...I've never even heard of this place," Christy argues. "I mean the militia, okay that I could see, but..."
"Well it is close to the border." Eduardo speaks up for the first time. "Could be traffickers sending a message. We don't have enough information to exclude anything."
"Also, we need to be cautious of the locals," Erica says quietly. "They've lost two of their own. They're anxious. They're scared. And...and they're going to want revenge."*
Christy curls her lip. "Can you blame them?"*
Nobody speaks for a long moment.
Finally, Erica stands up. "I know it's late. I know we're tired and on edge. Eduardo's right. We don't have enough information to do much else right now. Everybody get some rest on the plane, and we'll build our profile once we arrive on site." She nods at Dustin. "On the off chance this is a terrorist attack, I'll need you with us to work your special brand of magic." Dustin beams proudly. "Your go bag packed?"
"Aye aye Captain!"
Erica glances down at her watch. "Alright. I'll see you guys on the plane in 15."
///
The team troops out, until only Erica and Eduardo remain in the conference room.
"Hey," the Unit Chief calls out.
Eduardo turns around, a reflexive "Yes, ma'am?" falling from his lips.
Erica waves off Eduardo's embarrassed backpedaling. "Just thought I should tell you...you know, in the interest of full disclosure..."
Eduardo smiles a little sheepishly.
"I'm hiring you because: one, Chris is an excellent judge of character, and you managed to charm him into giving you privileged information. Not an easy task. And two, because your profile was dead on."
Eduardo looks dazed, and Erica can't help adding, "The fact that you're an even bigger geek than me? Was just an added bonus." She grins impishly and then sweeps out of the room.
///
*A/N: I'm don't trust myself to come up with a realistic case for the team, so I'll be borrowing heavily from Elephant's Memory. The entire profiling scene is copied here. Asterisks just denote lines I really liked when watching the original episode.