These doubts about my future come far too often
As I jokingingly asked on my AIM away message, I now seriously ask, why was I looking at art schools instead of studying?
I keep telling myself and other people that after I graduate from UCSD, maybe spend a few years in Japan, I'll come back to LA and study fashion or costume design, where I'll eventually use my knowledge to start my own business.
Sounds like a plan. But of course, I'm questioning myself all the time.
I often wonder why I came to school (my parents wanted me to get a "well-rounded" education). Sometimes I think I'm just not one of those people meant for college. In that way, I think I forced myself to think I'd rather be at an art school. But can I handle it?
I don't know if I'm creative enough for it; I definitely like to sew, but I haven't really designed anything. There's the sterotype that fashion designers always wear unique and fantastical clothing, and I walk around in my UCSD sweater 4/7 days a week out of laziness XD In that sense, I'm not really cut out to be one :P
As much as I tell myself that's what I want to do, I have to ask whether or not that's really how it is.
My reasons for questioning this goal: I have not spent any real effort on sewing, drawing, or creating anything in the past year. Those "other people" who I've met briefly from cosplay.com put out one or two costumes every quarter, it seems, and they're always talking about it. How could I not possibly find the time to do anything? I told my friend I'd cosplay in UCSD's Anime Fest, but I never got around to making it.
I don't believe I've lost the interest in it; I'm always saying "ooh I want to make something that looks like this, or cosplay that, or modify that into physical form." Am I really that bad at managing my time that I couldn't do it? Or have I lost the drive to do it?
If I make any resolutions for next [edit: school] year (we're not that far into 2007 though..), it's definitely to start sewing more often. I need to come up with real plans for my next project.
I don't know if Crystal was serious, but she said she would take me to the garment district to buy fabric for my birthday. That's a good start. But I can't let it stop there. I've already got boxes of fabric lying around because I haven't gotten to the projects. (My aunt actually gave me a box leftover kimono fabric from Memoirs of a Geisha for me to use. I'm afraid to cut it up because it's so pretty... I don't know what I want to do with it.)
I don't know what to do with my guilt sometimes. I told Kailen years ago that I designed a skirt for her birthday, and that if I ever displayed it anywhere I'd name it after her. I have not yet actually made it. I'm sorry, Kailen. I'll actually need your measurements for that again. I can work on it during the summer *crosses fingers*
I honestly hope I can get myself out of this rut I've gotten stuck in. Perhaps I'm overloading my list of things I want to do and I should simply focus on one or two I really want to get done. Maybe this year was just bad overall because of my inability to deal with stress and time-consuming activities. So.. maybe instead of taiko I should be looking into working with the theater and dance departments with their costume design/construction. Generally, UCSD was not a good school to come to for art... Haha.
Fall should definitely be interesting with my theater design class.
End: Ayumi Hamasaki - until that Day
I keep telling myself and other people that after I graduate from UCSD, maybe spend a few years in Japan, I'll come back to LA and study fashion or costume design, where I'll eventually use my knowledge to start my own business.
Sounds like a plan. But of course, I'm questioning myself all the time.
I often wonder why I came to school (my parents wanted me to get a "well-rounded" education). Sometimes I think I'm just not one of those people meant for college. In that way, I think I forced myself to think I'd rather be at an art school. But can I handle it?
I don't know if I'm creative enough for it; I definitely like to sew, but I haven't really designed anything. There's the sterotype that fashion designers always wear unique and fantastical clothing, and I walk around in my UCSD sweater 4/7 days a week out of laziness XD In that sense, I'm not really cut out to be one :P
As much as I tell myself that's what I want to do, I have to ask whether or not that's really how it is.
My reasons for questioning this goal: I have not spent any real effort on sewing, drawing, or creating anything in the past year. Those "other people" who I've met briefly from cosplay.com put out one or two costumes every quarter, it seems, and they're always talking about it. How could I not possibly find the time to do anything? I told my friend I'd cosplay in UCSD's Anime Fest, but I never got around to making it.
I don't believe I've lost the interest in it; I'm always saying "ooh I want to make something that looks like this, or cosplay that, or modify that into physical form." Am I really that bad at managing my time that I couldn't do it? Or have I lost the drive to do it?
If I make any resolutions for next [edit: school] year (we're not that far into 2007 though..), it's definitely to start sewing more often. I need to come up with real plans for my next project.
I don't know if Crystal was serious, but she said she would take me to the garment district to buy fabric for my birthday. That's a good start. But I can't let it stop there. I've already got boxes of fabric lying around because I haven't gotten to the projects. (My aunt actually gave me a box leftover kimono fabric from Memoirs of a Geisha for me to use. I'm afraid to cut it up because it's so pretty... I don't know what I want to do with it.)
I don't know what to do with my guilt sometimes. I told Kailen years ago that I designed a skirt for her birthday, and that if I ever displayed it anywhere I'd name it after her. I have not yet actually made it. I'm sorry, Kailen. I'll actually need your measurements for that again. I can work on it during the summer *crosses fingers*
I honestly hope I can get myself out of this rut I've gotten stuck in. Perhaps I'm overloading my list of things I want to do and I should simply focus on one or two I really want to get done. Maybe this year was just bad overall because of my inability to deal with stress and time-consuming activities. So.. maybe instead of taiko I should be looking into working with the theater and dance departments with their costume design/construction. Generally, UCSD was not a good school to come to for art... Haha.
Fall should definitely be interesting with my theater design class.
End: Ayumi Hamasaki - until that Day