A Shadow Buried in Autumn Leaves
A Shadow Buried in Autumn Leaves
T/N: One-shot fic. Angst. Need I say more? :D Not sure who wrote this, but it's really short and kinda sad, and I'm kinda bored. PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU'RE NOT PREPARED FOR SEVERE ANGST.
"Everything that had ever mattered, I'll bury them beneath this tree. Before me, I see a spring of farewells. And if I look up, it's a spring of falling flowers. Above me, above me, always." -- Harusaki Sentimental, Plastic Tree
"Beep beep" His mobile phone emitted a soft glow.
Jung Yunho lifted his head from his book and flipped his phone cover.
One new message - from "Jae".
"Yunho ah, let's try a psychological test~ Q: If you were to go on a romantic getaway with your beloved me, where would it be? 1) Mt Fuji. 2) Shopping districts in autumn. 3) Under sakura trees in Japan. 4) Hainan's beach. 5) Where there's only the two of us. I wonder which one will Yunho choose? It can tell you your current state of mind~"
Yunho smiled at his phone as he gazed lovingly at the message, as if he were looking at Jaejoong himself.
He pressed "5" without hesitating and sent it. No longer in a mood to read his book, he gazed out of the window and smiled faintly to himself.
"Beep beep" Another message.
Yunho glanced down at the sender's name, satisfied that it was Jaejoong, and quickly checked the message.
The message from Jaejoong was simply a note explaining all the options in the question.
And option 5, which was what Yunho chose, simply said: Your greatest fear is that your partner would leave you some day, and yet because you love him/her too much, you live with a constant fear that he/she would walk out on you any minute.
Giving the text a quick glance-through, Yunho imagined Jaejoong clawing frantically at his phone on the other end. Another short message.
"I chose '2', you know!"
Yunho quickly checked the explanations again. After reading it, he didn't reply Jaejoong's message immediately.
"Option 2: You can't keep your relationship perfectly intact because of your love. You're a person who wants nothing more than for your lover to be happy, and you would willingly sacrifice yourself for him/her.
What could this mean?
Jung Yunho's heart didn't understand, but subconsciously, he understood everything.
He frowned. It felt like his heart was being wrenched out of him. His hand shook as he gripped his phone.
Another message.
"Yunho ah, you're afraid that I'll leave you, right? Is it tiring, pretending to be happy when you're not? Will you really be scared if I'm gone? But I've already left you..."
There's nothing more to the message. Yunho remained expressionless, silently regarding his phone as he pressed the keys on his keypad.
"Since Jaejoong left me, then Jaejoong should wait for me."
He sipped his coffee.
The coffee had a lot of creamer added in it, just the way Jaejoong liked it. It tasted very sweet.
Rising to his feet, Yunho held his phone in his hand as he walked towards the window, quietly observing the scenery.
There was a road outside, a long and eerily quiet road. Not many people liked to use this road.
By the road stood impossibly tall tree, the canopy bare as its leaves had already fallen in golden heaps around the tree. Autumn was nearing an end.
He'd once taken a walk there with Jaejoong. They had held hands and laid beneath the tree, enjoying its cool shade. And they had ran across the grass, laughing as if they had no cares in the world. They had held each other, feeling the other's breath as his own. And they had told whispered their love for each other in their ears...
And Yunho continued to lean against the window in silence, eyes closed as he replayed that memory over and over again in his mind. His lips curled into a smile.
For a long time, there was no response from the phone.
When Yunho opened his book again, a new message came in.
"What's wrong with Yunho today? I didn't understand a word of that."
Yunho laughed bitterly and cast a meaningful glance at the calendar, shaking his head lightly as he muttered, "That rascal..."
And then, he calmly texted his reply: "I'm just letting Jaejoong wait for me, so that Jaejoong would never leave me again once I've found you."
No replies again. This time, Yunho abandoned his book for good and sat on the floor next to the window with his phone in his hand.
The coolness of the wall against his back felt good. A light breeze traveled through the leaves and caressed Yunho's stoic but perfectly chiseled face.
"Jaejoong is a good boy, so I don't need Yunho to come and look for me." He stared at the short reply. It seemed to be getting funnier by the minute.
"That won't do. Jaejoong isn't allowed to leave me ever again. I will find you. I must." He snapped his phone shut as he continued day dreaming of how he used to look at Jaejoong smile gently at him. Yunho buried his face in his arms, unable to withstand it anymore.
One hour passed, then two... Just like that, he sat at the corner for three hours, not even moving a muscle. There were no replies still.
Suddenly, a gust of wind blew a dried leaf into the room. It danced in the air for a moment before landing next to Yunho's feet.
Yunho lifted his lifeless face and glanced at the dried leaf. It was already 6pm even though it felt as if only seconds had gone by. The sky was beginning to darken at that point.
Lifting his phone, he dialed a number that no one had been able to get through for 3 years.
"Ring-- Ring-- Ring--" Three times like what he anticipated, but it was interrupted by the sound of someone picking up the phone. It's a sound that used to make Yunho smile.
There was nothing said on the other end of the line, just a stretch of uncomfortable silence.
So Yunho chuckled a little, breaking the silence, "Changmin ah..."
If he strained his ears, he could hear the other person's breathing clear and shallow, as if he was nervous.
Yunho continued, "Changmin ah... Changmin... Why won't you answer hyung..."
"Yunho hyung...." He finally opened his mouth. His voice sounded a little hoarse, but pure and clear as it always did. "Yunho hyung... You..."
"Hyung isn't tired at all actually. The one who's tired is you, isn't it?" Yunho interrupted, his voice listless as he rested his head on his arms again. "I really want to thank you for the past 3 years, Changmin ah. You've worked really hard, and I'm grateful. Really. Thank you. I'm sure Jaejoong would want to thank you too."
"Hyung...." This time, the voice didn't come from the phone, but it echoed from a place that wasn't far from Yunho.
Yunho lifted his head and his eyes met Changmin's anxious and worried gaze. Standing at the door, Changmin was clutching Jaejoong's phone weakly in his hand.
Yunho switched off his phone and threw it to a corner, before wrapping his arms tightly around himself.
He raised his head and smiled weakly at Changmin, "Sending texts like this to hyung everyday must be tiring for you, right? And you had to impersonate another person as well... Keke... Hyung doesn't want to see you like this, and neither would your Jaejoong hyung... These 3 years I've always known that you and Yoochun and the others tried your best to not let my thoughts run wild. I know you guys racked your brains out to keep me alive, so I really want to thank all of you.
"You weaved a fancy story that Jaejoong went to England to receive treatment, and then tried your best to prevent me from flying there on impulse... So you pretended to be your Jaejoong hyung and sent all those mushy texts to me, right? It must have been so tiring for you..."
"Hyung, enough. Please. Just stop talking about this, alright?" Changmin's voice started to tremble as his body swayed to and fro from Yunho's words. "Hyung, are you hungry? Let's go for dinner, yeah? Junsu hyung is going over to my place to cook tonight, and Hankyung hyung and Leeteuk hyung are all crashing too. We'll go together, hm?" Changmin forced a smile on his face.
Yunho wasn't listening at all. He simply sat there and continued as if he were in a world of his own.
"Actually I've known it all along, that it wasn't Jaejoong emailing and texting me but you guys. But I didn't want to make you guys worry about me so I kept it from all of you for 3 years... Sorry about that...
"Jaejoong's dead. He died in that fire 3 years ago. I know... I know all about it..." Yunho was still smiling as he slowly pulled himself to his feet and stood before Changmin.
Looking at Changmin's ghastly pale face, he patted the younger man's cheek and laughed, "Jaejoong hated this expression the most."
With that, he lowered his hand and gazed into Changmin's eyes.
"Your Jaejoong hyung once told me that he would never leave me for anything in the world. But this time, he went back on his word didn't he? But I don't blame him, because he probably suffered a lot after leaving me and he's probably in agony right now. He's all alone too, with no one to accompany him for 3 whole years, and I can't bear to leave him like that... So, I've decided that I'll go to him..."
"Yunho hyung!!!" Changmin panicked as he grabbed Yunho's arm, his eyes wide with fear as he pleaded, "What are you saying, Yunho hyung!? Ah!? Please, don't be like this alright? Hm? Jaejoong hyung would want you to live on, wouldn't he? You can't do this... It's been 3 years... You..."
Yunho ignored Changmin's cries as he pointed towards the calendar on the wall. "Look at the date today. It's the perfect date for me to go look for him, isn't it? 3 years ago on this day, he left me. Now 3 years on, I'll like to give him a little surprise."
After saying those words, he walked past Changmin and headed for the door.
"No!!! Yunho hyung! You can't do this!!" Changmin hollered as he tried to grab hold of Yunho desperately.
"Changmin ah, let your Yunho hyung be wilful for once and let me do something that I won't regret, alright? Just once, I promise, there won't be a second time. Hm?" Yunho smiled at Changmin. It was a weak smile, but it was pure and bright.
Changmin couldn't stop his tears from falling as he watched Yunho slip out of his grasp and walk out of the door. Slowly, he made his way to the small road that was adorned with fallen leaves.
And Changmin cried as he watched his hyung walk along the road, slowly but surely, before collapsing in the middle of the road.
Yunho felt his eyelids grow heavier. Keke, looks like those sleeping pills are just too darn effective.
But, as he felt his strength ebb from his body, his laughter eventually became a sigh. When he felt his body crumple onto the ground, surrounded by those golden leaves, and felt his eyes close gradually, he murmured under his breath, "Jaejoong ah, you'll never leave me..."
And then, he closed his eyes peacefully.
Changmin fell to his knees, weeping his heart out.
He'd seen the shadow of his hyung's figure collapse before his eyes, just like that, like a puppet whose strings had been cut.
"Beep beep" Jaejoong's phone beeped in his pockets.
Changmin stared at it for a moment, stunned speechless, before frantically fishing it out like a madman. He flipped the cover and on the screen was a new text message.
"Jaejoong ah, I'll be seeing you soon~" -- From "Yun".
+++++++END++++++++
T/N: One-shot fic. Angst. Need I say more? :D Not sure who wrote this, but it's really short and kinda sad, and I'm kinda bored. PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU'RE NOT PREPARED FOR SEVERE ANGST.
"Everything that had ever mattered, I'll bury them beneath this tree. Before me, I see a spring of farewells. And if I look up, it's a spring of falling flowers. Above me, above me, always." -- Harusaki Sentimental, Plastic Tree
"Beep beep" His mobile phone emitted a soft glow.
Jung Yunho lifted his head from his book and flipped his phone cover.
One new message - from "Jae".
"Yunho ah, let's try a psychological test~ Q: If you were to go on a romantic getaway with your beloved me, where would it be? 1) Mt Fuji. 2) Shopping districts in autumn. 3) Under sakura trees in Japan. 4) Hainan's beach. 5) Where there's only the two of us. I wonder which one will Yunho choose? It can tell you your current state of mind~"
Yunho smiled at his phone as he gazed lovingly at the message, as if he were looking at Jaejoong himself.
He pressed "5" without hesitating and sent it. No longer in a mood to read his book, he gazed out of the window and smiled faintly to himself.
"Beep beep" Another message.
Yunho glanced down at the sender's name, satisfied that it was Jaejoong, and quickly checked the message.
The message from Jaejoong was simply a note explaining all the options in the question.
And option 5, which was what Yunho chose, simply said: Your greatest fear is that your partner would leave you some day, and yet because you love him/her too much, you live with a constant fear that he/she would walk out on you any minute.
Giving the text a quick glance-through, Yunho imagined Jaejoong clawing frantically at his phone on the other end. Another short message.
"I chose '2', you know!"
Yunho quickly checked the explanations again. After reading it, he didn't reply Jaejoong's message immediately.
"Option 2: You can't keep your relationship perfectly intact because of your love. You're a person who wants nothing more than for your lover to be happy, and you would willingly sacrifice yourself for him/her.
What could this mean?
Jung Yunho's heart didn't understand, but subconsciously, he understood everything.
He frowned. It felt like his heart was being wrenched out of him. His hand shook as he gripped his phone.
Another message.
"Yunho ah, you're afraid that I'll leave you, right? Is it tiring, pretending to be happy when you're not? Will you really be scared if I'm gone? But I've already left you..."
There's nothing more to the message. Yunho remained expressionless, silently regarding his phone as he pressed the keys on his keypad.
"Since Jaejoong left me, then Jaejoong should wait for me."
He sipped his coffee.
The coffee had a lot of creamer added in it, just the way Jaejoong liked it. It tasted very sweet.
Rising to his feet, Yunho held his phone in his hand as he walked towards the window, quietly observing the scenery.
There was a road outside, a long and eerily quiet road. Not many people liked to use this road.
By the road stood impossibly tall tree, the canopy bare as its leaves had already fallen in golden heaps around the tree. Autumn was nearing an end.
He'd once taken a walk there with Jaejoong. They had held hands and laid beneath the tree, enjoying its cool shade. And they had ran across the grass, laughing as if they had no cares in the world. They had held each other, feeling the other's breath as his own. And they had told whispered their love for each other in their ears...
And Yunho continued to lean against the window in silence, eyes closed as he replayed that memory over and over again in his mind. His lips curled into a smile.
For a long time, there was no response from the phone.
When Yunho opened his book again, a new message came in.
"What's wrong with Yunho today? I didn't understand a word of that."
Yunho laughed bitterly and cast a meaningful glance at the calendar, shaking his head lightly as he muttered, "That rascal..."
And then, he calmly texted his reply: "I'm just letting Jaejoong wait for me, so that Jaejoong would never leave me again once I've found you."
No replies again. This time, Yunho abandoned his book for good and sat on the floor next to the window with his phone in his hand.
The coolness of the wall against his back felt good. A light breeze traveled through the leaves and caressed Yunho's stoic but perfectly chiseled face.
"Jaejoong is a good boy, so I don't need Yunho to come and look for me." He stared at the short reply. It seemed to be getting funnier by the minute.
"That won't do. Jaejoong isn't allowed to leave me ever again. I will find you. I must." He snapped his phone shut as he continued day dreaming of how he used to look at Jaejoong smile gently at him. Yunho buried his face in his arms, unable to withstand it anymore.
One hour passed, then two... Just like that, he sat at the corner for three hours, not even moving a muscle. There were no replies still.
Suddenly, a gust of wind blew a dried leaf into the room. It danced in the air for a moment before landing next to Yunho's feet.
Yunho lifted his lifeless face and glanced at the dried leaf. It was already 6pm even though it felt as if only seconds had gone by. The sky was beginning to darken at that point.
Lifting his phone, he dialed a number that no one had been able to get through for 3 years.
"Ring-- Ring-- Ring--" Three times like what he anticipated, but it was interrupted by the sound of someone picking up the phone. It's a sound that used to make Yunho smile.
There was nothing said on the other end of the line, just a stretch of uncomfortable silence.
So Yunho chuckled a little, breaking the silence, "Changmin ah..."
If he strained his ears, he could hear the other person's breathing clear and shallow, as if he was nervous.
Yunho continued, "Changmin ah... Changmin... Why won't you answer hyung..."
"Yunho hyung...." He finally opened his mouth. His voice sounded a little hoarse, but pure and clear as it always did. "Yunho hyung... You..."
"Hyung isn't tired at all actually. The one who's tired is you, isn't it?" Yunho interrupted, his voice listless as he rested his head on his arms again. "I really want to thank you for the past 3 years, Changmin ah. You've worked really hard, and I'm grateful. Really. Thank you. I'm sure Jaejoong would want to thank you too."
"Hyung...." This time, the voice didn't come from the phone, but it echoed from a place that wasn't far from Yunho.
Yunho lifted his head and his eyes met Changmin's anxious and worried gaze. Standing at the door, Changmin was clutching Jaejoong's phone weakly in his hand.
Yunho switched off his phone and threw it to a corner, before wrapping his arms tightly around himself.
He raised his head and smiled weakly at Changmin, "Sending texts like this to hyung everyday must be tiring for you, right? And you had to impersonate another person as well... Keke... Hyung doesn't want to see you like this, and neither would your Jaejoong hyung... These 3 years I've always known that you and Yoochun and the others tried your best to not let my thoughts run wild. I know you guys racked your brains out to keep me alive, so I really want to thank all of you.
"You weaved a fancy story that Jaejoong went to England to receive treatment, and then tried your best to prevent me from flying there on impulse... So you pretended to be your Jaejoong hyung and sent all those mushy texts to me, right? It must have been so tiring for you..."
"Hyung, enough. Please. Just stop talking about this, alright?" Changmin's voice started to tremble as his body swayed to and fro from Yunho's words. "Hyung, are you hungry? Let's go for dinner, yeah? Junsu hyung is going over to my place to cook tonight, and Hankyung hyung and Leeteuk hyung are all crashing too. We'll go together, hm?" Changmin forced a smile on his face.
Yunho wasn't listening at all. He simply sat there and continued as if he were in a world of his own.
"Actually I've known it all along, that it wasn't Jaejoong emailing and texting me but you guys. But I didn't want to make you guys worry about me so I kept it from all of you for 3 years... Sorry about that...
"Jaejoong's dead. He died in that fire 3 years ago. I know... I know all about it..." Yunho was still smiling as he slowly pulled himself to his feet and stood before Changmin.
Looking at Changmin's ghastly pale face, he patted the younger man's cheek and laughed, "Jaejoong hated this expression the most."
With that, he lowered his hand and gazed into Changmin's eyes.
"Your Jaejoong hyung once told me that he would never leave me for anything in the world. But this time, he went back on his word didn't he? But I don't blame him, because he probably suffered a lot after leaving me and he's probably in agony right now. He's all alone too, with no one to accompany him for 3 whole years, and I can't bear to leave him like that... So, I've decided that I'll go to him..."
"Yunho hyung!!!" Changmin panicked as he grabbed Yunho's arm, his eyes wide with fear as he pleaded, "What are you saying, Yunho hyung!? Ah!? Please, don't be like this alright? Hm? Jaejoong hyung would want you to live on, wouldn't he? You can't do this... It's been 3 years... You..."
Yunho ignored Changmin's cries as he pointed towards the calendar on the wall. "Look at the date today. It's the perfect date for me to go look for him, isn't it? 3 years ago on this day, he left me. Now 3 years on, I'll like to give him a little surprise."
After saying those words, he walked past Changmin and headed for the door.
"No!!! Yunho hyung! You can't do this!!" Changmin hollered as he tried to grab hold of Yunho desperately.
"Changmin ah, let your Yunho hyung be wilful for once and let me do something that I won't regret, alright? Just once, I promise, there won't be a second time. Hm?" Yunho smiled at Changmin. It was a weak smile, but it was pure and bright.
Changmin couldn't stop his tears from falling as he watched Yunho slip out of his grasp and walk out of the door. Slowly, he made his way to the small road that was adorned with fallen leaves.
And Changmin cried as he watched his hyung walk along the road, slowly but surely, before collapsing in the middle of the road.
Yunho felt his eyelids grow heavier. Keke, looks like those sleeping pills are just too darn effective.
But, as he felt his strength ebb from his body, his laughter eventually became a sigh. When he felt his body crumple onto the ground, surrounded by those golden leaves, and felt his eyes close gradually, he murmured under his breath, "Jaejoong ah, you'll never leave me..."
And then, he closed his eyes peacefully.
Changmin fell to his knees, weeping his heart out.
He'd seen the shadow of his hyung's figure collapse before his eyes, just like that, like a puppet whose strings had been cut.
"Beep beep" Jaejoong's phone beeped in his pockets.
Changmin stared at it for a moment, stunned speechless, before frantically fishing it out like a madman. He flipped the cover and on the screen was a new text message.
"Jaejoong ah, I'll be seeing you soon~" -- From "Yun".
+++++++END++++++++