argh
I'm tired. I'm always so tired.
It's like, I spend so much time trying to make other people happy and listening to their problems and trying to talk to them and cheer them up that I don't have time for myself.
I don't sleep, because she's too depressed to sleep.
I don't shower, because he's too upset to be left alone.
I don't work or revise, because she's swearing and heartbroken and crying her eyes out.
I don't do anything, because they're everything to me and I can't leave them with nothing.
When I wake up, I go to school.
I have class.
When I get out of class, I have activities.
When my activities end, I have class.
When I get out of school, I have activities.
When my activities end, I go home.
When I go home, I work and eat and shower.
When I finish my homework, I write essays for camp applications.
Then I sleep.
Then I wake up, and I go to school.
And on Saturdays, I wake up at six thirty or seven and I have Japanese.
Then I eat.
And straight after, I have tutor.
Then I change.
And straight after, I have tennis.
Then I eat, and sleep.
And on Sundays, I have guitar.
Then I do my homework.
Then it's Monday, and I go to school.
And I spend every moment in between feeling sorry for myself.
Or being yelled at for not managing my time properly, for taking too long doing everything - but I can't help it.
I keep falling asleep.
I try not to, I try.
But I just can't.
I can't stay upright.
I can't keep my eyes open.
Yes, I'm a whinger. I don't care (eh eh eh eh eh).
It's not like I WANT to sleep late.
I want to sleep early.
But I can't - I need time for myself. So I sacrifice my sleeping time, because where else can I take the time from?
I feel like I'm going to collapse all the time.
I can barely walk upright.
My head hurts.
My eye hurts.
My stomach hurts.
My abdomen hurts.
Everything hurts.
I just want to sleep.
I just want a day, an hour, a minute, a second where I can rest.
I was supposed to go out on Thursday.
Finally, some relaxation with friends - and oh, no.
I have a Drama exam outside of school.
Sorry.
And I was supposed to sleep on Friday.
Or ~revise~.
But oh, no.
We have to go over our Drama work, sorry.
And then it's Saturday and Sunday and Monday again.
This is just a rant about me.
Me whining about everything when I should be kissing the ground and jumping around in joy for being so lucky and being offered so many opportunities.
I always say that it's simple. It's really simple.
You want to be happy?
Just do what you want, and don't do what you don't want.
Duh.
And I've been trying to follow that.
And it was easy.
But I don't know what happened.
It's like I'm caught and trapped in doing everything I don't enjoy.
And I don't even talk to my friends anymore.
I can hold a conversation if they're there, but I won't initiate a conversation.
I don't do anything.
And even if they start first, with text or facebook or msn or whatever, I can't.
I just can't.
I'm too tired.
And I'm making it even more difficult for myself.
Wasting all my time like this.
This and the previous post are my closest posts, I think.
As in, posted soon after.
Whatever.
I'm incoherent.
I just want to sleep...and sleep. And sleep some more. And yeah, watch some Hello Baby, listen to some DBSK. You know.
I seem so emo on LJ, hahaha.
Emo posts on LJ, happy spammy annoying posts on FB!
Yay!
Because everyone is forced to read my fb, and no one reads my LJ.
And I need a place to write other than Microsoft Word - a place where I can easily view and go through all of my thoughts.
I'm so tired.
I feel like I'm going to collapse.
//
ON A HAPPIER NOTE, OH YUNHOOOO <3333333333333333333333
HE'S LEAVING TOMORROW!
I WISH I HAD STUDY LEAVE LIKE THE Y12S T_T
HAHAHA I LOVE OUR LEADER-SSHI ♥♥♥♥♥