If You Give a House Vicodin: Desecrating Classic Children's Tales.
Don't know what gave me this idea. But this is my version of the book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, only it's done with House and focuses mostly on the Tritter Arc and Merry Little Christmas. I'm probably desecrating this classic children's tale, but if you like it lemmie know.
If you give a mouse a cookie House style. aka.
If you give a House some vicodin.
If you give a House back his life by taking away his thigh muscle he's going to ask for some vicodin.
When you give him the vicodin, he'll become an addict and want some more vicodin. When he's taken his addiction too far he'll piss off a cop and the cop will want revenge, who will take away all his pills.
Then he will want to look in a mirror to see what's become of himself, when he looks into the mirror he'll probably notice he looks like hell cause he's detoxing and then he'll ask to steal a dead patients prescription pain pills.
When he gets the bottle of pain pills he'll want to take some of them. He might get carried away and take every pill in the bottle. He may even end up crashing on the floor as well!
When he's done he'll probably want to take a nap. His best friend will have to find him in his apartment passed out on the floor and he'll reevaluate his life again. He'll probably ask the cop if he can cut a deal but the cop will say no. So he'll go to rehab and he'll con his way into more vicodin.
When it's time for his trial he'll get so excited he'll leave the courtroom to save a patient. After he's saved the patient he'll want to be let off the hook.
Then his boss/former one night stand/person who's secretly in love with him/person who he's secretly in love with will get him out of trouble by perjuring herself. Which means they love each other.
He'll flirt and banter and have eye sex with her constantly for 2 years, then she'll want a kid and he'll realize he wants her. Realizing he wants her but doesn't believe he's good enough for her will remind him he hasn't had vicodin in a while.
And chances are if he takes some vicodin, he's going to want more vicodin to go with it.
Stay tuned for If you give a misanthropic, nihilistic, addict, bastard even more vicodin...
