My Rambling thots --- My Yunjae World!!!
MY YUNJAE ADDICTION - Cold turkey :(
It took a year and finally I posted this. Several times I tried posting my thoughts, but failed. But today somehow it seemed right… So, here goes nothing.
WARNING: Rambling alert!!… I talk and write `long form’ hahaha. I do it `Live, no edits, no pre-posting drafts. Just the way my thoughts flow. So this could be long, don’t say I didn’t warn you. { and excuse the grammar mistakes & typo errors }
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2009 is drawing to a close. the end of the year always made us reflect on the past and make new resolutions for the coming new year.
I still hold the light that Yunjae will be ok eventually..........
I believe in 2010 and I am praying with all my might that the YunjaeSPARK will ignite again soon...I know it will :)
MISSING YUNJAE ~~~ THE GOOD OLD DAYS….
It was Yunjae who brought me to Live Journal. Yunjae fanfiction writers are Awesome!! They turned me into a serious addict. Transfixed onto my macbook screen for hours, weekends after weekends. And sometimes when I got hooked and could not finish the completed fiction by monday - I stole time at work to read it till the end. { I am bad really, really bad - hahaha }.
Yunjae clips and fanvids are my pick-ups during the week. Watching their behaviour always make me smile. Seeing how fans picked up on their tiniest Yunjae moments brighten my mood. Though some may be ridiculously far off, but its good entertainment. Hell they are cute whichever way you put them together. So, its eye candy - what the heck !!! And Yunjae fan-art ?? OMG… they make me blush. Although I am above 18, whenever I look at them, I fear I’d be caught by my parents and grounded for life (hahaha). They leave little for my imagination. And damn, some of them really looked real !!
Yunjae is a drug to me - ambrosia, haroine, ecstacy call it what you want. I have never tried any of those really. But hell I got addicted to Yunjae and without it I can’t focus, I have mood swings & worst I feel lost. { SICK HUH… or worst I am crazy }
Its not about - gay idolising or being yaoi crazy. They’re just right with each other, made for one another. They just ooze happiness & love. Fantasy or not, they make you feel good!! { Agree? Agree? Agree” }
Through LiveJournal I found out that YunjaeFandom is huge…really Huge!!. And it breaks all nationalities, race. Almost at every corner of the world there’s someone rooting for them. And some from social backgrounds that abhors gayism. Strangely these are 2 guys from Korea for goodness sakes. Some of us have never been to Korea, or better still, had never ever thought of going there before this - Ever!!. Yet we spazz over them, speculate if they were real or not, laugh & giggle like crazy over every little things they do. We all spoke one language - YunjaeLOVE ☺
COLD TURKEY SINCE SEPTEMBER…
I noticed some time after Tokyo Dome and before A-Nation that Jae hardly looked to his left as much. I was not alone so did some fans in the YunjaeWORLD population. I told myself I was paranoid. But they did seemed to play it cool on the fan service. Fans speculations comforted me slightly - that they’ve been warned by `management’ to do so. So, okay I thought…. Perhaps that’s it, so don’t worry much about it.
Then the fateful news on 30th August, was that the exact date? I might be wrong. But when I read about the lawsuit, I panicked. God, why just the 3 of them I thought. Shit they will split up - they are going to split up!!!!!!! OMG why is Jae & Yunho not together in this one ?!!!! I could have sworn I felt blood being drained from my body.
But when they were caught having lunch with each other after Yunho started filming HTTG and just before his drama debut on air, despite the lawsuit…I jumped in joy !!! I cool off slightly and told myself - you’ve just over-reacted, its probably not that dramatic as you think it is.
But sadly THAT video was the last I saw of the `original-happy-yunjae moment-caught-on-stalker-fancam’ youtube clip. After that, the news about the lawsuit went form disconcerting to ridiculous. Nevertheless, the threat was undeniable, no matter how much you refused to believe it. Henceforth, as I watched A-nation’s moments and all the rest, my speck of worry grew bigger by the day.
I had my fair share of crying, feeling lost, zombified - going overly dramatic thinking about all the `WHAT IFs….’. Then I abandoned all the chatrooms and fansites that had the potential of driving me crazy - and stuck to the ones I trusted and most of all, voices from the 5 GODs only. By doing so, I managed to build my own bubble and safeguard my faith… till today.
However, I couldn’t ignore that Yunjae was fading by the day. My addiction will never be fixed soon. My cold turkey got worst !!!
THREE MONTHS PASSED - Jae still never looked to his left.
To me Jaejoong looking to his left, is like the sun rising everyday. Something that is bound to happen - a natural accurance. Yunjae fandom knows the magnetic field that pulls him to look or steal glances to his left comes from Yunho - that is a given!!! So when Jaejoong stopped doing it - my whole world turned into darkness. Its like the sun stopped rising. As a result my mind can’t stop speculating.
The separation caused by the lawsuit rarely allowed us to see them together as 5. But when Jaejoong glowed at the press conference for Heavenly Postman just by the mention of Yunho’s name - I saw the brightest light!!! There’s still hope of Yunjae despite the fading ambers caused by the lawsuit battle. I have not seen Jaejoong smiled that way for a very long time. It was not only his lips that was forming those prolonged smiles - it was his eyes. OMG right that moment I knew despite what everyone said - Yunjae IS real, it truly is.
The recent clips of THSK’s appearance in Japan saddened me of course. For one thing, Jaejoong still locked the left side of his neck, refusing it to turn that way. If you looked at those clips, you’d see that everything would look ok if only Yunjae were just the way like they used to. There were awkwardness from all 5 when they were on stage, but somehow Yunjae’s were magnified.
But from one show to another I saw the boys getting better and warming up more. Perhaps Yunjae would take longer but I still I keep my faith. These appearances are indeed doing some good…..I hope they’ll slowly take the awkwardness away.
I look forward to KOUHAKU that’s happening in just days. I know they’d look better than the Christmas special…. I pray they would. But I wished Jaejoong could just give a glance or two at Yunho. Cos’ if he did, my addiction would be cured….
I miss Yunjae
Their fire, their sparks
Their tender loving care for one another
Their innocent casualness
The beauty that they are - together
*`•.¸(¯`•.•´¯)¤(¯`•.•´¯)¸.•´¤
¤ º° ¤`•.¸.•´¤ ¤`•.¸.•´ ¤ .¸¸.☆♡YunjaeLOVE-4ever-ALWAYS !!!☆♡
A/N:
Comments are welcomed, I 'd love to hear your thoughts on Yunjae as 2009 draws to a close :)
{ A lyric-video of Lighthouse's EVERYTHING}
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