Actias luna
Why is it that the guys I actually like always seem to lose interest after a week or two, while the ones that I was up-front about not being interested in continue to pursue me? There is a point at which dogged persistence stops being flattering and starts to be depressing.
Maybe it's for the best, though; I'm finally getting over Jon, I think, and starting to enjoy being single. With this new fitness journey I've embarked on, plus my whole quest to find new, not-shitty employment, I kind of feel like I've withdrawn into a little cocoon of my own making, and that I'll emerge, sometime in the future, as a new and different version of my old self. Like a Luna moth. Hopefully, however, I won't spend a week frantically mating and then die of starvation. The life cycle of moths is depressing.
...That analogy got away from me. The point I'm trying to make is that I'm finally starting to feel whole again, and to feel like I have something in my life that makes me happy, without the need for another person. I miss being in love, and the sense of security I got from my relationship, but maybe being secure isn't what I need right now. Maybe trying to date would just slow me down. For the first time since I don't even remember when, I'm feeling truly happy and confident and I found that feeling inside myself. I didn't have to wait for some guy to give it to me.
Don't get me wrong, I love that guys are pursuing me. Nothing beats the feeling of being flirted with, especially after being rejected or taken for granted for so long. That's why I bring it up so much--I'm so used to thinking of myself as undesirable that having not just one but multiple dudes vaguely interested in me is a perpetual source of smug, slightly disbelieving excitement. But while I enjoy it, I'm inclined to keep it light, and to be honest about the fact that I'm not really looking for a relationship. I haven't been single since my sophomore year of college, which at first kind of made me panic whenever I thought about it, but now seems like an interesting change of pace.
So...yeah. I think what I'm saying is: hurray for the new me.
Maybe it's for the best, though; I'm finally getting over Jon, I think, and starting to enjoy being single. With this new fitness journey I've embarked on, plus my whole quest to find new, not-shitty employment, I kind of feel like I've withdrawn into a little cocoon of my own making, and that I'll emerge, sometime in the future, as a new and different version of my old self. Like a Luna moth. Hopefully, however, I won't spend a week frantically mating and then die of starvation. The life cycle of moths is depressing.
...That analogy got away from me. The point I'm trying to make is that I'm finally starting to feel whole again, and to feel like I have something in my life that makes me happy, without the need for another person. I miss being in love, and the sense of security I got from my relationship, but maybe being secure isn't what I need right now. Maybe trying to date would just slow me down. For the first time since I don't even remember when, I'm feeling truly happy and confident and I found that feeling inside myself. I didn't have to wait for some guy to give it to me.
Don't get me wrong, I love that guys are pursuing me. Nothing beats the feeling of being flirted with, especially after being rejected or taken for granted for so long. That's why I bring it up so much--I'm so used to thinking of myself as undesirable that having not just one but multiple dudes vaguely interested in me is a perpetual source of smug, slightly disbelieving excitement. But while I enjoy it, I'm inclined to keep it light, and to be honest about the fact that I'm not really looking for a relationship. I haven't been single since my sophomore year of college, which at first kind of made me panic whenever I thought about it, but now seems like an interesting change of pace.
So...yeah. I think what I'm saying is: hurray for the new me.