In which Sarah and I discuss bad fanfiction
Sarita Pequena: fanfic writers: why!?
Teh Yuni: Link/Ganondorf fic. My very favorite line from this fic...
Teh Yuni: "You've grown these past seven years, kid," I tumble through speech, attempting to, in some small way, assume a modicum of the old confidence. "I admired your spunk, I'll admit it... But now..." "But now, I'd rather taste your spunk than admire it."
Teh Yuni: BAM.
Sarita Pequena: noooooooo
Sarita Pequena: NOT THE SPUNK
Teh Yuni: AND THEN HE GETS DOWN ON ONE KNEE AND FUCKING PROPOSES
Teh Yuni: AND THEN PROPOSES FUCKING, I GUESS
...
Teh Yuni: "I collapse upon him, my seed spilling fruitlessly throughout him, whilst his emptied, half-hardened stickiness spasms the last of its juice against my belly... Recalling my stupid, stupid play at him, my undermining of his feelings, the very reason that he cast Zelda aside and fled into my arms, tears begin to well up, and I draw him near me, kissing fatherly the forehead nestled up at the crook of my neck. "I'm sorry..." the words come, strangled mercilessly in a sob. "I didn't mean...""
Teh Yuni: and now Ganondorf is CRYING because he HURT LINK'S FEELINGS
Sarita Pequena: WAIR
Teh Yuni: with his GENTLE SLAMMING and his HORNED PENIS
Sarita Pequena: WAIT*
Sarita Pequena: FATHERLY!?
Sarita Pequena: INCEST WHAT!?
Teh Yuni: LOL no. No relation, I swears. I have no idea why that's there
Teh Yuni: unless the author is like "age difference omg!"
Sarita Pequena: lol
Sarita Pequena: I LOVE OLDER MENTORS LOL
Sarita Pequena: but yeah
Teh Yuni: and older villains, apparently
Teh Yuni: "im so sorry i screwed you with my manly horned penis. can we still be friends?"
...
Teh Yuni: ELVISH CLAP
Sarita Pequena: new pandemic!
Teh Yuni: GOOD LUCK EXPLAINING THAT TO YOUR WIFE, ARAGORN
...
Teh Yuni: "But unaware of Gimli's inner turmoil the elf stood with his back toward the dwarf, untied his waistband, and stooping slid the cloth away, stepping naked from it to turn and face Gimli, like some perfect sculpture of alabaster, his organ of generation a wand of opal and garnet erect at the center of his body."
Teh Yuni: OPAL AND GARNETOMG
Teh Yuni: IT'S BLUE AND SPARKLY
Sarita Pequena: and a wang wand! abrakadabra bitch!
...
Teh Yuni: "Small matter--a wound in the arse made by love heals much faster than a wound in the heart from the same cause."
Teh Yuni: The moral of the story, folks
Sarita Pequena: thats quite the slogan for pro-anal.
Teh Yuni: i sense another keychain in the making!
Sarita Pequena: to cafepress!
(If you're wondering, the earlier keychain was going to read "I am a long-horned ram with a passion for moles.)