Life... and everything.
I was talking to my friend just now and he says, jokingly I'm sure, that I underestimate how lucky I am. I realised he's right. Then I got sad. Sure, I have everything I wished for a few years back.... well, not everything....
Anyway, I also realised that getting the things I wanted hasn't made me happy. I thought once I got my own place and was able to do what I wanted when I wanted, that I would be happy. I thought once I got a stable job that I could keep for longer than 6 months(which I have) that I would be happy. I thought a lot of things, but those things are false and I only feel worse.
I want to go back to school, but it'll take me forever to save up. I want to go to Japan someday and have the vacation of a lifetime. And the one thing that would make it all better? The one thing I want the most? I want love. I want someone to love me back for once. Someone to hold me in their arms and tell me they love me, or not even say anything at all. Someone to call me every once in a while or send me a funny or romantic text when I'm down and somehow they could just feel it.
Everyone I know has someone special or is in love but not me. Oddly enough, I haven't felt in love in a very long time. My heart hasn't fluttered when someone talks to me or I think about him. No one really stands out and I think that's because of my new outlook on life. I really hate men in real life nowadays. Idols and men in stories and movies are great and all but... there's no one really like that in this world.
I guess I just set my standards to high, and now I walk alone because I refuse to settle. It breaks my heart, but I won't settle anymore. I learned some good lessons from those scum, and I learned even more from my one true love. Because of him I know those types of men exist, though they're extremely rare. Anyway, I guess I'll just sit and be patient, put on my best smile, and maybe it'll happen to me. There's too many people in the world for us all to marry our true love. But if you put on your best smile maybe it'll happen to you... right?