We Could Never Leave part 2
“It’s cold,” Nino said, shivering while adjusting the scarf around his neck.
They walked together towards the park nearby Aiba’s apartment; it was still eight in the morning. They still had plenty of time to play catch before going to work. Nino walked ahead of him, he looked tiny in his oversize jacket. It reminded him of their date years ago; Nino always loved to circle his hand on Aiba’s or inserted his hands in Aiba’s pocket. He loved wearing Aiba’s oversize jacket and claimed it as his to make Aiba buy a new one. He was always cute, no matter what he did.
Aiba watched Nino’s back, wishing that he could wrap his arms around Nino’s shoulder to keep him warm, but he knew he was in no position to do that.
They played while talking about the comics they had been reading. It was nice that Nino was still reading the same series as Aiba. He commented on Aiba’s overloaded bookshelf and told him that he never changed. It was the first time Nino mentioned of their shared past - somehow it made Aiba glad.
“Do you want some coffee?” Aiba asked as they took a rest.
“Sounds good,” Nino replied.
“I’ll get our coffee then,” he said, rising off of the park bench.
“Masaki,” Nino called as he was about to step further. “Why are you always so kind?”
Aiba was taken aback by that innocent question; he smiled at Nino and patted his shoulder. “Perhaps, I was born with it or maybe it’s because of you.”
Nino’s eyes widened when he heard the last sentence, he averted his gaze away from Aiba. “That’s your problem, you’re too kind.”
“Really? I never thought of it,” Aiba grinned.
“Jun-kun told me that you’re always so kind to him,” Nino said.
“He always praises everyone, you know.”
“Have you kissed him?” Nino asked out of the blue.
Aiba felt there was something warm that had crawled to his cheeks. “What if I did?”
“Nothing,” Nino shrugged. “I will be surprised if you say that you never kissed him. Let’s forget about the coffee and go home instead,” he continued when Aiba froze. Nino’s straightforwardness was still something he couldn’t handle very easily.
***
Two weeks had passed since Nino came to Tokyo; the air had turned colder each day. Nino’s presence had made Aiba restless, not because he hated it, but because he always distracted Aiba from what he was doing. Nino casually walked across the room with only towel around his waist when he finished bath, ignoring Aiba’s stare at him. When they had time to watch TV, he would sit close to Aiba, so close that Aiba could smell his aftershave. Yet, Nino didn’t give any signs that he wanted to repeat what they had six years ago, his gesture was just an ordinary one, just like how he treated Ohno or Jun or even Sho when he visited the restaurant the day before.
It frustrated Aiba more than anything; he felt stupid for putting another hope to have Nino in his arms once again.
“Can I have one?” Nino asked while opening the fridge, he gestured to the beers inside it.
“Sure,” Aiba said, “I should have bought a bottle of wine to welcome you here, sorry for that.”
“You speak of me as a complete stranger,” Nino said, opening the beer can and sitting down beside Aiba.
The restaurant closed earlier that day because the storm was predicted to hit Tokyo that night and it would be meaningless to be trapped inside the restaurant with no customers. They could hear the strong wind outside along with the thunders.
“How long will you spend in Italy?” Aiba asked, watching Nino as he gulped the beer deliciously.
“Around two years,” Nino replied. “It’s kinda weird, isn’t it? I don’t like going abroad in the first place.”
“You’ll enjoy it,” Aiba said, rising off of the armchair and taking a can of beer for himself.
“By the way, I think the heater in my room doesn’t work,” Nino said as Aiba sat down beside him once again.
“Really? I never check it, don’t tell me you’ve been freezing for the whole week without telling me.”
“It worked until two nights ago,” Nino shrugged.
Aiba headed towards the guestroom and checked the heater; he set the temperature, but nothing happened. The heater had completely stopped working, he would need to call a technician to repair it. He couldn’t let Nino sleep in this freezing room. He turned off the heater and returned to the living room.
“You can’t sleep there, it’s too cold,” Aiba said. “You can use my room,” he added.
“Thanks,” Nino nodded, offering Aiba a broad smile.
Aiba entered his room and took his blanket and pillows, he brought them to the living room which gained a questioning look from Nino.
“Don’t be stupid, it’s me who should sleep on the couch,” Nino said.
Aiba shook his head and argued that he shouldn’t let a guest sleep on his couch. They kept on debating until Nino angrily said that he would go out and find a room at the nearest hotel if Aiba kept on insisting he sleep on the couch. An hour later, Aiba found himself curled up awkwardly beside Nino; his bed was large enough to occupy both of them, but it felt too narrow for him now.
Nino didn’t need a long time to fall asleep, his chest rose and fell along with the rhythm of his breaths. Aiba slowly rolled aside and watched Nino’s sleeping face. He was still as handsome as he could be. He still made Aiba’s heart beat wildly inside his ribs; it felt good and hurt at the same time.
Nothing happened that night, except that Aiba needed long hours to finally doze off. When he woke the next morning, Nino was already busy at the kitchen, preparing breakfast for both of them. He closed his eyes again, imagining how good it would be if they could stay like this forever, waking up and finding Nino at his kitchen with an apron around his waist.
Aiba slowly rose climbed off his bed and stepped to the kitchen. Nino lifted his head from the potato he was cutting and greeted him good morning.
“I mad salad,” he told Aiba.
“It looks delicious,” Aiba answered.
“I’ll go out with Jun-kun today,” Nino said while putting the potatoes in a a baking dish and covering it with foil.
“With Matsujun?”
“Yes, he invited me to watch a stage play. He said that you don’t like it, so he invited me instead,” Nino explained. He opened the oven and put the container into it.
“Oh,” Aiba said, scratching the back of his head, he couldn’t push downthe wave of jealousy inside his chest. To Nino or to Jun, he couldn’t tell. But, it was almost impossible for Nino and Jun to be attracted to each other, they had just met and Jun knew that Nino was Aiba’s ex. What if they liked each other? A small voice whispered in Aiba’s ear. What if they kissed? What if they did something more than just kissing?
It was frustrating that he couldn’t do anything about it. Jun was not his date and Nino was his ex, he had no right to decide what they could and couldn’t do. They were free to go out with anyone they liked, they were free to sleep with whoever they wanted.
“Masaki, are you listening?”
“Er-, what did you say?” Aiba returned his attention to Nino and tried to push out the imagination of Jun and Nino naked and held each other.
“Do you want a cup of coffee or tea?” Nino said, scowling.
“Coffee, I mean tea, no, coffee. Sorry, Nino,” he apologized.
When Nino left his apartment to go to the stage play with Jun that evening, Aiba felt a hole inside his chest had grown wider. He hated himself that he had no guts to invite Nino out; he was afraid that Nino would turn him down. He hated himself for giving Jun slight hope that they could date (something which mostly wouldn’t happen if Aiba didn’t make a first move). With all the mixed-up things inside his head, Aiba eventually dozed off on his couch, ignoring the cold.
On the third week aftersince Nino’s arrival, Aiba often found him and Jun talking at the back of the restaurant whether it was during a break or in between works. The scene somehow made Aiba choke on his breaths; perhaps Nino had no feelings for him anymore, that was why he never showed any nervousness to Aiba during his stay at his apartment. It was him who was stupid enough to keep his one-sided-love to Nino for these damn six years.
“Aiba-kun, do you know where Satoshi-kun is?”
Aiba was taken aback when he heard Sho’s voice; he didn’t realize Sho’s presence since he was too deep in his thoughts. Sho looked around the restaurant as if hoping that Ohno would appear from one of the tables. The man was so neat in his dark suit; a briefcase was in his right hand and a box of chocolate was in his left. Aiba sometimes envied Ohno and Sho for having that kind of relationship; both of them were domestic, they rarely fought and as far as Aiba knew, Ohno never put any jealousy towards Sho’s co-workers who were mostly clingy to the man.
“He’s out to buy some cigarette, why don’t you wait for him upstairs?” Aiba said.
“I’m a little bit in a hurry. Would you pass this to him,” Sho handed the box to Aiba. “Souvenir from the shop where I had my interview,” he added.
“Sure,” Aiba took it, he read the label and recognized that it was a famous chocolate shop.
“Thank you,” Sho said while glancing at his watch. “I have to go. Please tell Satoshi-kun I missed him.”
“With pleasure,” Aiba nodded, watching Sho as he left the restaurant. He looked at the clock on the wall; it was barely four in the afternoon; the restaurant would be full in a few hours. He straightened his tie and walked towards the kitchen; his eyes caught a movement in the corridor which separated the kitchen and the restaurant.
Jun was there, leaning in to someone in front of him, no other than Nino.
They kissed.
Aiba stood there like an idiot, trying to grasp what was happening. It wasn’t real; he must have imagined something. There would be no way on earth Jun was kissing Nino. It brought a strange sensation into his heart; but it wasn’t a jealousy, it was something he couldn’t name. Aiba brought his feet towards the kitchen and pretended not to see a thing. When Jun and Nino finally entered, he quickly got out, avoiding their gaze on purpose.
***
“Aiba-chan, you’re still here,” Ohno was rather surprised when he saw Aiba enter his office room. It was already 15 minutes past 10 in the evening. Everyone had left the restaurant, except Ohno who was still there for the monthly stock update. Various notes were scattered on his desk, along with a can of beer, a plate of edamame, and a full ash tray.
“Sho-kun told me to pass this to you, he came here in the afternoon,” Aiba said, putting the chocolate box on the empty space of Ohno’s desk.
“Thank you, you can have some if you like,” Ohno replied, sliding out another cigarette from its box and lit it. “I’d better quit for tonight, these numbers have killed my brain,” he continued, closing down his laptop and left the desk towards the couch. “Is there anything you’d like to talk about?”
Aiba took a seat on the couch and nodded weakly at Ohno. He broke a small piece of chocolate and inserteded it to his mouth before talking.
“Nino is my ex-boyfriend,” he said precisely.
Ohno didn’t show him a surprised expression and let Aiba continue.
“I think he likes Matsujun, I saw them kissing in the corridor,” Aiba bit his lower lip, wondering whether it was appropriate to talk something like this with his boss.
“I saw them too,” Ohno answered as if it was the most usual thing he often witnessed inside his restaurant. “I thought Matsujun likes you,” he added.
Aiba shook his head in disbelief and took another bite of chocolate while staring into space. “Do you think I should interfere?”
“Do you want to take Nino back or do you want to decide what to do with Matsujun?” Ohno asked.
Aiba gulped the chocolate and rubbed his chin, trying to look for an answer. He had already known what to do, but it was weird to want two men at the same time and he didn’t know how Jun and Nino would react to this. He couldn’t tell that Nino was the same person he knew from six years ago and he couldn’t guarantee that Jun would accept it with open hands. Jun was a man with passion and everything before him was all about competition. He would probably try to get rid of his rivals to get what he wanted.
“I don’t know,” Aiba answered, giving the chocolate another bite, his eyes looked at Ohno’s messy desk, as messy as his mind right now. “Maybe I should leave them alone.”
“Perhaps,” Ohno replied.
Aiba finished his chocolate and was about to say something to Ohno, but when he turned at the man, he was sound asleep. Smiling, he took a blanket from the drawer below the working desk and covered Ohno with that. He slowly walked towards the door and closed it behind him. The answer wouldn’t come only by thinking about it. Let it be, Aiba thought as he climbed down the stairs.
***
The technician had repaired the heater in the guest room, which meant Nino would no longer needed to sleep at Aiba’s room. Aiba tried to act as normal as he could around Nino and Jun, but the flash of memory where they kissed always sent a strange sensation into his chest - it was not a jealousy, it was something else that he couldn’t name.
“Aiba-kun, you seem to have many things in mind,” Jun said as they sat down across from each other at Ohno’s office room. They were there for a weekly meeting; Ohno was still on the phone, talking to someone who wanted to reserve their restaurant for a party on weekend.
“I’m fine,” Aiba said, trying to grin at the man, but his lips were too stiff. “It seems that you and Nino get along very well,” he said casually.
“We have a few things in common,” Jun smiled. “His cooking is delicious, no wonder if he can become one of the world-class chef.”
Aiba gave Jun no comment about that; the other man looked outside for a moment before returning his gaze at Aiba.
“May I visit your house?” Jun asked with a wide smile on his lips. “Nino and I can cook something special for you, it’s nice to have home parties sometimes, you know,” Jun continued.
“Er-,” Aiba hesitated, it seemed that Jun and Nino had already planned it. He was more than glad to be with them on weekend, just the three of them. They could drink many beers while watching some movies, it sounded not too bad.
“Are you free next weekend?” Jun asked again. “I have talked to Nino and he needs your permission if we want to gather at your house.”
“Sure,” Aiba answered, he would regret things later on, “You can come to my house, it will be nice,” he added.
Ohno had finished talking on the phone and started their brief meeting, but Aiba’s mind was all on the upcoming weekend. What he felt was exactly like a teenager who looked forward for his first date.
Aiba tried to act normal in front of Jun and Nino and tried hard not to show his excitement, especially in front of Nino when they had breakfast together. He avoided every topic about Jun or their plan for the weekend. He had been dreaming about dirty stuff lately which included Jun and Nino and resulted in wet pants in the morning.
“Masaki, do you have anything particular that you want to eat during our home party on weekend?” Nino asked while sipping his coffee. “Jun-kun and I planned to cook Chinese food, do you want something aside from that?”
Aiba blinked and tried to push his run of thoughts where Jun and Nino kissed each other on his couch, the imagination had brought a weird excitement.
“You’ve been acting strange lately,” Nino commented. “What happened?”
“Maybe it’s because of the cold air recently,” Aiba answered, avoiding Nino’s gaze.
***
The weekend came faster than Aiba expected; he was nervous and chose to barricade himself inside his room. Jun came at 10, Aiba heard him entering his apartment and exchanged words with Nino. He covered his ears, it was stupid that he even couldn’t bring his feet to the living room to welcome his friend. It was minutes later that Nino’s head peeped in from his door.
“Jun-kun is here,” he announced.
Aiba slowly rose off of his bed and stepped towards the living room where Jun was sitting.
“Do you want to have lunch now? We can start cooking for you,” Nino said from his left side.
“Yes,” Aiba replied shortly.
“We can start, Nino,” Jun said, stepping towards Aiba’s kitchen.
Nino followed the taller while telling Jun that he had prepared the basic ingredients in the fridge. Aiba, on the other hand stepped towards the couch and slumped his back while watching the two men the kitchen.
Jun and Nino worked on different cooking, they had serious expression on their face, something that was worth seeing. It felt unreal for Aiba to have them both cook for him. It was almost like a scene in the love dramas where the main character watched the heroin with soft expression on their face.
All of a sudden, he wanted to see them kiss each other again. It was something he never experienced before; he had seen Ohno and Sho kiss so many times, but they didn’t awaken something inside him. However, every time he imagined Jun and Nino kissed, his heart began to flutter.
Aiba focused his sight on Jun and the realization of how handsome Jun was hit him like a sudden wave. He always liked Jun because the guy had a great personality and he taught Aiba a lot of things about working hard and never gave up. He was the reason Aiba could face these five years without Nino’s presence.
Nino, on the other hand had always been cute. He was the type of a person who could make any mistakes and being forgiven afterward. No matter how Nino hurt him in the past, Aiba couldn’t bring himself to hate the man, on the contrary, he still loved Nino and would always love him.
Before Aiba realized it, he had let himself drown deeper than what he imagined.
They ate while talking about random things; from the manga they had been reading until the recent world politics. They moved to the living room after the impressive lunch and watched the afternoon television show, but nothing was interesting enough. Nino eventually dozed off on the couch; his head bent into a weird direction.
“Is he always like that?” Jun asked while gesturing towards Nino.
“He’s a light sleeper,” Aiba chuckled. “Do you want some beer?”
“Yes, please,” Jun nodded.
Aiba stood up and walked towards the kitchen, he opened the refrigerator and took two cans of beer. He handed one to Jun while sitting down beside the man on the rug.
“It’s my first time to be at your house,” Jun mumbled. “It’s relaxing,” he looked around.
“I should have invited you earlier,” Aiba replied. “Sorry about that.”
Jun shook his head and sipped his beer deliciously, he took a glance at Nino’s sleeping face and shifted his gaze to Aiba.
Aiba had always admired Jun’s beautiful eyes and now those brown orbs were looking at him with a particular intention. Aiba had no time to think; he leaned closer and pressed his lips to Jun’s. They were soft and alluring, it felt exactly like one of his dreams. When he kissed Jun for the first time, he was drunk, but now he was fully awake. The tenderness of Jun’s lips sent a pleasure into his stomach, the kiss worked like a magic spell which could wipe away every worrisome thought in Aiba’s head.
Jun pulled further and broke the kiss; he gave Aiba an unreadable expression, his right hand reached for Aiba’s hair and brushed it softly.
“I’ve been waiting for that,” Jun whispered.
It seemed that Aiba had created the most complicated situation for himself.
***
Ohno summoned Aiba and Jun on Monday morning with a smile on his lips. His hands were holding a bundle of paper, he gestured to Aiba and Jun to sit down, meanwhile he stood up before them.
“Both of you will go to the event in Stay Gold Hotel in Hakone, Jun-kun as a guest chef and Aiba-chan as my representative to attend the main party,” Ohno explained while grinning from ear to ear.
“Wait, Ohno-san,” Aiba cut him off. “It’s weird, why aren’t you attending it? I’m not in the position to do that.”
Ohno rubbed his chin and thought for a moment before answering, “I have an important thing to do with Sho-kun, so I can’t go.”
Aiba exchanged glance with Jun and from the look on Jun’s eyes, he knew that both of them were thinking about the same thing. Nobody would have chosen their private stuff over work except Ohno; every restaurant owner would do anything to attend the event at Stay Gold Hotel because it was their biggest chance to promote their restaurant.
“Alright,” Jun answered. “Is there anything else you want us to do?”
“No,” Ohno replied, handing them the papers. “Here’s the invitation and everything you need to know about the event. You can browse it, though because they have sent it through post, so it’s better for us to give it a glance,” Ohno chuckled as if laughing on the useless pamphlet. “They provide a hotel room for you, so no worries.”
Aiba scratched his head; he would need Jun to explain the whole thing once again because what Ohno said was vague.
“It will be fun,” Ohno said, he sat down across from Aiba and Jun, his hand reached for his coffee cup and sipped it.
Both of them walked towards the kitchen and informed the other chefs and waiters about Ohno’s plan and their absence for the upcoming three-days annual event at Stay Gold Hotel. The event would start on the following week; it was conducted by the owner of Stay Gold Hotel, a man named Sakamoto. Aiba had attended it once with Ohno, he was the one who did talks with the other businessmen, meanwhile Ohno was there only to taste the expensive wine and got drunk afterwards. Sometimes, he was amazed how Ohno could still run a business with that attitude.
Nino wasn’t at the kitchen when Aiba and Jun informed the others about the events which Ohno wanted them to attend. They had no time to talk since the guests had already fulfilled the restaurant for dinner.
It was a day before the event when Nino told Aiba that Ohno permitted him to join Aiba and Jun to Stay Gold Hotel. It was a rare chance and it would be nice for Nino to introduce himself to the other chefs for the future reference when he already back from Italy. The only problem was there was no more room at Stay Gold Hotel. The nearest inn was two stations away and it would be troublesome for Nino to travel back and forth; the only choice was to share the hotel room among the three of them.
“I can cancel it, really,” Nino told them when Jun informed about the full-booked rooms.
“Don’t be stupid, Nino,” Jun said. “It’s not a big problem to share room, I don’t mind it,” he continued.
“Matsujun is right,” Aiba flashed a convincing smile at Nino. “It’s not an issue to share room. The only problem is if one of us snores.”
“I know you don’t,” Nino said to Aiba, but then he avoided Aiba’s gaze immediately when he realized what he said. Jun pretended that he didn’t hear it; he told them that it was better for them to go home earlier to prepare their belongings.
***
Aiba found himself sandwiched between Jun and Nino on the bus seat along the way to Hakone. Nino was the first to doze off; his head leaned on Aiba’s right shoulder, his hand was still holding the recipe book he had been reading. Aiba took the book slowly from Nino’s hand and inserted it to his tote bag.
“He’s an easy sleeper, just like what you said” Jun commented from Aiba’s left side.
Aiba nodded as a response, he felt Jun’s head on his left shoulder, he leaned there just like what Nino did.
“You know, I really wanted to do that since a long time ago,” Jun mumbled, closing his eyes.
Aiba didn’t confirm what did Jun meant, whether he wanted to go to Stay Gold Hotel for the event or leaned his head on Aiba’s shoulder during their trip. Aiba was never good in taking initiative because he was worried that something would go wrong and everyone would blame him. It was the same as his love saga; he always became the one who waited. That was why he couldn’t tell Nino how much he still loved him, he couldn’t bring himself to confess. The same thing applied to what he felt for Jun, he couldn’t tell Jun to go far enough because he enjoyed the attention Jun had been giving him.
Aiba moved his sight to Jun; his eyes were closed, his hand slightly touched Aiba’s thigh. Unlike Nino, Jun would always here near Aiba. Unlike Nino, Jun was the one who pursued Aiba and waited patiently for his answer. Jun knew that Aiba always thought of Nino, but he never stopped waiting for Aiba, as if knowing that someday, Aiba would return his feelings.
“We’re here,” Aiba shook Nino’s shoulder as they arrived at the nearest bus stop from the hotel. Jun had already got down and waited for them outside.
“Mmmm,” Nino slowly opened his eyes and yawned. He followed Aiba with unbalanced steps and half-opened eyes; Jun chuckled at him as he wobbled.
“You look like a zombie,” Jun commented, wrapping his hand around Nino’s shoulder and guiding him towards the exit of the terminal. Aiba followed behind them and felt a strange vibe inside his chest as he saw their closeness.
It was nearly three pm when they arrived at the hotel. The twin room was large and convenient, there was a huge mirror above their bed. Aiba never found out what was the purpose of decorating the room with a mirror on the ceiling; they always gave him an unpleasant sensation.
A rounded glass table was on the corner of the room, there was a chess board on top of it, a few magazines were piled up beside it. The twin beds were large enough to occupy two of them; Jun chose the one which was close to the window.
“Nino, you can sleep with me,” Jun said, patting the empty space on the bed while grinning.
Nino glanced at Aiba as if asking for his approval.
“I can sleep on the couch, you can have the bed for yourself,” Aiba said, sitting down on the couch beside the window.
“Don’t be stupid,” Nino replied. “The bed is large enough for both of us. I can sleep with Jun-kun on the first night and with you on the next night, that will be fair enough,” he shrugged which gained a laugh from Jun.
“I think it’s fair enough,” Jun commented, joining Aiba on the couch.
Aiba took one of the magazines and pretended to read it, it was his first time to be in the same room with Jun and the things would become more complicated with Nino between them, not the he complained though.
He was relieved that nothing happened on the first night; the three of them slept almost immediately since they were exhausted from the trip and a little bit drunk since they drank too much whiskey at the welcoming party. There were also too many wine collections from various countries which would be a waste if they didn’t taste them. Jun and Nino went to meet the coordinating chef for the next day preparation meanwhile Aiba walked around the hotel to have small talks with the other restaurant owners.
Nino curled up beside him with his over-sized pajamas; he took the blanket for himself and wrapped it around his body like a rolled-cake, leaving Aiba freezing under his coat. Jun slept like the dead with his blanket covered his head and he was still on the same position on the next morning. Aiba woke up ahead of them and took a short shower before heading the hotel restaurant for the breakfast. He must be at the main hall for the opening of the event this morning.
Ohno sent him a LINE message which contained his picture with Sho - half naked in a particular hot spring, both of them smiled widely towards the camera. Aiba sighed as he saw the picture, Jun would probably give a harsh comment if he saw it, but he preferred to ignore it.
The event went smoothly on the first day; Aiba had exchanged name cards with more than 20 restaurant owners. He had tried many cakes, he ate a lot of unique food and had tasted wine and whiskey from various countries. The clock pointed to 10 in the evening when he came back to the hotel room. He was light headed, but wasn’t too sleepy.
Jun and Nino hadn’t returned yet; Aiba waited for them while reading the fashion magazine. The spring has begun which meant new fashion; Jun would soon invite him for shopping. He put the magazine on the table and walked towards the bathroom to take a shower. When he finished, Jun and Nino had entered the room while chatting lightly. They gave Aiba a weird gaze as their eyes travelled from Aiba’s head to his toes and stopped on his waist with a towel wrapped around it.