Kanawanai Yakusoku chapter 9
Title : Kanawanai Yakusoku
Pairing : Sakumoto/Juntoshi/Sakumiya
Genre : Angst, romance, m-preg (not clearly mentioned)
Length : chaptered
Rating : pg
Disclaimer : I own nothing, only that I borrowed their names for the characters.
Summary : A semi long distance relationship was never a problem for Jun and Sho, they trusted each other and managed to live the same path. However, the sudden appearance of Ninomiya and Ohno had affected Jun’s decision.
Warning : Bad English, no beta
Sho couldn’t sleep at all; he didn’t even change his uniform - all he did was staring at the wedding invitation card which lay innocently on the dining table beside the DNA test result. The headache wasn’t even strong enough to force him to sleep, he wanted an answer to the situation he was facing now. He couldn’t get the whole thing - Nino was pregnant with his child when he disappeared - if he loved Sho enough, he wouldn’t have done that at the first place.
What should he do to Jun if he had to take responsibility of Nino and their child?
He took the envelope and opened it; he had read it a hundred times; the paper had turned messy and almost couldn’t be read anymore.
“Kokoro…” he whispered.
It seemed unreal to know that he had a child for these five years; he felt like a dumb for not putting an effort in searching for Nino back then. If only he were more level-headed, perhaps none of this would have happened.
He had failed Jun, the man who was willing to do anything for Sho’s happiness. Jun had shed the tears because of his stupidity; he thought that by hiding the past, he could save their relationship. But he was wrong - he could never run away from the past and the consequence was he could never get to his future.
Hours had passed since he arrived home, Sho had never really realized that the apartment was so empty without Jun’s presence - did Jun always feel like this every time Sho wasn’t around?
The morning came, the sunshine peeked through the curtains to the living room.
“Sho, good morning, I made cheesecake for you”
“Have a safe flight, I love you, Sho”
“There’s a stain on your uniform, let me wash it once again”
“Sho, what do you want for dinner?”
Something warm wetted Sho’s cheeks as he recalled the time he had shared with Jun. He didn’t realize how much Jun meant to him until now. He slowly rose off of the chair and walked toward the living room, he kneeled down on the floor and leaned his head to the sofa where he and Jun spent their spare time the most.
There was Jun complained about the monotone TV show, there was Jun with the dirty apron as he baked something at the kitchen, there was Jun got mad at Sho because he let his unwashed clothes scatter everywhere.
He cried his heart out; it had been forever since he shed the tears. He couldn’t stop it now, he felt empty inside, he was confused, he didn’t know what to do.
Ohno was right that he had made Jun lonely; he should have loved Jun more instead of craving for Nino. Everything seemed too late now - with Nino’s sudden appearance which enough to shake his emotion.
Sho remembered that Jun had mentioned the wedding organizer company where Nino worked. He slid his phone from his pocket and searched for the email; the name ‘Mikatsuki’ was written there. Sho browsed the address and saved it on his memo. If he wanted the answer; he had to meet Nino and talked to him.
He was scared to know the truth; but he got no choice. It was his fault - he was the source of Nino and Jun’s suffering. He wished he could turn back the time; he would have chosen a different path, he would have never become a pilot at the first place.
Sho wiped his cheeks, he moved towards the sink, washed his face and changed his clothes. He stepped outside of the apartment and headed Nino’s office. He knew it was still too early for the office to open, but he just couldn’t stand if he did nothing.
Nino’s office was still closed when Sho got there. He waited in front of the building, searching for the smoking area which located a few meters away from it. He had stopped smoking a long time ago, but the chaotic situation and his unstable mood had made his body craved for nicotine. He slid out a cigarette from its box and lit it.
A few students passed by while talking with their friends, salary men stepped in rapid speed towards their office, mothers with an infant and elderly with their dog swarmed the street as the morning came. Sho looked at them, imagining how it felt to have a normal life. It didn’t mean his life wasn’t normal, but sometimes he wondered what kind of life he would have led if he didn’t become a pilot?
Maybe he would have become one of those salary men, packed in a train full of people during rush hour, lived in a cramped apartment in the suburb areas with two children and a dog. Maybe that way of life was way much better than what he had, it would be less complicated and he didn’t need to lose Nino at the first place. He would have never gotten to know Jun; the man probably would have dated someone who was way better than Sho and led a happier life.
He was about to draw the third cigarette when he spotted Nino’s figure; the man alighted the bus and walked towards his office building. He wore a navy-blue tweed jacket which looked way bigger for his petite body.
Sho threw his cigarette away and chased the man, his heart beat sped up as he got closer to Nino. What should he say to Nino? He couldn’t picture Nino as the one who slipped the envelope under his door, he could have done that earlier if he really wanted to tear Sho and Jun apart.
Nino stopped and turned at him all of a sudden as if knowing there was someone following him.
“Sho chan?” he looked at Sho with a questioning gaze. “What brings you here this early?”
“Nino, I need to ask you something,” Sho said, approaching the man closer, clutching the envelope tighter in his fist.
“Tell me, did you send this to me?” he pushed the envelope to Nino’s hand.
Nino seemed confused, he opened the envelope, slid out the paper from it and read what was written, his eyes widened in shock. He looked at Sho and the paper back and forth.
“I…I don’t know who did it, I swear,” Nino shook his head in horror. He returned the envelope to Sho’s hand and squished his own fingers - the old habit he always did when he was in trouble.
“Sho chan, I never wanted to make you and Matsumoto san apart, I…”
“The child,” Sho said, trying to keep his voice calm, “is he mine?”
Nino didn’t answer.
“The DNA test shows that the boy is mine, but I need to hear it from you,” Sho placed both of his hands on Nino’s shoulders, “did you leave me because of that?”
“Sho chan,” Nino said in a tiny voice. He looked down to his feet, avoiding Sho’s gaze.
“You should have told me that you carried my child, I would have never left you alone, you know how much I loved you, don’t you?”
“That kid was an accident.”
“What?” Sho stepped back and shook his head. “What did you say?”
“I slept with another guy,” Nino shook his head; he looked at Sho with teary eyes, “I was scared of losing you and I couldn’t stand the loneliness. I was out of my mind and I thought that I had no chance to be together with you and I found out that I was…”
There was a loud buzz in Sho’s ears as he heard what Nino said; he couldn’t digest the words properly. There was no way Nino could betray him behind his back - no way.
“That DNA test proves that I am the father of your son.”
Nino kept on shaking his head; somehow he looked like a lost kid.
“How do you know if it’s real? What if someone tries to deceive you?”
Sho clutched the envelope; he never thought that way, what matter to him was finding the real reason why Nino left him. He knew that Nino loved him as much as he did and the man had promised Sho that he would always wait for Sho to come home. If the kid was really Sho’s, Nino didn’t need to escape, all he needed to do was telling Sho and they could have married at that time without a single doubt.
“You can’t do this to me,” Sho bit his lower lip, trying to hold the tears which were about to fall. “I loved you, I’d do anything for you. You don’t know how much you broke my heart, how much you hurt me.”
“I know,” Nino replied with a trembling voice, “That was why I left you.”
“You could have told me the truth.”
“Do you think that you’re the one that hurting?” Nino asked. “You don’t know how it feels to be me. Everyone makes fun of me for dating a captain like you, every time I came to the airport, you were busy talking to the stewardess who even didn’t realize that I existed. You talked about places that I would have never visited, you never asked my wellbeing and…”
The rest of Nino’s words lost as Sho pulled him into a tight hug. How could he not realized that Nino was hurting only by dating him - did Jun feel the same? Did Jun hide all of his jealousy and bitterness he felt because Sho always became the self-centered one?
He always thought that he loved Nino from the bottom of his heart, but he treated the man improperly and he did it to Jun all over again. What kind of moron was he?
“Why didn’t you just break up with me?” Sho asked.
“I can’t…” Nino sobbed, “I loved you too much to break you up.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Sho said, tightening the embrace. “You don’t deserve this.”
“So does Matsumoto san,” Nino pulled himself further from Sho and wiped his tears. “You have to make things right with him.”
“How about you? Will you be okay?”
“I’ve moved on,” Nino gave him a weak smile, “I learned to love someone else.”
The hollow on Sho’s chest grew wider as he heard it; he was the one to be blamed for everything. He was the moron who didn’t realize what was important for him until he lost it.
“What should I do?”
“You have to find out if the DNA result is correct, I can bring my son to the lab today.”
Sho once again looked at the envelope which nearly torn out and nodded. He was relief that Nino wasn’t the one who sent it. He inserted it into his pocket and looked at Nino whose eyes were still formed a sad expression.
“I’ve always loved you,” Sho said, “Not a day passed by without thinking of you. I’ve always dreamed that I’ll get you back. But I surrendered at the end, I was on the edge when I met Jun.”
“I’m sorry,” Nino took his hand and squished it softly. “I never forgive myself for doing this to you.”
Sho knew that he and Nino couldn’t have what they had shared five years ago and nothing would be the same again if they dared to try again. Nino declared that he had moved on from Sho and had learned to love someone else.
Their intertwined hands seemed to tell more than words; the warmth that Sho had been missing showered him as he gripped Nino’s fingers. They stayed silence for minutes, ignoring that they were on the sidewalk which swarmed by morning rush hour. Sho wished the time could stop just to feel Nino’s warmth longer, but the reality didn’t offer such thing.
“Nino!”
Both of them turned to the caller; a man was waving his hand at Nino.
“I have to go,” Nino whispered to Sho, pulling his hand from Sho;s grip.
Sho stood still and watched Nino approaching the man; they walked into Nino’s office, hand in hand. Sho could still hear their conversation.
“Thanks for yesterday, Touma. Kokoro loves your present.”
“That’s great,” the man called Touma answered, opening the door for Nino and motioned to him to enter.
Sho took a deep breath; maybe it happened for the better, he thought. He was too observed into his past that he forgot about the future which waited for him. He stepped farther from Nino’s office and headed towards Jun’s shop.
He wasn’t sure whether Jun would forgive him for not telling the truth about his past with Ninomiya. He wasn’t even sure that he and Jun could make a new start after what happened between them.
Would Jun trust him if he said that the DNA test probably was the fake one?
What if Jun run to someone else because he couldn’t stand being with Sho? Just like Nino did; he chose to leave Sho behind because he realized that Sho would never make him happy.
The image of Jun holding hands with Ohno flashed in his head; Sho couldn’t let it happen, he sped up his steps, he didn’t want to lose someone he loved once more.
***
Jun wasn’t at his shop when Sho got there. He found Aiba at the kitchen who was ready to bake some cake; the man welcomed Sho with a broad smile.
“Where is Jun?” Sho asked.
“He told me that he would not be working today,” Aiba answered, giving Sho a puzzled gaze. “Didn’t he tell you anything?”
“I…thanks Aiba kun,” Sho said, leaving the kitchen and sliding his phone out of his pocket. He tried to call Jun, but the number was busy.
He hurriedly returned to his apartment, hoping to find Jun there, but the place was empty. There was no sign of Jun coming back; the room was just as empty as Sho left it this morning. He brought his feet towards the bedroom and checked the closet; Jun’s outfit was still there which meant he didn’t go somewhere for days. Maybe he was just out to avoid Sho in order to give his mind a peaceful moment.
But what if he left?
Sho’s feet weakened, he kneeled down on the floor and lay on his back. He didn’t know what to do if he had to lose Jun too. He closed his eyes, letting the memories he had with Jun rushed into his head, showering him with a deep longing towards Jun whom he should have taken care of properly.
He didn’t know how long he had been lying there until the sleepy feeling finally controlled him and sent him into a deep slumber.
***
It wasn’t an escape, it was just a gateway from the chaotic of his mind. Jun needed to refresh before he could talk with Sho properly; he had left a letter for the man which explained where he went and when he would be going back. He didn’t want to be disturbed and had his phone switched off all time - he knew it was a selfish act and perhaps Sho would be so worried and upset, but he just couldn’t help seeing Sho at the moment.
It would give Sho time to think as well; whether he wanted to stay with Jun or not. Jun had done his best in curing Sho’s wound, but it was obvious that he failed. It was up to Sho now, and Jun had no right to push the man in deciding what to do. He knew it would be hurt like hell, but Jun told himself that he must get used to it. He dared to love Sho without question along with the consequences - he had no choice but to face it.
Ohno stayed with him for hours the night before, but Jun drove him away as he needed time to be alone. He thought about Ohno’s confession; perhaps if they were in the different circumstances, Jun would be glad to go out with the actor. However, he belonged to Sho and he had no heart to leave the pilot just like that because hurting Sho meant hurting himself as well. Jun knew how stupid it heard, but that was how he loved Sho.
He leaned back to the seat of the train which brought him to Kobe. He heard that there was unique cake shops in the town and he wanted to visit them one by one for an observation and comparison. It had been a long time since he went for culinary hunting since he was too busy at his shop. Aiba seemed to understand what happened between him and Sho; the man told him to take his time in order to calm his heart down. He also promised Jun that he would take care of the shop during his absence.
Jun slid out the wedding invitation card from his rucksack and looked at it with such bewildered feeling. He had been looking forward to welcoming their wedding day; but now, it felt like an unknown thing. He inserted it back and took a deep breath; there was nothing he should look forward to. Everything was in Sho’s hand now and Jun would give the man time as much as he needed.
***
Sho was about to give up in finding where Jun might be going when he found a letter just below the piles of his novels. He took it and opened it slowly, afraid that it would be a goodbye letter. He read it carefully and reread it again as he finished; Jun’s words were somehow indicating that he had given up on Sho, but at least it wasn’t a goodbye.
Dear Sho,
It has been three years since we are together, I cherish all the good and bad memories with you and thank you for the wonderful days we had shared. I’m so happy when we decided to get married, it means that you will be mine and I will be yours officially.
I know that we haven’t shown our true self to each other and I’ve been trying to understand that. You were deeply hurt when I found you and I’m not that stupid to bring up the conversation about your past that you want to get over. I always convince myself that you will open up your heart when you’re ready, that you still need some times to trust me with your dark past.
It wasn’t the picture or the DNA test result which made me sad, but it was you, for not trusting me enough. You hide your deepest sadness without trying to share them with me, you gave me no chance to be the one you can lean to.
I’ll give you some space to think because I need it right now. Don’t look for me or push me to talk to you since I’m afraid that we’ll come to the wrong conclusion, let’s decide the next step in a happier time.
About Ninomiya san, I like him personally and I understand why you can’t get over him, I can do nothing to change the fact that you both shared the same past.
We can talk about the wedding when we meet, whether it would be possible or not, it depends on many things.
Safe flight for your upcoming schedule,
Love
Jun
Sho grimaced, it was better than a good-bye letter, but it seemed that Jun wanted to stay away from him. He folded the paper and inserted it into his pocket; he could do nothing but wait. He had just realized that he was tired; both physically and mentally. This 24 hours seemed the longest time he had been through, yet he was still in the cloud.
He randomly picked something from the fridge and made a cup of coffee. The paper which contained the DNA test lay innocently on the table, Sho took it and read it again before inserting it into his pocket, along with Jun’s letter. He would go to the laboratory and asked for Nino’s help this time.
To be continued
a/n: One more chapter and everything will be cleared up. Thank you for all of you who bear with me along the series J and to all the silent readers (if there’s any) thank you for visiting my journal.
I’ll be late in posting the final chapter because I’ll be away next week for another working trip, so sorry for that.
By the way, I’ll be taking JLPT exam tomorrow so I think I’ll study hard today (it’s too late, oh no!)
Last but not least, my favorite writer, Haruki Murakami will release a new novel in February next year, yey!!
chapter 8
Pairing : Sakumoto/Juntoshi/Sakumiya
Genre : Angst, romance, m-preg (not clearly mentioned)
Length : chaptered
Rating : pg
Disclaimer : I own nothing, only that I borrowed their names for the characters.
Summary : A semi long distance relationship was never a problem for Jun and Sho, they trusted each other and managed to live the same path. However, the sudden appearance of Ninomiya and Ohno had affected Jun’s decision.
Warning : Bad English, no beta
Sho couldn’t sleep at all; he didn’t even change his uniform - all he did was staring at the wedding invitation card which lay innocently on the dining table beside the DNA test result. The headache wasn’t even strong enough to force him to sleep, he wanted an answer to the situation he was facing now. He couldn’t get the whole thing - Nino was pregnant with his child when he disappeared - if he loved Sho enough, he wouldn’t have done that at the first place.
What should he do to Jun if he had to take responsibility of Nino and their child?
He took the envelope and opened it; he had read it a hundred times; the paper had turned messy and almost couldn’t be read anymore.
“Kokoro…” he whispered.
It seemed unreal to know that he had a child for these five years; he felt like a dumb for not putting an effort in searching for Nino back then. If only he were more level-headed, perhaps none of this would have happened.
He had failed Jun, the man who was willing to do anything for Sho’s happiness. Jun had shed the tears because of his stupidity; he thought that by hiding the past, he could save their relationship. But he was wrong - he could never run away from the past and the consequence was he could never get to his future.
Hours had passed since he arrived home, Sho had never really realized that the apartment was so empty without Jun’s presence - did Jun always feel like this every time Sho wasn’t around?
The morning came, the sunshine peeked through the curtains to the living room.
“Sho, good morning, I made cheesecake for you”
“Have a safe flight, I love you, Sho”
“There’s a stain on your uniform, let me wash it once again”
“Sho, what do you want for dinner?”
Something warm wetted Sho’s cheeks as he recalled the time he had shared with Jun. He didn’t realize how much Jun meant to him until now. He slowly rose off of the chair and walked toward the living room, he kneeled down on the floor and leaned his head to the sofa where he and Jun spent their spare time the most.
There was Jun complained about the monotone TV show, there was Jun with the dirty apron as he baked something at the kitchen, there was Jun got mad at Sho because he let his unwashed clothes scatter everywhere.
He cried his heart out; it had been forever since he shed the tears. He couldn’t stop it now, he felt empty inside, he was confused, he didn’t know what to do.
Ohno was right that he had made Jun lonely; he should have loved Jun more instead of craving for Nino. Everything seemed too late now - with Nino’s sudden appearance which enough to shake his emotion.
Sho remembered that Jun had mentioned the wedding organizer company where Nino worked. He slid his phone from his pocket and searched for the email; the name ‘Mikatsuki’ was written there. Sho browsed the address and saved it on his memo. If he wanted the answer; he had to meet Nino and talked to him.
He was scared to know the truth; but he got no choice. It was his fault - he was the source of Nino and Jun’s suffering. He wished he could turn back the time; he would have chosen a different path, he would have never become a pilot at the first place.
Sho wiped his cheeks, he moved towards the sink, washed his face and changed his clothes. He stepped outside of the apartment and headed Nino’s office. He knew it was still too early for the office to open, but he just couldn’t stand if he did nothing.
Nino’s office was still closed when Sho got there. He waited in front of the building, searching for the smoking area which located a few meters away from it. He had stopped smoking a long time ago, but the chaotic situation and his unstable mood had made his body craved for nicotine. He slid out a cigarette from its box and lit it.
A few students passed by while talking with their friends, salary men stepped in rapid speed towards their office, mothers with an infant and elderly with their dog swarmed the street as the morning came. Sho looked at them, imagining how it felt to have a normal life. It didn’t mean his life wasn’t normal, but sometimes he wondered what kind of life he would have led if he didn’t become a pilot?
Maybe he would have become one of those salary men, packed in a train full of people during rush hour, lived in a cramped apartment in the suburb areas with two children and a dog. Maybe that way of life was way much better than what he had, it would be less complicated and he didn’t need to lose Nino at the first place. He would have never gotten to know Jun; the man probably would have dated someone who was way better than Sho and led a happier life.
He was about to draw the third cigarette when he spotted Nino’s figure; the man alighted the bus and walked towards his office building. He wore a navy-blue tweed jacket which looked way bigger for his petite body.
Sho threw his cigarette away and chased the man, his heart beat sped up as he got closer to Nino. What should he say to Nino? He couldn’t picture Nino as the one who slipped the envelope under his door, he could have done that earlier if he really wanted to tear Sho and Jun apart.
Nino stopped and turned at him all of a sudden as if knowing there was someone following him.
“Sho chan?” he looked at Sho with a questioning gaze. “What brings you here this early?”
“Nino, I need to ask you something,” Sho said, approaching the man closer, clutching the envelope tighter in his fist.
“Tell me, did you send this to me?” he pushed the envelope to Nino’s hand.
Nino seemed confused, he opened the envelope, slid out the paper from it and read what was written, his eyes widened in shock. He looked at Sho and the paper back and forth.
“I…I don’t know who did it, I swear,” Nino shook his head in horror. He returned the envelope to Sho’s hand and squished his own fingers - the old habit he always did when he was in trouble.
“Sho chan, I never wanted to make you and Matsumoto san apart, I…”
“The child,” Sho said, trying to keep his voice calm, “is he mine?”
Nino didn’t answer.
“The DNA test shows that the boy is mine, but I need to hear it from you,” Sho placed both of his hands on Nino’s shoulders, “did you leave me because of that?”
“Sho chan,” Nino said in a tiny voice. He looked down to his feet, avoiding Sho’s gaze.
“You should have told me that you carried my child, I would have never left you alone, you know how much I loved you, don’t you?”
“That kid was an accident.”
“What?” Sho stepped back and shook his head. “What did you say?”
“I slept with another guy,” Nino shook his head; he looked at Sho with teary eyes, “I was scared of losing you and I couldn’t stand the loneliness. I was out of my mind and I thought that I had no chance to be together with you and I found out that I was…”
There was a loud buzz in Sho’s ears as he heard what Nino said; he couldn’t digest the words properly. There was no way Nino could betray him behind his back - no way.
“That DNA test proves that I am the father of your son.”
Nino kept on shaking his head; somehow he looked like a lost kid.
“How do you know if it’s real? What if someone tries to deceive you?”
Sho clutched the envelope; he never thought that way, what matter to him was finding the real reason why Nino left him. He knew that Nino loved him as much as he did and the man had promised Sho that he would always wait for Sho to come home. If the kid was really Sho’s, Nino didn’t need to escape, all he needed to do was telling Sho and they could have married at that time without a single doubt.
“You can’t do this to me,” Sho bit his lower lip, trying to hold the tears which were about to fall. “I loved you, I’d do anything for you. You don’t know how much you broke my heart, how much you hurt me.”
“I know,” Nino replied with a trembling voice, “That was why I left you.”
“You could have told me the truth.”
“Do you think that you’re the one that hurting?” Nino asked. “You don’t know how it feels to be me. Everyone makes fun of me for dating a captain like you, every time I came to the airport, you were busy talking to the stewardess who even didn’t realize that I existed. You talked about places that I would have never visited, you never asked my wellbeing and…”
The rest of Nino’s words lost as Sho pulled him into a tight hug. How could he not realized that Nino was hurting only by dating him - did Jun feel the same? Did Jun hide all of his jealousy and bitterness he felt because Sho always became the self-centered one?
He always thought that he loved Nino from the bottom of his heart, but he treated the man improperly and he did it to Jun all over again. What kind of moron was he?
“Why didn’t you just break up with me?” Sho asked.
“I can’t…” Nino sobbed, “I loved you too much to break you up.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Sho said, tightening the embrace. “You don’t deserve this.”
“So does Matsumoto san,” Nino pulled himself further from Sho and wiped his tears. “You have to make things right with him.”
“How about you? Will you be okay?”
“I’ve moved on,” Nino gave him a weak smile, “I learned to love someone else.”
The hollow on Sho’s chest grew wider as he heard it; he was the one to be blamed for everything. He was the moron who didn’t realize what was important for him until he lost it.
“What should I do?”
“You have to find out if the DNA result is correct, I can bring my son to the lab today.”
Sho once again looked at the envelope which nearly torn out and nodded. He was relief that Nino wasn’t the one who sent it. He inserted it into his pocket and looked at Nino whose eyes were still formed a sad expression.
“I’ve always loved you,” Sho said, “Not a day passed by without thinking of you. I’ve always dreamed that I’ll get you back. But I surrendered at the end, I was on the edge when I met Jun.”
“I’m sorry,” Nino took his hand and squished it softly. “I never forgive myself for doing this to you.”
Sho knew that he and Nino couldn’t have what they had shared five years ago and nothing would be the same again if they dared to try again. Nino declared that he had moved on from Sho and had learned to love someone else.
Their intertwined hands seemed to tell more than words; the warmth that Sho had been missing showered him as he gripped Nino’s fingers. They stayed silence for minutes, ignoring that they were on the sidewalk which swarmed by morning rush hour. Sho wished the time could stop just to feel Nino’s warmth longer, but the reality didn’t offer such thing.
“Nino!”
Both of them turned to the caller; a man was waving his hand at Nino.
“I have to go,” Nino whispered to Sho, pulling his hand from Sho;s grip.
Sho stood still and watched Nino approaching the man; they walked into Nino’s office, hand in hand. Sho could still hear their conversation.
“Thanks for yesterday, Touma. Kokoro loves your present.”
“That’s great,” the man called Touma answered, opening the door for Nino and motioned to him to enter.
Sho took a deep breath; maybe it happened for the better, he thought. He was too observed into his past that he forgot about the future which waited for him. He stepped farther from Nino’s office and headed towards Jun’s shop.
He wasn’t sure whether Jun would forgive him for not telling the truth about his past with Ninomiya. He wasn’t even sure that he and Jun could make a new start after what happened between them.
Would Jun trust him if he said that the DNA test probably was the fake one?
What if Jun run to someone else because he couldn’t stand being with Sho? Just like Nino did; he chose to leave Sho behind because he realized that Sho would never make him happy.
The image of Jun holding hands with Ohno flashed in his head; Sho couldn’t let it happen, he sped up his steps, he didn’t want to lose someone he loved once more.
***
Jun wasn’t at his shop when Sho got there. He found Aiba at the kitchen who was ready to bake some cake; the man welcomed Sho with a broad smile.
“Where is Jun?” Sho asked.
“He told me that he would not be working today,” Aiba answered, giving Sho a puzzled gaze. “Didn’t he tell you anything?”
“I…thanks Aiba kun,” Sho said, leaving the kitchen and sliding his phone out of his pocket. He tried to call Jun, but the number was busy.
He hurriedly returned to his apartment, hoping to find Jun there, but the place was empty. There was no sign of Jun coming back; the room was just as empty as Sho left it this morning. He brought his feet towards the bedroom and checked the closet; Jun’s outfit was still there which meant he didn’t go somewhere for days. Maybe he was just out to avoid Sho in order to give his mind a peaceful moment.
But what if he left?
Sho’s feet weakened, he kneeled down on the floor and lay on his back. He didn’t know what to do if he had to lose Jun too. He closed his eyes, letting the memories he had with Jun rushed into his head, showering him with a deep longing towards Jun whom he should have taken care of properly.
He didn’t know how long he had been lying there until the sleepy feeling finally controlled him and sent him into a deep slumber.
***
It wasn’t an escape, it was just a gateway from the chaotic of his mind. Jun needed to refresh before he could talk with Sho properly; he had left a letter for the man which explained where he went and when he would be going back. He didn’t want to be disturbed and had his phone switched off all time - he knew it was a selfish act and perhaps Sho would be so worried and upset, but he just couldn’t help seeing Sho at the moment.
It would give Sho time to think as well; whether he wanted to stay with Jun or not. Jun had done his best in curing Sho’s wound, but it was obvious that he failed. It was up to Sho now, and Jun had no right to push the man in deciding what to do. He knew it would be hurt like hell, but Jun told himself that he must get used to it. He dared to love Sho without question along with the consequences - he had no choice but to face it.
Ohno stayed with him for hours the night before, but Jun drove him away as he needed time to be alone. He thought about Ohno’s confession; perhaps if they were in the different circumstances, Jun would be glad to go out with the actor. However, he belonged to Sho and he had no heart to leave the pilot just like that because hurting Sho meant hurting himself as well. Jun knew how stupid it heard, but that was how he loved Sho.
He leaned back to the seat of the train which brought him to Kobe. He heard that there was unique cake shops in the town and he wanted to visit them one by one for an observation and comparison. It had been a long time since he went for culinary hunting since he was too busy at his shop. Aiba seemed to understand what happened between him and Sho; the man told him to take his time in order to calm his heart down. He also promised Jun that he would take care of the shop during his absence.
Jun slid out the wedding invitation card from his rucksack and looked at it with such bewildered feeling. He had been looking forward to welcoming their wedding day; but now, it felt like an unknown thing. He inserted it back and took a deep breath; there was nothing he should look forward to. Everything was in Sho’s hand now and Jun would give the man time as much as he needed.
***
Sho was about to give up in finding where Jun might be going when he found a letter just below the piles of his novels. He took it and opened it slowly, afraid that it would be a goodbye letter. He read it carefully and reread it again as he finished; Jun’s words were somehow indicating that he had given up on Sho, but at least it wasn’t a goodbye.
Dear Sho,
It has been three years since we are together, I cherish all the good and bad memories with you and thank you for the wonderful days we had shared. I’m so happy when we decided to get married, it means that you will be mine and I will be yours officially.
I know that we haven’t shown our true self to each other and I’ve been trying to understand that. You were deeply hurt when I found you and I’m not that stupid to bring up the conversation about your past that you want to get over. I always convince myself that you will open up your heart when you’re ready, that you still need some times to trust me with your dark past.
It wasn’t the picture or the DNA test result which made me sad, but it was you, for not trusting me enough. You hide your deepest sadness without trying to share them with me, you gave me no chance to be the one you can lean to.
I’ll give you some space to think because I need it right now. Don’t look for me or push me to talk to you since I’m afraid that we’ll come to the wrong conclusion, let’s decide the next step in a happier time.
About Ninomiya san, I like him personally and I understand why you can’t get over him, I can do nothing to change the fact that you both shared the same past.
We can talk about the wedding when we meet, whether it would be possible or not, it depends on many things.
Safe flight for your upcoming schedule,
Love
Jun
Sho grimaced, it was better than a good-bye letter, but it seemed that Jun wanted to stay away from him. He folded the paper and inserted it into his pocket; he could do nothing but wait. He had just realized that he was tired; both physically and mentally. This 24 hours seemed the longest time he had been through, yet he was still in the cloud.
He randomly picked something from the fridge and made a cup of coffee. The paper which contained the DNA test lay innocently on the table, Sho took it and read it again before inserting it into his pocket, along with Jun’s letter. He would go to the laboratory and asked for Nino’s help this time.
To be continued
a/n: One more chapter and everything will be cleared up. Thank you for all of you who bear with me along the series J and to all the silent readers (if there’s any) thank you for visiting my journal.
I’ll be late in posting the final chapter because I’ll be away next week for another working trip, so sorry for that.
By the way, I’ll be taking JLPT exam tomorrow so I think I’ll study hard today (it’s too late, oh no!)
Last but not least, my favorite writer, Haruki Murakami will release a new novel in February next year, yey!!
chapter 8