Fic: Parks and Rec- You've Got Red On You (1/2)
Title: You’ve Got Red on You (1/2)
Authors: courtknees1 and yumytaffy
Rating: PG
Word Count: (This part) 5,400 | (Total) 10,900
Timeline: (4x05) Meet ‘n’ Greet AU
Characters: Leslie/Ben, April/Andy, everyone ever
Summary: Two authors, two tropes. On a dark and stormy Halloween, the Parks Department gets locked in the office while a hooded and stabby figure is on the loose. Meet ‘n’ Greet AU.
A/N: Just in time for (NBC's timing for Parks and Rec's) Halloween! Thanks to missnumbat for being a wonderful beta/fangirl. Shout out to this fic’s third co-writer, Google Docs, without which we wouldn’t have been able to creepily watch each other type from two different continents. The title is lovingly borrowed from Shaun of the Dead.
Banner by creative slow loris whimsical_irony
“It was a dark and stormy Halloween night in Pawnee. Parents all over town were relieved it was too rainy to take their annoying kids trick or treating. Little did they know the blood orphans would soon be knocking on doors, trick or treating for souls!”
Ann groaned. “April, seriously, can you stop narrating?”
“Sure thing, Ann,” April replied brightly from the doorway to Leslie’s office. She dropped her voice again, “‘Sure thing,’ she said, the knife hidden behind her back. The annoying nurse would never see it coming.”
Ann pointedly ignored her.
“I’ve never seen a storm this bad,” Leslie murmured, gazing out her office window at the water cascading from the roof into the courtyard.
Ann followed her line of sight. “I know. It’s creepy, right?”
April dropped her excellent horror movie narrator voice. “Shut up, Ann. This is amazing. The only thing that could’ve possibly made Halloween better is the worst storm in, like, a million years.” She paused and added in a whisper, “My prayers to Satan are finally coming true.”
Andy’s laughter rang out from April’s desk. “Babe, our party is going to be so awesome. What if the power goes out while everyone’s super drunk? How fun would that be?”
“Yes,” April intoned, her eyes fixed on Ann. “Under the cover of darkness, everyone can finally murder each other.”
“Or make out!” Andy chimed in.
“Guys, I hate to break it to you, but you’ll probably have to cancel the party if this storm keeps up.” Leslie shook her head at April’s outraged gasp. “It doesn’t look like it’ll be safe to drive any time soon, and I don’t think anyone’s going to want to leave their homes if they can help it.”
Ann asked sympathetically, “Leslie, you know the same applies to your meet and greet, right?”
Leslie nodded glumly. “Yes. We’ll have to cancel. It’s for the best.”
“What? Noooo!” Tom cried, bumping April out of the doorway to rush into Leslie’s office. “I had so much Entertainment 720 merch made for tonight! I just came by to show you! I spent thousands of dollars!”
Leslie smiled at him apologetically. “Tom, I’m really sorry, but we can’t ask all those business owners to come out if it’s not safe. I’m disappointed, too, but there’s always next time.”
“There might not be a next time,” Tom sighed, collapsing into his old desk chair. “The future of my company is riding on this event.”
“I’m sorry, Tom,” Leslie said, pulling the guest list for the meet and greet out of her padfolio. “I’ll start making calls to let everyone know.”
Ann looked at her watch. “Look, it’s nearly five o’clock. Why don’t we wait twenty minutes, see if the storm calms down, and make our decisions as to whether it’s safe to drive then?”
Thunder cracked in the distance. The lights overhead flickered before steadying again.
“But I don’t have a good feeling about our chances,” Ann muttered, glancing up at the fluorescents.
The lights flickered and dimmed again, and a flash of lightning that was a bit too bright for comfort momentarily illuminated the department.
“What is that?!” Tom suddenly screamed, pointing at the window behind Leslie’s desk.
Leslie and Ann whipped around to see where Tom was pointing, while April and Andy ran into the office to see what the commotion was about.
“What?” Leslie demanded, craning her neck to better see the darkened courtyard. “What was it?”
“There was someone standing in front of the window,” Tom said shakily. “He was wearing a hood, and it was too dark to see his face.”
Leslie, Ann, April, and Andy stepped closer to the window and peered out into the darkened courtyard. The wind whipped violently through the mostly-bare trees and blew the rain so it was almost horizontal. No person in their right mind would be outside in that storm.
“Sure, Tom.” Ann rolled her eyes. “Nice try scaring everyone on Halloween.”
Tom gaped at her. “But I’m not-”
Disappointed, Andy went back to April’s desk.
April followed him out and retrieved her jacket. “You guys can stay here and be lame. Andy and I are leaving. We have a party to set up, and those dead bodies aren’t going to murder themselves.”
“They’re not real bodies,” Andy assured everyone.
Leslie followed April, frowning. “April, I really don’t want you driving in these conditions. You don’t have to listen to me, but as your boss and your mentor, I’ve watched you flower into a beautiful young woman, and I urge you-”
“Fine!” April cut her off, annoyed and a little bit flattered. “God. We won’t drive anywhere yet. But I’m getting out of this office. It’s getting all weird and cabin fevery in here.” She nodded at Andy. “Babe, want to go make out in the rain?”
Andy leapt to his feet, knocking over his chair in the process. He grabbed April’s hand and made for the door, talking excitedly. “What if we get hit by lightning while we’re doing it? Maybe we’ll get some sort of sex superpowers-oh, new band name! I call it!”
“Don’t go outside!” Tom warned. He ran out of Leslie’s office and edged away from the courtyard exit, his eyes filled with terror. “There’s someone out there!”
At that moment, a shrill alarm pierced the air. Hands flew up to cover ears all around the department. Ben, Donna, and Jerry rushed out of the conference room, their meeting abandoned. Ben’s eyes met Leslie’s, then quickly flickered away.
The alarm stopped as abruptly as it had begun, leaving everyone’s confused shouting to fill the sudden silence. Moments later, Chris’s voice echoed out of the ancient City Hall PA system.
“Attention all City Hall staffers. I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, City Hall is in complete lockdown.”
As he spoke, loud clunking noises came from all of the exits leading out of the department. April shouted and lunged for the courtyard exit, rattling the door to no avail.
“This decision has not been made lightly,” Chris continued as April slid to the floor in defeat. “The police would prefer that I not disclose the details, but I believe in total transparency in government. I regret to inform you that a former staff member has been attacked-stabbed multiple times-on City Hall grounds.”
Gasps and cries rang out around the department.
“The victim’s name is Joe Fantringham. Until recently, he was employed in the Sewage Department. My sympathies are with you, his friends and former co-workers.”
Everyone looked slightly less upset.
“It’s unclear what a former employee and his van were doing in the City Hall parking lot, where the attack occurred, but the police will be making that a part of their investigation. Luckily, a Ms. Beavers stumbled across the scene and alerted the authorities. Unfortunately, the attacker escaped and is presumed to be armed and dangerous. Furthermore, due to Ms. Beavers’s less than perfect eyesight and Joe’s lack of consciousness, we have no description to go on. Police have surrounded City Hall, but there have been no sightings of anyone fleeing the scene, so we also must assume that the attacker is still on the premises.”
Nervous glances were exchanged. Leslie reached for Ann’s hand. April tested the door again from where she was slumped on the floor. Though she wouldn’t admit it, this time she was relieved when it failed to open.
“As a result of this awful incident, the police have activated a security procedure which I, personally, was unaware of until now. It seems that every door in City Hall has an automatic deadlock, able to be remotely activated by the police.”
Everyone looked to Leslie. She explained quickly, “It was from when the Reasonablists took over the town. Apparently some people thought a few well-placed locks would stop Zorp from melting their faces off.”
Ben looked confused; everyone else nodded.
“When it became clear that the culprit was still at large, these emergency measures were activated. As a result, every door in and out of each department in City Hall is now locked and will only be unlocked by the police when the threat is eliminated.”
All through the department, people groaned and slumped into chairs.
“I understand this is a difficult situation. I myself am locked in the City Manager’s office. I intend to use the time to beat my sit-up record. I encourage you to likewise spend the ensuing hours productively.”
“Hours?!” Tom exclaimed.
“What about our party?!” Andy wailed. April felt a corresponding pang of disappointment.
“What party?” Ben asked. “Are you having a party in our house without telling me?”
Chris continued, “And to those of you who were roaming the hallways when this lockdown went into effect, apparently that possibility was overlooked when this system was installed. I suggest you find yourself a closet in which to hide...and perhaps a makeshift weapon would not go amiss.”
“Chris endorsing violence?” Ben muttered. “That’s not a good sign.”
“As part of this security plan, each department head should have a two-way radio stored in their office. These can be used to contact me at any time. They will be particularly useful given that tonight’s storm is causing cell service to intermittently drop out. I will update you on this situation as it develops. Until then, stay safe, friends. Chris Traeger, City Manager, over and out.”
A crackling echoed over the PA system, then abruptly stopped. The silence that followed felt thick and uneasy.
Leslie took a deep breath and smiled reassuringly. She bolted into her office and emerged with an enormous paper bag. “Nobody panic. This is why I keep an emergency candy stash. See, at least we won’t have to miss out on the best part of Halloween.”
April picked herself up off the floor and glared at Leslie. “The best part of Halloween is filling people’s desk drawers with worms. Do you have worms in there, Leslie?”
Across the room, Jerry opened his top drawer. “Oh, geez. April!”
Ron finally emerged from his office, an old two-way radio in one hand and a bottle of whisky in the other. “I have a feeling we’ll be needing this. Also, here is a useless communication device.”
Leslie was the first to sigh and take a seat at the round table in the middle of the department. “Pour me a glass, Ron.”
----------
April groaned in frustration again and dropped her head on her desk.
Trapped at work with her lame co-workers wasn't her ideal Halloween. She should’ve been drinking, dancing, and rigging her front door to drop fake blood on her party guests.
The overhead lights flickered distractingly, and the office phone lines were overwhelmed with static. Everyone was scattered around the department. Ron retreated back into his office. Donna typed on her phone at her desk. Leslie paced around the office with her cell phone, making calls to cancel the meet and greet and cursing whenever the reception dropped out. At the round table, Ben pretended to play Candy Crush on his phone but kept sneaking super obvious glances at his secret-ex-secret-girlfriend. Ann and Jerry were also talking at the table. April couldn’t hear what they were saying, but she was sure it was a stupid conversation.
From where he was cowering behind Jerry, Tom kept nervously glancing at the window. He was sticking with his story about the hooded figure; in fact, since Chris’s announcement, he’d insisted it must have been the stabber. April wished it was true. Maybe something interesting would happen then.
At least Andy was with her. His presence automatically made any situation 90% better. Still, April was bored and hungry. They had probably been there for at least five hours. She checked the time on her phone.
“How has it only been twenty minutes?” she whined to no one in particular.
“It’s fine, babe,” Andy said, pawing through the paper bag Leslie handed him earlier. “Look at all this candy! There’s even Red Hots. These things are the best. They make everything red. Look.” He stuck out his red tongue and showed her his sticky and unnaturally-colored fingertips.
Just as she was going to suggest to Andy that they kill time by making out, yet another crack of thunder sounded, and the lights flickered. After a few feeble attempts to sputter back to life, they stayed off entirely. The only light in the office was the occasional flash of lightning and the dwindling sunlight that managed to shine through the heavy clouds.
“Does anyone have a flashlight?” Ann asked in the near-darkness.
Leslie said, “Oh! I have a box of flashlights in my office from the Pawnee Goddesses trip.”
As Leslie started for her office, April stopped her. “Wait. I borrowed those flashlights when Andy and I spent the night in a graveyard.”
“Where are the flashlights now?”
April felt a little guilty. “In the graveyard.”
“Great,” Tom said. “Not only are we gonna die, we’re gonna die in the dark.”
Ben chimed in, “My laptop still has some battery left. We can use the screen for light.”
In the darkness, April could hear Ben shuffling across the office and into the conference room. There were a few muted curses as he bumped into chairs on the way back to his seat at the table.
Ben turned on the laptop, illuminating his face.
Ann leaned in towards the screen. “Who’s Hannah Dash, and why are you reading old e-mails from her?”
Ann shot a worried glance to Leslie, probably assuming that Ben was moving on. April thought how lucky Ann was not to know about their weird role playing. Their walls were thin, and before Leslie announced her City Council candidacy, April heard some things she could never unhear.
“Don’t worry about it,” Ben said flatly, pulling the laptop closer and clicking a few times. When the screen was clear, he angled it upwards so that it projected a blue haze of light into the room.
There was a brief silence before Jerry began cheerily, “So, anyone know any good scary stories?”
He was met with a chorus of “Come on, Jerry!” and “Ugh, shut up.”
April decided right then that she had enough. She took out her phone and dialed the number she stored under “Annoying Man #4.”
“Hello, Chris Traeger speaking!”
“It’s April.”
“April Ludgate! How wonderful to hear your voice. Is this regarding the current security measures?”
April rolled her eyes. “No, I wanted to talk kale recipes.”
“While I would be delighted to discuss kale with you at any time of the day or night, April, I suspect that you're being sarcastic. I must insist that if you wish to speak to me about the lockdown, you use the provided two-way radio. It’s importa-”
April hung up. Growling in frustration, she snatched the two-way off the table in the center of the room.
“Chris!” April drew out his name in annoyance. “You need to tell the police to unlock the doors. They have no way of knowing that anyone else is going to get hurt.”
“Hello again, April!” Chris’s voice crackled over the radio. “I’m afraid that’s simply not something they or I can risk. I understand you must be upset-”
“A lot of people want to stab Sewage Joe! So someone finally went through with it. Good for them. It doesn’t mean there’s a serial killer on the loose. It just means Joe is-sorry, was-super annoying. And stabbable.”
There was a brief silence. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. First, I’m pleased to report that Joe isn’t dead. He was severely wounded, but the doctors expect him to pull through. But whoever did it certainly has a lot of blood on their hands, figuratively and literally because Joe is, as the EMTs put it, 'a bleeder.'
"Second, since the lockdown began, we’ve received an alarming number of reports of a figure lurking around City Hall and looking into windows. The police are searching, but they haven’t found the culprit yet. Until then, we must assume that we are all in danger and that this person intends to attack again.”
Before April could argue, Ben took the radio out of her hands. Ignoring her glare, he said, “That’s fine, Chris. We understand. Just do what you think is best. I’m sure we’ll be out of here soon.”
“Thank you, Ben!” Chris said in a voice far too cheery for the situation. “My regards to the rest of the Parks Department! Traeger over and out.”
The radio fell silent. The only sound was the hammering of the rain lashing against the windows. In the near darkness, everyone looked at each other forlornly and settled in their seats, prepared to do nothing for the foreseeable future.
----------
“...And when they turned around, the dog was gone,” Andy said in his best scary voice. He held Ben’s laptop under his chin, giving his face an eerie glow. “Instead, there...was...a...pineapple!”
His captive audience leaned in imperceptibly closer, their eyebrows raised expectantly.
“That was it,” Andy said in his normal voice.
Everyone sat back, disappointed.
“That was your scary story?” Tom asked. “That was terrible.”
“But the dog turned into the haunted pineapple!” Andy argued.
“That’s not scary,” Donna said. “Scary was that time my brother Lavondrious borrowed my Benz-”
“Oh, my God!” Ann yelled.
“I haven’t even gotten to the scary part yet,” Donna chuckled.
“No, the door!” Ann pointed to the courtyard exit with a shaky hand.
Everyone turned. A flash of lightning illuminated the area outside, and everyone screamed.
On the other side of the glass stood a tall, unmoving figure in a black rain coat, the hood raised. The dim light left a disturbingly black void where its face should be. It raised one of its long black-clad arms. A flash of something silver shined in the moonlight.
The darkness was blinding as the lightning faded from their retinas. A roar of thunder muffled the ongoing screaming. The storm, in all its fury, was right on top of them. There was another flash, and the figure was gone.
“I told you I saw someone!” Tom yelled.
The laptop chose that moment to die, plunging the room into darkness. Everything was silent save for the whistle of the wind, the pounding rain, and everyone’s suddenly fast breathing.
“How sure are we of the strength of those locks?” Ben asked.
Suddenly, a loud crash sounded from Leslie’s office, and a strong gust of wind began kicking up papers.
“It’s the killer!” Tom exclaimed.
In the darkness, there were screams and crashes as everyone scrambled for cover away from Leslie’s office. April grabbed Andy’s hand and pulled him behind the permits counter. There were only bursts of clarity from the occasional lightning flash, but from what April could tell, Tom was ineffectively curled into the fetal position behind a trash can, Leslie and Ben were huddled tightly together beside April’s desk, and everyone else seemed to have hidden in the conference room.
After a moment, Ron emerged from his office. Sounding annoyed, he demanded, “What the hell is going on out here?”
“Murderer in Leslie’s office!” Donna yelled from somewhere over to April’s left.
Ron strode into the office. April held her breath, waiting for any indication that Ron just got stabbed or stabbed someone else. Anything involving stabbing, really.
It was quiet for longer than April liked. She was about to tell Andy that maybe they should investigate when Ron came out of Leslie’s office and announced, “It’s a tree branch.”
“Are you sure?” Tom asked, still curled into a ball on the ground.
“Yes,” Ron said. “I know what a tree looks like.”
Slowly, everyone emerged from their hiding places, still on their guard. April squeezed Andy’s hand a little too tightly. He squeezed back reassuringly and smiled down at her. She was pretty sure she’d never loved him more than she did in that moment. She would’ve made out with him right there if Ron hadn’t continued.
“We need to patch up that broken window before the storm gets worse.”
“Maybe we should call Chris and tell him what’s going on,” Ben suggested.
“Nonsense,” Ron said surveying the available furniture around him. “I’ll take care of it.”
----------
Somehow using just a pocket knife and a hammer he had in his office, Ron worked in the darkness and fashioned a surprisingly sturdy barricade out of one of Leslie’s bookshelves, a chair, and part of the very branch that broke the window.
“That won’t hold for long,” Ron said, folding up his knife and putting it back into his pocket, “but it’ll keep the rain and wind at bay until we can get out of this hellhole.”
“Will it keep out serial killers?” Tom asked, slowly peeking into the office from behind the door frame.
“Get it together, son.” Ron said. “There are no serial killers. What you saw was a figment of your imagination.”
“Usually I’d agree with you,” Ann said as she and Leslie cleaned up the broken glass with the brush and dust pan Leslie kept in her office, “but we all saw it, too. There’s definitely someone out there.”
Ron glanced at the makeshift barrier. “No one is getting in here unless we let them. The best we can do is wait until lockdown is over. I suggest you stay close to the others.”
Ann and Leslie rejoined the rest of the group, who were huddled a little closer around the circular table than before. Leslie took a seat next to Ben and leaned into his side. He gave her a strange look, and she pulled away, averting her gaze.
Ron retreated back into his office to nurse a whisky. Instead of sitting at his desk, however, he took up post on the bench in full view of the rest of the department. Whether it was more for his comfort or everyone else’s, April wasn’t sure, but she secretly appreciated it all the same.
After a few minutes of glancing between the windows and each other, Tom broke the silence. “You know what? If we’re gonna die, we might as well die in style.” He ducked into Leslie’s office and brought back a large bag with the Entertainment 720 logo on it.
“While we’re waiting to be serial killed,” he continued, “allow me to introduce you all to our brand new Entertainment 720 merch, exclusively developed for tonight’s meet ‘n’ greet that apparently wouldn’t have happened even if we weren’t locked in a glass box waiting to be stabbed." Tom, looking mildly bitter, heaved the bag onto the table.
One by one, he pulled items from the bag, barely illuminated by the moonlight. “Entertainment 720 velvet throw, Entertainment 720 neck massager-that one’s for the ladies,” he said with a wink. “E720 tiny mug with my face on it, E720 toilet paper-”
“Does that have your face on it, too?” April asked.
Ann tried to look into the bag. "Are there any flashlights in there?"
"No, but there are E720 scented candles." He pulled one out with a flourish.
Leslie took it from his hand. "Tom! Why didn't you say so earlier? We could've used these." She briefly illuminated the bottom of the candle with her phone to read the label. "What does 'Cashmere Sunset' smell like?"
Ron emerged from his office with a pack of matches and lit the candle. Everyone leaned in towards the flame, sniffed the air, and immediately pulled back with surprised exclamations. Ron quickly extinguished the flame as Ben began to dry heave.
"What the hell is that smell?" April asked, waving the lingering scent away from her.
"You like it? Jean-Ralphio and I created it ourselves."
Andy laughed and wrinkled his nose. "It smells like moldy ranch mac and cheese."
“Darkness it is,” Leslie said, pushing the candle as far away from her as she could.
Tom glared at them and continued to dig in the bag.
"Jerry, you make a lot of mistakes. Here's an E720 pen so people can correct them.” Tom tossed a fountain pen to Jerry. As soon as Jerry caught it with fumbling hands, red ink burst onto his hands and shirt.
“Aw, jeez,” Jerry complained, ineffectually dabbing at the growing ink blobs on his shirt.
“Nice job, Jerry,” April said. She took some papers off his desk and handed them to him. “Here, wipe it with these.”
Jerry gratefully took the pages and wiped the ink from his hands. After a moment, he looked closer at the papers. “Hey, these are the Ramsett Park permits I spent all afternoon doing.”
“Dammit, Jerry!” Leslie scolded. “Those were important. Now they’re ruined, so you’re just going to have to do them again.”
There was a flash of what looked to be annoyance in Jerry’s eyes, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. He sighed and shuffled the stained pages. “Yes, boss.”
“What else ya got in there, Tommy T?” Donna asked.
“Um, I’ll tell you if you pay attention for one minute and stop staring at your phone!”
Donna raised her eyebrows but put her phone down. “Passive aggressive is not a good color on you, Tom. Besides, how else am I supposed to live-tweet this dumb ass evening?”
“Oh, well, if you’re live-tweeting, I guess that’s okay,” Tom said in all sincerity.
He rummaged around in the bag again. “Here we have an E720 prototype. I expect you’ll be seeing this product in all major department stores by Christmas. Get this: for the ultimate baller, red carpet insoles for your shoes!” He held one up in triumph and put on his best commercial voice. “Everywhere you go, walk on red carpet.”
“Nice!” Donna exclaimed, holding out her hand expectantly. Tom passed her the prototype. After a brief inspection, she returned it.
“What do you think?” Tom asked, eagerly clutching the insole.
“Honestly? The fabric feels cheap and nasty. In fact, it is cheap and nasty. Tom, you’ve got red dye rubbing off all over your hands.”
“Like I said, it’s a prototype,” Tom snapped. “I couldn’t afford the good stuff, okay?”
While they were arguing, Ben pulled the bag towards himself and reached into it. "What's that shiny thing?" he asked. Almost immediately, he drew his hand back with a sharp cry.
"Oh, my God, you're bleeding!" Leslie said, lunging closer to Ben as he cradled his injured hand.
"What the hell did he cut his hand on?" Ann demanded. She gently ushered Leslie out of the chair next to Ben so she could examine his cut, from which a worrying amount of blood had begun to flow.
Tom used his phone to illuminate the darkened bag and carefully pulled out an unfolded razor. He said sheepishly, "E720 straight razor?"
"You had a loose razor in there?!" Leslie demanded.
"It must’ve opened by itself in the bag,” Tom said.
"You're an idiot. A straight razor? Seriously?" Ann grabbed the box of tissues from April's desk and held a wad of them to Ben's palm.
"It was Jean-Ralphio's idea. He said old people love sophisticated, old-timey swag!"
"You're an idiot for going along with it,” Ann sighed, pressing more tissues into Ben’s hand. They were soaked through in seconds.
"I'm starting to feel a little dizzy," Ben said. Leslie stood behind him and rubbed his shoulder in soothing circles.
“This doesn't look great,” Ann murmured. ”I think you might need stitches. We need to slow the bleeding until we can get out of here. Leslie, do you have a First Aid kit?”
“What?” Leslie said with a start, tearing her worried gaze from Ben. “Oh. Yeah, in my office.”
“Good. Bring some of those horrifying candles. We’re going to need light.”
As Leslie and Ann led Ben into the other room, April picked up the two-way radio. If Ben bleeding to death wasn't enough of a reason for Chris to let them out, she didn't know what was.
"Chris, it's April,” she spoke into the radio. “Your boyfriend is dying. You need to let us out."
“What?” Chris’s voice crackled in alarm. “April, what happened?”
“Ben cut his hand pretty bad. He’s bleeding all over the place. Ann’s checking on him, but she said it’s not looking good.” April lowered her voice dramatically. “If we don’t get him to the hospital, they’ll probably have to amputate.”
“I did not say that!” Ann shouted from where they’d set up at Tom’s old desk.
“The situation’s dire, Chris,” April said quickly as Ron began pulling the radio from her hand. “You need to get him out of here and also the rest of us.”
“Chris. This is Ron.” He raised his voice over Chris’s increasingly panicked exclamations, “Calm the hell down. The situation is under control. That said, it would be for the best if everyone is allowed to leave as soon as possible. I understand there are dangers out there, but apparently there are dangers in here as well.” He frowned at Tom.
“Just...hang in there,” Chris said, sounding shaken. “I’m sure this will all be over soon.”
“Understood,” Ron said grimly. He replaced the radio on the table as Ann rejoined the group.
“How’s he doing?” Jerry asked her.
“He’ll be fine,” Ann replied, though she sounded worried. “We got the bleeding to slow down, but he’s a little lightheaded. He’ll probably need to see a doctor.”
April glanced back into Leslie’s office, where Leslie and Ben huddled together in the soft, smelly candlelight. Leslie gently pushed Ben’s hair back from his pale forehead and reached for his uninjured hand. He flinched away, his expression pained. April could see his lips moving but couldn’t make out what he was saying. Leslie nodded sadly and stood to leave, taking the candles with her. Ben seemed to react to the smell more strongly than everyone else, and the last thing they needed added to the dark, terrifying mix that night was vomit. As Leslie carried the candles out, the last thing April saw in their flickering light was the longing expression on Ben’s face as he watched her leave.
----------
One by one over the next hour, everyone gave in and lit a putrid candle to illuminate whatever activity they’d found to stave off boredom.
For Leslie and Jerry, that meant being lame and working. Ann pulled a boring book from her purse. Donna apparently had a supercharged phone and was still gleefully typing. Ron was doing whatever Ron always did in his office. Tom stared glumly at the bag of E720 merch. April and Andy retrieved the box of Halloween stuff meant for their party and amused themselves with the fake blood caplets. Ann and Leslie settled a still-woozy Ben at April’s desk so he could get some rest while staying close to the group.
A sort of relative peace settled over the department. People milled about and talked quietly. It was like a normal workday but lit by really gross-smelling candles. It was entirely too boring for April’s taste, especially on Halloween.
“Hey, Leslie,” Ben called, “do you still have that Eleanor Roosevelt biography in your office? I figured I could start reading it while we’re here.”
Leslie looked up from the folders spread out in front of her. “Of course! I have four of them. Which one do you want? You know what? Take all of them. Tom, would you mind getting them? I’m on a roll with this Community Center schedule. They’re in my bottom desk drawer.”
Ben shook his head. “Oh. Leslie, maybe-”
Tom sighed and stood up. “Fine. My phone died an hour ago. I need something to do. I’m almost bored enough to start reading one of them.”
Leslie’s eyes lit up. “You are?!”
“I said almost.” Tom picked up a candle and went into Leslie’s office, where he proceeded to loudly rummage in her desk.
Suddenly, the calm of the office was pierced by a shrill scream.
In an instant, everyone but Ben jumped up and crammed into the suddenly-too-small office, where Tom stared, horrified, at Leslie’s desk. The meet and greet guest list was smeared with splotches of red and a large, messy scrawl reading:
Leslie, I’m going to get you alone and make you scream.
April’s eyes widened in glee. Things were about to get interesting.
To be continued…
Part 2
Authors: courtknees1 and yumytaffy
Rating: PG
Word Count: (This part) 5,400 | (Total) 10,900
Timeline: (4x05) Meet ‘n’ Greet AU
Characters: Leslie/Ben, April/Andy, everyone ever
Summary: Two authors, two tropes. On a dark and stormy Halloween, the Parks Department gets locked in the office while a hooded and stabby figure is on the loose. Meet ‘n’ Greet AU.
A/N: Just in time for (NBC's timing for Parks and Rec's) Halloween! Thanks to missnumbat for being a wonderful beta/fangirl. Shout out to this fic’s third co-writer, Google Docs, without which we wouldn’t have been able to creepily watch each other type from two different continents. The title is lovingly borrowed from Shaun of the Dead.
Banner by creative slow loris whimsical_irony
“It was a dark and stormy Halloween night in Pawnee. Parents all over town were relieved it was too rainy to take their annoying kids trick or treating. Little did they know the blood orphans would soon be knocking on doors, trick or treating for souls!”
Ann groaned. “April, seriously, can you stop narrating?”
“Sure thing, Ann,” April replied brightly from the doorway to Leslie’s office. She dropped her voice again, “‘Sure thing,’ she said, the knife hidden behind her back. The annoying nurse would never see it coming.”
Ann pointedly ignored her.
“I’ve never seen a storm this bad,” Leslie murmured, gazing out her office window at the water cascading from the roof into the courtyard.
Ann followed her line of sight. “I know. It’s creepy, right?”
April dropped her excellent horror movie narrator voice. “Shut up, Ann. This is amazing. The only thing that could’ve possibly made Halloween better is the worst storm in, like, a million years.” She paused and added in a whisper, “My prayers to Satan are finally coming true.”
Andy’s laughter rang out from April’s desk. “Babe, our party is going to be so awesome. What if the power goes out while everyone’s super drunk? How fun would that be?”
“Yes,” April intoned, her eyes fixed on Ann. “Under the cover of darkness, everyone can finally murder each other.”
“Or make out!” Andy chimed in.
“Guys, I hate to break it to you, but you’ll probably have to cancel the party if this storm keeps up.” Leslie shook her head at April’s outraged gasp. “It doesn’t look like it’ll be safe to drive any time soon, and I don’t think anyone’s going to want to leave their homes if they can help it.”
Ann asked sympathetically, “Leslie, you know the same applies to your meet and greet, right?”
Leslie nodded glumly. “Yes. We’ll have to cancel. It’s for the best.”
“What? Noooo!” Tom cried, bumping April out of the doorway to rush into Leslie’s office. “I had so much Entertainment 720 merch made for tonight! I just came by to show you! I spent thousands of dollars!”
Leslie smiled at him apologetically. “Tom, I’m really sorry, but we can’t ask all those business owners to come out if it’s not safe. I’m disappointed, too, but there’s always next time.”
“There might not be a next time,” Tom sighed, collapsing into his old desk chair. “The future of my company is riding on this event.”
“I’m sorry, Tom,” Leslie said, pulling the guest list for the meet and greet out of her padfolio. “I’ll start making calls to let everyone know.”
Ann looked at her watch. “Look, it’s nearly five o’clock. Why don’t we wait twenty minutes, see if the storm calms down, and make our decisions as to whether it’s safe to drive then?”
Thunder cracked in the distance. The lights overhead flickered before steadying again.
“But I don’t have a good feeling about our chances,” Ann muttered, glancing up at the fluorescents.
The lights flickered and dimmed again, and a flash of lightning that was a bit too bright for comfort momentarily illuminated the department.
“What is that?!” Tom suddenly screamed, pointing at the window behind Leslie’s desk.
Leslie and Ann whipped around to see where Tom was pointing, while April and Andy ran into the office to see what the commotion was about.
“What?” Leslie demanded, craning her neck to better see the darkened courtyard. “What was it?”
“There was someone standing in front of the window,” Tom said shakily. “He was wearing a hood, and it was too dark to see his face.”
Leslie, Ann, April, and Andy stepped closer to the window and peered out into the darkened courtyard. The wind whipped violently through the mostly-bare trees and blew the rain so it was almost horizontal. No person in their right mind would be outside in that storm.
“Sure, Tom.” Ann rolled her eyes. “Nice try scaring everyone on Halloween.”
Tom gaped at her. “But I’m not-”
Disappointed, Andy went back to April’s desk.
April followed him out and retrieved her jacket. “You guys can stay here and be lame. Andy and I are leaving. We have a party to set up, and those dead bodies aren’t going to murder themselves.”
“They’re not real bodies,” Andy assured everyone.
Leslie followed April, frowning. “April, I really don’t want you driving in these conditions. You don’t have to listen to me, but as your boss and your mentor, I’ve watched you flower into a beautiful young woman, and I urge you-”
“Fine!” April cut her off, annoyed and a little bit flattered. “God. We won’t drive anywhere yet. But I’m getting out of this office. It’s getting all weird and cabin fevery in here.” She nodded at Andy. “Babe, want to go make out in the rain?”
Andy leapt to his feet, knocking over his chair in the process. He grabbed April’s hand and made for the door, talking excitedly. “What if we get hit by lightning while we’re doing it? Maybe we’ll get some sort of sex superpowers-oh, new band name! I call it!”
“Don’t go outside!” Tom warned. He ran out of Leslie’s office and edged away from the courtyard exit, his eyes filled with terror. “There’s someone out there!”
At that moment, a shrill alarm pierced the air. Hands flew up to cover ears all around the department. Ben, Donna, and Jerry rushed out of the conference room, their meeting abandoned. Ben’s eyes met Leslie’s, then quickly flickered away.
The alarm stopped as abruptly as it had begun, leaving everyone’s confused shouting to fill the sudden silence. Moments later, Chris’s voice echoed out of the ancient City Hall PA system.
“Attention all City Hall staffers. I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, City Hall is in complete lockdown.”
As he spoke, loud clunking noises came from all of the exits leading out of the department. April shouted and lunged for the courtyard exit, rattling the door to no avail.
“This decision has not been made lightly,” Chris continued as April slid to the floor in defeat. “The police would prefer that I not disclose the details, but I believe in total transparency in government. I regret to inform you that a former staff member has been attacked-stabbed multiple times-on City Hall grounds.”
Gasps and cries rang out around the department.
“The victim’s name is Joe Fantringham. Until recently, he was employed in the Sewage Department. My sympathies are with you, his friends and former co-workers.”
Everyone looked slightly less upset.
“It’s unclear what a former employee and his van were doing in the City Hall parking lot, where the attack occurred, but the police will be making that a part of their investigation. Luckily, a Ms. Beavers stumbled across the scene and alerted the authorities. Unfortunately, the attacker escaped and is presumed to be armed and dangerous. Furthermore, due to Ms. Beavers’s less than perfect eyesight and Joe’s lack of consciousness, we have no description to go on. Police have surrounded City Hall, but there have been no sightings of anyone fleeing the scene, so we also must assume that the attacker is still on the premises.”
Nervous glances were exchanged. Leslie reached for Ann’s hand. April tested the door again from where she was slumped on the floor. Though she wouldn’t admit it, this time she was relieved when it failed to open.
“As a result of this awful incident, the police have activated a security procedure which I, personally, was unaware of until now. It seems that every door in City Hall has an automatic deadlock, able to be remotely activated by the police.”
Everyone looked to Leslie. She explained quickly, “It was from when the Reasonablists took over the town. Apparently some people thought a few well-placed locks would stop Zorp from melting their faces off.”
Ben looked confused; everyone else nodded.
“When it became clear that the culprit was still at large, these emergency measures were activated. As a result, every door in and out of each department in City Hall is now locked and will only be unlocked by the police when the threat is eliminated.”
All through the department, people groaned and slumped into chairs.
“I understand this is a difficult situation. I myself am locked in the City Manager’s office. I intend to use the time to beat my sit-up record. I encourage you to likewise spend the ensuing hours productively.”
“Hours?!” Tom exclaimed.
“What about our party?!” Andy wailed. April felt a corresponding pang of disappointment.
“What party?” Ben asked. “Are you having a party in our house without telling me?”
Chris continued, “And to those of you who were roaming the hallways when this lockdown went into effect, apparently that possibility was overlooked when this system was installed. I suggest you find yourself a closet in which to hide...and perhaps a makeshift weapon would not go amiss.”
“Chris endorsing violence?” Ben muttered. “That’s not a good sign.”
“As part of this security plan, each department head should have a two-way radio stored in their office. These can be used to contact me at any time. They will be particularly useful given that tonight’s storm is causing cell service to intermittently drop out. I will update you on this situation as it develops. Until then, stay safe, friends. Chris Traeger, City Manager, over and out.”
A crackling echoed over the PA system, then abruptly stopped. The silence that followed felt thick and uneasy.
Leslie took a deep breath and smiled reassuringly. She bolted into her office and emerged with an enormous paper bag. “Nobody panic. This is why I keep an emergency candy stash. See, at least we won’t have to miss out on the best part of Halloween.”
April picked herself up off the floor and glared at Leslie. “The best part of Halloween is filling people’s desk drawers with worms. Do you have worms in there, Leslie?”
Across the room, Jerry opened his top drawer. “Oh, geez. April!”
Ron finally emerged from his office, an old two-way radio in one hand and a bottle of whisky in the other. “I have a feeling we’ll be needing this. Also, here is a useless communication device.”
Leslie was the first to sigh and take a seat at the round table in the middle of the department. “Pour me a glass, Ron.”
----------
April groaned in frustration again and dropped her head on her desk.
Trapped at work with her lame co-workers wasn't her ideal Halloween. She should’ve been drinking, dancing, and rigging her front door to drop fake blood on her party guests.
The overhead lights flickered distractingly, and the office phone lines were overwhelmed with static. Everyone was scattered around the department. Ron retreated back into his office. Donna typed on her phone at her desk. Leslie paced around the office with her cell phone, making calls to cancel the meet and greet and cursing whenever the reception dropped out. At the round table, Ben pretended to play Candy Crush on his phone but kept sneaking super obvious glances at his secret-ex-secret-girlfriend. Ann and Jerry were also talking at the table. April couldn’t hear what they were saying, but she was sure it was a stupid conversation.
From where he was cowering behind Jerry, Tom kept nervously glancing at the window. He was sticking with his story about the hooded figure; in fact, since Chris’s announcement, he’d insisted it must have been the stabber. April wished it was true. Maybe something interesting would happen then.
At least Andy was with her. His presence automatically made any situation 90% better. Still, April was bored and hungry. They had probably been there for at least five hours. She checked the time on her phone.
“How has it only been twenty minutes?” she whined to no one in particular.
“It’s fine, babe,” Andy said, pawing through the paper bag Leslie handed him earlier. “Look at all this candy! There’s even Red Hots. These things are the best. They make everything red. Look.” He stuck out his red tongue and showed her his sticky and unnaturally-colored fingertips.
Just as she was going to suggest to Andy that they kill time by making out, yet another crack of thunder sounded, and the lights flickered. After a few feeble attempts to sputter back to life, they stayed off entirely. The only light in the office was the occasional flash of lightning and the dwindling sunlight that managed to shine through the heavy clouds.
“Does anyone have a flashlight?” Ann asked in the near-darkness.
Leslie said, “Oh! I have a box of flashlights in my office from the Pawnee Goddesses trip.”
As Leslie started for her office, April stopped her. “Wait. I borrowed those flashlights when Andy and I spent the night in a graveyard.”
“Where are the flashlights now?”
April felt a little guilty. “In the graveyard.”
“Great,” Tom said. “Not only are we gonna die, we’re gonna die in the dark.”
Ben chimed in, “My laptop still has some battery left. We can use the screen for light.”
In the darkness, April could hear Ben shuffling across the office and into the conference room. There were a few muted curses as he bumped into chairs on the way back to his seat at the table.
Ben turned on the laptop, illuminating his face.
Ann leaned in towards the screen. “Who’s Hannah Dash, and why are you reading old e-mails from her?”
Ann shot a worried glance to Leslie, probably assuming that Ben was moving on. April thought how lucky Ann was not to know about their weird role playing. Their walls were thin, and before Leslie announced her City Council candidacy, April heard some things she could never unhear.
“Don’t worry about it,” Ben said flatly, pulling the laptop closer and clicking a few times. When the screen was clear, he angled it upwards so that it projected a blue haze of light into the room.
There was a brief silence before Jerry began cheerily, “So, anyone know any good scary stories?”
He was met with a chorus of “Come on, Jerry!” and “Ugh, shut up.”
April decided right then that she had enough. She took out her phone and dialed the number she stored under “Annoying Man #4.”
“Hello, Chris Traeger speaking!”
“It’s April.”
“April Ludgate! How wonderful to hear your voice. Is this regarding the current security measures?”
April rolled her eyes. “No, I wanted to talk kale recipes.”
“While I would be delighted to discuss kale with you at any time of the day or night, April, I suspect that you're being sarcastic. I must insist that if you wish to speak to me about the lockdown, you use the provided two-way radio. It’s importa-”
April hung up. Growling in frustration, she snatched the two-way off the table in the center of the room.
“Chris!” April drew out his name in annoyance. “You need to tell the police to unlock the doors. They have no way of knowing that anyone else is going to get hurt.”
“Hello again, April!” Chris’s voice crackled over the radio. “I’m afraid that’s simply not something they or I can risk. I understand you must be upset-”
“A lot of people want to stab Sewage Joe! So someone finally went through with it. Good for them. It doesn’t mean there’s a serial killer on the loose. It just means Joe is-sorry, was-super annoying. And stabbable.”
There was a brief silence. “I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. First, I’m pleased to report that Joe isn’t dead. He was severely wounded, but the doctors expect him to pull through. But whoever did it certainly has a lot of blood on their hands, figuratively and literally because Joe is, as the EMTs put it, 'a bleeder.'
"Second, since the lockdown began, we’ve received an alarming number of reports of a figure lurking around City Hall and looking into windows. The police are searching, but they haven’t found the culprit yet. Until then, we must assume that we are all in danger and that this person intends to attack again.”
Before April could argue, Ben took the radio out of her hands. Ignoring her glare, he said, “That’s fine, Chris. We understand. Just do what you think is best. I’m sure we’ll be out of here soon.”
“Thank you, Ben!” Chris said in a voice far too cheery for the situation. “My regards to the rest of the Parks Department! Traeger over and out.”
The radio fell silent. The only sound was the hammering of the rain lashing against the windows. In the near darkness, everyone looked at each other forlornly and settled in their seats, prepared to do nothing for the foreseeable future.
----------
“...And when they turned around, the dog was gone,” Andy said in his best scary voice. He held Ben’s laptop under his chin, giving his face an eerie glow. “Instead, there...was...a...pineapple!”
His captive audience leaned in imperceptibly closer, their eyebrows raised expectantly.
“That was it,” Andy said in his normal voice.
Everyone sat back, disappointed.
“That was your scary story?” Tom asked. “That was terrible.”
“But the dog turned into the haunted pineapple!” Andy argued.
“That’s not scary,” Donna said. “Scary was that time my brother Lavondrious borrowed my Benz-”
“Oh, my God!” Ann yelled.
“I haven’t even gotten to the scary part yet,” Donna chuckled.
“No, the door!” Ann pointed to the courtyard exit with a shaky hand.
Everyone turned. A flash of lightning illuminated the area outside, and everyone screamed.
On the other side of the glass stood a tall, unmoving figure in a black rain coat, the hood raised. The dim light left a disturbingly black void where its face should be. It raised one of its long black-clad arms. A flash of something silver shined in the moonlight.
The darkness was blinding as the lightning faded from their retinas. A roar of thunder muffled the ongoing screaming. The storm, in all its fury, was right on top of them. There was another flash, and the figure was gone.
“I told you I saw someone!” Tom yelled.
The laptop chose that moment to die, plunging the room into darkness. Everything was silent save for the whistle of the wind, the pounding rain, and everyone’s suddenly fast breathing.
“How sure are we of the strength of those locks?” Ben asked.
Suddenly, a loud crash sounded from Leslie’s office, and a strong gust of wind began kicking up papers.
“It’s the killer!” Tom exclaimed.
In the darkness, there were screams and crashes as everyone scrambled for cover away from Leslie’s office. April grabbed Andy’s hand and pulled him behind the permits counter. There were only bursts of clarity from the occasional lightning flash, but from what April could tell, Tom was ineffectively curled into the fetal position behind a trash can, Leslie and Ben were huddled tightly together beside April’s desk, and everyone else seemed to have hidden in the conference room.
After a moment, Ron emerged from his office. Sounding annoyed, he demanded, “What the hell is going on out here?”
“Murderer in Leslie’s office!” Donna yelled from somewhere over to April’s left.
Ron strode into the office. April held her breath, waiting for any indication that Ron just got stabbed or stabbed someone else. Anything involving stabbing, really.
It was quiet for longer than April liked. She was about to tell Andy that maybe they should investigate when Ron came out of Leslie’s office and announced, “It’s a tree branch.”
“Are you sure?” Tom asked, still curled into a ball on the ground.
“Yes,” Ron said. “I know what a tree looks like.”
Slowly, everyone emerged from their hiding places, still on their guard. April squeezed Andy’s hand a little too tightly. He squeezed back reassuringly and smiled down at her. She was pretty sure she’d never loved him more than she did in that moment. She would’ve made out with him right there if Ron hadn’t continued.
“We need to patch up that broken window before the storm gets worse.”
“Maybe we should call Chris and tell him what’s going on,” Ben suggested.
“Nonsense,” Ron said surveying the available furniture around him. “I’ll take care of it.”
----------
Somehow using just a pocket knife and a hammer he had in his office, Ron worked in the darkness and fashioned a surprisingly sturdy barricade out of one of Leslie’s bookshelves, a chair, and part of the very branch that broke the window.
“That won’t hold for long,” Ron said, folding up his knife and putting it back into his pocket, “but it’ll keep the rain and wind at bay until we can get out of this hellhole.”
“Will it keep out serial killers?” Tom asked, slowly peeking into the office from behind the door frame.
“Get it together, son.” Ron said. “There are no serial killers. What you saw was a figment of your imagination.”
“Usually I’d agree with you,” Ann said as she and Leslie cleaned up the broken glass with the brush and dust pan Leslie kept in her office, “but we all saw it, too. There’s definitely someone out there.”
Ron glanced at the makeshift barrier. “No one is getting in here unless we let them. The best we can do is wait until lockdown is over. I suggest you stay close to the others.”
Ann and Leslie rejoined the rest of the group, who were huddled a little closer around the circular table than before. Leslie took a seat next to Ben and leaned into his side. He gave her a strange look, and she pulled away, averting her gaze.
Ron retreated back into his office to nurse a whisky. Instead of sitting at his desk, however, he took up post on the bench in full view of the rest of the department. Whether it was more for his comfort or everyone else’s, April wasn’t sure, but she secretly appreciated it all the same.
After a few minutes of glancing between the windows and each other, Tom broke the silence. “You know what? If we’re gonna die, we might as well die in style.” He ducked into Leslie’s office and brought back a large bag with the Entertainment 720 logo on it.
“While we’re waiting to be serial killed,” he continued, “allow me to introduce you all to our brand new Entertainment 720 merch, exclusively developed for tonight’s meet ‘n’ greet that apparently wouldn’t have happened even if we weren’t locked in a glass box waiting to be stabbed." Tom, looking mildly bitter, heaved the bag onto the table.
One by one, he pulled items from the bag, barely illuminated by the moonlight. “Entertainment 720 velvet throw, Entertainment 720 neck massager-that one’s for the ladies,” he said with a wink. “E720 tiny mug with my face on it, E720 toilet paper-”
“Does that have your face on it, too?” April asked.
Ann tried to look into the bag. "Are there any flashlights in there?"
"No, but there are E720 scented candles." He pulled one out with a flourish.
Leslie took it from his hand. "Tom! Why didn't you say so earlier? We could've used these." She briefly illuminated the bottom of the candle with her phone to read the label. "What does 'Cashmere Sunset' smell like?"
Ron emerged from his office with a pack of matches and lit the candle. Everyone leaned in towards the flame, sniffed the air, and immediately pulled back with surprised exclamations. Ron quickly extinguished the flame as Ben began to dry heave.
"What the hell is that smell?" April asked, waving the lingering scent away from her.
"You like it? Jean-Ralphio and I created it ourselves."
Andy laughed and wrinkled his nose. "It smells like moldy ranch mac and cheese."
“Darkness it is,” Leslie said, pushing the candle as far away from her as she could.
Tom glared at them and continued to dig in the bag.
"Jerry, you make a lot of mistakes. Here's an E720 pen so people can correct them.” Tom tossed a fountain pen to Jerry. As soon as Jerry caught it with fumbling hands, red ink burst onto his hands and shirt.
“Aw, jeez,” Jerry complained, ineffectually dabbing at the growing ink blobs on his shirt.
“Nice job, Jerry,” April said. She took some papers off his desk and handed them to him. “Here, wipe it with these.”
Jerry gratefully took the pages and wiped the ink from his hands. After a moment, he looked closer at the papers. “Hey, these are the Ramsett Park permits I spent all afternoon doing.”
“Dammit, Jerry!” Leslie scolded. “Those were important. Now they’re ruined, so you’re just going to have to do them again.”
There was a flash of what looked to be annoyance in Jerry’s eyes, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. He sighed and shuffled the stained pages. “Yes, boss.”
“What else ya got in there, Tommy T?” Donna asked.
“Um, I’ll tell you if you pay attention for one minute and stop staring at your phone!”
Donna raised her eyebrows but put her phone down. “Passive aggressive is not a good color on you, Tom. Besides, how else am I supposed to live-tweet this dumb ass evening?”
“Oh, well, if you’re live-tweeting, I guess that’s okay,” Tom said in all sincerity.
He rummaged around in the bag again. “Here we have an E720 prototype. I expect you’ll be seeing this product in all major department stores by Christmas. Get this: for the ultimate baller, red carpet insoles for your shoes!” He held one up in triumph and put on his best commercial voice. “Everywhere you go, walk on red carpet.”
“Nice!” Donna exclaimed, holding out her hand expectantly. Tom passed her the prototype. After a brief inspection, she returned it.
“What do you think?” Tom asked, eagerly clutching the insole.
“Honestly? The fabric feels cheap and nasty. In fact, it is cheap and nasty. Tom, you’ve got red dye rubbing off all over your hands.”
“Like I said, it’s a prototype,” Tom snapped. “I couldn’t afford the good stuff, okay?”
While they were arguing, Ben pulled the bag towards himself and reached into it. "What's that shiny thing?" he asked. Almost immediately, he drew his hand back with a sharp cry.
"Oh, my God, you're bleeding!" Leslie said, lunging closer to Ben as he cradled his injured hand.
"What the hell did he cut his hand on?" Ann demanded. She gently ushered Leslie out of the chair next to Ben so she could examine his cut, from which a worrying amount of blood had begun to flow.
Tom used his phone to illuminate the darkened bag and carefully pulled out an unfolded razor. He said sheepishly, "E720 straight razor?"
"You had a loose razor in there?!" Leslie demanded.
"It must’ve opened by itself in the bag,” Tom said.
"You're an idiot. A straight razor? Seriously?" Ann grabbed the box of tissues from April's desk and held a wad of them to Ben's palm.
"It was Jean-Ralphio's idea. He said old people love sophisticated, old-timey swag!"
"You're an idiot for going along with it,” Ann sighed, pressing more tissues into Ben’s hand. They were soaked through in seconds.
"I'm starting to feel a little dizzy," Ben said. Leslie stood behind him and rubbed his shoulder in soothing circles.
“This doesn't look great,” Ann murmured. ”I think you might need stitches. We need to slow the bleeding until we can get out of here. Leslie, do you have a First Aid kit?”
“What?” Leslie said with a start, tearing her worried gaze from Ben. “Oh. Yeah, in my office.”
“Good. Bring some of those horrifying candles. We’re going to need light.”
As Leslie and Ann led Ben into the other room, April picked up the two-way radio. If Ben bleeding to death wasn't enough of a reason for Chris to let them out, she didn't know what was.
"Chris, it's April,” she spoke into the radio. “Your boyfriend is dying. You need to let us out."
“What?” Chris’s voice crackled in alarm. “April, what happened?”
“Ben cut his hand pretty bad. He’s bleeding all over the place. Ann’s checking on him, but she said it’s not looking good.” April lowered her voice dramatically. “If we don’t get him to the hospital, they’ll probably have to amputate.”
“I did not say that!” Ann shouted from where they’d set up at Tom’s old desk.
“The situation’s dire, Chris,” April said quickly as Ron began pulling the radio from her hand. “You need to get him out of here and also the rest of us.”
“Chris. This is Ron.” He raised his voice over Chris’s increasingly panicked exclamations, “Calm the hell down. The situation is under control. That said, it would be for the best if everyone is allowed to leave as soon as possible. I understand there are dangers out there, but apparently there are dangers in here as well.” He frowned at Tom.
“Just...hang in there,” Chris said, sounding shaken. “I’m sure this will all be over soon.”
“Understood,” Ron said grimly. He replaced the radio on the table as Ann rejoined the group.
“How’s he doing?” Jerry asked her.
“He’ll be fine,” Ann replied, though she sounded worried. “We got the bleeding to slow down, but he’s a little lightheaded. He’ll probably need to see a doctor.”
April glanced back into Leslie’s office, where Leslie and Ben huddled together in the soft, smelly candlelight. Leslie gently pushed Ben’s hair back from his pale forehead and reached for his uninjured hand. He flinched away, his expression pained. April could see his lips moving but couldn’t make out what he was saying. Leslie nodded sadly and stood to leave, taking the candles with her. Ben seemed to react to the smell more strongly than everyone else, and the last thing they needed added to the dark, terrifying mix that night was vomit. As Leslie carried the candles out, the last thing April saw in their flickering light was the longing expression on Ben’s face as he watched her leave.
----------
One by one over the next hour, everyone gave in and lit a putrid candle to illuminate whatever activity they’d found to stave off boredom.
For Leslie and Jerry, that meant being lame and working. Ann pulled a boring book from her purse. Donna apparently had a supercharged phone and was still gleefully typing. Ron was doing whatever Ron always did in his office. Tom stared glumly at the bag of E720 merch. April and Andy retrieved the box of Halloween stuff meant for their party and amused themselves with the fake blood caplets. Ann and Leslie settled a still-woozy Ben at April’s desk so he could get some rest while staying close to the group.
A sort of relative peace settled over the department. People milled about and talked quietly. It was like a normal workday but lit by really gross-smelling candles. It was entirely too boring for April’s taste, especially on Halloween.
“Hey, Leslie,” Ben called, “do you still have that Eleanor Roosevelt biography in your office? I figured I could start reading it while we’re here.”
Leslie looked up from the folders spread out in front of her. “Of course! I have four of them. Which one do you want? You know what? Take all of them. Tom, would you mind getting them? I’m on a roll with this Community Center schedule. They’re in my bottom desk drawer.”
Ben shook his head. “Oh. Leslie, maybe-”
Tom sighed and stood up. “Fine. My phone died an hour ago. I need something to do. I’m almost bored enough to start reading one of them.”
Leslie’s eyes lit up. “You are?!”
“I said almost.” Tom picked up a candle and went into Leslie’s office, where he proceeded to loudly rummage in her desk.
Suddenly, the calm of the office was pierced by a shrill scream.
In an instant, everyone but Ben jumped up and crammed into the suddenly-too-small office, where Tom stared, horrified, at Leslie’s desk. The meet and greet guest list was smeared with splotches of red and a large, messy scrawl reading:
Leslie, I’m going to get you alone and make you scream.
April’s eyes widened in glee. Things were about to get interesting.
To be continued…
Part 2