(no subject)
Do you ever feel like things are just being dumped on you, one thing after another? Like you dont have time to get over the one thing, before something else is put in your lap for you to deal with? I went out to Aarons grave yesterday. It broke my heart all over again, and for some reason, I cant get over his death. It didnt help that he was placed right in front of my uncle, who died in a car accident when he was 20 years old. And my great grandmother is side ways from him. Its like, he is surrounded by my family.
On my way home from the cemetary, my cousin called my cell phone and said "well, are you ready to go to another one?" My uncle died yesterday, of heart failure. When is this going to end? When will I be able to go a day without waiting for the next phone call that tells me that someone else has died. I cant take anymore. I cant stand anymore.
Jamie and I were dating, and last night I broke it off. I couldnt do it anymore. My heart wasnt in it, because my heart belongs to someone else. I smile when he comes around, I smile when he looks my way. And, besides that, I've been so stressed out, that it wasnt fair, I didnt need to have someone on my ass all the time, because part of me wants to be so distant from people. Maybe if I stop caring so much, they'll stop dying. The only person in this world who I really want and need in my life, I cant have yet. For some reason. But I'm hoping for one little miracle one of these days. I'm hoping for him. But Jamie was too much of a friend to me, it wasnt right to go out and hang out as more than friends. I shouldnt have agreed to it in the first place, because I knew he would somehow end up getting hurt. And I knew he wouldnt understand why I did what I did. I cant give my heart to someone new when YOU still hold it in the palm of your hand. I miss you. I miss us. I love you. And I dont care who knows it anymore.
On my way home from the cemetary, my cousin called my cell phone and said "well, are you ready to go to another one?" My uncle died yesterday, of heart failure. When is this going to end? When will I be able to go a day without waiting for the next phone call that tells me that someone else has died. I cant take anymore. I cant stand anymore.
Jamie and I were dating, and last night I broke it off. I couldnt do it anymore. My heart wasnt in it, because my heart belongs to someone else. I smile when he comes around, I smile when he looks my way. And, besides that, I've been so stressed out, that it wasnt fair, I didnt need to have someone on my ass all the time, because part of me wants to be so distant from people. Maybe if I stop caring so much, they'll stop dying. The only person in this world who I really want and need in my life, I cant have yet. For some reason. But I'm hoping for one little miracle one of these days. I'm hoping for him. But Jamie was too much of a friend to me, it wasnt right to go out and hang out as more than friends. I shouldnt have agreed to it in the first place, because I knew he would somehow end up getting hurt. And I knew he wouldnt understand why I did what I did. I cant give my heart to someone new when YOU still hold it in the palm of your hand. I miss you. I miss us. I love you. And I dont care who knows it anymore.