letting things out..
K, so.. I am still as confused as ever. I think about Josh, I think about Freddy. I know who I want, and I cant have him. I know what I'm doing now, and I dont like it.
I ran to Freddy for comfort. I ran to him for something new to hold on to. I DID want to appologize, but I shouldn't have asked for more. I love Josh. I cant be over him yet. Whether he wants to be with me or not. :( I know Freddy is going to end up hurt, because, now I dont even think it is God's perfect idea that we are together.
I send Josh emails, and I know he reads them, but he wont reply. And, like always, he has my sn blocked, cause he usually keeps everyone blocked. I just wish I could have another good night with him, like we had that night. It was just hours of good conversation, and being honest with eachother, and now I cant even get him to reply to my emails. :\ Some of my friends think it was just Josh's way of closure.. like, he was ending things on a good note with me. Maybe thats why he doesnt talk anymore. Maybe he just had to clear his head, and make himself feel better. Make sure I knew he was sorry. Maybe I just thought too much about that night, but damn, I fuckin love his ass! I just want to work things out! Him talking to me, just made me want that. I was fine.. I was over it, for the most part. But that night with him just made me see how things can fucking be, if we just BOTH try harder. I'm willing to fucking give me all, is he? What do I do now?? Should I just walk away, again? Or is this my cue to run after him and tell him what I feel? --
Damnit Josh I just love you. I cant change that. I cant make it go away. I would give my life for you if I had to. I wanted your respect, your love, your attention, and you gave it to me Thursday night, why cant I have it more than just one night? Why cant you just tell me how you REALLY TRULY feel? And, if its positive, why cant you just act on it? If you love me still, why cant we just try to work this out, one day at a time? If we love eachother Josh, why cant we be together? I know I hurt you, and you hurt me, and I was the first to say, "we cant be together, there is just too much damage" but im nothing but damaged and alone if I dont have you. And I know if you are willing to work with me, and TRY to make this work, I know we can be together, HAPPILY. I've learned my lesson, and I think you regret things too. So.. why cant we TRY one more time?
I remember these days.. you bumpin me on the arm while we were driving down the road..
they read you cinderella
you hoped it would come true
and one day a prince charming would come rescue you
you like romantic movies
and you never will forget
the way it felt when romeo kissed juliette
and all this time that you've been waiting
you don't have to wait no more
i can love you like that
i would make you my world
move heaven and earth if you were my girl
i would give you my heart
be all that you need
show you you're everything that's precious to me
if you give me a chance, i can love you like that
i never make a promise
i don't intend to keep
so when i say forever
forever's what i mean
well i am no casanova
but i swear this much is true,
i'll be holding nothing back
when it comes to you
you dream of love that's everlasting
well baby open up your eyes...
i can love you like that
i would make you my world
move heaven and earth if you were my girl
i would give you my heart
be all that you need
show you you're everything that's precious to me
if you give me a chance, i can love you like that
if you want tenderness
i've got tenderness
and i see through to the heart of you
if you want a man
who will understand
you don't have to look very far
i can love you, girl i can (i can love you love you)
oh baby oh...
i can love you like that
i would make you my world
move heaven and earth if you were my girl
i would give you my heart
be all that you need
show you you're everything that's precious to me
i can love you like that
i can make you my world
move heaven and earth if you were my girl
i would give you my heart
my heart my heart my world
show you you're everything (you're everything to me)
love you like that
i can make you my world
move heaven and earth if you were my girl
i would give you my heart
my heart my heart my world
show you you're everything