(no subject)
so this is what's what.
I'm very upset and I'm crying right now.
I don't have any real life friends that live close to me.
Every relationship I touch I burn.
I was just told to quit my job.
Because the person who got me the job said that I have made it hell.
He said it was the best job he'd ever had till I showed up.
He says that everyone there thinks I'm crazy.
He says that everyone there hates me.
He says I'd be better of just leaving forever.
I am told these things every day.
Every single day. I'm starting to think that people are right.
Maybe I am crazy, maybe I shouldn't work.
Maybe it would be better if I were to go away forever.
If I had the money and wasn't in trouble I would leave.
I'd go to a state where no one knew who I was.
Maybe I wouldn't burn relationships there.
Maybe I wouldn't have people hating me.
Maybe I wouldn't be insane.
Maybe I could be.
I might be able to have a house, and a cat.
A bicycle and a decent job.
A small town where everyone knows each other.
Where there's no drugs and no violence and no hate.
Where everyone has a goddamn white picket fence.
I want the life that fucking family movies are made of.
I'm not happy anymore + I can't put the act on anymore either.
I feel so drained all of the time.
So confused too.
Every job I've ever had, no one else liked me.
Every class I've ever had, I never really had friends in it.
Every place I've ever gone I've been ostracised.
Ever since I was siz years old.
My parents said it was because I wasn't like the rest of them
I was taller, and I spoke English, that's why they didn't like me.
That's why when I was seven the girl scouts drew pictures of dogs biting off my arms.
And was forced into "time out" everyday when I was eight and nine.
That's why when I was 10 + 11 I never had a partner in groups.
When I was 12 I had and lost my best friend.
13 + I just got called a freak a lot.
Fucking girl's got deep seeded issues.
I am so sorry for writting all of this,
I know it's a lot of bullshit that no one wants to hear.
But I've got to put it somewhere.
Otherwise it's going to stay locked up forever.
I don't want it in my heart or in my mind.
So now it's fucking publicized information.
And I don't care.
I'm very upset and I'm crying right now.
I don't have any real life friends that live close to me.
Every relationship I touch I burn.
I was just told to quit my job.
Because the person who got me the job said that I have made it hell.
He said it was the best job he'd ever had till I showed up.
He says that everyone there thinks I'm crazy.
He says that everyone there hates me.
He says I'd be better of just leaving forever.
I am told these things every day.
Every single day. I'm starting to think that people are right.
Maybe I am crazy, maybe I shouldn't work.
Maybe it would be better if I were to go away forever.
If I had the money and wasn't in trouble I would leave.
I'd go to a state where no one knew who I was.
Maybe I wouldn't burn relationships there.
Maybe I wouldn't have people hating me.
Maybe I wouldn't be insane.
Maybe I could be.
I might be able to have a house, and a cat.
A bicycle and a decent job.
A small town where everyone knows each other.
Where there's no drugs and no violence and no hate.
Where everyone has a goddamn white picket fence.
I want the life that fucking family movies are made of.
I'm not happy anymore + I can't put the act on anymore either.
I feel so drained all of the time.
So confused too.
Every job I've ever had, no one else liked me.
Every class I've ever had, I never really had friends in it.
Every place I've ever gone I've been ostracised.
Ever since I was siz years old.
My parents said it was because I wasn't like the rest of them
I was taller, and I spoke English, that's why they didn't like me.
That's why when I was seven the girl scouts drew pictures of dogs biting off my arms.
And was forced into "time out" everyday when I was eight and nine.
That's why when I was 10 + 11 I never had a partner in groups.
When I was 12 I had and lost my best friend.
13 + I just got called a freak a lot.
Fucking girl's got deep seeded issues.
I am so sorry for writting all of this,
I know it's a lot of bullshit that no one wants to hear.
But I've got to put it somewhere.
Otherwise it's going to stay locked up forever.
I don't want it in my heart or in my mind.
So now it's fucking publicized information.
And I don't care.