my back bone is missing...
i want to wake up from this terrible nightmare already! as the bright sun sets through the patterned time i am trapped inside what i wish was only a dream where my suffering feels so real. i've never felt this much constant pain and mixed emotions in my entire life... little did i know i was already awake while living in complete shock and completely losing my mind over something that has already happened and will never come back to me. i've been trying so hard to keep it the fuck together for my whole family and friends with the best of my ability. i am not going to take my life away too; i can't! i wouldn't ever want to remotely hurt anybody half as much as i've been hurting since the day you last called. at that moment, i just thought we’d end up together later that day like always.
later that night, i got the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach & couldn't stop crying. i kept telling myself there was no way you could be selfish enough to actually fucking kill yourself. you knew it was fucked up and ruin so many people's lives. just 2 days before you left, you talked about how wrong it would be. you even asked me to fucking be with you again. i should've stayed! then maybe you'd still be here today. i keep thinking i could've prevented this somehow but i had too much fucking pride to let you know how much you really meant to me. how much you really meant to a lot of people.
when somebody takes their own life away, they also take others lives away with them.
september. 24th tony and noah somehow got a gun. that day tony called me from noah’s house and that was the last time i talked to him. last thing he said to me was “sorry for everything. i love you, bye”... they both left right after. tony dropped some stuff off at home and ran out without saying a word to his aunt he lived with. afterwards, him and noah drove to theses hills we used to hang out at less than 10 minutes away from his house.
noah shot tony and then himself. they were finally found 9 days later by 2 little kids passing by.
i went crazy those 9 days, keeping my mouth shut at home because i didn’t know if they would really do it or not. i thought i was just losing it and hoped they would come back any day now.the day they were found tony’s aunt called me & said he was dead… i stopped counting down the days for his arrival. i stopped checking my phone to see if he called. i stopped hoping he will come back period. i completely lost all desire and faith. i've stopped suffering and now i could breathe but now my heart is broken and my life is fucked up as well as others left behind. this isn't fucking happening. :(
i love you, tony. =96=
later that night, i got the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach & couldn't stop crying. i kept telling myself there was no way you could be selfish enough to actually fucking kill yourself. you knew it was fucked up and ruin so many people's lives. just 2 days before you left, you talked about how wrong it would be. you even asked me to fucking be with you again. i should've stayed! then maybe you'd still be here today. i keep thinking i could've prevented this somehow but i had too much fucking pride to let you know how much you really meant to me. how much you really meant to a lot of people.
when somebody takes their own life away, they also take others lives away with them.
september. 24th tony and noah somehow got a gun. that day tony called me from noah’s house and that was the last time i talked to him. last thing he said to me was “sorry for everything. i love you, bye”... they both left right after. tony dropped some stuff off at home and ran out without saying a word to his aunt he lived with. afterwards, him and noah drove to theses hills we used to hang out at less than 10 minutes away from his house.
noah shot tony and then himself. they were finally found 9 days later by 2 little kids passing by.
i went crazy those 9 days, keeping my mouth shut at home because i didn’t know if they would really do it or not. i thought i was just losing it and hoped they would come back any day now.the day they were found tony’s aunt called me & said he was dead… i stopped counting down the days for his arrival. i stopped checking my phone to see if he called. i stopped hoping he will come back period. i completely lost all desire and faith. i've stopped suffering and now i could breathe but now my heart is broken and my life is fucked up as well as others left behind. this isn't fucking happening. :(
i love you, tony. =96=