here's another speech you wish i'd swallow; another trip that blew my mind.
i thought i'd go home & pass out because i got soooo incredibly high. high like a feather floats high when you barley let it go. but i couldn't pass out ... so, i was high like heaven, exhausted like life, & awake here.
have you ever gotten so fucking high, you just start suffocating for a long time? it almost feels like an alarm going off inside my body saying you're too high. aren't you afraid of heights?! i was suffocating, spinning in circles, reaching higher, loving, & dying all at the same time. i was that high. can you comprehend? no, of course not. not my trips that take place in absolute magic like fireworks going off in disneyland. its too difficult to get to the magical rivers. feeling light & bright because joy triggers the brain so hardcore that you can't tell left from right, black from white, or how high you really are away from everything there is or ever was or ever will be. nothing left to touch. nothing in the way. nothing left behind. it feels like freedom ... but not the kind of freedom you feel over youth, winning, or running away. its a different freedom i can't seem to put into words, only feel for that moment while it imprints into my brain under the category "another memory i cannot explain or make myself feel again." isn't life sad? probably. probably not. i don't know ... forced to live it. functioning with the pill that makes me breed & ends up leading me to fear or complete carelessness. rather live life in a trip constantly, slowing killing myself than feel reality and live it day by day ... ignore the foot steps, they won't take you where you want to go. its all the same.
& god? ... god is the sweat that drips down my back when i'm coming down so hard. god is the new beginning of every ending. god is the moral of experiences and memories. everything isn't okay when i cannot feel any sort of passion or desire or even hate. i could only feel myself slide off your finger tips slowly & i've accepted that we will never form a heart together again even though its all i want to do. i have accepted it ... feeling all kinds of death even though i don't know the smell of death. left dull, weak, numb, alone, cold & thinking & thinking & thinking. such a tragedy, such an honor, such a false cover ... i am your tragic hero. but i don't let them see it. whenever i feel them try to read my eyes i look away. can't let them see me like this. i don't want to drag anyone down with me. not ever. just let me cope & soak up all of everyone's negativity. feels as though it is my duty to make happy faces on everybody's face & that makes my pale face go from death to a giggly smile like a sunflower on acid.
i'm running around with my wings on in chaos, trying to eat up all the poison & sorrow that lies inside pours. sadly; it all adds up inside of me. keeping my distance makes it easy to hide all of my sufferings. trying to prevent anyone from falling down with me even though they're unaware that i'm stuck in this pit. let ignorance feed at their heads, don't ever create that dark place with no escape. you just might end up there & never be able to get out. let your innocence take over your ignorance. you are pure and have the ability to sit on the clouds.
more and more i can feel my insides rotting away and i crave comfort but i can't let you touch me. if you hold my hand you'll feel the cold & wonder why i'm freezing. than you'd start to wonder so many things & try to take a peek inside. broken spot lights are hard to fix & focus. no need to waste your time ... when i'm gone they won't understand it. rivers will gather up in my existence & go crazy in confusion unexpectedly. nobody expected a lonely frozen spirit inside a heart that'd bleed all over the cities. too weak to fight whatever is pulling my hair. its so intense, i wanna cry & beg with all mercy to let me go but the tears won't come out. it stole my heart beat, the meaning of hope, love, & sacrifice. the rivers won't drown you. just float in your innocence & let them take you away from here ...
have you ever gotten so fucking high, you just start suffocating for a long time? it almost feels like an alarm going off inside my body saying you're too high. aren't you afraid of heights?! i was suffocating, spinning in circles, reaching higher, loving, & dying all at the same time. i was that high. can you comprehend? no, of course not. not my trips that take place in absolute magic like fireworks going off in disneyland. its too difficult to get to the magical rivers. feeling light & bright because joy triggers the brain so hardcore that you can't tell left from right, black from white, or how high you really are away from everything there is or ever was or ever will be. nothing left to touch. nothing in the way. nothing left behind. it feels like freedom ... but not the kind of freedom you feel over youth, winning, or running away. its a different freedom i can't seem to put into words, only feel for that moment while it imprints into my brain under the category "another memory i cannot explain or make myself feel again." isn't life sad? probably. probably not. i don't know ... forced to live it. functioning with the pill that makes me breed & ends up leading me to fear or complete carelessness. rather live life in a trip constantly, slowing killing myself than feel reality and live it day by day ... ignore the foot steps, they won't take you where you want to go. its all the same.
& god? ... god is the sweat that drips down my back when i'm coming down so hard. god is the new beginning of every ending. god is the moral of experiences and memories. everything isn't okay when i cannot feel any sort of passion or desire or even hate. i could only feel myself slide off your finger tips slowly & i've accepted that we will never form a heart together again even though its all i want to do. i have accepted it ... feeling all kinds of death even though i don't know the smell of death. left dull, weak, numb, alone, cold & thinking & thinking & thinking. such a tragedy, such an honor, such a false cover ... i am your tragic hero. but i don't let them see it. whenever i feel them try to read my eyes i look away. can't let them see me like this. i don't want to drag anyone down with me. not ever. just let me cope & soak up all of everyone's negativity. feels as though it is my duty to make happy faces on everybody's face & that makes my pale face go from death to a giggly smile like a sunflower on acid.
i'm running around with my wings on in chaos, trying to eat up all the poison & sorrow that lies inside pours. sadly; it all adds up inside of me. keeping my distance makes it easy to hide all of my sufferings. trying to prevent anyone from falling down with me even though they're unaware that i'm stuck in this pit. let ignorance feed at their heads, don't ever create that dark place with no escape. you just might end up there & never be able to get out. let your innocence take over your ignorance. you are pure and have the ability to sit on the clouds.
more and more i can feel my insides rotting away and i crave comfort but i can't let you touch me. if you hold my hand you'll feel the cold & wonder why i'm freezing. than you'd start to wonder so many things & try to take a peek inside. broken spot lights are hard to fix & focus. no need to waste your time ... when i'm gone they won't understand it. rivers will gather up in my existence & go crazy in confusion unexpectedly. nobody expected a lonely frozen spirit inside a heart that'd bleed all over the cities. too weak to fight whatever is pulling my hair. its so intense, i wanna cry & beg with all mercy to let me go but the tears won't come out. it stole my heart beat, the meaning of hope, love, & sacrifice. the rivers won't drown you. just float in your innocence & let them take you away from here ...