Without a word - chapter 4
Title: Without a word
Pairings: HanChul <-- main, KangTeuk, EunHae (ninjas here and there)
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Genre: Angst, humor
Summary: Heechul has loved Hangeng since pre-debut, but never said anything about it to anyone. Hiding all of his feelings is getting more and more difficult, as bad things happens and Heechul slowly starts building up a fake personality to cover up his depression. Is there a light at the end of the dark tunnel? Will there ever be a way for Heechul to be happy...
Disclaimer: Super Junior and DBSK lives in my room I do not own the boys... A/N: It was difficult for me to write this chapter, but in the end it turned out ok hehe. Something bad happens in this chapter ,__, and Heechul ends up in Yunho's care. Hope you'll like it~
Their schedule was back as usual, tight between every activity. Each of the members had their own activities, but the whole group had 2 photoshoots to attend to, then half of the group was going to guest a variety program. While the others did other things; Eeteuk and Eunhyuk had Sukira to broadcast, Hangeng and Siwon was later going to do a interview for a chinese magazine, Donghae and Shindong was meeting one of their choreographers to learn a new dance, Kibum promoting drama and so on.
Their first station was one of the photoshoots, and they were now sitting backstage getting their make-up done.
Heechul sat half asleep on a chair while two girls were fixing his hair. He was too tired to talk to anyone and manage to stay awake only by watching Kyuhyun playing his beloved Starcraft beside him.
"Don't you ever get tired of that game?" Heechul asked Kyuhyun.
... There was no answer. "Kyuhyun?"
"Hmm..?" came a grunting answer from the magne.
"Don't you ever get tired of that game?" Heechul said again, but there was no answer this time either.
"Aish..." he said and decided that he could sleep a little anyway.
Hangeng caressed Heechul's inner thigh slowly while placing gentle kisses on his neck. Heechul moaned at the sensation and touched Hangeng anywhere he could reach.
Hangeng whispered something in Heechul's ear in a language Heechul didn't understand, chinese. Heechul felt Hangeng's hand wander down and into his pants, slowly starting to massage Heechul's erection.
They shared a passionate kiss, and Hangeng pulled down Heechul's boxers.
"I want you now Chul-ah..."
Heechul woke up by a loud voice, screaming to them that the photoshoot was going to begin.
Heechul felt dizzy at the image of Hangeng lying naked on top of him. Fucking dreams!
"Heechul, aren't you coming?" Shindong said to him.
Heechul was about to stand up, but sat down just as quickly as he had stood.
"FUCK!" he swore under his breath. The dream had felt too real and it was clearly too warm and hard between Heechul's legs. He looked down and swore once again. He couldn't go out with a huge bulge between his legs! Everyone would notice!
"Heechul?" Shindong said again, coming nearer.
"AAAH!" Heechul screamed and threw his hand out to stop Shindong for coming any closer.
Shindong stared at him in shock. "Why are you sitting like that? Looks like you're about to give birth to a baby." Shindong said and pointed at Heechul's weird position on the chair.
Heechul with on leg over the other, pressed tight together and on hand pressed just as hard on his stomach looked flustered at Shindong.
"I um, I-I just really need the bathroom!" Heechul said. "Tell them that I'm coming soon!"
Then he ran as fast as he could to the bathroom and took care of the thing that was aching between his pants.
After that the photoshoot had gone great and the photographer was pleased with each member for their beautiful faces and posers.
He had specially praised Eeteuk for his "really deep sexy eyes", which caused Kangin to hate the photographer most in the world.
"Kangin, he just said that my eyes were beautiful and besides, he praised the other members too!" Eeteuk said calmly to Kangin as they walked to their cars who would take them to the next activity on schedule.
"Really deep sexy eyes, he said!" Kangin answered. "Bet he thought you were hot and wanted to have you all to himself! That bitch... I'm going to kill him!"
Eeteuk sighed, dealing with probably the most jealous boyfriend of all times was hard.
All of the members walked into their black minibuss and seated at their usual places.
Donghae, Eunhyuk, Sungmin and Kyuhyun at the back. Sungmin watching Kyuhyun play his games as usual, while Donghae and Eunhyuk had become more cuddly than childish since the last love-accident between the two.
Shindong, Kibum, Hangeng and Heechul in the row ahead. Shindong and Kibum sleeping like they used to and Hangeng and Heechul talking and playing road games.
Then there was Eeteuk, Kangin, Ryeowook and Yesung in the row up front. Eeteuk half asleep in Kangin's bear hug, Ryeowook looking through his mobile and Yesung listening to music.
Then there was Siwon at the front beside the manager and driver.
Their next photoshoot was going to be shot outside on a big rooftop. The air was chilling and many of them complained about the freezing weather.
"Yah! Why do you always take the photoshoots with the least clothes on the winter?!" Heechul said angrily at the photo director.
Even though to the cold, the shoot was completed without any obstacles.
Then they was separated in different cars. Heechul, Ryeowook, Kangin, Sungmin, Kyuhyun and Yesung got into one car and drove to the variety show and the others to their activities.
*
The schedule was finished and they all were on their way back to the dorm.
Heechul watched Hangeng's smiling face and wondered why he smiled so big. He had been very bright and cheerful the last weeks actually, but now the last days he had been happier than ever.
"Hannie, has something good happened?" Heechul asked Hangeng, who smiled dearly at his mobilephone.
Hangeng looked up. "Hm?" he said.
"You've been smiling like an idiot all day. Has something good happened?"
Hangeng giggled. "Maybe.”
"Maybe?" Heechul frowned and leaned in closer. "You're hiding something, I can clearly see that!"
"Haha, no I'm not." Hangeng smiled again. His mobilephone vibrated and Hangeng quickly opened it to see who it was. With the fact that Hangeng didn't pick it to his ear, Heechul understood that it was a sms.
Hangeng giggled at the sms he got, and started to answer it.
"What is that?" Heechul teased and tried to get Hangeng's phone, but Hangeng hid it from him.
"You'll see tonight." Hangeng smiled and closed his phone.
Heechul raised his eyebrows. "Tonight? It's a surprise?" Heechul was anxious.
"You can say that."
"Present for me?" Heechul said and poked Hangeng's cheek.
"Haha, no Chul-ah. I really want to show you all something!" Hangeng said brightly.
Heechul bit his lip. "Something good?"
"It's something really good!" Hangeng blinked at him. "If you care about me, you will think it's good."
Heechul smiled and felt really excited for this surprise, like a small child waiting for Santa Claus on christmas.
*
Hangeng went outside after they all had eaten their food when they got home. He said that he was going to show them something and Heechul was even more excited now.
"What do you think he's going to show us?" Ryeowook asked the others.
"A surprise! Hope it's something fun!" Sungmin smiled.
"I don't think it's for all of us, Sungmin." Kyuhyun said. "It's a surpise about him I guess."
"What would be so important to show all of us?" Kangin said.
"He's coming now!" Donghae screamed and hurried to the rest of them from the door and sat down on the floor beside Heechul.
Hangeng appeared in front of them, smiling.
"Ok. I gathered you all now to confess something to you." Hangeng said with his chinese accent.
The others smiled at him as an answer.
"Um, ok. Wait a little." Then he disappeared out in the hall again, soon coming back with a girl beside him.
What's this... his, cousin? Heechul thought.
"And who's this?" Eunhyuk said to Hangeng.
Hangeng looked at the girl, who clearly was embarrassed to death.
"This is Shui Ling." Hangeng smiled and took the girls hand. "She's my girlfriend!"
The members looked at him.
"So?" Kibum said. "It's not like the rest of us introduce our girlfriends. ...Or boyfriends." he added after glares from Kangin, Eeteuk, Donghae and Eunhyuk.
Hangeng smiled. "It's not just a girlfriend."
The members watched him in surprise.
"We're engaged!" Hangeng said and brightly smiled to the others.
It was like a big wave of shock run through the room.
"Engaged?" Eeteuk said. "Like in - getting married in a few years?"
Hangeng nodded with a proud smile on his face.
Heechul had stopped breathing, saying again and again in his head that this was not happening. It was all just a silly joke that Hangeng made to fuck up his mind. It isn't true, it isn't true...
Cheers and gratulations could be heard from the members, but it sounded far away in Heechul's mind. The only thing Heechul could hear was his own heart beating hard and slowly, acing throughout his body. He had to leave the room, his tears was about to come, he could feel his eyes fill up but his legs didn't move. It was true. He had a girlfriend, a future wife.
"Heechul?" a quiet voice spoke to him. "Heechul, are you ok?"
Hands were on him, touching his face. "Hey! Are you ok?"
Heechul stood up, he felt a tear roll down his cheek.
"Heechul?" Eeteuk looked into his eyes. "You look like a ghost..."
Heechul put on a fake smile on his face. "I'm going out, ok. I... um, I-I come back tomorrow before the schedule starts."
Eeteuk looked sad at him. "Heechul..."
"I'm ok! Bye Jungsoo..."
Eeteuk watched Heechul leave the room and walking out trough the door.
"Hyung? Where did Heechul go?" Hangeng had approached Eeteuk.
Eeteuk looked up at him. "He's sleeping somewhere else tonight." He answered and leaved Hangeng, taking an apple with him and walked into his and Kangin's room.
Hangeng looked surprised at Eeteuk's blunt answer and then looked towards the door Heechul just walked trough.
-
Heechul had collapsed at the ground not far away from the apartment. He was crying non-stop and his body was shaking uncontrollably.
Hangeng had a girlfriend. No, a future wife and he never cared to mention it to anyone, not even Heechul who his best friend.
He couldn't feel his heart beat anymore, his whole body was numb. What was he going to do?
Hangeng will never love me.
A melody started to play, it was his mobile. Heechul slowly pulled it out from his pocket and read the name on the screen 'Beijing fried rice - Hannie'. He stared at the vibrating phone. He couldn't answer, he wouldn't answer because then he would start to curse Hangeng about how much he hated him for not loving him, the one who cared most about him in this world and not some ugly chinese girl.
Then the phone stopped ringing. Heechul took a deep breath before he opened the phone and dialed the number of the only person he could talk to when he felt like this, Jung Yunho.
"Hello?" came an answer at the other line.
Heechul felt more tears coming to his eyes when he heard the voice of his best friend, and started to sob uncontrollably again.
"He-heechul? What's wrong? What's happened?" Yunho sounded very concerned and scared.
"Yun...yunho...?" Heechul managed to say through his sobs.
"What's happened? Where are you?" Yunho asked panicked. "Shall I come and pick you up?"
Heechul let out a loud cry. "Hangeng has... he has..." but his voice cracked again.
"It's ok, Chul-ah... It'll be alright." Yunho said. "Where are you?"
Heechul inhaled deeply trying to stop his sobs. "Can I sleep at your place tonight?"
"Of course you can!" Yunho said loudly. "I'm getting into the car right now, tell me where you are!"
"I'm by the large old tree in our neighborhood." Heechul said slowly.
"Stay there! I'll come right away!"
Heechul nodded and hung up, then turned his phone off. He didn't want to speak to anyone tonight, he hadn't the strength.
Five minutes later, Yunho came and picked him up, driving back to Dong Bang Shin Ki's shared apartment.
When they arrived, the rest of the members were already asleep and Yunho led Heechul to his bedroom he shared with Jaejoong.
"Where's Jae?" Heechul said quietly, his voice sore.
"He's sleeping in Yoochun's room tonight, I told him, so you can have his bed." Yunho said and looked at Heechul with sad eyes. "Whatever Hankyung's done to you Chullie... It'll be alright."
Heechul looked up at him, a tear rolling down his cheek. "No... this will not be alright."
Yunho gently pulled him into a warm hug, caressing Heechul's back softly. "We'll talk about it tomorrow, ok? Try and get some sleep."
Heechul nodded.
"Just wake me up if you need something or want to talk." Yunho whispered and sat Heechul down on Jaejoong's bed.
Heechul smiled a sad smile to Yunho and lay down, pulling up the warm sheets.
Yunho turned off the lights and went to bed himself.
Heechul had stopped crying, his eyes were swollen and the numbness was lingering in his body. He was glad that he slowly was dozing off in the world of dreams, glad that soon his mind would go all blank in hours when he was asleep.
He didn't know what he would do if Yunho hadn't existed in his life. He was the best person who could calm him down.
"Yunho..." He whispered.
"Hm?"
"Thank you..." he said, before the whole world went black as he dozed off to sleep.
Pairings: HanChul <-- main, KangTeuk, EunHae (ninjas here and there)
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Genre: Angst, humor
Summary: Heechul has loved Hangeng since pre-debut, but never said anything about it to anyone. Hiding all of his feelings is getting more and more difficult, as bad things happens and Heechul slowly starts building up a fake personality to cover up his depression. Is there a light at the end of the dark tunnel? Will there ever be a way for Heechul to be happy...
Disclaimer: Super Junior and DBSK lives in my room I do not own the boys... A/N: It was difficult for me to write this chapter, but in the end it turned out ok hehe. Something bad happens in this chapter ,__, and Heechul ends up in Yunho's care. Hope you'll like it~
Their schedule was back as usual, tight between every activity. Each of the members had their own activities, but the whole group had 2 photoshoots to attend to, then half of the group was going to guest a variety program. While the others did other things; Eeteuk and Eunhyuk had Sukira to broadcast, Hangeng and Siwon was later going to do a interview for a chinese magazine, Donghae and Shindong was meeting one of their choreographers to learn a new dance, Kibum promoting drama and so on.
Their first station was one of the photoshoots, and they were now sitting backstage getting their make-up done.
Heechul sat half asleep on a chair while two girls were fixing his hair. He was too tired to talk to anyone and manage to stay awake only by watching Kyuhyun playing his beloved Starcraft beside him.
"Don't you ever get tired of that game?" Heechul asked Kyuhyun.
... There was no answer. "Kyuhyun?"
"Hmm..?" came a grunting answer from the magne.
"Don't you ever get tired of that game?" Heechul said again, but there was no answer this time either.
"Aish..." he said and decided that he could sleep a little anyway.
Hangeng caressed Heechul's inner thigh slowly while placing gentle kisses on his neck. Heechul moaned at the sensation and touched Hangeng anywhere he could reach.
Hangeng whispered something in Heechul's ear in a language Heechul didn't understand, chinese. Heechul felt Hangeng's hand wander down and into his pants, slowly starting to massage Heechul's erection.
They shared a passionate kiss, and Hangeng pulled down Heechul's boxers.
"I want you now Chul-ah..."
Heechul woke up by a loud voice, screaming to them that the photoshoot was going to begin.
Heechul felt dizzy at the image of Hangeng lying naked on top of him. Fucking dreams!
"Heechul, aren't you coming?" Shindong said to him.
Heechul was about to stand up, but sat down just as quickly as he had stood.
"FUCK!" he swore under his breath. The dream had felt too real and it was clearly too warm and hard between Heechul's legs. He looked down and swore once again. He couldn't go out with a huge bulge between his legs! Everyone would notice!
"Heechul?" Shindong said again, coming nearer.
"AAAH!" Heechul screamed and threw his hand out to stop Shindong for coming any closer.
Shindong stared at him in shock. "Why are you sitting like that? Looks like you're about to give birth to a baby." Shindong said and pointed at Heechul's weird position on the chair.
Heechul with on leg over the other, pressed tight together and on hand pressed just as hard on his stomach looked flustered at Shindong.
"I um, I-I just really need the bathroom!" Heechul said. "Tell them that I'm coming soon!"
Then he ran as fast as he could to the bathroom and took care of the thing that was aching between his pants.
After that the photoshoot had gone great and the photographer was pleased with each member for their beautiful faces and posers.
He had specially praised Eeteuk for his "really deep sexy eyes", which caused Kangin to hate the photographer most in the world.
"Kangin, he just said that my eyes were beautiful and besides, he praised the other members too!" Eeteuk said calmly to Kangin as they walked to their cars who would take them to the next activity on schedule.
"Really deep sexy eyes, he said!" Kangin answered. "Bet he thought you were hot and wanted to have you all to himself! That bitch... I'm going to kill him!"
Eeteuk sighed, dealing with probably the most jealous boyfriend of all times was hard.
All of the members walked into their black minibuss and seated at their usual places.
Donghae, Eunhyuk, Sungmin and Kyuhyun at the back. Sungmin watching Kyuhyun play his games as usual, while Donghae and Eunhyuk had become more cuddly than childish since the last love-accident between the two.
Shindong, Kibum, Hangeng and Heechul in the row ahead. Shindong and Kibum sleeping like they used to and Hangeng and Heechul talking and playing road games.
Then there was Eeteuk, Kangin, Ryeowook and Yesung in the row up front. Eeteuk half asleep in Kangin's bear hug, Ryeowook looking through his mobile and Yesung listening to music.
Then there was Siwon at the front beside the manager and driver.
Their next photoshoot was going to be shot outside on a big rooftop. The air was chilling and many of them complained about the freezing weather.
"Yah! Why do you always take the photoshoots with the least clothes on the winter?!" Heechul said angrily at the photo director.
Even though to the cold, the shoot was completed without any obstacles.
Then they was separated in different cars. Heechul, Ryeowook, Kangin, Sungmin, Kyuhyun and Yesung got into one car and drove to the variety show and the others to their activities.
*
The schedule was finished and they all were on their way back to the dorm.
Heechul watched Hangeng's smiling face and wondered why he smiled so big. He had been very bright and cheerful the last weeks actually, but now the last days he had been happier than ever.
"Hannie, has something good happened?" Heechul asked Hangeng, who smiled dearly at his mobilephone.
Hangeng looked up. "Hm?" he said.
"You've been smiling like an idiot all day. Has something good happened?"
Hangeng giggled. "Maybe.”
"Maybe?" Heechul frowned and leaned in closer. "You're hiding something, I can clearly see that!"
"Haha, no I'm not." Hangeng smiled again. His mobilephone vibrated and Hangeng quickly opened it to see who it was. With the fact that Hangeng didn't pick it to his ear, Heechul understood that it was a sms.
Hangeng giggled at the sms he got, and started to answer it.
"What is that?" Heechul teased and tried to get Hangeng's phone, but Hangeng hid it from him.
"You'll see tonight." Hangeng smiled and closed his phone.
Heechul raised his eyebrows. "Tonight? It's a surprise?" Heechul was anxious.
"You can say that."
"Present for me?" Heechul said and poked Hangeng's cheek.
"Haha, no Chul-ah. I really want to show you all something!" Hangeng said brightly.
Heechul bit his lip. "Something good?"
"It's something really good!" Hangeng blinked at him. "If you care about me, you will think it's good."
Heechul smiled and felt really excited for this surprise, like a small child waiting for Santa Claus on christmas.
*
Hangeng went outside after they all had eaten their food when they got home. He said that he was going to show them something and Heechul was even more excited now.
"What do you think he's going to show us?" Ryeowook asked the others.
"A surprise! Hope it's something fun!" Sungmin smiled.
"I don't think it's for all of us, Sungmin." Kyuhyun said. "It's a surpise about him I guess."
"What would be so important to show all of us?" Kangin said.
"He's coming now!" Donghae screamed and hurried to the rest of them from the door and sat down on the floor beside Heechul.
Hangeng appeared in front of them, smiling.
"Ok. I gathered you all now to confess something to you." Hangeng said with his chinese accent.
The others smiled at him as an answer.
"Um, ok. Wait a little." Then he disappeared out in the hall again, soon coming back with a girl beside him.
What's this... his, cousin? Heechul thought.
"And who's this?" Eunhyuk said to Hangeng.
Hangeng looked at the girl, who clearly was embarrassed to death.
"This is Shui Ling." Hangeng smiled and took the girls hand. "She's my girlfriend!"
The members looked at him.
"So?" Kibum said. "It's not like the rest of us introduce our girlfriends. ...Or boyfriends." he added after glares from Kangin, Eeteuk, Donghae and Eunhyuk.
Hangeng smiled. "It's not just a girlfriend."
The members watched him in surprise.
"We're engaged!" Hangeng said and brightly smiled to the others.
It was like a big wave of shock run through the room.
"Engaged?" Eeteuk said. "Like in - getting married in a few years?"
Hangeng nodded with a proud smile on his face.
Heechul had stopped breathing, saying again and again in his head that this was not happening. It was all just a silly joke that Hangeng made to fuck up his mind. It isn't true, it isn't true...
Cheers and gratulations could be heard from the members, but it sounded far away in Heechul's mind. The only thing Heechul could hear was his own heart beating hard and slowly, acing throughout his body. He had to leave the room, his tears was about to come, he could feel his eyes fill up but his legs didn't move. It was true. He had a girlfriend, a future wife.
"Heechul?" a quiet voice spoke to him. "Heechul, are you ok?"
Hands were on him, touching his face. "Hey! Are you ok?"
Heechul stood up, he felt a tear roll down his cheek.
"Heechul?" Eeteuk looked into his eyes. "You look like a ghost..."
Heechul put on a fake smile on his face. "I'm going out, ok. I... um, I-I come back tomorrow before the schedule starts."
Eeteuk looked sad at him. "Heechul..."
"I'm ok! Bye Jungsoo..."
Eeteuk watched Heechul leave the room and walking out trough the door.
"Hyung? Where did Heechul go?" Hangeng had approached Eeteuk.
Eeteuk looked up at him. "He's sleeping somewhere else tonight." He answered and leaved Hangeng, taking an apple with him and walked into his and Kangin's room.
Hangeng looked surprised at Eeteuk's blunt answer and then looked towards the door Heechul just walked trough.
-
Heechul had collapsed at the ground not far away from the apartment. He was crying non-stop and his body was shaking uncontrollably.
Hangeng had a girlfriend. No, a future wife and he never cared to mention it to anyone, not even Heechul who his best friend.
He couldn't feel his heart beat anymore, his whole body was numb. What was he going to do?
Hangeng will never love me.
A melody started to play, it was his mobile. Heechul slowly pulled it out from his pocket and read the name on the screen 'Beijing fried rice - Hannie'. He stared at the vibrating phone. He couldn't answer, he wouldn't answer because then he would start to curse Hangeng about how much he hated him for not loving him, the one who cared most about him in this world and not some ugly chinese girl.
Then the phone stopped ringing. Heechul took a deep breath before he opened the phone and dialed the number of the only person he could talk to when he felt like this, Jung Yunho.
"Hello?" came an answer at the other line.
Heechul felt more tears coming to his eyes when he heard the voice of his best friend, and started to sob uncontrollably again.
"He-heechul? What's wrong? What's happened?" Yunho sounded very concerned and scared.
"Yun...yunho...?" Heechul managed to say through his sobs.
"What's happened? Where are you?" Yunho asked panicked. "Shall I come and pick you up?"
Heechul let out a loud cry. "Hangeng has... he has..." but his voice cracked again.
"It's ok, Chul-ah... It'll be alright." Yunho said. "Where are you?"
Heechul inhaled deeply trying to stop his sobs. "Can I sleep at your place tonight?"
"Of course you can!" Yunho said loudly. "I'm getting into the car right now, tell me where you are!"
"I'm by the large old tree in our neighborhood." Heechul said slowly.
"Stay there! I'll come right away!"
Heechul nodded and hung up, then turned his phone off. He didn't want to speak to anyone tonight, he hadn't the strength.
Five minutes later, Yunho came and picked him up, driving back to Dong Bang Shin Ki's shared apartment.
When they arrived, the rest of the members were already asleep and Yunho led Heechul to his bedroom he shared with Jaejoong.
"Where's Jae?" Heechul said quietly, his voice sore.
"He's sleeping in Yoochun's room tonight, I told him, so you can have his bed." Yunho said and looked at Heechul with sad eyes. "Whatever Hankyung's done to you Chullie... It'll be alright."
Heechul looked up at him, a tear rolling down his cheek. "No... this will not be alright."
Yunho gently pulled him into a warm hug, caressing Heechul's back softly. "We'll talk about it tomorrow, ok? Try and get some sleep."
Heechul nodded.
"Just wake me up if you need something or want to talk." Yunho whispered and sat Heechul down on Jaejoong's bed.
Heechul smiled a sad smile to Yunho and lay down, pulling up the warm sheets.
Yunho turned off the lights and went to bed himself.
Heechul had stopped crying, his eyes were swollen and the numbness was lingering in his body. He was glad that he slowly was dozing off in the world of dreams, glad that soon his mind would go all blank in hours when he was asleep.
He didn't know what he would do if Yunho hadn't existed in his life. He was the best person who could calm him down.
"Yunho..." He whispered.
"Hm?"
"Thank you..." he said, before the whole world went black as he dozed off to sleep.