Dear You,
What the hell is wrong with me?
This is what keeps popping into my head lately. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't understand it. I am so confused about what feels like everything. People keep asking me if I am ok. They ask me why. Why did I break up with Weston? Why?
Here is what I know I have a problem with in our relationship. Keep in mind that this is what my problems are, because there are also a lot of things that I like about our relationship.
1. What I have the most problems with is the "No" factor. I feel that if I say, "No. I don't want to (fill in the blank)." I have a right to not have to do that thing. Sex is the most common of the situations mentioned above. I feel that it doesn't matter if you feel that if you keep trying I will give in and have sex with you. I feel that you don't respect me. I don't want to. Ok. Try later. Maybe tomorrow, or later that day, or some other time. "No" should mean "no." Not "try harder."
2. I feel that I have been a faithful partner for the past three years of our relationship. I feel that I was utterly committed to you and you alone. Yet you don't trust me to not leave you, cheat on you, or whatever it is that goes through your head that makes you feel jealous of my affection toward other people. I am a person that expresses my love for humankind with hugs and cuddles. It bothers me that you are so possessive of me. This is who I am and I don't know how to change it. I try and try to change to make you happier. Unfortunately, I feel like I can only change so much. Perhaps you can help me with this.
3. I feel that in a relationship compromise is very important. I don't feel that compromise is me just going along with whatever you want because you are un-budging in everything. That is the trend of our relationship, I don't like it and I want it to change.
There are a lot of things that I feel need to be worked on. These are very important to me. I don't know what you want me to do. I don't know how to just be o.k. with these. I am sorry that I have problems in our relationship. I want to work things out. I don't feel like we can have a healthy productive relationship without working out some kinks. I love you still and I don't mean to hurt you. I feel as if I have completely ruined any chance for a functional relationship between us by my outburst and demand of change-ness that I am going through now.
I feel like an emotional wreck. I am afraid that even if we get back together, you may respect the "No" Factor, but you will be more un-trusting and possessive and jealous. I feel as if I ruined our chance for a happy relationship. Part of me wants us to go back to before I said that I couldn't deal.
I feel like maybe I am being unreasonable. Maybe it is all just me and maybe I am demanding to much. I felt betrayed by what you did. I know it wasn't your fault you didn't understand that it was different then normal. I can know that you didn't mean to hurt me. But I was scared and to me it felt like you wouldn't help me, no matter how many times I begged you to.
I understand that you didn't know. But emotions don't listen to reason. I feel as if I was betrayed and I don't yet know how to handle it.
Well, it is now 3:45 in the morning and I don't think I can type out any other coherent word. Perhaps I can clarify and better understand more later.
This is what keeps popping into my head lately. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't understand it. I am so confused about what feels like everything. People keep asking me if I am ok. They ask me why. Why did I break up with Weston? Why?
Here is what I know I have a problem with in our relationship. Keep in mind that this is what my problems are, because there are also a lot of things that I like about our relationship.
1. What I have the most problems with is the "No" factor. I feel that if I say, "No. I don't want to (fill in the blank)." I have a right to not have to do that thing. Sex is the most common of the situations mentioned above. I feel that it doesn't matter if you feel that if you keep trying I will give in and have sex with you. I feel that you don't respect me. I don't want to. Ok. Try later. Maybe tomorrow, or later that day, or some other time. "No" should mean "no." Not "try harder."
2. I feel that I have been a faithful partner for the past three years of our relationship. I feel that I was utterly committed to you and you alone. Yet you don't trust me to not leave you, cheat on you, or whatever it is that goes through your head that makes you feel jealous of my affection toward other people. I am a person that expresses my love for humankind with hugs and cuddles. It bothers me that you are so possessive of me. This is who I am and I don't know how to change it. I try and try to change to make you happier. Unfortunately, I feel like I can only change so much. Perhaps you can help me with this.
3. I feel that in a relationship compromise is very important. I don't feel that compromise is me just going along with whatever you want because you are un-budging in everything. That is the trend of our relationship, I don't like it and I want it to change.
There are a lot of things that I feel need to be worked on. These are very important to me. I don't know what you want me to do. I don't know how to just be o.k. with these. I am sorry that I have problems in our relationship. I want to work things out. I don't feel like we can have a healthy productive relationship without working out some kinks. I love you still and I don't mean to hurt you. I feel as if I have completely ruined any chance for a functional relationship between us by my outburst and demand of change-ness that I am going through now.
I feel like an emotional wreck. I am afraid that even if we get back together, you may respect the "No" Factor, but you will be more un-trusting and possessive and jealous. I feel as if I ruined our chance for a happy relationship. Part of me wants us to go back to before I said that I couldn't deal.
I feel like maybe I am being unreasonable. Maybe it is all just me and maybe I am demanding to much. I felt betrayed by what you did. I know it wasn't your fault you didn't understand that it was different then normal. I can know that you didn't mean to hurt me. But I was scared and to me it felt like you wouldn't help me, no matter how many times I begged you to.
I understand that you didn't know. But emotions don't listen to reason. I feel as if I was betrayed and I don't yet know how to handle it.
Well, it is now 3:45 in the morning and I don't think I can type out any other coherent word. Perhaps I can clarify and better understand more later.