Chapter 4 [The Reason]
Title: The Trick is to Keep Breathing
Chapter: 4 - The Reason
Author: yumi-maki
Rating: T
Genre: Angst/Drama
Summary: AU Modern. Another installment in Sakura's saga...it's time for her to make an important choice. Maybe all she needs is some divine intervention.
Comments: Written for 31 days. This chapter deals with a touchy subject - it's not meant to justify a particular choice. I'm simply portraying how I believe Sakura would respond to this issue. Also I've decided to make this an official ongoing story so from now on, I'll be posting these installments as chapters instead of separate fics. The official title is The Trick is to Keep Breathing so keep an eye out for that. Thanks for reading! Comments are appreciated.
The Trick is to Keep Breathing
Chapter 4
July 31st - 'Against all reason'
It was raining tonight. Fat, heavy drops steadily pounded the roof of Sakura and Ino's apartment building. Sakura's eyes shifted automatically to the ceiling just as an errant thought crossed her mind - it had been raining like this that night, on their very first night together. A faint smile spread across her face as certain memories came to the forefront of her mind, unbidden.
She allowed herself to reminisce for a few moments but stopped before she became too engrossed in the past. 'It's best not to think of him too much,' she reminded herself, leaning forward and placing her head under the cold water flowing from the shower jets as though the water could wash away the memories still lingering in her mind.
After a few seconds, she reached out and turned off the water, simultaneously heaving a great sigh. How could she allow herself to occupy her thoughts with memories of him when she had much more important things to think about? Namely the child that she was bearing - the one that she had yet to come to a decision about.
Shaking her head slightly, Sakura reached up and pulled down her towel, then wrapped it carefully around herself. Then she reached out and pulled the shower curtain aside, stepping out swiftly in an attempt to minimize the effect of the cold. As she moved from the shower into the bathroom itself, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.
Sakura turned fully to face the mirror, peering into it and studying her features intently. As far as she could tell, they hadn't changed - and yet she looked so different. She had thought that she knew who she was - that she had reached a point in her life where her beliefs and her values were strong and decided but now she couldn't help questioning that. She never would have considered herself the kind of person who would get an abortion - and yet here she was, seriously considering it.
She had tried to talk herself into it - it wasn't so bad, right? People got them all the time and went on to lead happy, fulfilling lives. Sure, some of them regretted their decision afterwards but maybe that was a small amount, the minority. She sighed and slumped onto the toilet seat dejectedly - was she seriously considering doing this? Is this who she was now? Was she just making a bad situation worse - taking the easy way out so that her life wouldn't be inconvenienced?
But then again, that made it sound like she could provide for the baby. As far as she knew, all she could give a baby right now was love and important as that was, there were a lot of other, crucial things that a child needed, things like food and shelter that she wasn't sure she could provide. This wasn't just about her life anymore - she had to think about what would be best for the baby. Was being raised by a twenty-three year old single mother it? It didn't seem like it.
She couldn't help wondering again what he would think of all this - would he support this decision? The one time that they had spoken about children, he said that he wanted some - 'two or three might be nice', he'd murmured, an uncharacteristically optimistic look in his eyes. Well, would he have said the same thing if they had been talking about having them right now?
Sakura leaned back against the toilet tank and placed her wet feet against the wall, glaring at the ceiling through which the raindrops could still be heard. 'Well, abortion isn't the only option,' she thought quickly, feeling guilty that it was even on the list, 'I could always look into adoption.' She would still have to endure the pain of the pregnancy and the stigma that accompanied it but at least that way she might be able to guarantee her child a better life. She could do one of those open adoptions where she could get to know the family beforehand and determine whether or not their home was a suitable environment for the baby, just like the girl in that movie - Juno.
That didn't sound so bad...but could she really give her child away, after carrying it for nine months and feeling it grow inside of her? To give him to virtual strangers, never to be seen again or have her knowledge of her relegated to an occasional letter or photograph? Please! She'd never even been able to walk past a stray dog or cat without bringing it home. She'd always been way too kind-hearted for her own good. And now she was going to try to give away her own flesh and blood? The idea seemed presposterous, even to her.
Sakura placed her head in the fold of her arms as a low, mournful groan escaped her. That was it - she had laid out all the options and still hadn't come to a conclusion. She just wished there was a simple way to decide this - couldn't she get a sign or something telling her what she was supposed to do? It could just be something small, just as long as it was clear and decisive.
Just then, Ino's voice invaded her mind. "Sakura! What's the hold up?! I want you to come out and see something!"
Sakura sighed and glanced at the door, instantly starting to feel the onset of a head-ache. "Ino," she replied, her voice sounding weak and frail, "can't you show me some other time? I'm really just not feeling well."
A very loud sigh could be heard on the other side of the door. "Fine. If you can't come out, I'll just send it in there then."
Before Sakura could protest, a sharp, scratchy noise sounded on the linoleum floor of the bathroom. Sakura looked down and saw a white square on the floor, recognizing it immediately as a photograph. Reluctantly, she bent over and picked it up, flipping it over, intending to glance at the picture and then comment accordingly to placate her friend but she froze as soon as she processed the image that she was seeing. She continued staring at it for a few minutes, her mouth stuck in the shape of an 'O'.
"Sakura?" Ino called, a mix of confusion and excitement in her voice. "It's my sister and her baby! Mom and Dad just sent it to me! They took it in the emergency room - can you believe that?"
When Sakura didn't respond, Ino pressed her ear closer to the door, her brow creasing slightly in worry. "Sakura? Are you alive in there?" she asked, waiting anxiously for a response.
"Yeah," Sakura managed to choke out, "yeah - I was just...admiring the baby. She's beautiful," she concluded, her eyes riveted to the rosy newborn's face in the picture.
As Ino started rattling off about the baby and how adorable she was, Sakura closed her eyes and turned her head skyward, whispering a quiet, tearful 'thank you' to the heavens. She wanted a sign and now she had it. Logically it didn't make sense for her to have this baby and she knew that from now on, things would be anything but easy but of one thing, she was sure - in a few months, she would be smiling just as widely as Ino's sister, holding her own rosy newborn tightly in her arms.
A/N: Now I know that sign might seem a bit convenient but that actually happens sometimes - it's happened to me, at least. And I chose to make Sakura initially anti-abortion because I honestly don't think that it's something she would support - agreeing with that doesn't seem to fit into her character somehow. Anyway I hope I didn't offend anyone - that wasn't my intention. If I could have skipped the whole abortion thing, I would have but I wanted this story to be honest and I felt it should be included as a result. Anyway thanks for reading! Feel free to drop me a line.
Chapter: 4 - The Reason
Author: yumi-maki
Rating: T
Genre: Angst/Drama
Summary: AU Modern. Another installment in Sakura's saga...it's time for her to make an important choice. Maybe all she needs is some divine intervention.
Comments: Written for 31 days. This chapter deals with a touchy subject - it's not meant to justify a particular choice. I'm simply portraying how I believe Sakura would respond to this issue. Also I've decided to make this an official ongoing story so from now on, I'll be posting these installments as chapters instead of separate fics. The official title is The Trick is to Keep Breathing so keep an eye out for that. Thanks for reading! Comments are appreciated.
The Trick is to Keep Breathing
Chapter 4
July 31st - 'Against all reason'
It was raining tonight. Fat, heavy drops steadily pounded the roof of Sakura and Ino's apartment building. Sakura's eyes shifted automatically to the ceiling just as an errant thought crossed her mind - it had been raining like this that night, on their very first night together. A faint smile spread across her face as certain memories came to the forefront of her mind, unbidden.
She allowed herself to reminisce for a few moments but stopped before she became too engrossed in the past. 'It's best not to think of him too much,' she reminded herself, leaning forward and placing her head under the cold water flowing from the shower jets as though the water could wash away the memories still lingering in her mind.
After a few seconds, she reached out and turned off the water, simultaneously heaving a great sigh. How could she allow herself to occupy her thoughts with memories of him when she had much more important things to think about? Namely the child that she was bearing - the one that she had yet to come to a decision about.
Shaking her head slightly, Sakura reached up and pulled down her towel, then wrapped it carefully around herself. Then she reached out and pulled the shower curtain aside, stepping out swiftly in an attempt to minimize the effect of the cold. As she moved from the shower into the bathroom itself, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.
Sakura turned fully to face the mirror, peering into it and studying her features intently. As far as she could tell, they hadn't changed - and yet she looked so different. She had thought that she knew who she was - that she had reached a point in her life where her beliefs and her values were strong and decided but now she couldn't help questioning that. She never would have considered herself the kind of person who would get an abortion - and yet here she was, seriously considering it.
She had tried to talk herself into it - it wasn't so bad, right? People got them all the time and went on to lead happy, fulfilling lives. Sure, some of them regretted their decision afterwards but maybe that was a small amount, the minority. She sighed and slumped onto the toilet seat dejectedly - was she seriously considering doing this? Is this who she was now? Was she just making a bad situation worse - taking the easy way out so that her life wouldn't be inconvenienced?
But then again, that made it sound like she could provide for the baby. As far as she knew, all she could give a baby right now was love and important as that was, there were a lot of other, crucial things that a child needed, things like food and shelter that she wasn't sure she could provide. This wasn't just about her life anymore - she had to think about what would be best for the baby. Was being raised by a twenty-three year old single mother it? It didn't seem like it.
She couldn't help wondering again what he would think of all this - would he support this decision? The one time that they had spoken about children, he said that he wanted some - 'two or three might be nice', he'd murmured, an uncharacteristically optimistic look in his eyes. Well, would he have said the same thing if they had been talking about having them right now?
Sakura leaned back against the toilet tank and placed her wet feet against the wall, glaring at the ceiling through which the raindrops could still be heard. 'Well, abortion isn't the only option,' she thought quickly, feeling guilty that it was even on the list, 'I could always look into adoption.' She would still have to endure the pain of the pregnancy and the stigma that accompanied it but at least that way she might be able to guarantee her child a better life. She could do one of those open adoptions where she could get to know the family beforehand and determine whether or not their home was a suitable environment for the baby, just like the girl in that movie - Juno.
That didn't sound so bad...but could she really give her child away, after carrying it for nine months and feeling it grow inside of her? To give him to virtual strangers, never to be seen again or have her knowledge of her relegated to an occasional letter or photograph? Please! She'd never even been able to walk past a stray dog or cat without bringing it home. She'd always been way too kind-hearted for her own good. And now she was going to try to give away her own flesh and blood? The idea seemed presposterous, even to her.
Sakura placed her head in the fold of her arms as a low, mournful groan escaped her. That was it - she had laid out all the options and still hadn't come to a conclusion. She just wished there was a simple way to decide this - couldn't she get a sign or something telling her what she was supposed to do? It could just be something small, just as long as it was clear and decisive.
Just then, Ino's voice invaded her mind. "Sakura! What's the hold up?! I want you to come out and see something!"
Sakura sighed and glanced at the door, instantly starting to feel the onset of a head-ache. "Ino," she replied, her voice sounding weak and frail, "can't you show me some other time? I'm really just not feeling well."
A very loud sigh could be heard on the other side of the door. "Fine. If you can't come out, I'll just send it in there then."
Before Sakura could protest, a sharp, scratchy noise sounded on the linoleum floor of the bathroom. Sakura looked down and saw a white square on the floor, recognizing it immediately as a photograph. Reluctantly, she bent over and picked it up, flipping it over, intending to glance at the picture and then comment accordingly to placate her friend but she froze as soon as she processed the image that she was seeing. She continued staring at it for a few minutes, her mouth stuck in the shape of an 'O'.
"Sakura?" Ino called, a mix of confusion and excitement in her voice. "It's my sister and her baby! Mom and Dad just sent it to me! They took it in the emergency room - can you believe that?"
When Sakura didn't respond, Ino pressed her ear closer to the door, her brow creasing slightly in worry. "Sakura? Are you alive in there?" she asked, waiting anxiously for a response.
"Yeah," Sakura managed to choke out, "yeah - I was just...admiring the baby. She's beautiful," she concluded, her eyes riveted to the rosy newborn's face in the picture.
As Ino started rattling off about the baby and how adorable she was, Sakura closed her eyes and turned her head skyward, whispering a quiet, tearful 'thank you' to the heavens. She wanted a sign and now she had it. Logically it didn't make sense for her to have this baby and she knew that from now on, things would be anything but easy but of one thing, she was sure - in a few months, she would be smiling just as widely as Ino's sister, holding her own rosy newborn tightly in her arms.
A/N: Now I know that sign might seem a bit convenient but that actually happens sometimes - it's happened to me, at least. And I chose to make Sakura initially anti-abortion because I honestly don't think that it's something she would support - agreeing with that doesn't seem to fit into her character somehow. Anyway I hope I didn't offend anyone - that wasn't my intention. If I could have skipped the whole abortion thing, I would have but I wanted this story to be honest and I felt it should be included as a result. Anyway thanks for reading! Feel free to drop me a line.