The Ran-chan Effect (part I)
Title: The Ran-chan Effect
Chapters: 1/4
Author: yumemirunosekai
Pairing: Kamenashi/Ueda, Kamenashi/Jin (one-sided)
Rating: R (in general)
Warnings: fluff, romance, slight AU (actually heaps), non-explicit sex, super fast, and super cliche.
Synopsis: 'The Ran-chan Effect' is defined as a series of super cliched incidents that lead up to unexplained fluffiness which can only be caused by a certain dog that is perhaps the best matchmaker in the world.
A/N: FLUFFFLUFFFLUFFFLUFF~~~!!!! And please don't dis me for Jin's not so nice ending. I'm not really happy with him at the moment. cr: GOOGLE for the photos.
A/N2: And I'd like to thank my lovely beta dori_liv for painstakingly beta-ing my fics, and putting up with my annoying emails xx you're the best XD. Originally posted at kamedalove here.
Words: 14k+
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studio
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He isn't like him. Ueda just isn't. So it is just not fair that people keep comparing him to that fucking asshole Akanishi.
He doesn't choose to be second best, and he tries, he really, really does, but no - apparently he 'can't turn gracefully enough' or 'can't follow the beat well' and 'forgets his footwork easily'. Ueda knows he isn't excellent, but neither is Akanishi, but everyone just picks him out to criticise because Akanishi is Johnny's favourite, and he isn't.
The floor of the practise room is smooth and the annoying squeaky noises his shoes make when he slides or twirls rip at his eardrums which were already abused by Akanishi's high-pitched squawks. He wonders which asshole choreographer came up with the dance moves because they were ridiculously hard and Ueda mentally curses the unknown person to hell for putting him under this torture.
When he accidentally smacks Jin in the face while doing some silly swishing move with his arm (he blames the choreographer again) there are curses hurled across the room. "Watch where you swing that!" Jin yelps, and turns to the AD hovering near him. "I NEED SOME ICE."
Ueda throws Jin a final dirty look which is accompanied by a half-hearted apology and drags his feet heavily off set.
"I thought I told you to practice your ass off yesterday!" his manager hisses as Ueda takes big cooling gulps of water. His short black hair - previously styled spikily - is now sticking tightly to his sweaty neck and falling out of the hold of the layers and layers of hairspray used to keep it standing.
He caps his bottle and resists the urge to ram it into his manager's face. "I did." he nearly spits, slapping the plastic water bottle down none too gently. "I'm trying, dammit."
"Well, then try harder!" snaps his manager, and runs a tired hand along the sparse hair on his head. "You think I enjoy watching Akanishi's huge ass hog the entire fucking camera? I know you're better than him, you just aren't applying yourself-"
"I am applying myself. I apply myself every goddamn day." Ueda interrupts, his voice strained.
"Let me finish!" growls the other man, exasperated. "I meant that you don't apply yourself enough, idiot! Do you want to crush Akanishi, or not?"
Ueda mashes his hands in his face and exhales loudly. "Fuck off, Koki." he growls, and makes his way slowly back to the practise floor where Akanishi is already standing, his face made up to perfection once again.
Ueda wants to punch that face.
Akanishi wrinkles his perfect nose (much like how a girl does, Ueda thinks) and snaps nastily."Stop messing up!" Ueda has to remember that his entire career is at stake and he CANNOT strangle Akanishi, even though the mere mental image is tempting. "It's raining and I want to be home for dinner before it gets heavier than it already is. Screw up once more and the collaboration is off!"
"Don't act all saint-like." Ueda hisses under his breath. "Since when do you ever go straight home after work? I know you fuck around whenever, and it's a wonder why your bare ass isn't on display all over the front pages of Friday yet."
"At least I am getting some." laughs Jin, leaving Ueda seething and praying for a lighting storm to make sure Jin doesn't get laid tonight. He wonders if the heavens really do hate him so, because lumping him together with Akanishi is the worse punishment ever.
///
When they finally call it a day, Ueda is tired out, and every single one of his limbs are sore and on the verge of breaking off. Life shouldn't be this hard, Ueda thinks, as he lies sprawled on the practise room floor, cool wood against hot skin.
"You still conscious there?"
Koki's face dangles above his, smug smile blocking out the harsh lights. Ueda sighs and drapes a muscled arm weakly over his eyes.
"Again, fuck you Koki." he grits. "Fuck you for making me do this; and screw you for making me agree to it in the first place. I'd rather remain as I am if fame comes at this high a price."
He hears Koki's rumbling laugh and a hand ruffles his already mussed hair. "Hang in there, kiddo." he chortles affectionately. "Just a few more weeks till the concert. Then it'll be all over and done with."
"You keep saying that and think that it makes me feel better." Ueda scoffs and swats Koki's hand away. "You aren't the one getting insulted day in and day out, and you certainly aren't the one who needs to count to fucking one hundred just to hold off from beating that asshole's face in." Ueda is particularly prickly, because not only does he have to put up with Akanishi's attitude, but he's been missing many of his boxing practises because of this collaboration.
"Stop your griping and grow a pair." says Koki blithely, ignoring Ueda's complaints. "Beat Akanishi at his own game. After the concert, everyone will know your name, that's when we'll strike back with full force."
Ueda looks up at Koki sceptically with raised brows. "Full force?"
"What the hell d'you think I've been doing while you flop around with Akanishi?" snaps Koki, slightly miffed by the lack of care in Ueda's tone. "I've been setting up appointments with producers and songwriters, and a reasonable number of them are interested in working with you. Hell, I've got another meeting with some big shot filmmaker today as well. If I can land you this job-"
"Yeah, and I'll have to spend more time around perverted old men who can't keep their hands to themselves." says Ueda, remembering how he had punched some sleazy old producer in the face, dislodging several teeth as well as breaking the man's nose for groping his ass on set.
Koki shivers at the memory. Never in his life had he been placed into a more shitty situation than that day. "Don't ever do that again." he warns, "You were nearly suspended, and if you have any common sense at all, you'll know that Johnny will probably flip the universe if you land the agency with another black mark."
"You can't count that I'll not do it again." Ueda bites back, hackles rising. "That was sexual harassment!"
"Yeah, and when you get into Johnny's good books, perhaps then you'll have more say in who you work with. But until then, be a man and suck it up."
Ueda flips to his side and makes a shooing gesture at Koki. "Go away, you inconsiderate nag." he mutters. "If you're just gonna complain about how I act, go away and I hope you enjoy your date " says Ueda, tone saturated in sarcasm.
"It's not a date," Koki sighs and swats Ueda's head, muttering something along the lines of 'immature' and 'brat' as he leaves the room. Ueda waits until the door slides close before uncoiling his body and getting to his feet.
He practises alone a lot these days, and it's not because he's afraid of Jin, nor is it because he wants to impress, but because he can't lose to Akanishi. Even though Ueda refuses to admit it, he really hates it. Hates it that he can't be better than what he already is, or perhaps its just the way he is now programmed to think after years of being shielded by Akanishi's shadow.
He is hot and sweaty, even though Ueda is dressed in a sleeveless top and loose trackies, the fact that none of the staff leaves the ventilation on makes his clothes feel like a second skin, sticking and clinging uncomfortably to him.
Just as he manages to execute a perfect twirl - his mind reeling in excitement - a bark that echoes throughout the empty room makes him jump violently and fall flat on his butt.
Ueda swears loudly and unabashedly, after all, no one else is supposed to be here but the janitor and one or two staff members. He wonders which idiot forgot to shut the studio's back door and allowed another goddamn stray into the place.
If there was one thing Ueda cannot stand other than Akanishi's incessant complaints are the muddy paw prints stray dogs track into the place. It happened once too often, and Ueda blames it on how stingy Johnny can be when it comes to installing proper locks that don't come apart whenever.
He chooses to ignore it. Maybe some random AD can settle it.
But there is a sudden scrabbling noise at the practise room sliding door, and Ueda curses once again. He slides open the room door with a bang, and a wet, furry body throws itself at his face. There is a tangle of feet mingled with muffled yells before Ueda slips and falls flat on his back.
Ueda isn't one for animal abuse (after all, he has 4 dogs himself back home and loves them to death) but the feeling of wet dog on your face isn't exactly ideal, especially when you are in a rotten mood. So, he shoves the dog off him and spews whatever hair there is in his mouth.
"What the fuck?"Ueda spits, and turns to see a soggy golden retriever sitting on it's haunches, pink tongue lolling out and watching him with innocent brown eyes.
The first thing he does is recoil, because being bitten by a dog isn't exactly high on his to-do-list, and Koki would probably have another of his psychotic fits if something happened to deface any part of his body just weeks before the concert with Akanishi is due to commence.
When nothing happens, and the animal continues gazing at Ueda with an expression he recognises as the one his own dogs make when they want to be coddled, he relaxes and gingerly inches forward. The dog appears trained and well behaved. It makes no move to bite Ueda, but sinks down to its front paws and crawls toward him.
It snuffles at Ueda's hand which is pressed against the hardwood floor, and nudges at the beaded bracelets on his wrists. Ueda can't help be offer the dog a friendly pat despite his acute annoyance at it several minutes ago.
"Aren't you a good girl." he coos, smiling, hand moving to scratch behind wet ears. The fur is smooth and soft. "You don't really look like a stray." And Ueda marvels at the well kept condition of the dog, despite being soaked to the skin. He notes a red collar peaking from underneath lays of dripping fur and fingers it for a name or address or something.
"Ran-chan." he mumbles, thumbing the faded tag sewn to the worn fabric of the collar, which is greeted by a joyful bark that scares the shit out of him.
"Geez, shut up." he groans, and boinks Ran-chan on the nose. "Your name's Ran-chan, huh. What are you doing here? Did you run away from your master?"
Ran-chan tilts her head to one side and Ueda wants to laugh at how cute she looks confused. "Is your master a dick?" he asks, and he wonders if Ran-chan understood him just then, because she looked slightly offended at that point. Ueda laughs. "Sorry, sorry. I was just joking." he massages the dog's head slowly. " Well, then what are you doing here? If you ran away, then your master really must be a jerk."
Ueda suddenly laughs, fingers rubbing circles along Ran-chan's wet fur. "I completely understand how you feel because I have to deal with the world's largest asshole every fucking day." Ueda realises that if anyone saw him, they'd probably have him carted off to a mental institution. He must look like an idiot, sitting alone in the middle of the floor and taking so seriously to a dog that most likely doesn't even understand squat what he's saying.
"He's arrogant and rude, and my stupid manager is forcing me to work with him. But Koki - that's my manager - isn't bad. He's just very pushy. You could say that he's sorta like my master, but he's a good person." Ueda continues, and ignores when Ran-chan starts chewing at his bracelets.
Ueda blinks and thinks that he probably is off his rocker (he's taking to a dog, for Christ's sake). Maybe he really does need to see a shrink, because this was getting a little too creepy even for himself to handle. But in his defence, voicing his immature complaints to Ran-chan is strangely comforting, and Ueda thinks that he should really do this more often, when he hears someone calling out loudly down the hallway.
"Ra-n-chan!"
Ueda barely has time to straighten up, because Ran-chan immediately shoots to her feet, completely throwing him off, before bolting out the open door, barking noisily.
"What the fuck…?" he turns to the open door while massaging his jaw. There is definitely going to be a bruise on his face, and Ueda groans at the thought of explaining this to his rather prickly manager tomorrow.
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coffee
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"WHAT THE FU-"
"Sorry, but I was head-butted by a dog." Ueda says blandly before Koki can finish his sentence, because he knows what his worrywart of a manager is going to say; just like all the lectures he gives Ueda when the latter comes to work after a particularly challenging sparring match. Ueda glances from his iPhone and screws his nose up at the sight of Koki's expression. "Hey, don't you go all bananas on me because it's just a fucking bruise that will fucking heal."
Ueda returns to a picture of perfect calmness as he sits sloppily on the dressing room couch, booted feet resting on the glass-topped table and looking exactly like those badass boxers he'd seen in movies. His fingers continue to skim rapidly across the screen of his iPhone, something he knows will piss Koki off more.
Koki stands frozen in the doorway, two cups of espresso (Ueda's being the double shot because he stays up too late either jogging or practising) in his hands, and the expression that resembles someone with a stroke of some kind on his face.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR FACE?"
Ueda cringes. "I said I was head-butted by some random dog, alright? If you got a problem, then go tell Johnny to install locks that can actually do it's job."
Koki is at his side in a second and face growing bigger and bigger and it looms closer until Ueda nearly goes crossed-eyed, and when he speaks his voice is ragged and raspy. "Ueda. If that dog had bit you-"
"But it didn't," Ueda finishes, and squirms away. "Now seriously, get off me because this is too weird." says Ueda, and shoves Koki away with a booted foot. "I'll cover it up with some concealer or something. It's no big deal. You're the one making a goddamn fuss about it."
Ueda knows that Koki isn't ready to drop the matter just yet, but he's hoping that his manager will decide to shut up for the time being. "I'll speak to Johnny." Koki says, a little breathlessly. "I can't have dogs trying to rip your face off at this point."
"Put a sock in it." Ueda almost spits. "I said I'm fine. Just get Johnny to do something about the locks."
Koki sighs. He holds out the steaming coffee to Ueda, who finally pockets his phone and accepts it with a mutter of thanks. Coffee is something he needs.
"You're drowning yourself in this shit." Koki says, sipping his own cup of caffeine while he watches Ueda gulp his drink down rapidly despite it being hot. "How do you sleep at night?"
Ueda doesn't sleep on most nights, not with him practically raping his coffee stash everyday. The conbini below his apartment sells the best instant coffee because it's the only brand that actually works for him; the rest work better at putting him to sleep than at keeping him awake. Ueda also pops breath mints like pills, since with his constant drinking of straight black coffee, his breath was starting to stink of the drink too.
"Akanishi's running late." Ueda says. "Maybe I shouldn't have to show up this early either."
"Ha ha." Koki says, sarcastically. "I trained you better than that."
Koki doesn't stick around long, because he knows that if he does, he'll most likely start yelling at Ueda for something else.
With his annoying, albeit caring manager gone, Ueda contemplates the pros and cons of arriving ridiculously early everyday. He never purposely forced himself to get up early, it is just that his internal alarm clock is programmed that way. He likes to think himself as always prepared and organised, unlike a certain Akanishi Jin.
The best thing of arriving early is perhaps the silence. The studio is best when it's not overrun with bustling ADs or filled with Akanishi's shrill squawks that are mostly complaints that scratch at his over sensitised eardrums.
Jin waltzes in about an hour later and brings with him an entire sheaf of choreography penned down in neat script - undoubtedly by someone else because Ueda has seen Akanishi's handwriting before, and it was worse than that of his three year old nephew - revised and edited to perfection.
"Alright," Akanishi says, dumping the stack of papers in front of Ueda, rattling several new cans of hairspray the makeup artist brought in with her because apparently 'Ueda seems to be drinking them' at the rate they are being used up. "I've asked my choreographer to come up with an new dance routine because what we are doing now is utter bullcrap."
Ueda chokes on his double shot and almost spews the coffee out his nose. "Excuse me?" he coughs, his anger barely kept at bay at this moment, because how dare Akanishi show up with an entire new dance when he's just gotten the initial one down to pat? Did the bastard think the dances his stupid choreographer came up with were easy? They were so complicated that it was borderline abuse, in Ueda's opinion.
"I'm NOT learning a whole new dance, you asshole." Ueda snaps. "We've just got this one timed right, and your stupid choreographer comes up with the hardest possible moves there are, which I have just perfected, so fuck it all, but I'm not changing to another."
Akanishi's eyes narrow. "Don't talk about him like that." he snaps, and Ueda blinks, because that it possibly the first time he's ever heard Akanishi openly defend someone other than himself - the selfish ass.
"If you haven't noticed, it's my choreographer's routines that has helped me get to where I am now." Akanishi continues, clearly incensed. "He put a lot of effort into this, and you are going to do it, like it or not."
Ueda can't remember the last time he felt this furious. The air between him and Akanishi is practically sizzling with hostility. "I don't care." Ueda bites out, careful to keep his urge to punch Akanishi's face and add another black ring to his heavily mascaraed eyes. "Either you do something about this, or I'm pulling out of this collaboration."
"I could hardly care less." Akanishi spits. "Fine then. Pull out. See if I give a shit."
Ueda manages to bite his tongue before the words 'I fucking quit then' spills through his teeth. If he quits, all Koki's efforts would go to waste, and Johnny would probably flip over his ridiculously expensive cherry wood desk despite being over eighty. Akanishi's lips curl into a sneer when Ueda doesn't answer.
"Thought so." he scoffs. "And before you so rudely interrupted me, I was just going to say that because we are changing the dance routine in such short notice, I'm getting my choreographer to come down to the studio twice a week to help. Be nice to him, and don't you dare insult him again."
Akanishi flips his hair - actually flips it - before stalking red faced out of the room. Ueda is left to stare at the piles of papers on the table before him. He reluctantly picks one up and nearly tears the thing up when he finishes skimming through it's contents. Either this choreographer is some sadistic bastard, or he just likes to show off, because even though Ueda can tell that the person who did this is definitely no amateur, it is possibly one of the hardest dances he has ever seen in his life.
Everything was so complicated and so ridiculously complex that it was practically impossible to learn it all perfectly in a freaking week's time. Ueda isn't stupid. He knows his limits, and there is no fucking way he can do this, even with overtime. He just can't.
Life is just so terribly unfair.
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park
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Ueda decides that the best way to avoid the rabid fangirls is through the park. Forgetting his sunglasses is something that rarely happens, but having forgotten to take his usual cup of coffee this morning, he's slightly delirious and can barely walk straight.
The park is quiet, with only the wind whistling softly through the branches heavily laden with sakura flowers. Ueda glances at his watch. He's actually very early. Again. Perhaps he'll just take his own sweet time walking to the studio. After all, there is no point in arriving early when there is no Akanishi to practise with.
A yawn nearly splits Ueda's face into two. He really needs coffee.
Maybe he might stop by the Starbucks near the studio and pick up a double shot, or maybe he could ask Koki to get it for him. Yeah, that'll be best. Ueda fishes out his iPhone, and is about to press his speed dial for 'Annoying Twat' - the name he'd put for Koki's caller ID - when a sudden loud bark startles him, and his phone tumbles from his fingers onto the cobbled walk. Ueda swears and fumbles to pick the device up, praying that he didn't crack the screen, when something flings itself, or rather, wraps itself around his legs. He has enough time to give a strangled yelp before his face becomes one with the ground.
Oh, Koki is so going to fucking murder him.
Ueda grunts, and props himself up by the elbows, hands feeling his nose, which thankfully wasn't broken or bloody, but the sharp sting of pain on his lower lip tells him that he's either cut it or split it. Yep. Koki is definitely going to kill him; but Ueda is going to kill whoever attacked him first. Twisting his body around, he comes face to face with a very familiar looking golden retriever, whose tongue is hanging out and looking terribly smug.
"You!" Ueda squawks, and ruthlessly pushes the dog off him. "What the hell was that for?"
Ran-chan merely sinks down to her paws and gazes apologetically at Ueda, crawling until her paws are draped affectionately over his thighs, melting brown orbs making his heart all wobbly.
"You cheat." Ueda grits, but can't help but reach out to pet her. "What are you doing here? Are you some stalker dog or something?"
"RAN-CHAN!"
Ueda looks up at the voice of a very harassed person, and sees a man hurrying toward him, a leash in hand and a very strained expression on his face, which quickly turns to one of horror when he sees Ran-chan sprawled over Ueda's thighs, with the latter sporting a bruised nose and split lip.
"Oh my God, I am so sorry!" the man says, and he looks so frazzled that Ueda feels a little sorry for him. "Did she jump you? I can't believe- I should have seriously just kept her on a leash."
"It's okay." Ueda says, rather gruffly. He removes Ran-chan's front paws from his legs and attempts to get to his feet. A hand is thrust before his face, and Ueda accepts it.
The strange man pulls him to is feet, and bends down again to secure the leash on his dog. "I'm really sorry." says the man, and he scratches the back of his head awkwardly. Ueda notes that he has really pretty hair, for a guy that is. It's slightly wavy and silky looking, the colour of molten copper. He turns a pair of deep mahogany eyes onto Ueda's split lip, and reaches out to touch it. Ueda winces and pulls away.
"Sorry!" he yelps, raising his hands in surrender before looking terribly worried. "Did that hurt? I really think you should get that looked at. It's my fault. I really shouldn't have let Ran-chan run amok, but she hates being leashed." says the man, laughing softly. "I would offer to take you back to patch you up, but…" he checks his watch. "…Oh, wait a sec. I have heaps of time to spare." he smiles, and its dazzling. Ueda blinks.
"I have to be somewhere at 9am, but looks like I have about an hour to go. Would you like to come to my place, and I'll just take care of that cut there before it swells up too much. And then would you mind a coffee or something? It's the least I can do." says the man, and there is genuine kindness in his voice.
It takes awhile for Ueda to process his situation. "Oh, it's okay, really. I've been worse." Ueda says. "And my - um… friend can deal with it later. It doesn't really hurt anyway." He really didn't want to trouble this person; plus, he's a stranger, and Ueda didn't bode well with strangers.
"I insist." says the man. "At least let me treat you to a coffee if you don't want to let me patch you up."
Ueda thinks in silence for awhile before answering. "Sure. If you want to. But really, it's okay."
"It's definitely okay." says the man, and he grins, showing two rows of perfect teeth. "I think there's a Starbucks not far from here, and it's close to where I have to be later, so… is it okay?"
"Alright then." Ueda says. The heck with it, he thinks. He's getting free coffee like this anyway. He'll deal with Koki's overreactions later.
"Oh, I'm Kamenashi Kazuya by the way." says the man in a friendly tone. "But you can call me Kame, because everyone does."
///
Part 2