Family Matters: Chapter 15
Title: Family matters ~ Chapter 15
Pairing: Jun, Masaki, Sho, Satoshi, Kazu (there are going to be additional side-characters though. No OCs.) I'm trying to give each of the five their well-deserves spot-light <3
Rating: PG
Multi-chapter
Genre: family!AU in which Arashi are brothers :-) slice of life, a little drama (and I'm trying to add some light-hearted, funny moments to it too)
Summary: Since they were little they were always close to each other. And when unfortunate events force them to live together without their parents, it's only natural that they try to make the best out of it.
“Is your brother alright?” Nagase asks when he hands some documents and books to Jun. He will take them to the hospital. Kazu has to stay there first and then rest at home for at least one month to recover.
“He is doing better,” Jun explains. “I think he is already growing impatient. I can’t believe that I’m saying that but he is even looking forward to going to school. That’s how much he hates being sick.”
Nagase chuckles in his typical good-natured way. “Well then. Since everything is getting better, there is something else I want to talk about with you.”
“What is it?” Jun asks in surprise. “Did something happen?”
“Nothing bad,” Nagase says, and Jun feels slightly at ease again. “But the headmaster and I want to talk to you. Tomorrow there is a free period, please visit the office then, alright?”
Jun nods like he is in trance. He doesn’t get it at all. What do they want to talk with him about? Nothing bad, gladly, but what else is going on?
~~~
“Are you going to join the track and field team?” Toma asks when Jun joins him and the others for lunch. “We would really need a few promising members.”
“To be honest, I’m not sure I have time for yet another project,” Jun answers honestly. “I do go running regularly, but not enough to participate in your events. Maybe I could be your emergency member?”
“Fair enough.” Toma grins. “What about you, Shun?”
“Do I look like someone who enjoys doing marathon?”
The others laugh, while Jun knows he is pretty sportive. But he takes a wild guess that he might be busier with other things right now. “You could ask Shota-kun,” Jun suggests, moving the dangerous spot-light away from Shun who throws him a thankful glance.
“Could you?” Toma asks. “I mean, ask him for us?”
Jun is surprised. “Why me?”
“You seem to be particularly close.” Toma shrugs and takes his chopsticks to poke his rice with vegetables. He grimaces in disgust when he pulls some carrots out of it.
Toma’s words have basically taken Jun’s breath away. Sorry… but what? He is close to Shota? Since when? What the hell… how fucked up could this possibly be. Unfortunately Toma takes his silence for approval of his request and throws a “Thank you, buddy.” towards Jun with a beaming smile.
Awesome, now he can’t decline him anymore.
Out of mere protection reasons he takes Mao along when he looks for Shota. “Don’t get me wrong,” she mumbles when she follows Jun through the park first where there is no sign of Shota. “But is there something off between you two?”
“Not really,” Jun answers and eyes the staircase up to the roof top. Well, why not giving it a try? “He just reminds me of something.”
“Of what?”
Jun shrugs and heads for the staircase. “The past.”
“I just don’t underst-“ Mao pauses, then she grabs his sleeve all of a sudden. “Wait a moment. His father is a doctor, right? Oh my god! Are you serious? You know him from before?”
“He was the doctor that treated me and Kazu after the accident,” Jun explains quietly. “He was responsible for the whole rehabilitation process and he dealt with my panic attacks. I know it’s childish, but I don’t want Shota-kun to know. I don’t want to explain anything. And it feels a bit weird to have him around, though that’s not really fair towards him.”
Mao nods. “I understand.”
“You do?” Jun halts in surprise, checking her face properly to see and understand her expression. “For real?”
“Yes, it’s pretty easy to understand.” She grins. “I won’t tell anyone of course.” The rest of the stairs they take in silence, giving Jun the chance to prepare for the upcoming meeting.
“Yo,” he says once they find Shota at the roof top with a cigarette in his hand.
Shota looks appalled first, obviously thinking it’s a teacher who just found him with a cigarette, but then his gaze relaxes. He waves at them, smiling when they sit down next to him.
“Say,” Jun starts after a while. “How eager are you to join an extra-curricular activity?”
“On a scale from 1 to ten?” Shota grins. “Zero.”
“Come on.” Jun chuckles. “It’s just the track and field club. Nothing difficult for you. Toma-kun is desperately looking for promising members.”
“Are you joining?” Shota wants to know while he turns off his cigarette on the ground.
Mao giggles. “Why? Do you need Jun-kun to join to make a decision?”
Shota’s eyes widen, he even blushes slightly. “Witch,” he mumbles.
“Hey!” Jun huffs and kicks him. “Don’t call her like that!”
Shota raises his hands in defence. “Sorry, sorry,” he says. And- “I’ll join the team.”
Jun halts in surprise, blinking in confusion. “For real?” he asks.
“Yeah, might give me an excuse to escape from that senpai-chick that’s after me,” Shota explains lazily.
Mao and Jun exchange a glance. “The one with the long black hair?” Mao asks curiously. “She is extremely pretty. I thought all guys like her.”
“I don’t.” Shota shrugs. “I don’t even know her. What do I get from her being hot, if I don’t know how she is like?” He takes a can with black tea out of his bag, opening it and taking a sip from it.
Considering it’s Shota his words give a weirdly deep insight. “I get what you mean,” Jun muses.
“Or maybe.” Mao throws in between. “It’s because you are scared to have something going with a more experienced girl?”
Shota almost spits out his drink again, coughing while he hands the can to Jun. “Sorry?”
“I mean…” She blushes like she just realized that she said something embarrassing. Most likely she really talked without thinking beforehand. “I didn’t mean to say that you have no experience. But I thought… well…” She throws Jun a helpless glance but to be honest he has no idea how to help. “I mean, maybe you have had sex a lot of times. But if not, an experienced girl can be intimidating?”
For a moment Shota stares at her in disbelief, and Jun is almost afraid that he will yell at her again, but to his surprise he just grins. “I haven’t had sex before, if that’s what you are asking. What about you?”
“No, I didn’t have… I mean…” Mao blushes even further. “I didn’t want to ask that!”
“Maybe you didn’t want to ask me?” Shota says softly, and to Jun’s surprise, Mao shakes her head nervously and looks away. What? Shota just rolls his eyes though and turns towards Jun. “What about you?”
Jun blinks. “You want to know if I had sex?”
“Yeah!”
Both Mao and Shota look at him expectantly, and he isn’t quite sure what they want him to say. Should he lie now or say the truth? “I kissed someone before,” he explains carefully. That’s the truth, at least partly.
Mao’s eyes widen, she robs a bit closer. “Really?”
“Only once?” Shota wants to know.
Jun blinks. “Why do you guys want to know that? Didn’t you kiss someone before?”
Shota and Mao exchange a look, before they shrug helplessly. So, it’s true that Shota is actually a quite thoughtful guy, not alike his gangster look at all. “It’s so embarrassing,” Mao mumbles. “In our class most girls have already kissed someone. It’s only me and two others who haven’t. Not that anyone knows that though, so if you say something I’m going to kill you!”
“Why the hell should I spill your secrets,” Shota snorts. “Because I’m such a super-cool guy myself? Hell, I haven’t made out with someone either. So-” he turns to Jun. “We need you to rely on. Tell us!”
Mao nods. “Yes, please!”
To be honest, he still doesn’t quite get the fuss they are making. Damn it, they have all the time they want, and it’s not like he is super-experienced himself. It was just a different situation… “It was when I was in hospital,” Jun explains quietly. “I mean, I was really desperate there, you know. Everyone staying longer than a month there was, so… I befriended a girl there; she was slightly older than I was. We got along quite well, and because we felt so restless and desperate we started experimenting to escape the loneliness.”
“You made out with her?” Shota wants to know.
“Several times, yes.”
“Did you love her?” Mao wants to know.
Wow, the questions are just getting more and more private. “No. I liked her though. She didn’t love me either. We were just happy not to be alone. At that time Kazu was still in a separate part of the hospital, I hardly could see him and talk to him. It’s not like I feel particularly proud about it though. It’s not that cool, really.”
“It’s not bad,” Mao says immediately. “Seriously, why would you feel bad about that?”
“Really, you are so weird sometimes. Like someone would blame you for being together with a girl because the both of you felt lonely.” Shota chuckles much to Jun’s surprise.
“Right.” Mao nods. “After all she was fine with it too.”
“The only question remaining is.” Shota looks at him curiously. “Did you have sex?”
What? He can’t be serious? Fuck it. “I don’t know if I should answer that,” he says, deciding to go for his honest sentiment, namely not wanting to tell them.
“Hm.” Shota doesn’t seem to be happy, but apparently decides to drop it. Instead something different comes into his mind. Because his head snaps up suddenly. “I have an idea!”
“Yeah?” Mao asks sceptically.
“Since Jun-kun knows at least a bit about kissing, how about he shows us? I don’t know about you, but I most certainly don’t want to be the idiot who hasn’t kissed before when Ms. or Mr. Right appears.”
Mao stares at him for so long that Jun thinks she is going to kick Shota, but to his sincere shock, she nods carefully. “I’m not sure,” she stutters. “But I would like to try.”
“Wait a moment.” Jun frowns. “Anyone care to fill me in?”
“Come on, Jun-kun.” Shota pats his shoulder. “It’s normal between friends to do that,” he explains.
“Yeah,” Moa agrees. “I even know girls that practised kissing with each other before going for the real thing.”
“Wait a moment-“ Jun raises his hand in defence to stop both of them from talking. He needs to process what these idiots are saying. They can’t mean that they- “Does that mean, you want to practise with me?”
Mao looks a bit flustered, while Shota shrugs.
“No!” Jun huffs. “Why don’t you try it with each other, if you want to kiss someone so badly”
“No way,” Mao shakes his head. “Like I’m going to waste my first kiss on that idiot. Besides only you know how to do it.”
“Exactly. And, we already drank from one bottle,” Shota says, like drinking from the same bottle has anything to do with kissing someone. He slips a bit closer, apparently totally into his idea already. “I’m going to start, so Mao-chan can still think about it.”
For a tiny second Jun is almost ready to go with the flow, then however his conscious wins over. He looks down at the ground nervously. “You’ll want to make these experiences with someone you truly feel for, don’t you? At one point you’ll regret doing it with me… And I don’t want you to regret kissing me. I would feel bad then.”
Mao and Shota exchange a look he can’t quite read. Then Shota sighs. “Why the hell are you sweet?”
Jun blinks. “What!?”
Shota blinks all of a sudden, like he just realizes that he said something weird. “I mean the tea.” He coughs. “The tea is sweet.”
Mao chuckles before she looks at Jun. “I guess I want the guy who kisses me to truly like me. So, I’ll wait patiently…”
“Yeah,” Shota snorts. “May the better one win.”
Jun’s glad for Shota’s weird comment because it diffuses the awkwardness he feels immediately. Instead Shota and Mao start bickering about something Jun doesn’t quite understand, before they decide they need something to eat, and Shota shares his box with onigiri with them.
~~~
It’s later that day that Jun heads for the hospital. He has gone to this math tutoring class with Shun and Mao, and later had to go for a school parliament discussion, which was boring as hell but necessary for him to join as a class representative.
“Finally.” He sighs when he reaches Kazu’s room and carefully peeks into it. He doesn’t want to wake Kazu up in case he is sleeping. But Kazu is awake, not even lying in his bed but sitting at a chair. He shows him a smile.
“Jun.” Kazu seems relieved to see him. He waves with his hand and Jun steps into the room immediately, closing the door behind him and approaching Kazu with a happy smile.
“Kazu! How are you?” When Kazu shrugs, Jun frowns but decides to continue nevertheless. He opens his bag, taking some of the books out. “Here I brought you books and notes from school. And Nagase-sensei hinted that he has something important to talk to me about. Not sure what it is. He said it’s nothing bad. Still it’s weird”
Jun hands the notes to Kazu and sits down next to him. “Thanks J.” Kazu smiles a bit. “Without you I wouldn’t know what to do.”
Kazu is sitting in the chair next to the window, but without a book or his mp3-player in his hands. He looks a bit sad, Jun thinks. Gladly it’s Kazu and they have never beaten around the bush when they talk to each other. So Jun chooses the direct approach again. “Did you cry, Kazu-chan?”
The answer is surprisingly honest. Or maybe not so surprising. “A bit.”
“Want to play a card game?” Jun suggests.
Kazu looks at him in surprise. “Didn’t you want to do your math assignment? Yesterday you said you have to study for that test next week.”
“I can do that at home.”
During the past days Jun has basically done all his work at the hospital while visiting Kazu. He knows his brother simply cherishes his company and likes to have someone around who is not judging him for what happened. This time though, he feels like there is something more going on with Kazu’s feelings. He looks so down.
They play a stupid card game, Shithead, one they both like normally because it’s so ridiculous, but Kazu is far away with his thoughts. Jun coughs slightly. “Do you want to talk about it?” he finally asks.
“I’m not sure.”
Jun tilts his head, looking at his brother’s expression for a while. “They were here, am I right? And you talked about everything.”
At least Kazu is surprised now. It’s better than his previous tired look. “Hm?”
“Satoshi and the other two were here and you talked.”
“How did you know?”
Jun smiles warily. “Oh please. The look on your face is just too open. Why else would you be that down when not even Matsuda-sensei managed to get down to your nerves to that extent?”
“Hm…” Kazu sighs slightly. “At least we got it over with finally.”
Jun wonders if it’s really all over and settled. Kazu certainly doesn’t look like it is. “Let’s go,” he says.
His brother blinks in surprise. “Where to?”
“Outside. Matsuda-sensei allowed you to go outside, didn’t he? He said it’s good for your recovery to walk a bit.” When Kazu nods, he smiles. “See? So, we are going now.”
They leave the room without talking much. It’s only when they reach the staircase and the elevator that Kazu voices his surprise again. “Upstairs?”
“Yes, there is a roof deck. No one ever is up there,” Jun explains randomly.
It draws the first grin from his brother. “What? Are you going to secretly kill me?”
“Believe me. If I had the intent to do so, I would have done it a lot earlier,” Jun jokes.
Kazu chuckles. Finally.
“You know-“ Kazu says when he sits down on the bench at the roof top. “It was a lot worse than I expected it. Or maybe I did expect it like that, but reality is always worse than what you imagine.”
“Probably,” Jun agrees. He angles for something in his bag. When he has found what he was looking for, Kazu stares at him in utter surprise.
“Cigarettes? You!?”
Jun smiles. “Well, it’s only two. I’ve no intention to start smoking now. I borrowed them from Shota. So chill. Just keep it to yourself. He said, his father would kill him if he knows. I knew this here was going to happen at one point and I thought this is exactly the kind of situation we would need something like that.”
Kazu grins. “They will smell the smoke, Jun.”
“I know, that’s why I brought disinfection sprays, hand crème and chewing gums along.”
“You are kidding.” Kazu’s eyes are wide. “Hand crème?” he finally asks.
“Yeah.” Jun grins. “The smell lingers on your fingers too.”
“You are certainly prepared. I’m not sure if that’s weird or genius. Probably both.” Kazu smiles softly. “You are right, this is the moment we might need something like that.”
For a while they sit next to each other quietly, just holding their cigarettes in their hands and smoking them silently. Jun is not sure if he should push Kazu further but to his relief he starts talking himself.
“It was so surreal,” Kazu finally says. “Masaki was basically not saying anything, just holding my hand. He is really not good with arguments and conflicts. At the same time he is like a solid rock in the ocean, no matter how hard the waves swap over him, he is always there. Steady and strong and with so much hope and faith. Gladly.” He rubs over his head a bit. “Satoshi on the other hand yelled at me for half an hour. That’s rare, he hardly ever loses it like that. Sho was surprisingly composed and a lot calmer. I guess he has learned from his previous clash with you and doesn’t want to snap again. Other than you I’ve always thought that he is actually the more easy-going twin, despite his stiff image. Satoshi is a lot stricter than Sho is. It’s just that no one expects it, because he is so calm. Still waters run deep.”
“I think Sa-chan was particularly worried about you,” Jun explains. “He feels guilty. The others didn’t know that something might have been off, but apparently he had a guess. He didn’t react early enough. Also, Sho told me that he cried when they found you. It’s overstraining him.”
“I know. Besides, let’s face it. I was in an actual gang. To be honest, they had every right to be really upset and angry. I just didn’t quite understand how real particularly Satoshi’s anger would be. He didn’t even want to hear an apology.” Kazu frowns for a moment, apparently deep in his thoughts, before he looks up again “And Jun-“ He smiles all of a sudden and throws a teasing glance at Jun. “You look like you are about to get back at Satoshi and yell at him for pulling me down. Don’t.”
It’s one of the rare moments that Jun can feel how his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. He has indeed thought of going into that direction. “Well, I just think it’s unnecessary to be that harsh towards you. He should just say how worried he was about you. Seriously. I can’t believe he made you cry. Besides what the hell does that mean he didn’t want to hear an apology? What the hell did he want to hear then? I mean, fuck it, when even Sho manages it to focus! It’s not fair. It’s just so-” he pauses, not quite sure how to put his frustration into words.
“It’s okay. Let’s face the truth. I messed up horribly.”
Jun bites his lips, not sure what to say now. It is true of course, Kazu messed up quite a bit, and of course Sho and Satoshi are angry. But still…he wants to see Kazu happy again. “It’s just…”
“Just don’t go into direct confrontation. Promise me!” Kazu interrupts him and laughs. “I think we’ve fought enough for now. Seriously. If you start to argue with Sa-chan now, we’ll never see the end of it.” He puts the rest of the cigarette on the ground and steps on it. “Thanks for being there for me, Jun.”
“Well, I know, I’m probably too good for you,” Jun jokes. To his relief Kazu’s mood seems to be lighter now because he chuckles.
“This is never going to get old,” he even teases. “This. And the STD-story.”
“The motorbike-gang will become a running gag too,” Jun reassures him.
Kazu smiles. “Hopefully.” For a while they are sitting next to each other, until Kazu lets out a sigh. “I’m going to regret being mushy and pathetic, but… could you maybe hug me?”
Jun smiles reassuringly. “Sure.” He wraps his arms around Kazu, patting his back softly while he pulls him against his chest. He is not so sure if Kazu cries or not, but at one point Kazu draws back and sighs.
“Thanks.”
“Sure, I’m your favourite teddy bear after all,” Jun says.
Kazu smiles. “That’s true. So, has my favourite teddy bear a good story to distract me with? Because I would need something like that now.”
Actually Jun didn’t have any intention to bother Kazu with his problems, but now that he asks him directly, he can enlighten him with today’s happening. “Shota-kun and Mao-chan wanted to kiss me. It was quite hard to make them drop that idea. It was super-awkward for me, though they seemed to really want it.”
Kazu’s eyes snap open. “They wanted to do what!?” He stares at Jun in disbelief and slight reproach. “You are here since over one hour and you just say that now! That’s brilliant juicy news - how did it happen? And why the both of them?” He slips a bit closer, eyes shining in curiosity.
“Well, I was stupid enough to tell them too much from my past,” Jun grumbles. “I don’t even know why and how, but at one point when the three of us were alone, Shota-kun and Mao-chan started discussing about what kind of experiences they have. Apparently none. Then they asked me and-“
“And you told them your story with Kiko-chan?” Kazu concludes with a grin. “You have always been a bad liar. I’m sure you told them, didn’t you?”
Jun shrugs. “I did.”
“And then?”
“They suddenly got totally into the thought of practising kissing with me, because apparently that’s what friends do. And they didn’t want to remain the only unkissed persons in class.”
For a moment Kazu blinks, then he burst into giggles. “The oldest trick of history.”
Jun’s head spins around and he stares at his brother in surprise. “Trick?” A trick? Why? He knew the practise-story was weird, but…
“Who asked?” Kazu wants to know. “Which one of them wanted to practise?”
“Both of them,” Jun answers honestly. “Why?”
Kazu laughs. “Well, seems like you have a tough choice coming up.”
“You mean they like me?” For a moment Jun stays silent. He needs some time to grasp everything Kazu just said. The smirk he shows Jun adds to it. Jun leans back with a sigh as he remembers Shota’s ‘sweet’-comment and Mao’s words about how she wants to wait patiently. “I can’t believe I was so dense. That’s why it was so weird for me and perfectly fine for them.” He looks at his brother helplessly. “What should I do now?”
Kazu smiles softly. “How about you try to figure if you like one of them now that you know?”
Jun lets out a sigh, brushing through his hair thoughtfully. “But how do I know? To be honest, I have no idea about dates and actually liking someone. What does that even mean… to be in love? It sounds freaking complicated. With Kiko-chan everything was different. And right now… I don’t know… I feel there are so many issues going on that I can’t even think about falling in love with anyone. Everything is still such a mess, and I’m pretty much trying to wrap my mind around everything that happened recently and a few years ago.”
“That’s okay, J. You don’t need to force anything. Just take it slow. You don’t need to push yourself or force yourself into something. It’s your feelings and your decision, and yours only. Don’t let anyone pressure your.” For a moment Kazu looks at him like his about to squeal a bit and tell him how adorable he is, but gladly he doesn’t do it. Instead he stays serious. That’s one of the best things about Kazu, he just knows when to make fun or tease and when to be serious. “I’m not sure I can help you with any of that, because your issues are pretty similar to my own, but I’ll try. So whenever you need something tell me and I can discuss it with you, even though I might not be able to give you actual advice.”
Jun smiles. “Right back to you.”
“I know.” Kazu nods. “Thank you for keeping up with me, without getting tired.”
“I could never get tired of you,” Jun huffs.
“I know, and that’s my own personal miracle. The one I’m really thankful for.”
~~~
It’s five days later that Kazu can finally leave the hospital. Jun picks him up together with Masaki.
“What did Nagase-sensei and the headmaster want from you? You never told me,” Kazu asks when Jun helps him to pack his belongings.
“Nothing special,” Jun says calmly, hoping that Kazu would buy his indifferent attitude, and angles for Kazu’s bag. Masaki is going to pick them up soon. “Just about the next school festival,” he lies. He feels a bit sorry for telling his brother a lie, but he is not ready to face Nagase’s suggestion yet.
“Seriously?” his brother looks at him in disappointment. “And here I was hoping for a nice, exciting story. Since my life is so boring right now. Everyone was totally overreacting-“
Jun grins, glad that Kazu could at least sometimes pretend to make jokes about that too. Those very rare moments when he was in a good mood. “Were they?” he plays along.
“Sa-chan was so mad. I can’t believe they know everything now. Awesome.” Kazu follows Jun to the elevator. He is walking slowly so that Kazu can keep up, he is still limping and walking is difficult for him.
When the door of the elevator closes, Kazu lets out a deep sigh. “They really grounded me. You were right. That’s new. They haven’t done that before.”
“It will be okay,” Jun says, feeling how a wave of sympathy washes over him all of a sudden. More than anyone else around them, he knows how difficult it is to lose the ground underneath one’s feet. He is sure that Kazu has lost his balance since he quit the gang and decided to change his life completely. “People say it’s easy to change one’s life,” Jun says quietly. “But I think to change your life, there must first be something really bad happening. A shitload of mess. Changing your life is a necessary measure then, but not something that results out of happy events.”
Kazu nods, smiling warily. “I know exactly what you mean.”
“They will understand too,” Jun reassures him softly. “For them it’s a bit more difficult. They can’t look into our heads after all.”
Before they reach the first floor and the door opens, Kazu presses the stop button. “Jun,” he says and grabs Jun’s arm. “Promise it will be alright?” He looks more tired than usual and almost lost. Jun is a hundred percent certain that the others have also already partly realized how lost Kazu is now. He has even heard Sho and Masaki talk yesterday night, with Masaki being unusually earnest and Sho soothing him with the words that they are going to work it out as family.
So it’s easy to nod and reassure Kazu. “It’ll be alright. I promise. I’m going to help you. You are not alone in this, Kazu.”
“You are probably too good for me. You need to put it on the list,” Kazu says once more and presses the button again so that they finally reach the destined floor. This time though he says it with a smile, as he repeats his favourite phrase whenever he has asked for Jun’s help so bluntly. No matter how often Jun has reassured him that it’s okay, that he doesn’t hold a grudge against him, that he isn’t angry, that he has forgiven him long ago, he knows that it still has not quite found its way into Kazu’s head.
A/N: Kazu somehow gets into a depressed mode... and Satoshi is super pissed.
Mao and Shota tried to be sneaky... and failed *lol*
What do you think Nagase wanted to talk about? ^^
Pairing: Jun, Masaki, Sho, Satoshi, Kazu (there are going to be additional side-characters though. No OCs.) I'm trying to give each of the five their well-deserves spot-light <3
Rating: PG
Multi-chapter
Genre: family!AU in which Arashi are brothers :-) slice of life, a little drama (and I'm trying to add some light-hearted, funny moments to it too)
Summary: Since they were little they were always close to each other. And when unfortunate events force them to live together without their parents, it's only natural that they try to make the best out of it.
“Is your brother alright?” Nagase asks when he hands some documents and books to Jun. He will take them to the hospital. Kazu has to stay there first and then rest at home for at least one month to recover.
“He is doing better,” Jun explains. “I think he is already growing impatient. I can’t believe that I’m saying that but he is even looking forward to going to school. That’s how much he hates being sick.”
Nagase chuckles in his typical good-natured way. “Well then. Since everything is getting better, there is something else I want to talk about with you.”
“What is it?” Jun asks in surprise. “Did something happen?”
“Nothing bad,” Nagase says, and Jun feels slightly at ease again. “But the headmaster and I want to talk to you. Tomorrow there is a free period, please visit the office then, alright?”
Jun nods like he is in trance. He doesn’t get it at all. What do they want to talk with him about? Nothing bad, gladly, but what else is going on?
~~~
“Are you going to join the track and field team?” Toma asks when Jun joins him and the others for lunch. “We would really need a few promising members.”
“To be honest, I’m not sure I have time for yet another project,” Jun answers honestly. “I do go running regularly, but not enough to participate in your events. Maybe I could be your emergency member?”
“Fair enough.” Toma grins. “What about you, Shun?”
“Do I look like someone who enjoys doing marathon?”
The others laugh, while Jun knows he is pretty sportive. But he takes a wild guess that he might be busier with other things right now. “You could ask Shota-kun,” Jun suggests, moving the dangerous spot-light away from Shun who throws him a thankful glance.
“Could you?” Toma asks. “I mean, ask him for us?”
Jun is surprised. “Why me?”
“You seem to be particularly close.” Toma shrugs and takes his chopsticks to poke his rice with vegetables. He grimaces in disgust when he pulls some carrots out of it.
Toma’s words have basically taken Jun’s breath away. Sorry… but what? He is close to Shota? Since when? What the hell… how fucked up could this possibly be. Unfortunately Toma takes his silence for approval of his request and throws a “Thank you, buddy.” towards Jun with a beaming smile.
Awesome, now he can’t decline him anymore.
Out of mere protection reasons he takes Mao along when he looks for Shota. “Don’t get me wrong,” she mumbles when she follows Jun through the park first where there is no sign of Shota. “But is there something off between you two?”
“Not really,” Jun answers and eyes the staircase up to the roof top. Well, why not giving it a try? “He just reminds me of something.”
“Of what?”
Jun shrugs and heads for the staircase. “The past.”
“I just don’t underst-“ Mao pauses, then she grabs his sleeve all of a sudden. “Wait a moment. His father is a doctor, right? Oh my god! Are you serious? You know him from before?”
“He was the doctor that treated me and Kazu after the accident,” Jun explains quietly. “He was responsible for the whole rehabilitation process and he dealt with my panic attacks. I know it’s childish, but I don’t want Shota-kun to know. I don’t want to explain anything. And it feels a bit weird to have him around, though that’s not really fair towards him.”
Mao nods. “I understand.”
“You do?” Jun halts in surprise, checking her face properly to see and understand her expression. “For real?”
“Yes, it’s pretty easy to understand.” She grins. “I won’t tell anyone of course.” The rest of the stairs they take in silence, giving Jun the chance to prepare for the upcoming meeting.
“Yo,” he says once they find Shota at the roof top with a cigarette in his hand.
Shota looks appalled first, obviously thinking it’s a teacher who just found him with a cigarette, but then his gaze relaxes. He waves at them, smiling when they sit down next to him.
“Say,” Jun starts after a while. “How eager are you to join an extra-curricular activity?”
“On a scale from 1 to ten?” Shota grins. “Zero.”
“Come on.” Jun chuckles. “It’s just the track and field club. Nothing difficult for you. Toma-kun is desperately looking for promising members.”
“Are you joining?” Shota wants to know while he turns off his cigarette on the ground.
Mao giggles. “Why? Do you need Jun-kun to join to make a decision?”
Shota’s eyes widen, he even blushes slightly. “Witch,” he mumbles.
“Hey!” Jun huffs and kicks him. “Don’t call her like that!”
Shota raises his hands in defence. “Sorry, sorry,” he says. And- “I’ll join the team.”
Jun halts in surprise, blinking in confusion. “For real?” he asks.
“Yeah, might give me an excuse to escape from that senpai-chick that’s after me,” Shota explains lazily.
Mao and Jun exchange a glance. “The one with the long black hair?” Mao asks curiously. “She is extremely pretty. I thought all guys like her.”
“I don’t.” Shota shrugs. “I don’t even know her. What do I get from her being hot, if I don’t know how she is like?” He takes a can with black tea out of his bag, opening it and taking a sip from it.
Considering it’s Shota his words give a weirdly deep insight. “I get what you mean,” Jun muses.
“Or maybe.” Mao throws in between. “It’s because you are scared to have something going with a more experienced girl?”
Shota almost spits out his drink again, coughing while he hands the can to Jun. “Sorry?”
“I mean…” She blushes like she just realized that she said something embarrassing. Most likely she really talked without thinking beforehand. “I didn’t mean to say that you have no experience. But I thought… well…” She throws Jun a helpless glance but to be honest he has no idea how to help. “I mean, maybe you have had sex a lot of times. But if not, an experienced girl can be intimidating?”
For a moment Shota stares at her in disbelief, and Jun is almost afraid that he will yell at her again, but to his surprise he just grins. “I haven’t had sex before, if that’s what you are asking. What about you?”
“No, I didn’t have… I mean…” Mao blushes even further. “I didn’t want to ask that!”
“Maybe you didn’t want to ask me?” Shota says softly, and to Jun’s surprise, Mao shakes her head nervously and looks away. What? Shota just rolls his eyes though and turns towards Jun. “What about you?”
Jun blinks. “You want to know if I had sex?”
“Yeah!”
Both Mao and Shota look at him expectantly, and he isn’t quite sure what they want him to say. Should he lie now or say the truth? “I kissed someone before,” he explains carefully. That’s the truth, at least partly.
Mao’s eyes widen, she robs a bit closer. “Really?”
“Only once?” Shota wants to know.
Jun blinks. “Why do you guys want to know that? Didn’t you kiss someone before?”
Shota and Mao exchange a look, before they shrug helplessly. So, it’s true that Shota is actually a quite thoughtful guy, not alike his gangster look at all. “It’s so embarrassing,” Mao mumbles. “In our class most girls have already kissed someone. It’s only me and two others who haven’t. Not that anyone knows that though, so if you say something I’m going to kill you!”
“Why the hell should I spill your secrets,” Shota snorts. “Because I’m such a super-cool guy myself? Hell, I haven’t made out with someone either. So-” he turns to Jun. “We need you to rely on. Tell us!”
Mao nods. “Yes, please!”
To be honest, he still doesn’t quite get the fuss they are making. Damn it, they have all the time they want, and it’s not like he is super-experienced himself. It was just a different situation… “It was when I was in hospital,” Jun explains quietly. “I mean, I was really desperate there, you know. Everyone staying longer than a month there was, so… I befriended a girl there; she was slightly older than I was. We got along quite well, and because we felt so restless and desperate we started experimenting to escape the loneliness.”
“You made out with her?” Shota wants to know.
“Several times, yes.”
“Did you love her?” Mao wants to know.
Wow, the questions are just getting more and more private. “No. I liked her though. She didn’t love me either. We were just happy not to be alone. At that time Kazu was still in a separate part of the hospital, I hardly could see him and talk to him. It’s not like I feel particularly proud about it though. It’s not that cool, really.”
“It’s not bad,” Mao says immediately. “Seriously, why would you feel bad about that?”
“Really, you are so weird sometimes. Like someone would blame you for being together with a girl because the both of you felt lonely.” Shota chuckles much to Jun’s surprise.
“Right.” Mao nods. “After all she was fine with it too.”
“The only question remaining is.” Shota looks at him curiously. “Did you have sex?”
What? He can’t be serious? Fuck it. “I don’t know if I should answer that,” he says, deciding to go for his honest sentiment, namely not wanting to tell them.
“Hm.” Shota doesn’t seem to be happy, but apparently decides to drop it. Instead something different comes into his mind. Because his head snaps up suddenly. “I have an idea!”
“Yeah?” Mao asks sceptically.
“Since Jun-kun knows at least a bit about kissing, how about he shows us? I don’t know about you, but I most certainly don’t want to be the idiot who hasn’t kissed before when Ms. or Mr. Right appears.”
Mao stares at him for so long that Jun thinks she is going to kick Shota, but to his sincere shock, she nods carefully. “I’m not sure,” she stutters. “But I would like to try.”
“Wait a moment.” Jun frowns. “Anyone care to fill me in?”
“Come on, Jun-kun.” Shota pats his shoulder. “It’s normal between friends to do that,” he explains.
“Yeah,” Moa agrees. “I even know girls that practised kissing with each other before going for the real thing.”
“Wait a moment-“ Jun raises his hand in defence to stop both of them from talking. He needs to process what these idiots are saying. They can’t mean that they- “Does that mean, you want to practise with me?”
Mao looks a bit flustered, while Shota shrugs.
“No!” Jun huffs. “Why don’t you try it with each other, if you want to kiss someone so badly”
“No way,” Mao shakes his head. “Like I’m going to waste my first kiss on that idiot. Besides only you know how to do it.”
“Exactly. And, we already drank from one bottle,” Shota says, like drinking from the same bottle has anything to do with kissing someone. He slips a bit closer, apparently totally into his idea already. “I’m going to start, so Mao-chan can still think about it.”
For a tiny second Jun is almost ready to go with the flow, then however his conscious wins over. He looks down at the ground nervously. “You’ll want to make these experiences with someone you truly feel for, don’t you? At one point you’ll regret doing it with me… And I don’t want you to regret kissing me. I would feel bad then.”
Mao and Shota exchange a look he can’t quite read. Then Shota sighs. “Why the hell are you sweet?”
Jun blinks. “What!?”
Shota blinks all of a sudden, like he just realizes that he said something weird. “I mean the tea.” He coughs. “The tea is sweet.”
Mao chuckles before she looks at Jun. “I guess I want the guy who kisses me to truly like me. So, I’ll wait patiently…”
“Yeah,” Shota snorts. “May the better one win.”
Jun’s glad for Shota’s weird comment because it diffuses the awkwardness he feels immediately. Instead Shota and Mao start bickering about something Jun doesn’t quite understand, before they decide they need something to eat, and Shota shares his box with onigiri with them.
~~~
It’s later that day that Jun heads for the hospital. He has gone to this math tutoring class with Shun and Mao, and later had to go for a school parliament discussion, which was boring as hell but necessary for him to join as a class representative.
“Finally.” He sighs when he reaches Kazu’s room and carefully peeks into it. He doesn’t want to wake Kazu up in case he is sleeping. But Kazu is awake, not even lying in his bed but sitting at a chair. He shows him a smile.
“Jun.” Kazu seems relieved to see him. He waves with his hand and Jun steps into the room immediately, closing the door behind him and approaching Kazu with a happy smile.
“Kazu! How are you?” When Kazu shrugs, Jun frowns but decides to continue nevertheless. He opens his bag, taking some of the books out. “Here I brought you books and notes from school. And Nagase-sensei hinted that he has something important to talk to me about. Not sure what it is. He said it’s nothing bad. Still it’s weird”
Jun hands the notes to Kazu and sits down next to him. “Thanks J.” Kazu smiles a bit. “Without you I wouldn’t know what to do.”
Kazu is sitting in the chair next to the window, but without a book or his mp3-player in his hands. He looks a bit sad, Jun thinks. Gladly it’s Kazu and they have never beaten around the bush when they talk to each other. So Jun chooses the direct approach again. “Did you cry, Kazu-chan?”
The answer is surprisingly honest. Or maybe not so surprising. “A bit.”
“Want to play a card game?” Jun suggests.
Kazu looks at him in surprise. “Didn’t you want to do your math assignment? Yesterday you said you have to study for that test next week.”
“I can do that at home.”
During the past days Jun has basically done all his work at the hospital while visiting Kazu. He knows his brother simply cherishes his company and likes to have someone around who is not judging him for what happened. This time though, he feels like there is something more going on with Kazu’s feelings. He looks so down.
They play a stupid card game, Shithead, one they both like normally because it’s so ridiculous, but Kazu is far away with his thoughts. Jun coughs slightly. “Do you want to talk about it?” he finally asks.
“I’m not sure.”
Jun tilts his head, looking at his brother’s expression for a while. “They were here, am I right? And you talked about everything.”
At least Kazu is surprised now. It’s better than his previous tired look. “Hm?”
“Satoshi and the other two were here and you talked.”
“How did you know?”
Jun smiles warily. “Oh please. The look on your face is just too open. Why else would you be that down when not even Matsuda-sensei managed to get down to your nerves to that extent?”
“Hm…” Kazu sighs slightly. “At least we got it over with finally.”
Jun wonders if it’s really all over and settled. Kazu certainly doesn’t look like it is. “Let’s go,” he says.
His brother blinks in surprise. “Where to?”
“Outside. Matsuda-sensei allowed you to go outside, didn’t he? He said it’s good for your recovery to walk a bit.” When Kazu nods, he smiles. “See? So, we are going now.”
They leave the room without talking much. It’s only when they reach the staircase and the elevator that Kazu voices his surprise again. “Upstairs?”
“Yes, there is a roof deck. No one ever is up there,” Jun explains randomly.
It draws the first grin from his brother. “What? Are you going to secretly kill me?”
“Believe me. If I had the intent to do so, I would have done it a lot earlier,” Jun jokes.
Kazu chuckles. Finally.
“You know-“ Kazu says when he sits down on the bench at the roof top. “It was a lot worse than I expected it. Or maybe I did expect it like that, but reality is always worse than what you imagine.”
“Probably,” Jun agrees. He angles for something in his bag. When he has found what he was looking for, Kazu stares at him in utter surprise.
“Cigarettes? You!?”
Jun smiles. “Well, it’s only two. I’ve no intention to start smoking now. I borrowed them from Shota. So chill. Just keep it to yourself. He said, his father would kill him if he knows. I knew this here was going to happen at one point and I thought this is exactly the kind of situation we would need something like that.”
Kazu grins. “They will smell the smoke, Jun.”
“I know, that’s why I brought disinfection sprays, hand crème and chewing gums along.”
“You are kidding.” Kazu’s eyes are wide. “Hand crème?” he finally asks.
“Yeah.” Jun grins. “The smell lingers on your fingers too.”
“You are certainly prepared. I’m not sure if that’s weird or genius. Probably both.” Kazu smiles softly. “You are right, this is the moment we might need something like that.”
For a while they sit next to each other quietly, just holding their cigarettes in their hands and smoking them silently. Jun is not sure if he should push Kazu further but to his relief he starts talking himself.
“It was so surreal,” Kazu finally says. “Masaki was basically not saying anything, just holding my hand. He is really not good with arguments and conflicts. At the same time he is like a solid rock in the ocean, no matter how hard the waves swap over him, he is always there. Steady and strong and with so much hope and faith. Gladly.” He rubs over his head a bit. “Satoshi on the other hand yelled at me for half an hour. That’s rare, he hardly ever loses it like that. Sho was surprisingly composed and a lot calmer. I guess he has learned from his previous clash with you and doesn’t want to snap again. Other than you I’ve always thought that he is actually the more easy-going twin, despite his stiff image. Satoshi is a lot stricter than Sho is. It’s just that no one expects it, because he is so calm. Still waters run deep.”
“I think Sa-chan was particularly worried about you,” Jun explains. “He feels guilty. The others didn’t know that something might have been off, but apparently he had a guess. He didn’t react early enough. Also, Sho told me that he cried when they found you. It’s overstraining him.”
“I know. Besides, let’s face it. I was in an actual gang. To be honest, they had every right to be really upset and angry. I just didn’t quite understand how real particularly Satoshi’s anger would be. He didn’t even want to hear an apology.” Kazu frowns for a moment, apparently deep in his thoughts, before he looks up again “And Jun-“ He smiles all of a sudden and throws a teasing glance at Jun. “You look like you are about to get back at Satoshi and yell at him for pulling me down. Don’t.”
It’s one of the rare moments that Jun can feel how his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. He has indeed thought of going into that direction. “Well, I just think it’s unnecessary to be that harsh towards you. He should just say how worried he was about you. Seriously. I can’t believe he made you cry. Besides what the hell does that mean he didn’t want to hear an apology? What the hell did he want to hear then? I mean, fuck it, when even Sho manages it to focus! It’s not fair. It’s just so-” he pauses, not quite sure how to put his frustration into words.
“It’s okay. Let’s face the truth. I messed up horribly.”
Jun bites his lips, not sure what to say now. It is true of course, Kazu messed up quite a bit, and of course Sho and Satoshi are angry. But still…he wants to see Kazu happy again. “It’s just…”
“Just don’t go into direct confrontation. Promise me!” Kazu interrupts him and laughs. “I think we’ve fought enough for now. Seriously. If you start to argue with Sa-chan now, we’ll never see the end of it.” He puts the rest of the cigarette on the ground and steps on it. “Thanks for being there for me, Jun.”
“Well, I know, I’m probably too good for you,” Jun jokes. To his relief Kazu’s mood seems to be lighter now because he chuckles.
“This is never going to get old,” he even teases. “This. And the STD-story.”
“The motorbike-gang will become a running gag too,” Jun reassures him.
Kazu smiles. “Hopefully.” For a while they are sitting next to each other, until Kazu lets out a sigh. “I’m going to regret being mushy and pathetic, but… could you maybe hug me?”
Jun smiles reassuringly. “Sure.” He wraps his arms around Kazu, patting his back softly while he pulls him against his chest. He is not so sure if Kazu cries or not, but at one point Kazu draws back and sighs.
“Thanks.”
“Sure, I’m your favourite teddy bear after all,” Jun says.
Kazu smiles. “That’s true. So, has my favourite teddy bear a good story to distract me with? Because I would need something like that now.”
Actually Jun didn’t have any intention to bother Kazu with his problems, but now that he asks him directly, he can enlighten him with today’s happening. “Shota-kun and Mao-chan wanted to kiss me. It was quite hard to make them drop that idea. It was super-awkward for me, though they seemed to really want it.”
Kazu’s eyes snap open. “They wanted to do what!?” He stares at Jun in disbelief and slight reproach. “You are here since over one hour and you just say that now! That’s brilliant juicy news - how did it happen? And why the both of them?” He slips a bit closer, eyes shining in curiosity.
“Well, I was stupid enough to tell them too much from my past,” Jun grumbles. “I don’t even know why and how, but at one point when the three of us were alone, Shota-kun and Mao-chan started discussing about what kind of experiences they have. Apparently none. Then they asked me and-“
“And you told them your story with Kiko-chan?” Kazu concludes with a grin. “You have always been a bad liar. I’m sure you told them, didn’t you?”
Jun shrugs. “I did.”
“And then?”
“They suddenly got totally into the thought of practising kissing with me, because apparently that’s what friends do. And they didn’t want to remain the only unkissed persons in class.”
For a moment Kazu blinks, then he burst into giggles. “The oldest trick of history.”
Jun’s head spins around and he stares at his brother in surprise. “Trick?” A trick? Why? He knew the practise-story was weird, but…
“Who asked?” Kazu wants to know. “Which one of them wanted to practise?”
“Both of them,” Jun answers honestly. “Why?”
Kazu laughs. “Well, seems like you have a tough choice coming up.”
“You mean they like me?” For a moment Jun stays silent. He needs some time to grasp everything Kazu just said. The smirk he shows Jun adds to it. Jun leans back with a sigh as he remembers Shota’s ‘sweet’-comment and Mao’s words about how she wants to wait patiently. “I can’t believe I was so dense. That’s why it was so weird for me and perfectly fine for them.” He looks at his brother helplessly. “What should I do now?”
Kazu smiles softly. “How about you try to figure if you like one of them now that you know?”
Jun lets out a sigh, brushing through his hair thoughtfully. “But how do I know? To be honest, I have no idea about dates and actually liking someone. What does that even mean… to be in love? It sounds freaking complicated. With Kiko-chan everything was different. And right now… I don’t know… I feel there are so many issues going on that I can’t even think about falling in love with anyone. Everything is still such a mess, and I’m pretty much trying to wrap my mind around everything that happened recently and a few years ago.”
“That’s okay, J. You don’t need to force anything. Just take it slow. You don’t need to push yourself or force yourself into something. It’s your feelings and your decision, and yours only. Don’t let anyone pressure your.” For a moment Kazu looks at him like his about to squeal a bit and tell him how adorable he is, but gladly he doesn’t do it. Instead he stays serious. That’s one of the best things about Kazu, he just knows when to make fun or tease and when to be serious. “I’m not sure I can help you with any of that, because your issues are pretty similar to my own, but I’ll try. So whenever you need something tell me and I can discuss it with you, even though I might not be able to give you actual advice.”
Jun smiles. “Right back to you.”
“I know.” Kazu nods. “Thank you for keeping up with me, without getting tired.”
“I could never get tired of you,” Jun huffs.
“I know, and that’s my own personal miracle. The one I’m really thankful for.”
~~~
It’s five days later that Kazu can finally leave the hospital. Jun picks him up together with Masaki.
“What did Nagase-sensei and the headmaster want from you? You never told me,” Kazu asks when Jun helps him to pack his belongings.
“Nothing special,” Jun says calmly, hoping that Kazu would buy his indifferent attitude, and angles for Kazu’s bag. Masaki is going to pick them up soon. “Just about the next school festival,” he lies. He feels a bit sorry for telling his brother a lie, but he is not ready to face Nagase’s suggestion yet.
“Seriously?” his brother looks at him in disappointment. “And here I was hoping for a nice, exciting story. Since my life is so boring right now. Everyone was totally overreacting-“
Jun grins, glad that Kazu could at least sometimes pretend to make jokes about that too. Those very rare moments when he was in a good mood. “Were they?” he plays along.
“Sa-chan was so mad. I can’t believe they know everything now. Awesome.” Kazu follows Jun to the elevator. He is walking slowly so that Kazu can keep up, he is still limping and walking is difficult for him.
When the door of the elevator closes, Kazu lets out a deep sigh. “They really grounded me. You were right. That’s new. They haven’t done that before.”
“It will be okay,” Jun says, feeling how a wave of sympathy washes over him all of a sudden. More than anyone else around them, he knows how difficult it is to lose the ground underneath one’s feet. He is sure that Kazu has lost his balance since he quit the gang and decided to change his life completely. “People say it’s easy to change one’s life,” Jun says quietly. “But I think to change your life, there must first be something really bad happening. A shitload of mess. Changing your life is a necessary measure then, but not something that results out of happy events.”
Kazu nods, smiling warily. “I know exactly what you mean.”
“They will understand too,” Jun reassures him softly. “For them it’s a bit more difficult. They can’t look into our heads after all.”
Before they reach the first floor and the door opens, Kazu presses the stop button. “Jun,” he says and grabs Jun’s arm. “Promise it will be alright?” He looks more tired than usual and almost lost. Jun is a hundred percent certain that the others have also already partly realized how lost Kazu is now. He has even heard Sho and Masaki talk yesterday night, with Masaki being unusually earnest and Sho soothing him with the words that they are going to work it out as family.
So it’s easy to nod and reassure Kazu. “It’ll be alright. I promise. I’m going to help you. You are not alone in this, Kazu.”
“You are probably too good for me. You need to put it on the list,” Kazu says once more and presses the button again so that they finally reach the destined floor. This time though he says it with a smile, as he repeats his favourite phrase whenever he has asked for Jun’s help so bluntly. No matter how often Jun has reassured him that it’s okay, that he doesn’t hold a grudge against him, that he isn’t angry, that he has forgiven him long ago, he knows that it still has not quite found its way into Kazu’s head.
A/N: Kazu somehow gets into a depressed mode... and Satoshi is super pissed.
Mao and Shota tried to be sneaky... and failed *lol*
What do you think Nagase wanted to talk about? ^^