fanfic: My Star
Title: My Star
Author: yume16
Disclaimer: If the boys were mine they would be married. Obviously, they are not *duhhhhh*
Beta: my Beta is not there at the moment
Pairing(s): KitaFuji,
Rating: PG
Genre: angst
Warnings: un-betaed, chibi!KitaFuji, angst-y angst
Summary: Two little boys meet in Kanagawa and chase their stars.
Author Notes: I think that is one of the saddest fics I have ever written and no one even dies, but it is so much like them, that I hate and love this fic at the same time.
My Star
Hiro kicked a stone and it skipped over the path. His mother wasn't home yet and most probably wouldn't be for a while.
He was a big boy. With eight years he could already do a lot. He could wash the dishes, make his own bed and didn't need help with his homework. Only yesterday, he had scored a goal in soccer. His friends thought he was cool.
The sun was already setting, but he didn't have any hope that his mother would be home before nine. He had reached his favourite playground and sat down on one of the swings. The ground under his feet was dusty from all the other children that had dragged their feet over it. There wasn't any grass trying to grow anymore. It had given up. Hiro dragged his shoes through the dust as well and listened to the birds giving their last concert of the day. It was going to be a mild summer night.
Looking up at the sky, he saw the moon. He kicked up from the ground and tired to swing into the sky. Just a little bit higher...
Hiro stopped trying as there was a noise close by. He lowered his feet and dragged them over the ground to stop swinging.
As he looked around, he noticed him. A small boy. Sitting in front of the climbing frame with tears in his eyes.
Hiro thought he had been alone. All the mothers and fathers had left with their children long ago to eat dinner.
He hesitated, but seeing the tears starting to roll down round cheeks, he got off the swing and walked over.
Crouching down, he laid a hand on the boy's shoulder.
"What happened?"
"I fell. It hurts." The boy hiccupped and fought his leg free from under him to show it to him.
There was a small scratch on the knee. It didn't look too bad.
"Don't cry. I'll kiss it better." Hiro gently blew over the scratch and fished in his pocket. He should still have a band aid. When he found it, he carefully put it on the little knee.
"See, the stars just for you." He pointed at the band aid which was blue with bright yellow stars on it. The boy looked at it carefully.
"Better?"
The little boy nodded and the tears were already drying. Satisfied, Hiro pulled him on his feet.
"Where is your mother?"
The boy only wordlessly shook his head.
"What's your name?" Hiro tried again.
"Taisuke."
"That's a cute name." The boy pursed his lips and looked him slowly up and down as if assessing him, then he nodded.
"I am Hiro. How old are you?" The other had to be younger than him.
"Six."
"I am eight."
The corners of Taisuke's mouth dropped down and Hiro hurried to think of something to say.
"We can be friends."
There was again a long silence from the other boy, till Taisuke lowered his gaze and he moved his tiny hand in Hiro's.
It was more an instinct than a chosen reaction as his fingers curled securely around the cold fingers. Taisuke looked at him with big and unreadable eyes.
"Should I bring you home?" Hiro asked. Immediately, Taisuke tried to withdraw his hand and Hiro back paddled.
"We can also play."
"Okay." Taisuke said and looked at him expectantly.
Hiro contemplated what they could play. He didn't have a ball or anything else.
"Let's play tag?"
Taisuke pulled his hand out of his and shoved at his chest, then he ran away. Surprised, Hiro blinked before he understood and chased after the other. Taisuke was fast, a little like a weasel and Hiro enjoyed it. He hadn't been that challenged in a while.
Laughing, the other ducked through under his arm and dodged him again. Taisuke's laugh sounded like bells. He liked it.
Predicting Taisuke's next move, Hiro wrapped his arms around Taisuke's waist and cradled him. Together they laughed.
They kept chasing each other till they were out of breath and let themselves tumble on the grass. They laid on their backs while still breathing hard.
"Look, a star. Just like on my knee." Taisuke pointed up into the sky and Hiro followed his little finger with his eyes.
"You are right."
"So far away." Taisuke mumbled and Hiro smiled as he realized how the little boy had warmed up to him and talked out of his own accord now.
"They might be not that far." He said and turned to look at the other. Taisuke was looking at the sky with awe and bright eyes.
"You think so?"
"Yeah, maybe we can even reach."
Taisuke frowned and reached out with both his hands towards the sky. Smiling, Hiro copied him.
"Can you reach?" Taisuke asked while trying with all his might.
"Maybe."
"You don't know?"
"I don't know what stars feel like. Maybe I have been holding one all along and just didn't notice." Hiro said and pressed one eye close. If he now looked up his left arm, it looked like he was holding one.
Taisuke sat up and grasped with his hand Hiro's hand that looked like it was holding a star.
"We don't know so maybe we do." Taisuke said and intertwined their fingers. Hiro lowered his hand and squeezed back.
"I might be holding a star." He grinned and Taisuke smiled back till a big yawn forced him to stop. Taisuke rubbed his eyes and looked sleepily at him.
"I'll bring you home."
"I don't want to." Taisuke said. This time he didn't frown and looked only with childish innocence at him.
"I'll give you a piggyback ride. I don't do that usually." Hiro tried to bait the other. Taisuke seemed to ponder that and then reached his two hands out to him.
Hiro got up and crouched down in front of the other with his back to him and Taisuke crawled on his back. Taisuke's arms wrapped around his neck and he stood up.
By now, it was dark and it was definitely about time.
Hiro was glad the other wasn't all that heavy.
"Where should I go?"
"This way." Taisuke pointed at a street to his left and Hiro set off. He kept asking for directions and he followed them dutifully even though they once turned in a circle.
Eventually, they stood in front of a pretty, small house. It was the kind of house that made you think of home and safety. Hiro pressed his lips together tightly and walked to the door.
"Do we have to ring the bell?" Taisuke asked in a small voice and twisted Hiro's shirt in his hands as he held on.
"Of course, your bed is waiting for you." He moved to the bell and Taisuke pressed it.
It took some seconds, but the door opened and a beautiful woman that reminded him of his own mother, looked down at them.
"Oh my, Taisuke!" She exclaimed and looked behind herself as if expecting to see her son there and not in front of herself. "I didn't even notice, you little rascal."
Gently, she pulled her son from his back and then crouched down in front of him.
"Thank you very much." She patted his head. "I am sure your mother is already waiting for you. Do you live far from here?"
Hiro shook his head and she smiled. Looking one last time at Taisuke who had his eyes locked on him, he sprinted away towards his own home.
He ran along the streets and when he reached their building, he took two steps at a time and bound up the stairs. Taking out his keys, he opened the door and stepped inside.
The door fell shut behind him and Hiro curled his fingers to fists as he looked into the dark and empty room.
He was alone.
~
It was hot, but in the flat he shared with his mother it was even warmer. Hiro sat on a bench without backrest on the playground and swung his legs. He wasn't a shy boy, but somehow he didn't feel like joining the other boys.
Looking up at the blue sky with not a cloud in sight, Hiro leaned back on his hands. Suddenly a weight collided with his back and he almost fell forward. Arms wrapped around his middle and Hiro paused surprised.
"Ask who." A familiar voice said.
"Who is it?" Hiro asked and his lips stretched naturally into a smile.
"I won't tell. You have to guess." Taisuke's happy voice told him.
"Hm." Hiro made a thoughtful voice. "A grandma?"
"Buuuuu!" Taisuke said to show he was not.
"Kamen Rider?"
"Buuuuu!" Taisuke giggled.
"Who could it be? I don't know."
Taisuke giggled and he could feel the younger one lean against his back.
"That's warm! Are you the sun?" The other's body heat was making him sweat even more.
"Correct!" Taisuke cheered and let go. The other hopped next to him on the bench and made a peace sign.
"So, you are the sun?"
"The 'Tai' in my name stands for the sun." Taisuke told him seriously and Hiro had to grin. He believed the other on the spot with his shining and happy face that could keep up with the sun anytime.
"I see. It suits you. Even if you want to reach for the stars."
"The sun never sees the stars." Taisuke said sadly.
Hiro leant in as if he was going to tell the other a big secret.
"The sun is a star, too."
Taisuke's face lightened up. The younger one then reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers.
"Hiro, look! You are holding a star. You caught one!" Taisuke seemed so delighted with his discovery that Hiro couldn't help but laugh, but instead of feeling insulted Taisuke soon joined in. His laugh still sounded like bells and Hiro decided it was his favourite sound.
"Let's play?" Taisuke asked and looked at him with pleading eyes.
"It's too hot for tag."
Taisuke pursed his plump lips thoughtfully.
"Let's swing?"
Hiro nodded. The wind would feel nice on their hot skin. He stood up and pulled Taisuke with him. Their hands were still locked and the other had a skip in his step.
"Let's see who swings higher?" Taisuke asked and hopped on one of the swings. Hiro picked the one next to the other.
"You are really aiming high, aren't you?" Hiro asked and wink.
"One day I want to be at the top."
"The top of what?" Hiro had never seen anyone that determined before and it was slightly sobering. He was two years older than the other but only wanted the days to pass.
"The top that is meant for me to climb." Taisuke had already both hands wrapped around the chains of the swing and turned only his head to smile at him.
"I'll watch you."
"Come with me."
"Maybe." He would never go anywhere, especially not up, but he could pretend.
Taisuke seemed satisfied and kicked off.
Hiro hurried to follow. It was kind of unfair. His legs were longer since he was older and Taisuke couldn't reach as far. Hiro could tell how hard the other was trying and admired him for his power of endurance. Therefore, he was truly shocked when Taisuke's feet were suddenly higher than his only through sheer will. He tried to keep up but it was tough. At the end they both couldn't really beat each other.
Out of breath, they let their legs dangle and the swings slowed down.
"You will be on top." Hiro told the other seriously.
"You better chase me." Taisuke stuck his tongue out. Hiro smiled, but it was a tired smile. It was way too hot in the sun and he was thirsty.
"Let's go in the shadow. I'll buy us a drink."
"I don't have money with me." Taisuke looked embarrassed and Hiro pulled triumphantly a coin out of his pocket.
"This will save us. You can already go in the shadow." But Taisuke followed him to the vending machine and watched with awe in his eyes how Hiro inserted the coin and pressed a button.
"Apple juice is the only drinkable in this one. I hope you don't mind."
"I love it. You are so cool! I have never bought one."
"Next time, I will teach you." Hiro hoped dearly for a next time to come. He liked Taisuke. Taisuke made him feel happy and like he mattered. He liked to think that the other could have approached anyone today, but he had chosen to play with him again. Anyone would want to play with Taisuke, he was cute.
"I'll bring a coin. I want to buy you, too."
"It's a deal."
They sat down under a big tree and shared the juice. They tried to savour it. It was their first drink together and Hiro hoped for many to come.
Taisuke had started talking. The other could talk non-stop and Hiro smiled as he remembered how shy the younger one had been at the start. The bubbly Taisuke was fun.
Slowly, the playground emptied, but they stayed. Hiro knew he should bring the other home again, but it was tougher to part with Taisuke than the last night. When the first stars started to show, Taisuke reached out again towards them. Hiro didn't and instead looked at the other.
Eventually, the other's arms fell down and his eyes slipped shut.
Sighing sadly, Hiro got up and pulled the other on his back. He knew the way now and only shortly later stood in front of Taisuke's house. Ringing the bell, he waited. The same woman as yesterday opened the door and greeted him and pulled her sleeping son from his back.
Just like the day before, he ran home and frowned at the dark empty flat. He then scolded himself. How could he expect there to be any sun and light at night?
~
"What is that?" Hiro examined the bottles Taisuke was holding under his nose.
"Bottles with water. I made them to play with."
"And what is that?" Hiro pointed at the red over the opening of one of the bottles.
"A balloon. I cut a small hole into it so that not all the water comes out at once, but still comes out."
"You are a creative one."
"It's hot." Taisuke stated simply.
Hiro took one of the bottles and grinned. Before Taisuke could react, he splashed water at him. Taisuke shrieked as the cold water hit his warm skin and immediately counterattacked. They chased each other around and enjoyed the coolness of the water. When their bottles were empty, they kept refilling them at the small fountain till their balloons tore.
It was warm enough for the water to already start drying and they sprinted to the vending machine. Hiro showed Taisuke how to buy a drink and they shared another apple juice under their tree.
"That was fun." Taisuke stated and blew his bangs out of his eyes.
"Yeah, I loved it."
Taisuke grinned proudly at him.
"Let's always stay together." The younger one said and Hiro's heart stuttered. Together? Always? There was nothing he wished for more.
"I want to."
"Good. Together we won't be lonely ever."
Hiro blinked at that. Taisuke had never struck him as someone who seemed to be lonely.
"Are you lonely, Taisuke?"
"It's scary being alone." Taisuke whispered and wrapped his arms around his knees. "Everything seems bigger and dangerous then."
Hiro's heart ached. He knew that feeling only too well.
"But your mother is at home?"
"I have two younger brothers. One is two and needs to be watched always. The other one is only five."
"You are only six, too."
"My aunt always said my parents should have been able to take care of one child before making more. It can't be helped." Taisuke shrugged his shoulders. "I am the loneliest with my family."
Hiro sat there stunned. He had always thought that if he had a whole family with a father and siblings he wouldn't be so lonely.
"I only have a mother and I only see her in the morning. She works hard for both of us."
Taisuke took his hand and looked at him with a knowing look.
He felt weirdly connected as they sat there and the sun was starting to set. They watched the first stars again.
Their shoulders touched in the grass and Hiro felt happy. Happy, content, liked and as part of a true friendship.
Just like the past days, he carried Taisuke home.
~
They continued to meet every day. Sometimes Taisuke would bring food or Hiro something to play with. He had even tried to coax Taisuke into playing soccer with him. The other liked him enough to play for half an hour and Hiro let him off the hook with a smile. Instead they played pirates, cowboys or super heroes. They chased each other around and each others' loneliness away.
Taisuke laughed and laughed and Hiro heard his own laughter. His tummy started to hurt because he wasn't used to laughing so much, but it didn't stop him from doing it.
Taisuke's radiance was contagious and Hiro suddenly became soccer captain in school and his grades got better considerably.
He loved every bit of it and he loved Taisuke the most, his personal star.
~
Hiro was always a little bit earlier on the playground. He would eat and come right after school. Therefore, he was surprised when Taisuke came much earlier. There was a sourly look on the other's face and he was still carrying his backpack from school on his back.
"What happened?" He asked before Taisuke had even sat down next to him on the swing.
"I hate school."
"Why?" Hiro asked sadly. He had come to enjoy it lately.
"I can't read well." Taisuke admitted in a small voice. "In class, I can't sit still. I hate having to read out loud." The younger one's bottom lip trembled. "They are laughing so much. I hate stuttering."
"Those idiots are bricks." Hiro said gently. Taisuke had probably no one to practice with. "Do you want to read with me? I'll help you."
Taisuke immediately shook his head.
"Why?"
"I don't want you to hear it."
"I will never laugh at you. Everyone starts like that. The children in your class couldn't do it either till someone practiced with them. You will show it to them."
After a lot of coaxing, Taisuke agreed and they went to the tree and leant against its trunk. Taisuke took out his book and Hiro was glad when he could read all the kana.
"Try it. I'll help you."
He had never heard Taisuke have such a thin voice, even when they had first met he had had a stronger voice. The other was certainly lacking self-confidence. Taisuke stuttered and stopped after a few mumbled words.
"Let's try again." Hiro coaxed again.
"It's no use."
"You are aiming for the top, aren't you?"
Taisuke shifted uncomfortably.
"You will get better bit by bit."
It was tough at the beginning. Taisuke wanted to stop at every mistake he made, but Hiro kept urging the other on and was happy as Taisuke's fighting spirit took over.
"Can we do this again?" Taisuke asked as they ate the bun the younger one had had in his bag and shared an apple juice.
"Sure, I will get you at the top of the class. You made a lot of progress today. You have a nice reading voice." Well, he loved Taisuke's voice anyway.
Taisuke smiled at the compliment and nodded.
That day it was especially hard to carry Taisuke home and let his mother take him. They hadn't played much today, but he had truly helped Taisuke and it felt good. They helped each other and Hiro felt like the bond between them had tightened. The younger one had told him about one of his weaknesses and he was able to help the other overcome it.
~
They read again and again till one day Taisuke tackled him and they rolled through the grass from the force of it.
"I got praised! I got praised." Taisuke was laughing so hard that his whole body shook. "I got praised for the first time in class!"
Hiro felt so proud, he thought he might burst.
"I am so proud of you." He ruffled the other's hair affectionately and Taisuke's laughter turned into happy giggles.
"I want to do something for you." Taisuke said after he had calmed down.
"You don't have to. I like to listen to you read."
Taisuke beamed only brighter at him, but shook his head.
"Ask anything, I'll try."
"Can I hug you?" Hiro asked shyly. His mother hugged him, but she was often in a hurry. He wanted to savour the feeling of it.
Taisuke threw himself at his chest without warning and Hiro fell backwards. The other was a whirlwind. He wrapped his arms around him and closed his eyes.
They laid still for a long time and Hiro tried to burn the warmth and comfort into his mind.
"Who would have thought you could lie this still."
"If I don't hate something, I don't mind staying."
Hiro might just feel a little bit more content.
It almost physically hurt to let Taisuke's mother pull him from his back that night.
~
It was unexpected and he was totally unprepared. Taisuke ran up to him in tears. Crying so hard that he couldn't even speak and explain. The younger one tried several times, but new tears chocked him each time and a new crying fit started.
Hiro felt utterly helpless and a terrible dread settled in his stomach. Something terrible was going to happen.
He rubbed Taisuke's back, hugged him and kissed the top of his head, but Taisuke's tears seemed to be endless.
"Taisuke..." He tried to coax but his voice only made the other cry harder, so Hiro decided to just wait and hold Taisuke.
For him it felt like hours when the tears subsided. With each passing second, he had gotten more scared.
"I am leaving Kanagawa." Taisuke finally said in a chocked voice.
It felt like a void had opened below him and he was falling into it.
"No, no, no, no!" Now it was him who was crying. New tears rolled down Taisuke's cheeks and Hiro felt like he was going to suffocate any second. There needed to be a way. There had to be a way for them to stay together.
"You can't."
"Taisuke?" A new voice called and Hiro recognized Taisuke's mother. She walked towards them and Hiro clung to the other.
"We have to leave. Did you say goodbye to your friend?"
"Please, don't take him from me." He begged desperately and she looked sympathetically at him. She petted his head and tried to loosen the grip Taisuke had on him.
"Taisuke, we are already late."
Taisuke shook his head and kept sobbing. Eventually, she forced both of them to let go and half carried Taisuke away.
The younger one wailed and Hiro ran after them. She pushed Taisuke into the car and locked the door. Hiro watched in horror.
The car started moving.
"Taisuke!" He screamed and a small hand reached out of the window of the car and Hiro lifted his hand as if he could catch it. Suddenly, Taisuke seemed as far away as the stars in the night sky.
As the car disappeared from his sight, Hiro dropped to his knees and felt like everything had been taken from him.
There was nothing left. His star was gone.
~°~
Kitayama adjusted his roller skates and rolled in a circle to test them. He nodded satisfied when everything seemed to be fine. It had been a while since he had skated and he was always glad when he was considerably steady. The other Kisumai members were scattered around the room. He watched Fujigaya skate a circle as well and felt a familiar ache in his chest as he watched him. It felt like years ago when he had spotted him on TV.
Kitayama lifted his hand till his hand looked as if it was touching Fujigaya's back. So close, but at the same time terribly far away.
"What are you even doing again?" Miyata asked amused and looked at his arm.
"Catching a star." Kitayama said and grinned. Miyata would just think he was being dumb again.
"You are an idiot. Stars are in the sky and not in front of you."
"My star is not."
"You can't catch stars." Miyata said and patted his back. His friend left for practice and Kitayama's smile faltered. He picked out the keychain he had bought. A silver star was attached to it. He let it slip into Fujigaya's bag and repeated Miyata's words in his head.
You can't catch stars.
~*~
Fujigaya yawned. They were finally done for today. He opened his bag to fish for his phone as he saw the star. It was like someone had emptied a bucket of ice over his head. Unconsciously, his fingers curled around the silver metal star and pressed it against his palm.
He looked around himself, but no one was paying attention to him or looked like they were missing a keychain. Involuntary, Fujigaya's eyes strayed to Kitayama who was dead asleep on the couch. It was just impossible. It had taken his breath away when he had first met the other, but in this world consciences as big as that just didn't exist. His memory was playing tricks on him. It just wanted him to think that Kitayama had the same eyes as him. He wasn't even that sure anymore the name had been Hiro. It might just have been a desperate attempt of his brain as well. There were almost 130 million people living in Japan and he was supposed to have met that one person again in J&A? He couldn't believe he was still holding on to that past, that his heart was still holding on to him.
Fujigaya fastened the keychain on his bag where it was in clear view. If someone wanted it back, they should ask. Digging his hands into his pockets, he left the room and told himself to not search in his wallet for the band aid that was barely blue anymore and with the yellow stars that had vanished.
One couldn't catch stars from the past.
Author: yume16
Disclaimer: If the boys were mine they would be married. Obviously, they are not *duhhhhh*
Beta: my Beta is not there at the moment
Pairing(s): KitaFuji,
Rating: PG
Genre: angst
Warnings: un-betaed, chibi!KitaFuji, angst-y angst
Summary: Two little boys meet in Kanagawa and chase their stars.
Author Notes: I think that is one of the saddest fics I have ever written and no one even dies, but it is so much like them, that I hate and love this fic at the same time.
My Star
Hiro kicked a stone and it skipped over the path. His mother wasn't home yet and most probably wouldn't be for a while.
He was a big boy. With eight years he could already do a lot. He could wash the dishes, make his own bed and didn't need help with his homework. Only yesterday, he had scored a goal in soccer. His friends thought he was cool.
The sun was already setting, but he didn't have any hope that his mother would be home before nine. He had reached his favourite playground and sat down on one of the swings. The ground under his feet was dusty from all the other children that had dragged their feet over it. There wasn't any grass trying to grow anymore. It had given up. Hiro dragged his shoes through the dust as well and listened to the birds giving their last concert of the day. It was going to be a mild summer night.
Looking up at the sky, he saw the moon. He kicked up from the ground and tired to swing into the sky. Just a little bit higher...
Hiro stopped trying as there was a noise close by. He lowered his feet and dragged them over the ground to stop swinging.
As he looked around, he noticed him. A small boy. Sitting in front of the climbing frame with tears in his eyes.
Hiro thought he had been alone. All the mothers and fathers had left with their children long ago to eat dinner.
He hesitated, but seeing the tears starting to roll down round cheeks, he got off the swing and walked over.
Crouching down, he laid a hand on the boy's shoulder.
"What happened?"
"I fell. It hurts." The boy hiccupped and fought his leg free from under him to show it to him.
There was a small scratch on the knee. It didn't look too bad.
"Don't cry. I'll kiss it better." Hiro gently blew over the scratch and fished in his pocket. He should still have a band aid. When he found it, he carefully put it on the little knee.
"See, the stars just for you." He pointed at the band aid which was blue with bright yellow stars on it. The boy looked at it carefully.
"Better?"
The little boy nodded and the tears were already drying. Satisfied, Hiro pulled him on his feet.
"Where is your mother?"
The boy only wordlessly shook his head.
"What's your name?" Hiro tried again.
"Taisuke."
"That's a cute name." The boy pursed his lips and looked him slowly up and down as if assessing him, then he nodded.
"I am Hiro. How old are you?" The other had to be younger than him.
"Six."
"I am eight."
The corners of Taisuke's mouth dropped down and Hiro hurried to think of something to say.
"We can be friends."
There was again a long silence from the other boy, till Taisuke lowered his gaze and he moved his tiny hand in Hiro's.
It was more an instinct than a chosen reaction as his fingers curled securely around the cold fingers. Taisuke looked at him with big and unreadable eyes.
"Should I bring you home?" Hiro asked. Immediately, Taisuke tried to withdraw his hand and Hiro back paddled.
"We can also play."
"Okay." Taisuke said and looked at him expectantly.
Hiro contemplated what they could play. He didn't have a ball or anything else.
"Let's play tag?"
Taisuke pulled his hand out of his and shoved at his chest, then he ran away. Surprised, Hiro blinked before he understood and chased after the other. Taisuke was fast, a little like a weasel and Hiro enjoyed it. He hadn't been that challenged in a while.
Laughing, the other ducked through under his arm and dodged him again. Taisuke's laugh sounded like bells. He liked it.
Predicting Taisuke's next move, Hiro wrapped his arms around Taisuke's waist and cradled him. Together they laughed.
They kept chasing each other till they were out of breath and let themselves tumble on the grass. They laid on their backs while still breathing hard.
"Look, a star. Just like on my knee." Taisuke pointed up into the sky and Hiro followed his little finger with his eyes.
"You are right."
"So far away." Taisuke mumbled and Hiro smiled as he realized how the little boy had warmed up to him and talked out of his own accord now.
"They might be not that far." He said and turned to look at the other. Taisuke was looking at the sky with awe and bright eyes.
"You think so?"
"Yeah, maybe we can even reach."
Taisuke frowned and reached out with both his hands towards the sky. Smiling, Hiro copied him.
"Can you reach?" Taisuke asked while trying with all his might.
"Maybe."
"You don't know?"
"I don't know what stars feel like. Maybe I have been holding one all along and just didn't notice." Hiro said and pressed one eye close. If he now looked up his left arm, it looked like he was holding one.
Taisuke sat up and grasped with his hand Hiro's hand that looked like it was holding a star.
"We don't know so maybe we do." Taisuke said and intertwined their fingers. Hiro lowered his hand and squeezed back.
"I might be holding a star." He grinned and Taisuke smiled back till a big yawn forced him to stop. Taisuke rubbed his eyes and looked sleepily at him.
"I'll bring you home."
"I don't want to." Taisuke said. This time he didn't frown and looked only with childish innocence at him.
"I'll give you a piggyback ride. I don't do that usually." Hiro tried to bait the other. Taisuke seemed to ponder that and then reached his two hands out to him.
Hiro got up and crouched down in front of the other with his back to him and Taisuke crawled on his back. Taisuke's arms wrapped around his neck and he stood up.
By now, it was dark and it was definitely about time.
Hiro was glad the other wasn't all that heavy.
"Where should I go?"
"This way." Taisuke pointed at a street to his left and Hiro set off. He kept asking for directions and he followed them dutifully even though they once turned in a circle.
Eventually, they stood in front of a pretty, small house. It was the kind of house that made you think of home and safety. Hiro pressed his lips together tightly and walked to the door.
"Do we have to ring the bell?" Taisuke asked in a small voice and twisted Hiro's shirt in his hands as he held on.
"Of course, your bed is waiting for you." He moved to the bell and Taisuke pressed it.
It took some seconds, but the door opened and a beautiful woman that reminded him of his own mother, looked down at them.
"Oh my, Taisuke!" She exclaimed and looked behind herself as if expecting to see her son there and not in front of herself. "I didn't even notice, you little rascal."
Gently, she pulled her son from his back and then crouched down in front of him.
"Thank you very much." She patted his head. "I am sure your mother is already waiting for you. Do you live far from here?"
Hiro shook his head and she smiled. Looking one last time at Taisuke who had his eyes locked on him, he sprinted away towards his own home.
He ran along the streets and when he reached their building, he took two steps at a time and bound up the stairs. Taking out his keys, he opened the door and stepped inside.
The door fell shut behind him and Hiro curled his fingers to fists as he looked into the dark and empty room.
He was alone.
~
It was hot, but in the flat he shared with his mother it was even warmer. Hiro sat on a bench without backrest on the playground and swung his legs. He wasn't a shy boy, but somehow he didn't feel like joining the other boys.
Looking up at the blue sky with not a cloud in sight, Hiro leaned back on his hands. Suddenly a weight collided with his back and he almost fell forward. Arms wrapped around his middle and Hiro paused surprised.
"Ask who." A familiar voice said.
"Who is it?" Hiro asked and his lips stretched naturally into a smile.
"I won't tell. You have to guess." Taisuke's happy voice told him.
"Hm." Hiro made a thoughtful voice. "A grandma?"
"Buuuuu!" Taisuke said to show he was not.
"Kamen Rider?"
"Buuuuu!" Taisuke giggled.
"Who could it be? I don't know."
Taisuke giggled and he could feel the younger one lean against his back.
"That's warm! Are you the sun?" The other's body heat was making him sweat even more.
"Correct!" Taisuke cheered and let go. The other hopped next to him on the bench and made a peace sign.
"So, you are the sun?"
"The 'Tai' in my name stands for the sun." Taisuke told him seriously and Hiro had to grin. He believed the other on the spot with his shining and happy face that could keep up with the sun anytime.
"I see. It suits you. Even if you want to reach for the stars."
"The sun never sees the stars." Taisuke said sadly.
Hiro leant in as if he was going to tell the other a big secret.
"The sun is a star, too."
Taisuke's face lightened up. The younger one then reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers.
"Hiro, look! You are holding a star. You caught one!" Taisuke seemed so delighted with his discovery that Hiro couldn't help but laugh, but instead of feeling insulted Taisuke soon joined in. His laugh still sounded like bells and Hiro decided it was his favourite sound.
"Let's play?" Taisuke asked and looked at him with pleading eyes.
"It's too hot for tag."
Taisuke pursed his plump lips thoughtfully.
"Let's swing?"
Hiro nodded. The wind would feel nice on their hot skin. He stood up and pulled Taisuke with him. Their hands were still locked and the other had a skip in his step.
"Let's see who swings higher?" Taisuke asked and hopped on one of the swings. Hiro picked the one next to the other.
"You are really aiming high, aren't you?" Hiro asked and wink.
"One day I want to be at the top."
"The top of what?" Hiro had never seen anyone that determined before and it was slightly sobering. He was two years older than the other but only wanted the days to pass.
"The top that is meant for me to climb." Taisuke had already both hands wrapped around the chains of the swing and turned only his head to smile at him.
"I'll watch you."
"Come with me."
"Maybe." He would never go anywhere, especially not up, but he could pretend.
Taisuke seemed satisfied and kicked off.
Hiro hurried to follow. It was kind of unfair. His legs were longer since he was older and Taisuke couldn't reach as far. Hiro could tell how hard the other was trying and admired him for his power of endurance. Therefore, he was truly shocked when Taisuke's feet were suddenly higher than his only through sheer will. He tried to keep up but it was tough. At the end they both couldn't really beat each other.
Out of breath, they let their legs dangle and the swings slowed down.
"You will be on top." Hiro told the other seriously.
"You better chase me." Taisuke stuck his tongue out. Hiro smiled, but it was a tired smile. It was way too hot in the sun and he was thirsty.
"Let's go in the shadow. I'll buy us a drink."
"I don't have money with me." Taisuke looked embarrassed and Hiro pulled triumphantly a coin out of his pocket.
"This will save us. You can already go in the shadow." But Taisuke followed him to the vending machine and watched with awe in his eyes how Hiro inserted the coin and pressed a button.
"Apple juice is the only drinkable in this one. I hope you don't mind."
"I love it. You are so cool! I have never bought one."
"Next time, I will teach you." Hiro hoped dearly for a next time to come. He liked Taisuke. Taisuke made him feel happy and like he mattered. He liked to think that the other could have approached anyone today, but he had chosen to play with him again. Anyone would want to play with Taisuke, he was cute.
"I'll bring a coin. I want to buy you, too."
"It's a deal."
They sat down under a big tree and shared the juice. They tried to savour it. It was their first drink together and Hiro hoped for many to come.
Taisuke had started talking. The other could talk non-stop and Hiro smiled as he remembered how shy the younger one had been at the start. The bubbly Taisuke was fun.
Slowly, the playground emptied, but they stayed. Hiro knew he should bring the other home again, but it was tougher to part with Taisuke than the last night. When the first stars started to show, Taisuke reached out again towards them. Hiro didn't and instead looked at the other.
Eventually, the other's arms fell down and his eyes slipped shut.
Sighing sadly, Hiro got up and pulled the other on his back. He knew the way now and only shortly later stood in front of Taisuke's house. Ringing the bell, he waited. The same woman as yesterday opened the door and greeted him and pulled her sleeping son from his back.
Just like the day before, he ran home and frowned at the dark empty flat. He then scolded himself. How could he expect there to be any sun and light at night?
~
"What is that?" Hiro examined the bottles Taisuke was holding under his nose.
"Bottles with water. I made them to play with."
"And what is that?" Hiro pointed at the red over the opening of one of the bottles.
"A balloon. I cut a small hole into it so that not all the water comes out at once, but still comes out."
"You are a creative one."
"It's hot." Taisuke stated simply.
Hiro took one of the bottles and grinned. Before Taisuke could react, he splashed water at him. Taisuke shrieked as the cold water hit his warm skin and immediately counterattacked. They chased each other around and enjoyed the coolness of the water. When their bottles were empty, they kept refilling them at the small fountain till their balloons tore.
It was warm enough for the water to already start drying and they sprinted to the vending machine. Hiro showed Taisuke how to buy a drink and they shared another apple juice under their tree.
"That was fun." Taisuke stated and blew his bangs out of his eyes.
"Yeah, I loved it."
Taisuke grinned proudly at him.
"Let's always stay together." The younger one said and Hiro's heart stuttered. Together? Always? There was nothing he wished for more.
"I want to."
"Good. Together we won't be lonely ever."
Hiro blinked at that. Taisuke had never struck him as someone who seemed to be lonely.
"Are you lonely, Taisuke?"
"It's scary being alone." Taisuke whispered and wrapped his arms around his knees. "Everything seems bigger and dangerous then."
Hiro's heart ached. He knew that feeling only too well.
"But your mother is at home?"
"I have two younger brothers. One is two and needs to be watched always. The other one is only five."
"You are only six, too."
"My aunt always said my parents should have been able to take care of one child before making more. It can't be helped." Taisuke shrugged his shoulders. "I am the loneliest with my family."
Hiro sat there stunned. He had always thought that if he had a whole family with a father and siblings he wouldn't be so lonely.
"I only have a mother and I only see her in the morning. She works hard for both of us."
Taisuke took his hand and looked at him with a knowing look.
He felt weirdly connected as they sat there and the sun was starting to set. They watched the first stars again.
Their shoulders touched in the grass and Hiro felt happy. Happy, content, liked and as part of a true friendship.
Just like the past days, he carried Taisuke home.
~
They continued to meet every day. Sometimes Taisuke would bring food or Hiro something to play with. He had even tried to coax Taisuke into playing soccer with him. The other liked him enough to play for half an hour and Hiro let him off the hook with a smile. Instead they played pirates, cowboys or super heroes. They chased each other around and each others' loneliness away.
Taisuke laughed and laughed and Hiro heard his own laughter. His tummy started to hurt because he wasn't used to laughing so much, but it didn't stop him from doing it.
Taisuke's radiance was contagious and Hiro suddenly became soccer captain in school and his grades got better considerably.
He loved every bit of it and he loved Taisuke the most, his personal star.
~
Hiro was always a little bit earlier on the playground. He would eat and come right after school. Therefore, he was surprised when Taisuke came much earlier. There was a sourly look on the other's face and he was still carrying his backpack from school on his back.
"What happened?" He asked before Taisuke had even sat down next to him on the swing.
"I hate school."
"Why?" Hiro asked sadly. He had come to enjoy it lately.
"I can't read well." Taisuke admitted in a small voice. "In class, I can't sit still. I hate having to read out loud." The younger one's bottom lip trembled. "They are laughing so much. I hate stuttering."
"Those idiots are bricks." Hiro said gently. Taisuke had probably no one to practice with. "Do you want to read with me? I'll help you."
Taisuke immediately shook his head.
"Why?"
"I don't want you to hear it."
"I will never laugh at you. Everyone starts like that. The children in your class couldn't do it either till someone practiced with them. You will show it to them."
After a lot of coaxing, Taisuke agreed and they went to the tree and leant against its trunk. Taisuke took out his book and Hiro was glad when he could read all the kana.
"Try it. I'll help you."
He had never heard Taisuke have such a thin voice, even when they had first met he had had a stronger voice. The other was certainly lacking self-confidence. Taisuke stuttered and stopped after a few mumbled words.
"Let's try again." Hiro coaxed again.
"It's no use."
"You are aiming for the top, aren't you?"
Taisuke shifted uncomfortably.
"You will get better bit by bit."
It was tough at the beginning. Taisuke wanted to stop at every mistake he made, but Hiro kept urging the other on and was happy as Taisuke's fighting spirit took over.
"Can we do this again?" Taisuke asked as they ate the bun the younger one had had in his bag and shared an apple juice.
"Sure, I will get you at the top of the class. You made a lot of progress today. You have a nice reading voice." Well, he loved Taisuke's voice anyway.
Taisuke smiled at the compliment and nodded.
That day it was especially hard to carry Taisuke home and let his mother take him. They hadn't played much today, but he had truly helped Taisuke and it felt good. They helped each other and Hiro felt like the bond between them had tightened. The younger one had told him about one of his weaknesses and he was able to help the other overcome it.
~
They read again and again till one day Taisuke tackled him and they rolled through the grass from the force of it.
"I got praised! I got praised." Taisuke was laughing so hard that his whole body shook. "I got praised for the first time in class!"
Hiro felt so proud, he thought he might burst.
"I am so proud of you." He ruffled the other's hair affectionately and Taisuke's laughter turned into happy giggles.
"I want to do something for you." Taisuke said after he had calmed down.
"You don't have to. I like to listen to you read."
Taisuke beamed only brighter at him, but shook his head.
"Ask anything, I'll try."
"Can I hug you?" Hiro asked shyly. His mother hugged him, but she was often in a hurry. He wanted to savour the feeling of it.
Taisuke threw himself at his chest without warning and Hiro fell backwards. The other was a whirlwind. He wrapped his arms around him and closed his eyes.
They laid still for a long time and Hiro tried to burn the warmth and comfort into his mind.
"Who would have thought you could lie this still."
"If I don't hate something, I don't mind staying."
Hiro might just feel a little bit more content.
It almost physically hurt to let Taisuke's mother pull him from his back that night.
~
It was unexpected and he was totally unprepared. Taisuke ran up to him in tears. Crying so hard that he couldn't even speak and explain. The younger one tried several times, but new tears chocked him each time and a new crying fit started.
Hiro felt utterly helpless and a terrible dread settled in his stomach. Something terrible was going to happen.
He rubbed Taisuke's back, hugged him and kissed the top of his head, but Taisuke's tears seemed to be endless.
"Taisuke..." He tried to coax but his voice only made the other cry harder, so Hiro decided to just wait and hold Taisuke.
For him it felt like hours when the tears subsided. With each passing second, he had gotten more scared.
"I am leaving Kanagawa." Taisuke finally said in a chocked voice.
It felt like a void had opened below him and he was falling into it.
"No, no, no, no!" Now it was him who was crying. New tears rolled down Taisuke's cheeks and Hiro felt like he was going to suffocate any second. There needed to be a way. There had to be a way for them to stay together.
"You can't."
"Taisuke?" A new voice called and Hiro recognized Taisuke's mother. She walked towards them and Hiro clung to the other.
"We have to leave. Did you say goodbye to your friend?"
"Please, don't take him from me." He begged desperately and she looked sympathetically at him. She petted his head and tried to loosen the grip Taisuke had on him.
"Taisuke, we are already late."
Taisuke shook his head and kept sobbing. Eventually, she forced both of them to let go and half carried Taisuke away.
The younger one wailed and Hiro ran after them. She pushed Taisuke into the car and locked the door. Hiro watched in horror.
The car started moving.
"Taisuke!" He screamed and a small hand reached out of the window of the car and Hiro lifted his hand as if he could catch it. Suddenly, Taisuke seemed as far away as the stars in the night sky.
As the car disappeared from his sight, Hiro dropped to his knees and felt like everything had been taken from him.
There was nothing left. His star was gone.
~°~
Kitayama adjusted his roller skates and rolled in a circle to test them. He nodded satisfied when everything seemed to be fine. It had been a while since he had skated and he was always glad when he was considerably steady. The other Kisumai members were scattered around the room. He watched Fujigaya skate a circle as well and felt a familiar ache in his chest as he watched him. It felt like years ago when he had spotted him on TV.
Kitayama lifted his hand till his hand looked as if it was touching Fujigaya's back. So close, but at the same time terribly far away.
"What are you even doing again?" Miyata asked amused and looked at his arm.
"Catching a star." Kitayama said and grinned. Miyata would just think he was being dumb again.
"You are an idiot. Stars are in the sky and not in front of you."
"My star is not."
"You can't catch stars." Miyata said and patted his back. His friend left for practice and Kitayama's smile faltered. He picked out the keychain he had bought. A silver star was attached to it. He let it slip into Fujigaya's bag and repeated Miyata's words in his head.
You can't catch stars.
~*~
Fujigaya yawned. They were finally done for today. He opened his bag to fish for his phone as he saw the star. It was like someone had emptied a bucket of ice over his head. Unconsciously, his fingers curled around the silver metal star and pressed it against his palm.
He looked around himself, but no one was paying attention to him or looked like they were missing a keychain. Involuntary, Fujigaya's eyes strayed to Kitayama who was dead asleep on the couch. It was just impossible. It had taken his breath away when he had first met the other, but in this world consciences as big as that just didn't exist. His memory was playing tricks on him. It just wanted him to think that Kitayama had the same eyes as him. He wasn't even that sure anymore the name had been Hiro. It might just have been a desperate attempt of his brain as well. There were almost 130 million people living in Japan and he was supposed to have met that one person again in J&A? He couldn't believe he was still holding on to that past, that his heart was still holding on to him.
Fujigaya fastened the keychain on his bag where it was in clear view. If someone wanted it back, they should ask. Digging his hands into his pockets, he left the room and told himself to not search in his wallet for the band aid that was barely blue anymore and with the yellow stars that had vanished.
One couldn't catch stars from the past.