Fanfic: Lost Heart
Chapter 2
“That reminds me, how is Akito doing?” Shige suddenly asked and Tomohisa wished him to the end of the earth. He seriously didn’t want to be asked this question.
“He is doing fine.” Tomohisa tried to answer not too tense, but he could feel the eyes of his partner on himself and wondered what he was seeing.
After Tomohisa’s pressed answer, an awkward silence settled between them and he acknowledged with a sigh that he must have sounded quite strange.
“Eh…” Shige glanced at Koyama for help and the other looked back at him helplessly.
Tomohisa figured that he somehow had to save the situation when someone else jumped in unexpectedly for help.
“Hey Shige, you know this shop quite well, don’t you, because of your fishing? Are the clothes they have here any good? He needs some outdoor clothing.” For once, he was actually feeling thankful towards his partner, even though the feeling was weird to him and he could not really comprehend why the other had just helped him.
“Ahh….” Shige said briefly taken aback, before he got a grip on himself. “They have really good clothing here…it’s on the second floor.”
“Oh great!” Ryo said satisfied.
“The jackets they have here are really awesome. If you wear one you can sit for a few hours in the cold without freezing…I know since Shige is quite passionate about fishing…” Koyama added with a thoughtful face.
In Tomohisa’s head popped up the image of Shige sitting with his fishing rode at some lake and Koyama sitting next to him freezing…Wait! Shige had actually mentioned the other to him before! The one who had a cat and Shige put up with it because Koyama would go with him fishing even though he was not interested in it. Tomohisa didn’t know where Shige’s animosity towards cats came from, but he always spoke of Koyama with a lot of respect…even though he was a cat owner.
“Do you have by any chance a cat?” It slipped out of his mouth before he could think about it any further. He was just too curious. Was this Shige’s infamous best friend?
“Oh I do! Nyanta is such a cute cat and really likes Shige a lot. She always wants to cuddle with him.”
“I think Shige mentioned you.” Tomohisa smiled slightly when he saw how Koyama’s eyes shone when he said that. Maybe Nishikido had been right…maybe there was something between those two, something like love, he thought as he saw Shige look sheepishly and slightly embarrassed…Such pure adoration and love…He realized with bitterness that his relationship with Akito had been completely different. It pained him to notice that now…now when he was already heartbroken enough. Not that he was not happy for Shige. Koyama seemed to be very nice and caring, but he was so unexpectedly jealous that he wanted to leave and not watch them in happiness. Not without resentment he acknowledged how bitter he had become as he could not even cheer for his friend’s happiness. How disgusting and self-centred of him.
“Well, Shige needs a new fishing rode so we’ll leave the two of you alone to get your shopping done. Tomorrow, Shige will take me sea fishing for the first time! It will be fun!” Koyama grinned at his friend and Shige nodded happily.
The two waved at them and Koyama pulled a smiling Shige away.
~*~
Koyama pulled Shige behind some of the displays to hide and steal some glances at the other two.
“Shige, I found out something awesome.”
“New fishing-rods came in?”
“Oh Shige…No, that’s not it. Apparently, Ryo is hitting on your friend and he did behave differently just now, unlike the past months. Isn’t that great?” Koyama felt like clapping excitedly his hands, but that would give their whereabouts away. Shige furrowed his brows and bit his bottom lip.
“That is actually pretty bad.”
”Eh?” Immediately the bright smile on Koyama’s lips faltered.
“I mentioned Akito earlier, didn’t I…That is Tomo’s boyfriend.”
Koyama’s shoulders slumped and he sighed.
“That is really bad…Why does fate always have to be against Ryo-chan? It was such a big step forward…”
“I know…do you think he knows that Tomo has a boyfriend?”
”I hope so, I seriously hope so or it will be like a punch in the stomach.”
“Well, we don’t know how serious he is about Tomo.”
“How long is it ago that he made a move on anyone?”
“That…” Shige thought about it carefully “Is long ago…” He admitted defeated.
“I guess we don’t know his motives for real, but we should just pray that he doesn’t get hurt.” Koyama said to cheer them up a little.
“Now, let’s look for your fishing rods.”
“I…okay.” Shige couldn’t shake off the thought that Tomohisa had reacted strangely when he had mentioned Akito, but maybe they simply had a fight and he was interpreting something into the situation.
~*~
“I told you, they are gay for each other.”
“Maybe…”
“Admit it. Who the hell thinks that sitting on a boat for over 12 hours without doing anything, but sit silently and hope to catch some fishes, is fun? No one but a lovesick Koyama…and don’t deny the goofy grin on Shige’s face.”
Tomohisa grumbled a little what Ryo took as agreement.
“Now let’s get some clothes for you so that we can leave. Your cheeks are turning pink and I bet your fever is rising again.
Tomohisa had to admit, he was starting to feel crappy again…and that it might be connected to his fever, but maybe also to the fact that Akito has gotten mentioned earlier.
“Who is Akito by the way?”
Way to punch someone in the guts, Tomohisa thought and wondered how to answer.
“No one important.” He said curtly and walked towards the stairs that lead to the second floor.
“I never knew that no one could make such a big impact on anyone…you pulled quite a face earlier.” Ryo said without giving a sign to back down.
“It’s none of your business.”
“Well, you are my business…so in a way it’s my business as well.”
“I am none of your business.”
“Yes, you are. We are partners, remember?”
”You are freaking annoying. Has anyone ever told you that?”
“Hmm…normally I get told I am hot and sexy…you could try that for a change, too.”
“I don’t see where you are hot and sexy. Sorry.” Tomohisa said sarcastically.
To his surprise Nishikido looked at him challenging and not annoyed like he had expected.
“Just wait and see. I will totally charm you.”
“Crazy, totally crazy…” the other mumbled to himself and even though he was sure the other heard him he got simply dragged to the clothes to find some for him.
“You’ll need comfortable pants…shirts…a jacket against the rain….”
“I’ll buy my underwear alone, thank you very much.” Tomohisa interrupted the other and on his face he could see that he had hit the nail on the head with his statement.
“You already know me so well.” The older said with a grin. He had just wanted to suggest the underwear to tease the other.
“There is not much to know.”
Ryo sighed and shook his head.
“You are as charming as ever.”
“I am doing my best to keep up with you.”
They had one of their staring contests again till Ryo’s eyes landed on something behind Tomohisa.
“This one looks good!”
Confused, Tomohisa looked after the other as he held up a jacket.
“Come on, try it on!” He took it without a complain since he couldn’t really say anything against it…the colour was red.
After he had put it on, Ryo walked around him with his eyebrow furrowed and examined him closely.
“And what says the professional?”
Ryo didn’t respond to his sarcastic tone and simply nodded his head.
“Looks good. I am sure we’ll get drenched in the rain more than once.”
“I hope not too often…”
“So do I.”
Ryo had already gone to some other racks and he hurried after him.
“What do you think about these pants? Dark green is not a bad colour. It won’t get that fast dirty when you sit down on the ground once.”
Tomohisa stepped closer to throw a glance over Ryo’s shoulder.
“I guess not bad.”
Ryo turned his head towards him and he immediately stepped back when he noticed how close their faces were. Did his stomach just flip?
“What? Not used to close proximity?”
“Shut up…” Tomohisa grumbled and grabbed the pair of pants the other was holding and looked for a changing room.
“Is it your size?” Ryo called after him and he checked embarrassed. Thankfully it was.
“Yeah, yeah…”
Ryo chuckled to himself when the other was gone. It was kind of cute to see the ice prince embarrassed. He then looked around for more clothes.
“Akito, huh?” It was not hard for him to guess what had happened. The mood the other was in, the way he had looked at their first meeting, the beer cans in the living room and how he was pushing him away. Not to forget the box that was standing in his living room with personal stuff. He was normally not someone to stick his nose into other's personal matters, but it was not hard to guess that the other had a rough break up just recently. Or else, why would he react like that when Shige had simply mentioned the name Akito? He had seen people who had been heartbroken because of their ex-lover more than once…he had to admit though, that Tomohisa was a tough case. Never had he seen someone that resistant and in his opinion the other was closing himself in with all the pain…which was not good. He wondered if he could break through the other’s defences…or not. Tomohisa certainly was trying to keep him at arm length…which was quite and understatement if you asked him, but someone had to pull him out of it. He knew very well how painful love could be and how hard it was to get a grip on oneself. The other was his partner now and that meant they would have to spend quite some time with each other…he would prefer their trip to be fun rather than cold and serious. Shaking his head over himself, he sighed. He wondered what had gotten into him suddenly and to try to pull the other out of his shell.
Before he could brood further about the matter the other exited the changing room to look at himself in the big mirror that was in front of it.
“Hmm, looks nice.” Ryo commented and damn, the other really did have a nice butt.
“Hmm…” Tomohisa looked critically at himself. “I don’t know…”
“Can you move freely in it?” No matter how good it looked, what was important was that he was not restricted.
Thoughtfully, Tomohisa started to move his legs around and bent them. Ryo had to really hold back a chuckle. It looked like some strange dance to him.
“I am not sure…”
“Okay, then try on another one. If you are not sure, it’s no good.”
Tomohisa caught the pant the other threw at him. The cut was slightly different, but his size again. He went back into the changing room to try on this one.
“How cooperative…Nice.” Ryo mumbled to himself as he looked at some shirts close by. He wondered if it should worry him that the other followed his orders that easily…
The next pants looked less tight and Ryo could already see that Tomohisa moved a lot more freely.
“I think I like that one…”
“Good. Here is another pant and some shirts. Try them on and then let’s go pay. We already spent a lot of time here.”
When they were done shopping Tomohisa had to admit it had been quite expensive.
“I am sure the company is going to pay some of it since it’s for your job. They paid quite a bit for my equipment, too.” Ryo said and then looked at his watch.
“We still need to discuss how to start with our trip. It’s about time…” He looked into the tired face of Tomohisa “But I have the feeling you are at your limit.”
“I am fine.”
“You haven’t insulted me for the past 30 minutes…that seriously worries me.”
“You…” Tomohisa searched for something insulting to say, but his head was completely blank… “Never mind.”
“Yeah…I guess it is insulting enough that you think I would believe such an obvious lie and buy it when you said you are fine.” Tomohisa sent him a look and blew his nose. He didn’t ask to get sick.
“Okay, let’s go to your place and discuss there.”
The other chewed on his bottom lip. He wasn’t very keen on having the other in his flat again…but lying down sounded very appealing to him. As much as he hated to admit it, he had no energy left anymore.
“Fine…”
“Okay, let’s go then.”
Now he didn’t even complain when he got grabbed and dragged around again. That way he at least didn’t need to pay attention as to where he was going.
Twenty minutes later, they stood in front of his flat and he took out his keys and gave them to the surprised Ryo. He didn’t feel like going through the trouble and stick the key into the lock. Maybe he would even drop the keys. He nodded towards the door and the other opened it with a glance at him he couldn’t read…maybe he was too tired to really pay attention.
Without paying the other any mind he walked straight towards his bedroom and let the other follow him.
“How awful are you feeling?” Ryo asked perplexed when the other started to strip right in front of him and put on his comfortable clothes.
“Shut up.” He mumbled and crawled on the covers. Patting the spot where Ryo had sat some days ago, he made himself comfortable.
“That’s really freaky and scary…”
“Ssut up or no, keep talking…you know our trip…where to start …and so on.” Tomohisa mumbled into his pillow and grumbled contently when Ryo pulled the blanket over him.
“Where is your medicine?”
“Not good, always makes me tired.”
Ryo scoffed as he looked at the other.
“I doubt that it would make much of a difference…you are already half asleep.”
“If I take one we really have to hurry…with the talking…or I won’t listen anymore.”
“Okay, we’ll hurry. So where is it?”
Tomohisa patted for the drawer of his nightstand and when Ryo realized what he was trying to do, he opened the drawer for him and got the medicine out.
The younger one took it from him and gulped some water down with it that stood next to his bed.
“Ten minutes.”
Ryo hurried to take out his folder and opened it.
“I already thought about it. How about starting with the imperial palace garden? It’s nice and calm there and then we could go to Tokyo Tower…”
”Do we need to go up there?”
“Eh? Of course.”
”Sucks, I hate heights.”
“I guess it can’t be helped. Then we could go to some temples if we still have time…well, we also need to go to Shibuya…and other big shopping districts…and…are you listening?”
“Please, keep talking, Nishik…” At the end of his sentence he got too silent for Ryo to understand him, but he figured he had tried to say his name.
“Tomohisa?”
“Meep talkin…” It was so much nicer when the other talked and he tried to listen instead of thinking of Akito. That was the worst; when he's about to fall asleep and the only thought in his head his break up.
“Ehhh, yeah…we’ll also have to list some nice cafés and restaurants…I already got a list, but you’ll need to take some photos and…” He interrupted himself again.
“Talking…”
Ryo furrowed his brows. He doubted that the other had the slightest idea what he was talking about, but still wanted him to go on.
“Are you feeling lonely?” It slipped over his lips before he could think much about it and he waited anxiously for a reaction.
“Hmm…”
That was all he got.
“Are you sleeping Tomohisa?” No reply.
“Ah, I see…I guess our briefing is done for today…but you are really lonely, aren’t you?” Getting daring, he pushed a strand of the other’s hair away.
“I bet you would be less lonely if you stopped pushing people away…or me for that matter. You know, you are a handful to handle…but also pretty amusing.” Ryo chuckled to himself. He would bet his beloved coffee that the other would snap at him if he was awake right now.
Looking down on the other again he noticed that he had rolled on his back and was now closer to him.
“Don’t cling to your sadness…”
Ryo’s heart stopped for a second when the other suddenly moved even more and next he realized was that he got pulled down by the waist.
“Erks!”
Tomohisa snuggled a little bit more into his blanket and sighed. He could tell that it was already morning and he had the feeling it would be good to get up now…he didn’t want to though because for once his head was not feeling like it was going to split into two halves and he was more than happy to acknowledge that he was finally getting healthy again. Well before that had been hardly possible with all that nightmares hunting him night after night. He had such a nice dreamless night and he felt well rested. Deciding to enjoy the sleepiness he was feeling a little bit longer, he buried his nose in his blanket some more. After five more minutes he couldn’t help it anymore. There was something tugging at his conscious that was telling him he should wake up…and he couldn’t ignore it any longer.
Slowly, he blinked his eyes open.
“Yo!”
“Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” Tomohisa scrambled backwards and his scream ended abruptly when he fell of the bed.
“I really am your worst nightmare, huh?” Ryo was lying on his back with his arms crossed behind his head.
“What the hell are you doing in my bed?”
“Now that's an interesting question.” Leaning over the edge of the bed, Ryo grinned at the other.
“What?” Tomohisa asked suspiciously…somehow the smug smile on the other’s face was worrying him.
“Before I’ll have the honour to tell you what happened…I want you to answer a question.” Ryo made a pause for dramatic effect and when he thought Tomohisa couldn’t get any paler he had mercy on him.
“Do you usually sleep with stuff toys? Because I felt like a human seized teddy bear last night.” Okay, he had been wrong, Tomohisa could still get paler.
“I…what?” The other stuttered unsure.
“Now, now, no need to look that horrified, but get up on the bed again. I bet the floor is cold and you look better than yesterday. We don’t want you to get worse again, do we?”
Ryo waited for a few seconds for a reaction and when he didn’t get any, he leaned over the edge and pulled the other back on the bed.
“It’s nicer here, isn’t it?”
Tomohisa turned his head and jerked slightly when he noticed how close the other was to him.
“You are too close…”
“Last night I got the feeling you couldn’t get me close enough to yourself…” Ryo said with a charming smile and the other had to be really under shock since he could only blink at him.
“You pulled me down when you fell asleep…were you feeling cold?” He was not a total bastard and gave the other some excuse…by now he was so pale he could be a ghost.
“I…I guess so…”
“It was probably the fever.” Ryo tousled the other’s hair and got up to stretch.
“Breakfast would be great…I hope you have some food?”
“You really have no qualms in inviting yourself, do you?” It seemed like Tomohisa was more on track again and with a glare he got his hair back in order.
“Well, since I acted as heating the whole night I think I deserve some food…and a shower.”
“That…”
”Get used to me. You’ll have to bear with me for a long time.”
“I am already dreading that time…”
“Aww, didn’t we get closer already? Last night? When you slung your arms around me, buried your nose in my collarbones, pressed close to me…”
”Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!”
Ryo squeaked when Tomohisa suddenly pounced towards him and started to hit him.
“Oi, stop it!”
“Shut up then!”
He had managed to grab one of the other’s wrists and now tried to catch the other one that was still hitting his chest.
“Let me got!”
“Than stop hitting me already.”
“You are an idiot! It was only because of my fever.”
Not knowing how to help himself anymore he turned the other around while twisting his arm on his back. Not too hard though since he didn’t want to hurt him and only wanted to stop him from continuing to hit him.
“HEY!”
“Now take a deep breath and calm down.”
”There would be no need for me to calm down if you wouldn’t say such unnecessary stuff!” Ryo seriously pondered to ask the other if he was lonely. He knew that would make him freeze, but also feel awful…and that wasn’t what he wanted either.
“Okay, okay, it was not necessary for me to say that, but we will be together for a long time. Face it. So why don’t we try to get along for a change?”
“No way.”
“What is so terrible about me? That I said you have a nice butt?”
“I just don’t want to.”
”That’s childish.”
“I don’t care.”
“You…are really…”
“I am really what?” Tomohisa asked in a sharp voice. Did he now really drive Ryo mad? Somehow he was anxiously about it now…
“You are really…a tough nut to crack, huh?”
“I won’t let you get close.” Tomohisa knew that the message of Akito he had copied was in his pant’s pocket. No, he wouldn’t let the other close. Never ever. No matter how hard he tried.
“Try to win someone else over and let go of me…my arm is getting numb.”
“Oh, I am sorry…” Ryo let go of him, but didn’t step back to give him some room.
“Let’s be friends.”
Tomohisa turned around and looked at the other astonished. Where the hell was that suddenly coming from?
“I don’t trust you.”
“I guess that is a bad condition for being friends…but we can work on that.”
”I don’t want to.”
Ryo sent the other a look. He needed a good coffee now to be able to deal with the other any longer. How many defences did he have?
“Go shower now. I’ll make us something for breakfast.”
“It’s my kitchen.”
“You should be thankful to sit down at a table already filled with food. Now hush.”
Tomohisa had to admit that breakfast sounded great and went to the bathroom. He sighed contently as the warm water hit his skin, but soon furrowed his brows. He didn’t get that Nishikido guy. Why on earth was he putting up with him? He had behaved like a total brat, insulted him and now even hit him…even though he had ended up immobile, but that was not the point here. If someone was behaving like that in front of him, he would role his eyes, tell the other to grow up and leave. But no, that Nishikido put up with his childish act and even told him he would make breakfast…Maybe he had to worry whether the other was sane, because seriously, there was no other explanation. Or was he some kind of saint? No, that couldn’t be it either. A saint wouldn’t be that focused on his butt…at least he liked to think so. That guy was a total mystery to him…Moreover, why had he not simply pushed him away and went home last night. He certainly would have done that. Sleeping in one’s own bed in pyjamas or sleeping in a bed with a sick person radiating heat in street clothes…it was not a hard decision to make if you asked him and he would have hardly made the same as Nishikido. Why did he stay with him? Moreover, why did he get the feeling the other was taking care of him? They were almost strangers. Didn’t he have friends? A Girlfriend or maybe boyfriend for that matter, since he seemed to be pretty gay?
No matter how hard he thought about it, he still didn’t get it.
He got out of the shower and towelled himself. Was he really that attractive that another man would put up with so much? That was hard for him to imagine. He put the towel back on its hook and looked critically at himself in the mirror. No, that was hardly the case.
He was not extremely fat nor did he have terrible skin, but if you asked him he was pretty ordinary…average. There was nothing special about his looks. Shouldn’t that Nishikido be turned off by the fact that he was taller than him? That reminded him…He turned around and looked at his behind.
Furrowing his brows, he looked closely. Nishikido was making fun of him, wasn’t he? His butt looked pretty ordinary as well…okay, he probably didn’t see as many butts as the other and could therefore not really compare, but really, his butt was not the slightest bit sexy.
Akito had grabbed his butt from time to time, but never had paid that much attention to it…So it was hard for him to believe Nishikido was serious. Next to Akito he had often feel minor and insignificant, like it was an honour for him to be his boyfriend…in the end it really had been, even though he had always hoped they were equals, but the break up had taught him otherwise. Why had he been so stupid and believed they could work out. Things had not been good. He should have noticed that instead of daydreaming. Of course Akito had not wanted to be with someone who basked in dreams instead of paying more attention to him.
Damn it.
He hit his fist against the sink in frustration.
Letting himself fall on his knees, he bit his lip. He was not going to cry again. It was time he stopped. There was a job waiting for him. He had to finally get a grip on himself. Moreover, it had been long enough that he had bathed in self-pity and gotten even so far as to get sick.
Maybe that was also something Akito had not liked about him. He always got overwhelmed by his emotion and didn’t manage to get out of it again. Instead he sought comfort…but not this time. This time he would manage on his own. It was time for him to grow up…he was already twenty-seven after all. That was really embarrassing.
He looked again at himself in the mirror till he grabbed another towel and draped it over it. Tomohisa didn’t want to look at himself anymore, didn’t want to see the tired eyes, the pale and paper like skin without any glow, the fat on his thighs or waist nor the way his hair was falling limply into his face without any volume.
Putting on his clothes, he left the bathroom to walk into his kitchen.
He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the table…it was set with delicious food, traditional food. Rice, miso-soup, egg-rolls and what not. He could only blink and stare at the food in awe. Normally, he would eat some bun on his way and now this…
“I guess you didn’t think I can cook, did you? Well, I thought I wouldn’t be done by the time you got out of the bathroom, but luckily you seem to be someone who takes long showers.” Ryo smiled contently. He was more than pleased by the awe and amazement in the other’s eyes.
“Normally, I am faster.” Tomohisa said silently. Somehow that was something new about Ryo he did not know how to judge…it didn’t really fit into the profile of a player…or was it a special method to be able to cook traditional and tasty looking food? Whatever the reason was he didn’t care at the moment since the food looked so incredible delicious. He had not even known that he had such ingredients in his cupboard, but he doubted that the other went shopping.
“It looks good.” He admitted after some minutes. Saying otherwise would be a blatant lie and it would be mean to not acknowledge the other’s efforts.
Ryo perked up. That was more than he had expected…
“I am sure it is. Come on, it looks like the fever stole some of your energy and you will need it when we tour around. I am sure it will be exhausting.”
Tomohisa sat down across the other and looked at the food again…there was the fat on his thighs and waist he was reminded of, but it just looked so delicious.
“What are you waiting for? It’s healthy and exactly what you need at the moment.”
Picking up his chopsticks, he listened to Nishikido. It’s not like anyone was getting to see his thighs and waist anytime soon…Nishikido apparently thought he was weakened and needed to eat to get healthy again…but the other had no idea how he looked without clothes anyway…No wait, he did!
“Do you think I am fat?” What the hell was he asking here? Why was he asking the other such a question? Something so personal…as if they were friends. As if. Nishikido had just seen him almost naked and therefore had a good idea how he looked. That was all. Only the thought of being friends with him gave him the shivers.
The older one stopped in his movement to put some rice into his mouth and looked at him.
“Fat? You have some delusions. You look like someone that has a normal weight and that’s good. Not too much and not too less. Who is interested in skeletons?” Ryo figured that this question had something to do with the other’s break up. Whenever his sister had a break up she would think she was fat and not beautiful enough. Pretty stupid if you asked him since his sister was incredible good looking.
Tomohisa mulled over what the other had said and then started to eat again. Ryo nodded his head approvingly. If the other wanted or not he was going to drag him around today through Tokyo and finally start with their tour and a good breakfast was the basis for a good day.
He was quite interested about the way the other worked and if there was an easy way to connect their work and turn it into one big project. Having a partner, was something new for him, but he had never been someone to enjoy being alone.