(no subject)
but i fell for the promise of a life with a purpose
and i know that's impossible now.
and so i drink to stay warm
and to kill selected memories
because i just can’t think anymore about that
or about [him] tonight
and i give myself three days to feel better
or else i swear i'm driving off a fucking cliff
because if i can’t learn to make myself feel better
then how can i expect anyone else to give a shit?
and i scream for the sunlight or a car to take me anywhere
just get me past this dead and eternal snow
because i swear that i am dying, slowly but its happening
and if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere
just take me there
and lie to me and say
it’s going to be alright.
---
i am so messed up right now it's not even funny. i can't even begin to explain what happened. i really don't want to. but basically stuff happened, i acted like it was alright, became slightly annoyed at certain people, we made up, someone told me they didn't think i was alright and dragged it out of me, i finally admitted it to myself, and then today was beyond terrible and now i basically have no one left and it's all my selfish fault. it is really a combination of everything and nothing at the same time. i am sad and pathetic. this year was supposed to be better and i suppose it has been. or maybe the ups are just up higher and my lows are beyond comprehendible...whatever it is i want it to stop. and i am sorry if you are one of those peoeple but chances are you aren't because most of the people who read this i am not close to anymore. again, all my fault..
and i know that's impossible now.
and so i drink to stay warm
and to kill selected memories
because i just can’t think anymore about that
or about [him] tonight
and i give myself three days to feel better
or else i swear i'm driving off a fucking cliff
because if i can’t learn to make myself feel better
then how can i expect anyone else to give a shit?
and i scream for the sunlight or a car to take me anywhere
just get me past this dead and eternal snow
because i swear that i am dying, slowly but its happening
and if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere
just take me there
and lie to me and say
it’s going to be alright.
---
i am so messed up right now it's not even funny. i can't even begin to explain what happened. i really don't want to. but basically stuff happened, i acted like it was alright, became slightly annoyed at certain people, we made up, someone told me they didn't think i was alright and dragged it out of me, i finally admitted it to myself, and then today was beyond terrible and now i basically have no one left and it's all my selfish fault. it is really a combination of everything and nothing at the same time. i am sad and pathetic. this year was supposed to be better and i suppose it has been. or maybe the ups are just up higher and my lows are beyond comprehendible...whatever it is i want it to stop. and i am sorry if you are one of those peoeple but chances are you aren't because most of the people who read this i am not close to anymore. again, all my fault..