Revelation!! (venting again)
Wow...so...I just figured out that I have my own Jordan Catalano. He wants me to be something I am not...and is atrocious to me at times. Ergo...I REALLY gotta get OVER him...ew... its disgusting that I subject myself to such...CRAP. I think he essentially wants me to be...someone I am not. No, I am NOT Ramona Flowers from Scott Pilgrim notoriety, Ok...I MAY have the attitude...but other then that I am me! I am not some chick who changes different color hair every flippin' week, and her hair just DOESN'T get all crispy and disgusting (because... HELLO, sir! Shes NOT real!). I am not. I am me. I just need...to stop reaching out to him, and just get over him. And, stop trying to change myself so he can find me more attractive and interesting. I mean WHO CARES?! FUCK HIM. I am so tired of it...so! From this day forward I shall never have romantic feelings for him again. This sorta...brings on a Shakespeare sonnet...which really speaks to what I want a guy to feel for me. Other than this CRAP!:
"My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak,--yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go,
My mistress when she walks, treads on the ground;
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare."
I mean...why MUST I remind men of...porn stars, or skanky suicide girls? Why can't my beauty, who I am...and what makes me beautifully imperfect suffice? Why can't the very FACT that I am ACTUALLY REAL help? Well, I am gonna find a fucking guy who ACTUALLY sees what I am saying...and I don't have to feel I gotta be any of those things for him, or even change. FUCKING HELL!