In all these life times
RyoDa
NC-17
Summary: When two souls meet and they are meant to be together, but every time they are torn apart, how long will it take for it to happen?
Notes: For sugarbloodlolliTook me forever to write this, but I’m glad I did :)
Hey look guys!! I've not died under a pile of books!!! Here's one of the fics I was working on for the JE Hottest Love Fic Exchange. Still got one more fic to finish and some assignments and then its back to Eternally Yours :)
It was a bitter winter, and finding food had become harder and harder over the last few weeks. Everything had already gone into hibernation, migrated or died already. The land lay barren, covered in a deep layer of snow.
A lone doe struggled through the snow, its large brown eyes frantically glancing around. She was not supposed to be in a place like this, but after humans accidently broke her home and she was rudely awoken, she struggled through the icy landscape in search of anything to eat and a place to shelter.
Behind her lurked a lynx, a rare creature in the area. He was hungry and desperate. He had not seen food for days, and humans were slowly advancing on him. The cruel beings took his brothers and sisters for their fur and he wasn’t keen on joining them. He had to live and move forward. The lone lost deer seemed to be his only hope.
He slowly prowled around the deer, hoping not to startle her. If she was to run, he would have to chase, and a hungry, hunted lynx only had so much energy. But as he hid behind another barren tree, the doe fell to the ground, nearly hidden in all the snow. He ran, coming to a stop by the deer’s side. She was weak, tired and looked frozen.
Instinct and emotions are an interesting thing, especially when they clash.
The doe’s large brown eyes stared up into his yellow ones.
Are you giving up?
Yes
Why?
Because I can no longer go on. Would you end it all for me?
The lynx stood there, confused by the sudden turn of events. The deer was giving herself to him, with no fight. It was almost endearing and sweet. His stomach reminded him of the hunger.
Good bye
His teeth tore into the throat, and he could feel her heart beat fading out. It was fulfilling yet empty. Never before had his prey affected him so much. He stood watching her faded brown eyes, never before had food been so interesting.
His moments ended when the huntsman took his chance. The lynx was distracted by his food, and the gun was quicker than his reactions.
And so together they fell.
~~~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~~~
He stared at the small ball of fluff. At first confused and tempted by its presence. Everything usually avoided him, going silent at his presence, yet here he was and not alone, staring down into the dark eyes staring into his own yellow ones.
You’re so big
A deep sound in his chest showed that he was laughing. He leant forwards to the rabbit, his fangs inches from its face
I’m not a small rabbit
He answered, expecting any second for the small creature to run away and leave him alone again. Just like everything else, just like his pack. He sighed inwardly, turning his teeth away from the small creature. Eating him was not going to help him.
You look sad
Honestly he was surprised. Then again it isn’t exactly normal for rabbits to talk to wolves. Something somewhere was different, and for a vague moment, he felt a small sense of familiarity, but he didn’t understand why. After all, they were all animals of instinct, so why were the two of them defying that law?
I’m alone, there is a difference
The rabbit’s ears twitched. His mother had warned him many times about the danger of predators, but when he saw the wolf just lying there at the bottom of the tree, unbelievably thin, he felt no fear, no sense of danger, and soon found himself approaching him.
You’re not alone now, what were you doing?
Waiting
For what?
The end
A pause, the rabbit staring at him in shock, he looked like he wanted to say something, but after all, what could a small rabbit do with a big wolf’s problems? The wolf turned his eyes to a quiet noise he heard, and he knew that this was it. He couldn’t run forever.
You better run
Why?
I’ll eat you if you don’t
He had to at least get rid of the rabbit. It was nice to have such a small distraction, but he didn’t want the small thing to be pulled into all this. Betrayal never kept the bystanders out.
But…
Go!
He snarled right into those rabbits eyes. Surprised when fear didn’t appear in them, but instead anger, how was this small creature prey if he held such power in his eyes? It was a little enchanting.
Fine, I’ll go, but promise me we’ll talk again
The wolf was a little taken back. But he promised and as the rabbit hopped away to home he thought it would be nice to meet again. But he knew that it wouldn’t happen as he looked up into the eyes of the wolf approaching him.
Lone wolfs were never left alone.
~~~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~~~
“Victoria? Are you down here? Your father is looking for you” Claude’s voice echoed down into the basement. Victoria had claimed it as her own private area after she found out that no one had a use for it. It was her get away, her hideout. Here she could escape the qualms of society, the obligations, the status, and everything else that was expected from her. Slowly Justin pulled away from her, not saying a word, scared of being caught with her. Their relationship was a secret, one that would not be approved of. After all, Victoria was from the upper class, daughter of a bank owner, her family helping the finance of the country.
But Justin was nothing.
He worked as the gardener of Victoria’s house, he was born into low class, his family was mostly all dead. His older sister had married the local baker and now they lived together out in the country side, leaving him on his own in London.
He didn’t mind, all that happened allowed him the chance of meeting Victoria. Her strolls in the garden eventually led to them meeting, and talking.
And something clicked.
It would be normal for him to like her, after all she was beautiful, her dark hair framing her face perfectly, her eyes were fierce, but she was kind and caring. But how she liked him back was a mystery, he was just a gardener, who sometimes lost himself in his own thoughts.
Victoria grabbed his hand to stop him from moving away further. Even if he cared about the consequences of their relationship, she had faith that no matter what, they would be able to last against it.
“I’ll be up in a minute Claude.” She replied, carefully pecking at Justin’s lips before getting up and making her way upstairs. She felt sad leaving his side, getting interrupted. Somehow everything just clicked with Justin, no matter what; she was just drawn to him. She could still remember the first time she bumped into him in the gardens, staring off into space with a slight smile on his face. He was handsome, and she was always intrigued by his slightly mysterious aura.
Victoria smiled at her dad as she entered his study, his face was serious as usual, but something about the air in the office was different. She felt uncomfortable.
“Victoria, sit down dear.” She took a seat in front of his desk.
“I know this may come as a surprise, but we have decided to merge with the Edwards bank, and you have been promised to their eldest son, Sebastian.” Victoria stared at him in shock, unable to believe what her father had just informed her about.
“But father, I can’t be married to someone like Sebastian,” She knew him, he was arrogant and cocky, and for the longest time would pester her for attention, but she would not have it, he wasn’t interesting, he couldn’t hold a conversations with her like Justin could, couldn’t keep her attention with little stories like Justin would. “I already have someone I love, and I refuse to marry him” She yelled, ready to storm out of the office when the door opened, when the arrogant man walked in.
“Regardless if you love another, I would have you and love you for always, could he love you forever?” He blocked her escape, towering over her with the height he inherited from his father. He was intimidating, and knew how to hold a presence in a room, but Victoria was different from others, she stood her ground, determined to stare him down. When it was clear that neither them would make a real move, Victoria glared at him a bit more.
“He would love me for eternity, and I love him, why are you getting in the way?”
“Because I want you”
“That isn’t love”
“I don’t care, I am a better choice compared to that gardener boy you seem to be so fond of” Victoria’s eyes widened, how did he knew such a thing? She glanced back in time to witness her father frowning.
“You shall be wed in the next few days then, we can’t have any problems in this merge after all. Victoria, would you kindly return to your room… and never see that boy again” She always knew her father was cold, but hearing him trying to control her life like this, she wouldn’t stand for it.
As she pushed passed Sebastian, she kicked him in the shin, taking pleasure in the suppressed groan as she stormed down the corridor, leading towards the basement. She would have to explain everything to Justin. Maybe she could fix this, he would know what to do, she didn’t need Sebastian, didn’t need her father’s money.
They could run away together.
She was already crying by the time she found Justin in the basement, he immediately hugged her, sensing her pain. He wiped her tears away, gently kissing her. Slowly she let everything out, babbling away about stupid, controlling fathers and arrogant, sneaky bastards. If it wasn’t such a bad situation, he would have laughed at her using such language. She always had quite a mouth for a lady, but somehow he liked it, he knew it was just her way of expressing herself.
“Let’s leave together then? I couldn’t bear to see you with another” he kissed her slowly, “I’ll meet you tonight at the far back end of the garden, where we had that picnic last week. We can get out into the fields through the back. We could find a home in the country side, and I’ll look after you. It won’t be what you are used to, but I’ll do everything I can for you.” She shook in his arms, but nodded none the less.
“Gather your things; take only the stuff you really need, no fancy dresses ok?” She laughed weakly at that statement, and let him go.
“I’ll see you later” His back was the last thing she saw as he left the basement. Slowly she wiped her face, and checked in the mirror that she was presentable. She had to only grab a few things; there wasn’t a lot that she would want to take with her after all. Justin was her world right now, and she wasn’t ready to leave it.
Justin ran to his quarters on the far end of the house. Most of the staff lived on site, it was one of the main reasons he originally took this job. He took his suitcase out from under the bed and packed the necessities. His clothes, some bread, and various other trinkets, a knocking on the door distracted him briefly from his packing. He went over and opened it, greeted by a tall blonde haired man.
“Hello sir, mind if I have a word with you?” Justin nodded, glancing back at his packing. He still had a bit of time before he had to meet Victoria, and it wouldn’t help to be acting suspiciously now.
He followed the other man to the garden, around the back of the kitchen where not many people went.
“I understand that you hold a relationship with my fiancé” Justin blinked, surprised at what this man was saying, this must be Sebastian, his mind supplied. He cautiously took a step back.
“I don’t mean to threaten you, but I would like to ask you to give up on her.”
“I’m sorry sir; that is not possible, I love her too much.”
“But you are a disgrace to her; I can’t let a man of your standing be by her side”
“I’m afraid I can’t let your prejudges stand in the way of love sir, now if you don’t mind I have other matters to attend to”
Justin turned to walk back to his room, determined to finish and take the first step into a new life. He didn’t have time for people that Victoria couldn’t stand, but Justin didn’t get far. The man grabbing him from behind, whispering into his ear.
“I will not stand for you to be near her.” The pain was unbearable as Justin realised what the dull pain in his lower back was. He could feel Sebastian pulling the blade out slowly before plunging it back in at a different location.
Justin let out a mangled gasp as the man pulled away from him, letting him collapse to the floor. Slowly his vision faded out.
No, Victoria… I love you
Victoria stood in the garden waiting, time was slipping by and still Justin had not turned up. She fidgeted nervously with her plain dress. She no longer needed anything expensive or over the top which was deemed fashionable. She had grown tired of this life and only longed for a life spent with her loved one.
Soon she heard someone approaching; she smiled brightly and moved quickly to the path.
“Justin what took you…” she cut off as she stared at the shy smiling face of Sebastian. “What are you doing here?” The other man seemed to shift uncomfortably under her gaze, a rather rare trait for the tall man.
“I met with your… boyfriend… and asked him if he was really serious about you. I would only let you go if he truly wanted you and could make you happy.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Why should you do that? Do you not trust me?”
“I trust you; it’s him I don’t trust. And I was right” he looked away.
“What do you mean?” Victoria asked slowly.
“He left; he didn’t want you, but your money instead. After I found that out, he decided to move on without you. He mentioned something about finding a new life outside of London alone. I’m sorry Victoria.”
She stood there frozen, he fierce eyes portraying the real pain and hurt behind the words…
Justin left…
Left without her…
Never to come for her again…
She wasn’t worth it.
~~~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~~~
Ryo couldn’t explain why he had a dislike for Ueda, there was just something about the older guy that annoyed him, like how he always spaced out, or seemed to never make his mind up on something. The other just annoyed him to no end.
Right to the point where things went beyond the staged fights, beyond what the others saw, right up to the point where he didn’t care how many times he made the older cry. Even after they were torn apart, the threat from the agency and the on screen apologies, Ryo still didn’t feel like really saying sorry or taking back anything.
After all, he hated Ueda.
As the years slowly trickled on, Ryo started to ignore Ueda, and even if he would sometimes catch the older staring at him, he would just brush it off. No matter what nagging feeling would rise inside him to yell at the other, he kept it under control. Ueda wasn’t worth getting punished at his job.
Ueda was quiet and whimsical. He felt lost a lot of the time, thinking deeply about where he was, where he was going and why he was doing this all. Even if his Mom signed him up for Johnny’s and he had made it a bit, he was still unsure if this was really who he was, or if he was constantly hiding behind a mask to hide the insecurity and fear.
When he met Ryo, he was intrigued, the younger had a way of looking confident, he could call things just the way they were and seemed to have no fear over expressing how he felt about things. Ryo was fascinating, but he was always too shy to approach him. All he could do was watch him from afar, and maybe one day, they would have a chance to talk.
Ueda’s heart felt like it shattered when Ryo questioned him, when Ryo spoke down to him, called him names, cornered him and insulted him. It was terrifying and painful for reasons that Ueda wasn’t even sure about. He felt alone when he realised that it would be too weird to ask someone about why he felt so much pain, they would all just say that he was sensitive, or that Ryo was a jerk.
But Ueda wasn’t sensitive and Ryo wasn’t a jerk, it’s just that Ueda couldn’t work out why everything was like this.
Eventually Ryo started to ignore him, and soon Ueda did the same, what was the point in spending your life worrying about one person’s thoughts of you, when you could be out enjoying as much of it as you could.
Only in the quiet of nights did Ueda still think about him. He continued watching him in secret, longing for him. Ueda was afraid of how he felt; he even dated the girl he was supposed to be acting with just to see if he could get rid of the feelings. But the never left, just lingered, continued to bother him, tempting him into a world where he knew he could never cross into.
In conclusion he was tired of it all.
~~~
Ueda was excited to have the evening off. He didn’t have any plans with others so he decided to take the rare chance and eat out at his favourite Italian restaurant. As usual he asked for his table right at the back. It was hard for people to spot him back there, and it actually had a good angle for being able to watch out for people approaching him. The waiter showed the slightest hint of a frown before covering it up.
“Someone just asked for the same table sir, he is also from your company. Do you mind sharing with him, or would you like to wait for a different table to open up?” Ueda glanced around, taking note how busy the restaurant really was.
“If he doesn’t mind” Ueda answered, he got along with most people in Johnnys, it shouldn’t be too hard for him to eat with one. After all, with all the time that had passed, Ueda is a more confident person now. With him acting in dramas and movies now, he was gaining a grip of what he really wanted to do, he was slowly finding himself, and moving forwards.
All that was left was to fill that one gap left in his heart. He followed the waiter after it was confirmed that the other person didn’t mind. But when he got a clear sight of his table, his heart skipped a beat.
Ryo sat staring at him shocked… They continued to stare at each other before the waiter left them.
“Oh great, I was hoping that it was anyone but you, and look what I get.” Ryo started the conversation, breaking the moment of shock. He quickly turned his eyes down, going back over the menu. Ueda stood there; he wasn’t sure how to respond. Should he go home, even if he really wanted to eat the vegetable lasagne from here?
Ryo continued to ignore him, which slowly grated on his nerves before he sat down on the other side of the table, scanning over the wine list quickly deciding what would be best to accompany the lasagne.
A few moments passed before the waiter came and took their orders. The awkwardness between them growing as the seconds passed…
“So why are you here ruining my quiet evening out?” Ryo asked, glaring at Ueda as if it was all planned.
“I just wanted to eat here, not my fault you took my regular seat” Ueda snapped back, Ryo looked slightly surprised for a moment; he always did when Ueda fought back… Somehow he had expected it to always be him that was aggressive.
“So you decide to come here on the same day I do, at the same time, asking for the same table? Oh god you aren’t some weird stalker now are you? Do you like getting insulted to the point that you crave more? Fucking weirdo.”
“The world doesn’t revolve around you by the way. Who cares what you do? I just want my Lasagne” Ueda rolled his eyes… he was tired of this, it wasn’t worth ruining a meal over a fight with Ryo in a public location. He turned his eyes down, taking out his phone as a means of distraction.
They spent their evening together in silence, only making eye contact with Ryo again after the waiter included their meals on the same receipt.
Somehow they ended up sharing a taxi, Ryo lived en route to Ueda’s house, and Ueda didn’t really care. His heart tugged painfully again as Ryo got out the car. He sighed to himself; he really shouldn’t let Ryo get to him like this. It was painful for reasons Ueda wasn’t ready to admit.
~~~
Ryo is lucky that his schedule keeps him rather busy, even if he doesn’t have all of the NEWS projects to keep up with anymore, Kanjani8’s rising popularity keeps him rather busy and occupied. This way he doesn’t run into many other people at the agency. After the surprise dinner with Ueda, he felt he needed all the hecticness to keep his mind straight, Ueda could always annoy him and distract him, simply by being around. So spending his time working, and not running into him was the best way to get rid of the nagging thoughts at the back of his head.
I didn’t last too long though. A few months later he found himself at a large party, was it Pi’s? He wasn’t really sure, but he was there and he could swear every now and again he would catch glimpses of Ueda out of the corner of his eye. It did not help his mood. Somehow it seemed that Ueda was always just hovering around him, physically or mentally. Ryo grabbed a shot from one of the skimpily clad waitresses, downing it and heading towards the dance floor. Nights like these were nights where he would grind, get drunk, have fun and maybe even wake up in bed with some random girl. Ryo enjoyed this life; it was easier to manage than a relationship, although it did get him in trouble every now and again.
Finding a girl to dance with was easy, he was soon smiling at her and moving in time with her. They seemed to gravitate to one another; she carefully looped her hands around his neck, but curiously would push her hips away from him, as if she was avoiding contact with him, until he noticed someone over her shoulder. How could he have missed her dancing with someone else from behind? Now she danced there, trapped between Ryo and Ueda.
It annoyed Ryo.
Most people knew that they didn’t get along, even people outside of the entertainment industry, and pulling a stunt like this in the middle of the dance floor was ridiculous. Ryo wanted to turn, storm off and have another drink, but the challenge in Ueda’s eyes caught his attention.
His eyes sparked with mischief and pride, and Ryo was not about to lose a girl to Ueda. He slowly narrowed his eyes and did his best to hold the girl’s attention. Not willing to back down for one second. Ryo even grabbed at Ueda’s hand on the girls waist to try and dislodge him.
Ryo did not expect Ueda to grab him back. He glanced down at Ueda holding onto him, before feeling the pull and finding himself by the bar, leaving the girl behind. Ueda seemed to be having trouble focusing as he waved the bartender down.
“Don’t tell me, because you have lips like a fish, you also drink like one?” Ryo shot off, ordering himself a beer, raising his eyebrow at the fancy cocktail drink that Ueda seemed to be asking for.
“Yeah yeah Ryo, whatever. If you didn’t spend so much time staring at my lips, maybe would have noticed just how much you have drunk.” Ueda shot back, taking pride in the slight blush that crossed Ryo’s cheeks. Honestly, it was only slight.
“Hard to miss your lips though, they are just huge”
“Better to kiss with” Ueda commented, Ryo stared at him again, “want to try?” Ryo nearly choked on his tongue.
“Why on earth would I want to kiss you? God you really are drunk aren’t you” Ueda laughed, no, giggled at that comment. He leaned slightly towards Ryo and continued to giggle as Ryo leant away.
“You can’t escape me Ryo~” Ueda teased, enjoying the slight panicked look in his eyes. He slowly raised his hand to run it through Ryo’s hair. Just like he always thought, it was soft. He smiled gently as his heart skipped a beat. It always seemed to happen with Ryo around.
“Freak, why are you doing this?” Ryo questioned, getting ready to have to punch Ueda in the face. Ueda stared at him for a moment, thinking over the question.
“I don’t know… I think I might like you” He answered in a lower voice. Despite the music, he still heard it, the words echoing dully in his ears. Ueda could not mean that, he had to be joking about something like that. There was no way that the one guy that he had always hated was now confessing to him. It just didn’t work.
He punched Ueda before he registered what exactly was happening. He became aware of a few people around him pulling him back, some others picking up Ueda. He caught Koki’s eyes glaring at him threateningly. Ryo pulled free of the hands holding him and strode out. He couldn’t deal with this.
~~~
Yet again Ueda was uneasy. How he had managed to get himself into a situation like this, he wasn’t sure. He flinched slightly away from the make-up artist’s hands as she slowly applied concealer to the fading bruise by his eye. Ryo had a strong punch; Ueda was not going to lie. But he was more shocked at what he had said in order to get the black eye.
Did he really like Ryo?
He was aware that Ryo seemed to be different to him than other people. For example, he could always find Ryo in a crowd, sense when he was nearby and even know exactly what kind of mood the other was in just by looking at him. Such attention wasn’t normal, but Ueda never allowed him to think long about it. His chest hurt as he replayed the image of disgust and fear that he managed to paint Ryo’s face with in that one moment.
Any other situation and Ueda probably would have loved to have seen that look cross Ryo’s face. Ueda slowly let his eyes drift around the room. The studio was set up and the Myojo staff were running around organising the last of the equipment to suit the photographer’s requirements. When the door swung open and Maru yelled out to the room “Yoroshiku!!!” Ueda was rather surprised.
Slowly behind Maru, the rest of Kanjani8 filtered in, and Ueda’s eyes immediately found Ryo’s. He quickly looked down, feeling the blush that was probably now making itself visible on his face. When he glanced back up; his heart pulled at the sight of Ryo walking out the room, Okura staring confused after him.
~~~
It was poor management that made Ryo see Ueda again. The bookings people managed to double book the photoshoot time for Kanjani8 and KAT-TUN that day, and Ryo was forced to wander the corridors until he was sure that KAT-TUN would be finished and he could do his job properly without Ueda floating around his vision.
I think I might like you
Ryo shook his head to get rid of those words. But he was intrigued, how could it be that one man that he had always hated made him feel shy about something like a drunken confession. Ryo stopped his wandering and leant on the wall. His heart beating faster ever so slightly, but he was ready to brush it all off. This was not right, not the way he had wanted to live his life. He didn’t need Ueda in his life, messing things up like always. Or did he?
“Ryo-chan, you ok?” Yasu’s voice broke into Ryo’s thoughts, causing the younger to turn and meet Yasu’s concerned eyes. Ryo smiled weakly and nodded.
“Just didn’t feel like hanging around in there with KAT-TUN” Ryo answered.
“Is it cause Ueda is in there?” Yasu asked straight out, he knew that to get answers from Ryo, you just had to ask him directly. Ryo sighed. “Ryo-chan, why did you hit him the other day? Did he do something to you?”
Ryo wanted to answer, tell Yasu that Ueda freaked him out, scared him away and made him panic, but nothing would leave his mouth. All the years of hate between them, and that seems to be the only reason that Ryo can find right now for hitting Ueda. It was the truth, but it was the first time that Ryo had done something like that out of a weakness of himself, beforehand it had always been an act of hate or disgust. What made Ryo think differently this time?
Instead, Ryo turned back towards the studio. The easiest way to deal with this would be to block as much of Ueda out that he could.
This did not help that he walked straight into the elder as he entered the studio.
“Watch where you’re going fairy” Ryo spat at him under his breath.
“Can you not call me that?”
“Why? Afraid others will find out that you play for men? God I should have seen that coming a mile away with all your feminine looks from before.”
“Nishikido, would you please stop talking and forget that night ever happened.” Ueda walked past him, holding back the tears in his eyes. Ryo glanced back at him, unsure how to respond… he wanted to forget, but a painful tug at his heart made him think that maybe, after all this time, that confession was what he was waiting for.
Ueda walked down the corridor, mentally lecturing himself, questioning what was wrong with him. Why was Ryo someone that interested him? What was the point when all Ryo would ever shoot at him was hate? What was the point of these emotions when this was all he got in return? He slowly made his way to the underground car park, climbing into his car before letting the tears run.
“That’s it… I give up… please no more” He leant forward, leaning on the steering wheel, determined to empty out his emotions along with his tears. He was tired of this one-sided, painful love.
~~~
Despite the odd glances and moments of silence, Ueda was fine; or at least that was what he told himself. Every morning he would wake up, take a shower, and erase Ryo from his mind, then go to work. While he was busy he could stop his mind from wandering, he didn’t need to worry about things; but when he was free, he would just sit and not think, he refused to. Thinking would bring back Ryo and the nothing they shared. The rest of KAT-TUN had seemed to notice and he could see them glancing at him occasionally.
“… Ueda?” Kame’s voice filtered into the nothingness that floated around in Ueda’s mind. Ueda blinked up at him, letting a small ‘huh?’ escape his lips. Kame sighed.
“We were asking you if you wanted to join us for a drink after work today” Nakamaru filled in, Ueda nodded slowly; spending some time out with people would be a good distraction. Kame seemed to notice his tendency to space out these days, and casually kept him occupied with conversations between their photoshoots for the rest of that day.
The bar they visited wasn’t too noisy, but the alcohol flowed freely between them. Somehow Koki had managed to get them all to start with shots and fancy cocktails, claiming that such events should be started properly, although Ueda wasn’t too sure what event this was, convinced it was just a rare moment where they felt like going out together.
Ueda wasn’t too sure when he got onto his fourth fancy cocktail, but he was soon up to buy the next round of drinks. Nakamaru seemed to be struggling with the different drinks, leaning a little on Taguchi who smiled as brightly as ever. Kame seemed to have gone all bright eyed and talkative, engaging Koki in some conversation which almost seemed more like flirting in Ueda’s opinion. He swayed slightly at the bar, buying everyone the same drink and asking the bartender to take it to the table. He took his own drink and started to sip at it when he heard a familiar voice.
“Ueda?” Ueda paused, and blinked… he couldn’t now be hearing Ryo’s voice in moments of weakness could he? “Over here you idiot” The sound was coming from behind him. There on the barstool sat Nishikido Ryo, a couple empty beer bottles standing in front of him.
“Why are you here?” The question slipped out. Unaware of how rude he was being.
“Drinking,” Ryo pointed to his drinks.
“Right…” Ueda slowly started to turn to get away from Ryo, slowly things were coming back, and he wasn’t sure he could handle another rejection.
“Don’t go, I’m not done” Ryo grabbed at his arm, pulling him backwards causing Ueda to spill his drink.
“Oh fuck, Nishikido look what you did now” anger flashed through Ueda’s eyes as he looked down at his shirt.
“What? It’s not like I wanted you to be holding a drink.”
“I didn’t exactly want to be pulled backwards.”
“Well I didn’t want you to leave.”
“What? So you don’t look so alone while you drink?”
“No, cause I wanted to tell you that I might like you too idiot.”
“Well maybe you…. What?” Ueda paused, the words processing in his slightly drunk brain. Did Ryo just say that he may like him back, or had Ueda passed out a few minutes ago and was now dreaming up this whole scenario?
“You heard me” Ryo looked away, the blush creeping up on his cheeks. He had decided to not say it, why should he? It went against everything he had thought for the last few years, but with Ueda showing up in front of him, he couldn’t deny the stirring of feelings in his chest, and the next moment it just all burst out.
“Please tell me you aren’t playing with me” Ueda wanted to believe it, but he was staring at the biggest jerk that he knew.
Ryo looked back at him, his face portraying that he was contemplating something. Slowly he raised his hand, grabbing at Ueda’s short black hair and painfully pulled his face down Ryo’s level.
Ryo kissed gently, softly pressing to Ueda’s plump lips. Ryo never thought that lips could be so kissable, until he felt Ueda slowly kissing him back. It was surprising how moments just seemed to fly by with Ueda’s lips moving against his, the sparks between them almost setting alight. Ueda was soon kissing him with force, and Ryo couldn’t do anything but hold tighter onto Ueda’s short hair and pant.
They finally broke apart, attempting to catch their breath. Ueda threw an eye over his shoulder and the rest of KAT-TUN drunkenly talking at the booth before lacing his fingers through Ryo’s and dragging the younger with him.
Ryo stared out the window while they rode in the taxi, their hands were still interlaced, and Ryo could feel Ueda’s gaze on him, but he refused to look back, afraid of the temptation. He wanted to at least spare the driver.
But the moment Ueda’s door shut; there were no more hold backs. Ueda groaned into Ryo’s mouth as Ueda’s back hit the wall. Their intense kissing resumed, with small little thrusts between them. Ryo’s hand started to wander, rubbing down Ueda’s side before pushing up under his shirt.
Ueda’s skin was warm, and Ryo could feel little tingles at his fingertips as if electricity was sparking between them. He sighed into Ueda’s mouth as he felt Ueda wrap his arms around his neck, lacing his fingers into Ryo’s hair, pulling slightly now and again, causing small groans to escape from his lips.
Ryo wasn’t going to deny; Ueda was intoxicating.
Ueda grinded back against Ryo as he slowly pushed against Ryo, intending to lead him out of the hall way and away from the door, even if he wanted this, he didn’t want people in the hallway to hear. Slowly he navigated Ryo towards his room; the younger too distracted by the fingers teasing by his hips to notice what exactly was happening.
Ryo fell backwards on the mattress a little in surprise. He glanced up at Ueda staring down at him while he slid his shirt off his shoulders. He watched the motion, but soon got distracted by Ueda’s body. He knew Ueda did boxing and regularly went to the gym, but Ryo was not expecting to see such a perfectly shaped body in front of him. Slowly he ran his fingers up Ueda’s abs, enjoying the way they jumped a little under his touch. Ueda leaned forwards to lick along Ryo’s collar bone, which was when Ryo realised that he had already lost his shirt, and wasn’t even sure when it happened.
Ueda’s hands worked magic on him, and soon Ryo was moaning underneath him. Ryo made a weak grab at Ueda’s shoulders, but in one smooth motion, had flipped them over. Ueda blinked up at him and raised his eyebrow.
Ryo leaned down to bite into Ueda’s shoulder, the older moaning slightly at the sudden attack, but then he licked and sucked at the spot to leave a mark, enjoying the feeling of Ueda’s shaking below him. Ueda’s hands came up to Ryo’s hips and slowly started to work on the belt and the fastenings on the jeans. Ryo copied him, and a few seconds later they were both naked.
When Ueda wrapped a hand around him, he could feel the electricity again, he wanted to lose himself in it, but now wasn’t the right time for it. He soon wrapped fingers around Ueda and copied the motion, determined to bring the older off before him. He leant forwards, bringing their lengths closer together before pausing to wrap his and Ueda’s hands around both of them. The feeling was amazing.
Ueda’s other hand seemed to be rummaging around in his drawer but Ryo was too busy focusing on the small thrusts of Ueda’s hips, pushing back with his own. His eyes were slowly fluttering closed as he simply started to enjoy the sensation.
Ueda’s other hand was grabbing at him, bringing him closer. Ryo complied, and liked the way that Ueda’s hand would massage his arse. However, Ryo let out a squeak in surprise when he felt a cold sleek finger push into him.
“Wait… Ueda… this” But Ueda wasn’t listening. The older was staring up at him with a cheeky grin on his flushed face.
“I don’t think so, just enjoy it” Ueda uttered huskily at him.
“But…” Ryo couldn’t stop the shiver of excitement that went down his spine. Soon he found himself on his back, Ueda slowly moving a finger in and out of him. The older kissed him to distract him, but Ryo was still uncertain about this. He had never done this before, and to suddenly be bottoming for Ueda. He wasn’t sure…
A moment passed and Ueda gently crooked his fingers (when did he slip two in?) and Ryo let out a surprised moan. He felt like his body was tingling and Ueda’s fingers were the source of it all.
Ueda grinned down at Ryo, enjoying the way he was squirming, but just watching him was driving him to the edge. He glanced at the three fingers he now had in Ryo and decided that it was time, slowly pulling them out.
Ryo let out a whine at the sudden loss; he looked up at Ueda through questioning, lust-clouded eyes. Ueda leaned down to kiss him, gently biting at his lips as he positioned himself. Ryo kissed him back, but bit down hard on Ueda’s lip when he felt Ueda slowly sinking into him.
It hurt at first, but Ueda waited for him to adjust before slowly thrusting into him. Ueda set a slow pace to start, constantly watching Ryo’s eyes not wanting to hurt the other. They had been through so much already.
Ryo shuddered underneath Ueda, but this was slowly turning torturous. He wanted more. He laced his fingers up into Ueda’s hair, bringing them down for a bruising kiss before muttering quietly against Ueda’s lips.
“Tatsuya… more” Ueda froze for a moment, before he lost all self-control and gave a hard thrust into Ryo’s body, causing them both to moan out loud. Ueda’s pace picked up, rapid thrusts crashing right into Ryo’s prostate was driving them both crazy, almost as if everything around them was shattering, showing their true selves to each other.
And it all felt right, as if they had been waiting forever to be in this moment.
The heat around the room grew, and their moans got louder as they rapidly reached their peak. And with a final hard thrust they both came. Ueda collapsed forwards onto Ryo as they slowly caught their breaths.
Ryo slowly came down and was vaguely aware of Ueda cleaning him up. He turned onto his side, finding Ueda’s warmth, which was now lying down next to him, and snuggled into him.
~~~
Ryo woke up to a sudden coldness on his back. He rolled over trying to find it again, but instead was met by another person’s body, that seemed to move away from him again. He slowly opened his eyes, looking up towards the back that was now turned towards him. The shoulders seemed to be shaking little, and Ryo had an urge to wrap his arms around them and still it.
Then last night came back to Ryo and he could suddenly feel the redness taking over his face.
“Ueda?” the other jumped.
“What?” his voice cracked a little, but the other refused to turn around and see him. This annoyed Ryo, so he slowly sat up, pulling at the other’s shoulder to turn him onto his back so that Ryo could look at him.
He did not expect to see Ueda crying, his hands quickly coming up to hide them.
“Why are you crying?” Ryo felt really concerned, he had made the other cry before, but this time it felt worse, he feared that he may have really hurt Ueda, yet he didn’t know what he did.
“It’s just… just… what now? I don’t want this to just be a one night stand… you didn’t use me did you?” Ueda groaned out, the sobs breaking out louder and harder than earlier. Ryo took his hands, moving them away from Ueda’s face. He leant down to gently kiss Ueda on the lips.
“This isn’t a one night stand. I don’t want it to be” he gently calmed Ueda down, the other’s tears stopped falling, and he looked up at Ryo rather wide eyed, “I think… I like us together” Ryo added quietly, looking away as he felt his cheeks heat up again.
“I like us together too” Ueda answered, moving his hand to lace it with Ryo’s.
“Just… don’t ever disappear on me! I don’t think my heart could handle it” Ryo stuttered out. He wasn’t too sure why he said it, but he knew that he meant it and that there may be more meaning behind it than they realised.
“Never, I’ll never leave you again”
~~~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~~~
NC-17
Summary: When two souls meet and they are meant to be together, but every time they are torn apart, how long will it take for it to happen?
Notes: For sugarbloodlolliTook me forever to write this, but I’m glad I did :)
Hey look guys!! I've not died under a pile of books!!! Here's one of the fics I was working on for the JE Hottest Love Fic Exchange. Still got one more fic to finish and some assignments and then its back to Eternally Yours :)
It was a bitter winter, and finding food had become harder and harder over the last few weeks. Everything had already gone into hibernation, migrated or died already. The land lay barren, covered in a deep layer of snow.
A lone doe struggled through the snow, its large brown eyes frantically glancing around. She was not supposed to be in a place like this, but after humans accidently broke her home and she was rudely awoken, she struggled through the icy landscape in search of anything to eat and a place to shelter.
Behind her lurked a lynx, a rare creature in the area. He was hungry and desperate. He had not seen food for days, and humans were slowly advancing on him. The cruel beings took his brothers and sisters for their fur and he wasn’t keen on joining them. He had to live and move forward. The lone lost deer seemed to be his only hope.
He slowly prowled around the deer, hoping not to startle her. If she was to run, he would have to chase, and a hungry, hunted lynx only had so much energy. But as he hid behind another barren tree, the doe fell to the ground, nearly hidden in all the snow. He ran, coming to a stop by the deer’s side. She was weak, tired and looked frozen.
Instinct and emotions are an interesting thing, especially when they clash.
The doe’s large brown eyes stared up into his yellow ones.
Are you giving up?
Yes
Why?
Because I can no longer go on. Would you end it all for me?
The lynx stood there, confused by the sudden turn of events. The deer was giving herself to him, with no fight. It was almost endearing and sweet. His stomach reminded him of the hunger.
Good bye
His teeth tore into the throat, and he could feel her heart beat fading out. It was fulfilling yet empty. Never before had his prey affected him so much. He stood watching her faded brown eyes, never before had food been so interesting.
His moments ended when the huntsman took his chance. The lynx was distracted by his food, and the gun was quicker than his reactions.
And so together they fell.
~~~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~~~
He stared at the small ball of fluff. At first confused and tempted by its presence. Everything usually avoided him, going silent at his presence, yet here he was and not alone, staring down into the dark eyes staring into his own yellow ones.
You’re so big
A deep sound in his chest showed that he was laughing. He leant forwards to the rabbit, his fangs inches from its face
I’m not a small rabbit
He answered, expecting any second for the small creature to run away and leave him alone again. Just like everything else, just like his pack. He sighed inwardly, turning his teeth away from the small creature. Eating him was not going to help him.
You look sad
Honestly he was surprised. Then again it isn’t exactly normal for rabbits to talk to wolves. Something somewhere was different, and for a vague moment, he felt a small sense of familiarity, but he didn’t understand why. After all, they were all animals of instinct, so why were the two of them defying that law?
I’m alone, there is a difference
The rabbit’s ears twitched. His mother had warned him many times about the danger of predators, but when he saw the wolf just lying there at the bottom of the tree, unbelievably thin, he felt no fear, no sense of danger, and soon found himself approaching him.
You’re not alone now, what were you doing?
Waiting
For what?
The end
A pause, the rabbit staring at him in shock, he looked like he wanted to say something, but after all, what could a small rabbit do with a big wolf’s problems? The wolf turned his eyes to a quiet noise he heard, and he knew that this was it. He couldn’t run forever.
You better run
Why?
I’ll eat you if you don’t
He had to at least get rid of the rabbit. It was nice to have such a small distraction, but he didn’t want the small thing to be pulled into all this. Betrayal never kept the bystanders out.
But…
Go!
He snarled right into those rabbits eyes. Surprised when fear didn’t appear in them, but instead anger, how was this small creature prey if he held such power in his eyes? It was a little enchanting.
Fine, I’ll go, but promise me we’ll talk again
The wolf was a little taken back. But he promised and as the rabbit hopped away to home he thought it would be nice to meet again. But he knew that it wouldn’t happen as he looked up into the eyes of the wolf approaching him.
Lone wolfs were never left alone.
~~~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~~~
“Victoria? Are you down here? Your father is looking for you” Claude’s voice echoed down into the basement. Victoria had claimed it as her own private area after she found out that no one had a use for it. It was her get away, her hideout. Here she could escape the qualms of society, the obligations, the status, and everything else that was expected from her. Slowly Justin pulled away from her, not saying a word, scared of being caught with her. Their relationship was a secret, one that would not be approved of. After all, Victoria was from the upper class, daughter of a bank owner, her family helping the finance of the country.
But Justin was nothing.
He worked as the gardener of Victoria’s house, he was born into low class, his family was mostly all dead. His older sister had married the local baker and now they lived together out in the country side, leaving him on his own in London.
He didn’t mind, all that happened allowed him the chance of meeting Victoria. Her strolls in the garden eventually led to them meeting, and talking.
And something clicked.
It would be normal for him to like her, after all she was beautiful, her dark hair framing her face perfectly, her eyes were fierce, but she was kind and caring. But how she liked him back was a mystery, he was just a gardener, who sometimes lost himself in his own thoughts.
Victoria grabbed his hand to stop him from moving away further. Even if he cared about the consequences of their relationship, she had faith that no matter what, they would be able to last against it.
“I’ll be up in a minute Claude.” She replied, carefully pecking at Justin’s lips before getting up and making her way upstairs. She felt sad leaving his side, getting interrupted. Somehow everything just clicked with Justin, no matter what; she was just drawn to him. She could still remember the first time she bumped into him in the gardens, staring off into space with a slight smile on his face. He was handsome, and she was always intrigued by his slightly mysterious aura.
Victoria smiled at her dad as she entered his study, his face was serious as usual, but something about the air in the office was different. She felt uncomfortable.
“Victoria, sit down dear.” She took a seat in front of his desk.
“I know this may come as a surprise, but we have decided to merge with the Edwards bank, and you have been promised to their eldest son, Sebastian.” Victoria stared at him in shock, unable to believe what her father had just informed her about.
“But father, I can’t be married to someone like Sebastian,” She knew him, he was arrogant and cocky, and for the longest time would pester her for attention, but she would not have it, he wasn’t interesting, he couldn’t hold a conversations with her like Justin could, couldn’t keep her attention with little stories like Justin would. “I already have someone I love, and I refuse to marry him” She yelled, ready to storm out of the office when the door opened, when the arrogant man walked in.
“Regardless if you love another, I would have you and love you for always, could he love you forever?” He blocked her escape, towering over her with the height he inherited from his father. He was intimidating, and knew how to hold a presence in a room, but Victoria was different from others, she stood her ground, determined to stare him down. When it was clear that neither them would make a real move, Victoria glared at him a bit more.
“He would love me for eternity, and I love him, why are you getting in the way?”
“Because I want you”
“That isn’t love”
“I don’t care, I am a better choice compared to that gardener boy you seem to be so fond of” Victoria’s eyes widened, how did he knew such a thing? She glanced back in time to witness her father frowning.
“You shall be wed in the next few days then, we can’t have any problems in this merge after all. Victoria, would you kindly return to your room… and never see that boy again” She always knew her father was cold, but hearing him trying to control her life like this, she wouldn’t stand for it.
As she pushed passed Sebastian, she kicked him in the shin, taking pleasure in the suppressed groan as she stormed down the corridor, leading towards the basement. She would have to explain everything to Justin. Maybe she could fix this, he would know what to do, she didn’t need Sebastian, didn’t need her father’s money.
They could run away together.
She was already crying by the time she found Justin in the basement, he immediately hugged her, sensing her pain. He wiped her tears away, gently kissing her. Slowly she let everything out, babbling away about stupid, controlling fathers and arrogant, sneaky bastards. If it wasn’t such a bad situation, he would have laughed at her using such language. She always had quite a mouth for a lady, but somehow he liked it, he knew it was just her way of expressing herself.
“Let’s leave together then? I couldn’t bear to see you with another” he kissed her slowly, “I’ll meet you tonight at the far back end of the garden, where we had that picnic last week. We can get out into the fields through the back. We could find a home in the country side, and I’ll look after you. It won’t be what you are used to, but I’ll do everything I can for you.” She shook in his arms, but nodded none the less.
“Gather your things; take only the stuff you really need, no fancy dresses ok?” She laughed weakly at that statement, and let him go.
“I’ll see you later” His back was the last thing she saw as he left the basement. Slowly she wiped her face, and checked in the mirror that she was presentable. She had to only grab a few things; there wasn’t a lot that she would want to take with her after all. Justin was her world right now, and she wasn’t ready to leave it.
Justin ran to his quarters on the far end of the house. Most of the staff lived on site, it was one of the main reasons he originally took this job. He took his suitcase out from under the bed and packed the necessities. His clothes, some bread, and various other trinkets, a knocking on the door distracted him briefly from his packing. He went over and opened it, greeted by a tall blonde haired man.
“Hello sir, mind if I have a word with you?” Justin nodded, glancing back at his packing. He still had a bit of time before he had to meet Victoria, and it wouldn’t help to be acting suspiciously now.
He followed the other man to the garden, around the back of the kitchen where not many people went.
“I understand that you hold a relationship with my fiancé” Justin blinked, surprised at what this man was saying, this must be Sebastian, his mind supplied. He cautiously took a step back.
“I don’t mean to threaten you, but I would like to ask you to give up on her.”
“I’m sorry sir; that is not possible, I love her too much.”
“But you are a disgrace to her; I can’t let a man of your standing be by her side”
“I’m afraid I can’t let your prejudges stand in the way of love sir, now if you don’t mind I have other matters to attend to”
Justin turned to walk back to his room, determined to finish and take the first step into a new life. He didn’t have time for people that Victoria couldn’t stand, but Justin didn’t get far. The man grabbing him from behind, whispering into his ear.
“I will not stand for you to be near her.” The pain was unbearable as Justin realised what the dull pain in his lower back was. He could feel Sebastian pulling the blade out slowly before plunging it back in at a different location.
Justin let out a mangled gasp as the man pulled away from him, letting him collapse to the floor. Slowly his vision faded out.
No, Victoria… I love you
Victoria stood in the garden waiting, time was slipping by and still Justin had not turned up. She fidgeted nervously with her plain dress. She no longer needed anything expensive or over the top which was deemed fashionable. She had grown tired of this life and only longed for a life spent with her loved one.
Soon she heard someone approaching; she smiled brightly and moved quickly to the path.
“Justin what took you…” she cut off as she stared at the shy smiling face of Sebastian. “What are you doing here?” The other man seemed to shift uncomfortably under her gaze, a rather rare trait for the tall man.
“I met with your… boyfriend… and asked him if he was really serious about you. I would only let you go if he truly wanted you and could make you happy.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Why should you do that? Do you not trust me?”
“I trust you; it’s him I don’t trust. And I was right” he looked away.
“What do you mean?” Victoria asked slowly.
“He left; he didn’t want you, but your money instead. After I found that out, he decided to move on without you. He mentioned something about finding a new life outside of London alone. I’m sorry Victoria.”
She stood there frozen, he fierce eyes portraying the real pain and hurt behind the words…
Justin left…
Left without her…
Never to come for her again…
She wasn’t worth it.
~~~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~~~
Ryo couldn’t explain why he had a dislike for Ueda, there was just something about the older guy that annoyed him, like how he always spaced out, or seemed to never make his mind up on something. The other just annoyed him to no end.
Right to the point where things went beyond the staged fights, beyond what the others saw, right up to the point where he didn’t care how many times he made the older cry. Even after they were torn apart, the threat from the agency and the on screen apologies, Ryo still didn’t feel like really saying sorry or taking back anything.
After all, he hated Ueda.
As the years slowly trickled on, Ryo started to ignore Ueda, and even if he would sometimes catch the older staring at him, he would just brush it off. No matter what nagging feeling would rise inside him to yell at the other, he kept it under control. Ueda wasn’t worth getting punished at his job.
Ueda was quiet and whimsical. He felt lost a lot of the time, thinking deeply about where he was, where he was going and why he was doing this all. Even if his Mom signed him up for Johnny’s and he had made it a bit, he was still unsure if this was really who he was, or if he was constantly hiding behind a mask to hide the insecurity and fear.
When he met Ryo, he was intrigued, the younger had a way of looking confident, he could call things just the way they were and seemed to have no fear over expressing how he felt about things. Ryo was fascinating, but he was always too shy to approach him. All he could do was watch him from afar, and maybe one day, they would have a chance to talk.
Ueda’s heart felt like it shattered when Ryo questioned him, when Ryo spoke down to him, called him names, cornered him and insulted him. It was terrifying and painful for reasons that Ueda wasn’t even sure about. He felt alone when he realised that it would be too weird to ask someone about why he felt so much pain, they would all just say that he was sensitive, or that Ryo was a jerk.
But Ueda wasn’t sensitive and Ryo wasn’t a jerk, it’s just that Ueda couldn’t work out why everything was like this.
Eventually Ryo started to ignore him, and soon Ueda did the same, what was the point in spending your life worrying about one person’s thoughts of you, when you could be out enjoying as much of it as you could.
Only in the quiet of nights did Ueda still think about him. He continued watching him in secret, longing for him. Ueda was afraid of how he felt; he even dated the girl he was supposed to be acting with just to see if he could get rid of the feelings. But the never left, just lingered, continued to bother him, tempting him into a world where he knew he could never cross into.
In conclusion he was tired of it all.
~~~
Ueda was excited to have the evening off. He didn’t have any plans with others so he decided to take the rare chance and eat out at his favourite Italian restaurant. As usual he asked for his table right at the back. It was hard for people to spot him back there, and it actually had a good angle for being able to watch out for people approaching him. The waiter showed the slightest hint of a frown before covering it up.
“Someone just asked for the same table sir, he is also from your company. Do you mind sharing with him, or would you like to wait for a different table to open up?” Ueda glanced around, taking note how busy the restaurant really was.
“If he doesn’t mind” Ueda answered, he got along with most people in Johnnys, it shouldn’t be too hard for him to eat with one. After all, with all the time that had passed, Ueda is a more confident person now. With him acting in dramas and movies now, he was gaining a grip of what he really wanted to do, he was slowly finding himself, and moving forwards.
All that was left was to fill that one gap left in his heart. He followed the waiter after it was confirmed that the other person didn’t mind. But when he got a clear sight of his table, his heart skipped a beat.
Ryo sat staring at him shocked… They continued to stare at each other before the waiter left them.
“Oh great, I was hoping that it was anyone but you, and look what I get.” Ryo started the conversation, breaking the moment of shock. He quickly turned his eyes down, going back over the menu. Ueda stood there; he wasn’t sure how to respond. Should he go home, even if he really wanted to eat the vegetable lasagne from here?
Ryo continued to ignore him, which slowly grated on his nerves before he sat down on the other side of the table, scanning over the wine list quickly deciding what would be best to accompany the lasagne.
A few moments passed before the waiter came and took their orders. The awkwardness between them growing as the seconds passed…
“So why are you here ruining my quiet evening out?” Ryo asked, glaring at Ueda as if it was all planned.
“I just wanted to eat here, not my fault you took my regular seat” Ueda snapped back, Ryo looked slightly surprised for a moment; he always did when Ueda fought back… Somehow he had expected it to always be him that was aggressive.
“So you decide to come here on the same day I do, at the same time, asking for the same table? Oh god you aren’t some weird stalker now are you? Do you like getting insulted to the point that you crave more? Fucking weirdo.”
“The world doesn’t revolve around you by the way. Who cares what you do? I just want my Lasagne” Ueda rolled his eyes… he was tired of this, it wasn’t worth ruining a meal over a fight with Ryo in a public location. He turned his eyes down, taking out his phone as a means of distraction.
They spent their evening together in silence, only making eye contact with Ryo again after the waiter included their meals on the same receipt.
Somehow they ended up sharing a taxi, Ryo lived en route to Ueda’s house, and Ueda didn’t really care. His heart tugged painfully again as Ryo got out the car. He sighed to himself; he really shouldn’t let Ryo get to him like this. It was painful for reasons Ueda wasn’t ready to admit.
~~~
Ryo is lucky that his schedule keeps him rather busy, even if he doesn’t have all of the NEWS projects to keep up with anymore, Kanjani8’s rising popularity keeps him rather busy and occupied. This way he doesn’t run into many other people at the agency. After the surprise dinner with Ueda, he felt he needed all the hecticness to keep his mind straight, Ueda could always annoy him and distract him, simply by being around. So spending his time working, and not running into him was the best way to get rid of the nagging thoughts at the back of his head.
I didn’t last too long though. A few months later he found himself at a large party, was it Pi’s? He wasn’t really sure, but he was there and he could swear every now and again he would catch glimpses of Ueda out of the corner of his eye. It did not help his mood. Somehow it seemed that Ueda was always just hovering around him, physically or mentally. Ryo grabbed a shot from one of the skimpily clad waitresses, downing it and heading towards the dance floor. Nights like these were nights where he would grind, get drunk, have fun and maybe even wake up in bed with some random girl. Ryo enjoyed this life; it was easier to manage than a relationship, although it did get him in trouble every now and again.
Finding a girl to dance with was easy, he was soon smiling at her and moving in time with her. They seemed to gravitate to one another; she carefully looped her hands around his neck, but curiously would push her hips away from him, as if she was avoiding contact with him, until he noticed someone over her shoulder. How could he have missed her dancing with someone else from behind? Now she danced there, trapped between Ryo and Ueda.
It annoyed Ryo.
Most people knew that they didn’t get along, even people outside of the entertainment industry, and pulling a stunt like this in the middle of the dance floor was ridiculous. Ryo wanted to turn, storm off and have another drink, but the challenge in Ueda’s eyes caught his attention.
His eyes sparked with mischief and pride, and Ryo was not about to lose a girl to Ueda. He slowly narrowed his eyes and did his best to hold the girl’s attention. Not willing to back down for one second. Ryo even grabbed at Ueda’s hand on the girls waist to try and dislodge him.
Ryo did not expect Ueda to grab him back. He glanced down at Ueda holding onto him, before feeling the pull and finding himself by the bar, leaving the girl behind. Ueda seemed to be having trouble focusing as he waved the bartender down.
“Don’t tell me, because you have lips like a fish, you also drink like one?” Ryo shot off, ordering himself a beer, raising his eyebrow at the fancy cocktail drink that Ueda seemed to be asking for.
“Yeah yeah Ryo, whatever. If you didn’t spend so much time staring at my lips, maybe would have noticed just how much you have drunk.” Ueda shot back, taking pride in the slight blush that crossed Ryo’s cheeks. Honestly, it was only slight.
“Hard to miss your lips though, they are just huge”
“Better to kiss with” Ueda commented, Ryo stared at him again, “want to try?” Ryo nearly choked on his tongue.
“Why on earth would I want to kiss you? God you really are drunk aren’t you” Ueda laughed, no, giggled at that comment. He leaned slightly towards Ryo and continued to giggle as Ryo leant away.
“You can’t escape me Ryo~” Ueda teased, enjoying the slight panicked look in his eyes. He slowly raised his hand to run it through Ryo’s hair. Just like he always thought, it was soft. He smiled gently as his heart skipped a beat. It always seemed to happen with Ryo around.
“Freak, why are you doing this?” Ryo questioned, getting ready to have to punch Ueda in the face. Ueda stared at him for a moment, thinking over the question.
“I don’t know… I think I might like you” He answered in a lower voice. Despite the music, he still heard it, the words echoing dully in his ears. Ueda could not mean that, he had to be joking about something like that. There was no way that the one guy that he had always hated was now confessing to him. It just didn’t work.
He punched Ueda before he registered what exactly was happening. He became aware of a few people around him pulling him back, some others picking up Ueda. He caught Koki’s eyes glaring at him threateningly. Ryo pulled free of the hands holding him and strode out. He couldn’t deal with this.
~~~
Yet again Ueda was uneasy. How he had managed to get himself into a situation like this, he wasn’t sure. He flinched slightly away from the make-up artist’s hands as she slowly applied concealer to the fading bruise by his eye. Ryo had a strong punch; Ueda was not going to lie. But he was more shocked at what he had said in order to get the black eye.
Did he really like Ryo?
He was aware that Ryo seemed to be different to him than other people. For example, he could always find Ryo in a crowd, sense when he was nearby and even know exactly what kind of mood the other was in just by looking at him. Such attention wasn’t normal, but Ueda never allowed him to think long about it. His chest hurt as he replayed the image of disgust and fear that he managed to paint Ryo’s face with in that one moment.
Any other situation and Ueda probably would have loved to have seen that look cross Ryo’s face. Ueda slowly let his eyes drift around the room. The studio was set up and the Myojo staff were running around organising the last of the equipment to suit the photographer’s requirements. When the door swung open and Maru yelled out to the room “Yoroshiku!!!” Ueda was rather surprised.
Slowly behind Maru, the rest of Kanjani8 filtered in, and Ueda’s eyes immediately found Ryo’s. He quickly looked down, feeling the blush that was probably now making itself visible on his face. When he glanced back up; his heart pulled at the sight of Ryo walking out the room, Okura staring confused after him.
~~~
It was poor management that made Ryo see Ueda again. The bookings people managed to double book the photoshoot time for Kanjani8 and KAT-TUN that day, and Ryo was forced to wander the corridors until he was sure that KAT-TUN would be finished and he could do his job properly without Ueda floating around his vision.
I think I might like you
Ryo shook his head to get rid of those words. But he was intrigued, how could it be that one man that he had always hated made him feel shy about something like a drunken confession. Ryo stopped his wandering and leant on the wall. His heart beating faster ever so slightly, but he was ready to brush it all off. This was not right, not the way he had wanted to live his life. He didn’t need Ueda in his life, messing things up like always. Or did he?
“Ryo-chan, you ok?” Yasu’s voice broke into Ryo’s thoughts, causing the younger to turn and meet Yasu’s concerned eyes. Ryo smiled weakly and nodded.
“Just didn’t feel like hanging around in there with KAT-TUN” Ryo answered.
“Is it cause Ueda is in there?” Yasu asked straight out, he knew that to get answers from Ryo, you just had to ask him directly. Ryo sighed. “Ryo-chan, why did you hit him the other day? Did he do something to you?”
Ryo wanted to answer, tell Yasu that Ueda freaked him out, scared him away and made him panic, but nothing would leave his mouth. All the years of hate between them, and that seems to be the only reason that Ryo can find right now for hitting Ueda. It was the truth, but it was the first time that Ryo had done something like that out of a weakness of himself, beforehand it had always been an act of hate or disgust. What made Ryo think differently this time?
Instead, Ryo turned back towards the studio. The easiest way to deal with this would be to block as much of Ueda out that he could.
This did not help that he walked straight into the elder as he entered the studio.
“Watch where you’re going fairy” Ryo spat at him under his breath.
“Can you not call me that?”
“Why? Afraid others will find out that you play for men? God I should have seen that coming a mile away with all your feminine looks from before.”
“Nishikido, would you please stop talking and forget that night ever happened.” Ueda walked past him, holding back the tears in his eyes. Ryo glanced back at him, unsure how to respond… he wanted to forget, but a painful tug at his heart made him think that maybe, after all this time, that confession was what he was waiting for.
Ueda walked down the corridor, mentally lecturing himself, questioning what was wrong with him. Why was Ryo someone that interested him? What was the point when all Ryo would ever shoot at him was hate? What was the point of these emotions when this was all he got in return? He slowly made his way to the underground car park, climbing into his car before letting the tears run.
“That’s it… I give up… please no more” He leant forward, leaning on the steering wheel, determined to empty out his emotions along with his tears. He was tired of this one-sided, painful love.
~~~
Despite the odd glances and moments of silence, Ueda was fine; or at least that was what he told himself. Every morning he would wake up, take a shower, and erase Ryo from his mind, then go to work. While he was busy he could stop his mind from wandering, he didn’t need to worry about things; but when he was free, he would just sit and not think, he refused to. Thinking would bring back Ryo and the nothing they shared. The rest of KAT-TUN had seemed to notice and he could see them glancing at him occasionally.
“… Ueda?” Kame’s voice filtered into the nothingness that floated around in Ueda’s mind. Ueda blinked up at him, letting a small ‘huh?’ escape his lips. Kame sighed.
“We were asking you if you wanted to join us for a drink after work today” Nakamaru filled in, Ueda nodded slowly; spending some time out with people would be a good distraction. Kame seemed to notice his tendency to space out these days, and casually kept him occupied with conversations between their photoshoots for the rest of that day.
The bar they visited wasn’t too noisy, but the alcohol flowed freely between them. Somehow Koki had managed to get them all to start with shots and fancy cocktails, claiming that such events should be started properly, although Ueda wasn’t too sure what event this was, convinced it was just a rare moment where they felt like going out together.
Ueda wasn’t too sure when he got onto his fourth fancy cocktail, but he was soon up to buy the next round of drinks. Nakamaru seemed to be struggling with the different drinks, leaning a little on Taguchi who smiled as brightly as ever. Kame seemed to have gone all bright eyed and talkative, engaging Koki in some conversation which almost seemed more like flirting in Ueda’s opinion. He swayed slightly at the bar, buying everyone the same drink and asking the bartender to take it to the table. He took his own drink and started to sip at it when he heard a familiar voice.
“Ueda?” Ueda paused, and blinked… he couldn’t now be hearing Ryo’s voice in moments of weakness could he? “Over here you idiot” The sound was coming from behind him. There on the barstool sat Nishikido Ryo, a couple empty beer bottles standing in front of him.
“Why are you here?” The question slipped out. Unaware of how rude he was being.
“Drinking,” Ryo pointed to his drinks.
“Right…” Ueda slowly started to turn to get away from Ryo, slowly things were coming back, and he wasn’t sure he could handle another rejection.
“Don’t go, I’m not done” Ryo grabbed at his arm, pulling him backwards causing Ueda to spill his drink.
“Oh fuck, Nishikido look what you did now” anger flashed through Ueda’s eyes as he looked down at his shirt.
“What? It’s not like I wanted you to be holding a drink.”
“I didn’t exactly want to be pulled backwards.”
“Well I didn’t want you to leave.”
“What? So you don’t look so alone while you drink?”
“No, cause I wanted to tell you that I might like you too idiot.”
“Well maybe you…. What?” Ueda paused, the words processing in his slightly drunk brain. Did Ryo just say that he may like him back, or had Ueda passed out a few minutes ago and was now dreaming up this whole scenario?
“You heard me” Ryo looked away, the blush creeping up on his cheeks. He had decided to not say it, why should he? It went against everything he had thought for the last few years, but with Ueda showing up in front of him, he couldn’t deny the stirring of feelings in his chest, and the next moment it just all burst out.
“Please tell me you aren’t playing with me” Ueda wanted to believe it, but he was staring at the biggest jerk that he knew.
Ryo looked back at him, his face portraying that he was contemplating something. Slowly he raised his hand, grabbing at Ueda’s short black hair and painfully pulled his face down Ryo’s level.
Ryo kissed gently, softly pressing to Ueda’s plump lips. Ryo never thought that lips could be so kissable, until he felt Ueda slowly kissing him back. It was surprising how moments just seemed to fly by with Ueda’s lips moving against his, the sparks between them almost setting alight. Ueda was soon kissing him with force, and Ryo couldn’t do anything but hold tighter onto Ueda’s short hair and pant.
They finally broke apart, attempting to catch their breath. Ueda threw an eye over his shoulder and the rest of KAT-TUN drunkenly talking at the booth before lacing his fingers through Ryo’s and dragging the younger with him.
Ryo stared out the window while they rode in the taxi, their hands were still interlaced, and Ryo could feel Ueda’s gaze on him, but he refused to look back, afraid of the temptation. He wanted to at least spare the driver.
But the moment Ueda’s door shut; there were no more hold backs. Ueda groaned into Ryo’s mouth as Ueda’s back hit the wall. Their intense kissing resumed, with small little thrusts between them. Ryo’s hand started to wander, rubbing down Ueda’s side before pushing up under his shirt.
Ueda’s skin was warm, and Ryo could feel little tingles at his fingertips as if electricity was sparking between them. He sighed into Ueda’s mouth as he felt Ueda wrap his arms around his neck, lacing his fingers into Ryo’s hair, pulling slightly now and again, causing small groans to escape from his lips.
Ryo wasn’t going to deny; Ueda was intoxicating.
Ueda grinded back against Ryo as he slowly pushed against Ryo, intending to lead him out of the hall way and away from the door, even if he wanted this, he didn’t want people in the hallway to hear. Slowly he navigated Ryo towards his room; the younger too distracted by the fingers teasing by his hips to notice what exactly was happening.
Ryo fell backwards on the mattress a little in surprise. He glanced up at Ueda staring down at him while he slid his shirt off his shoulders. He watched the motion, but soon got distracted by Ueda’s body. He knew Ueda did boxing and regularly went to the gym, but Ryo was not expecting to see such a perfectly shaped body in front of him. Slowly he ran his fingers up Ueda’s abs, enjoying the way they jumped a little under his touch. Ueda leaned forwards to lick along Ryo’s collar bone, which was when Ryo realised that he had already lost his shirt, and wasn’t even sure when it happened.
Ueda’s hands worked magic on him, and soon Ryo was moaning underneath him. Ryo made a weak grab at Ueda’s shoulders, but in one smooth motion, had flipped them over. Ueda blinked up at him and raised his eyebrow.
Ryo leaned down to bite into Ueda’s shoulder, the older moaning slightly at the sudden attack, but then he licked and sucked at the spot to leave a mark, enjoying the feeling of Ueda’s shaking below him. Ueda’s hands came up to Ryo’s hips and slowly started to work on the belt and the fastenings on the jeans. Ryo copied him, and a few seconds later they were both naked.
When Ueda wrapped a hand around him, he could feel the electricity again, he wanted to lose himself in it, but now wasn’t the right time for it. He soon wrapped fingers around Ueda and copied the motion, determined to bring the older off before him. He leant forwards, bringing their lengths closer together before pausing to wrap his and Ueda’s hands around both of them. The feeling was amazing.
Ueda’s other hand seemed to be rummaging around in his drawer but Ryo was too busy focusing on the small thrusts of Ueda’s hips, pushing back with his own. His eyes were slowly fluttering closed as he simply started to enjoy the sensation.
Ueda’s other hand was grabbing at him, bringing him closer. Ryo complied, and liked the way that Ueda’s hand would massage his arse. However, Ryo let out a squeak in surprise when he felt a cold sleek finger push into him.
“Wait… Ueda… this” But Ueda wasn’t listening. The older was staring up at him with a cheeky grin on his flushed face.
“I don’t think so, just enjoy it” Ueda uttered huskily at him.
“But…” Ryo couldn’t stop the shiver of excitement that went down his spine. Soon he found himself on his back, Ueda slowly moving a finger in and out of him. The older kissed him to distract him, but Ryo was still uncertain about this. He had never done this before, and to suddenly be bottoming for Ueda. He wasn’t sure…
A moment passed and Ueda gently crooked his fingers (when did he slip two in?) and Ryo let out a surprised moan. He felt like his body was tingling and Ueda’s fingers were the source of it all.
Ueda grinned down at Ryo, enjoying the way he was squirming, but just watching him was driving him to the edge. He glanced at the three fingers he now had in Ryo and decided that it was time, slowly pulling them out.
Ryo let out a whine at the sudden loss; he looked up at Ueda through questioning, lust-clouded eyes. Ueda leaned down to kiss him, gently biting at his lips as he positioned himself. Ryo kissed him back, but bit down hard on Ueda’s lip when he felt Ueda slowly sinking into him.
It hurt at first, but Ueda waited for him to adjust before slowly thrusting into him. Ueda set a slow pace to start, constantly watching Ryo’s eyes not wanting to hurt the other. They had been through so much already.
Ryo shuddered underneath Ueda, but this was slowly turning torturous. He wanted more. He laced his fingers up into Ueda’s hair, bringing them down for a bruising kiss before muttering quietly against Ueda’s lips.
“Tatsuya… more” Ueda froze for a moment, before he lost all self-control and gave a hard thrust into Ryo’s body, causing them both to moan out loud. Ueda’s pace picked up, rapid thrusts crashing right into Ryo’s prostate was driving them both crazy, almost as if everything around them was shattering, showing their true selves to each other.
And it all felt right, as if they had been waiting forever to be in this moment.
The heat around the room grew, and their moans got louder as they rapidly reached their peak. And with a final hard thrust they both came. Ueda collapsed forwards onto Ryo as they slowly caught their breaths.
Ryo slowly came down and was vaguely aware of Ueda cleaning him up. He turned onto his side, finding Ueda’s warmth, which was now lying down next to him, and snuggled into him.
~~~
Ryo woke up to a sudden coldness on his back. He rolled over trying to find it again, but instead was met by another person’s body, that seemed to move away from him again. He slowly opened his eyes, looking up towards the back that was now turned towards him. The shoulders seemed to be shaking little, and Ryo had an urge to wrap his arms around them and still it.
Then last night came back to Ryo and he could suddenly feel the redness taking over his face.
“Ueda?” the other jumped.
“What?” his voice cracked a little, but the other refused to turn around and see him. This annoyed Ryo, so he slowly sat up, pulling at the other’s shoulder to turn him onto his back so that Ryo could look at him.
He did not expect to see Ueda crying, his hands quickly coming up to hide them.
“Why are you crying?” Ryo felt really concerned, he had made the other cry before, but this time it felt worse, he feared that he may have really hurt Ueda, yet he didn’t know what he did.
“It’s just… just… what now? I don’t want this to just be a one night stand… you didn’t use me did you?” Ueda groaned out, the sobs breaking out louder and harder than earlier. Ryo took his hands, moving them away from Ueda’s face. He leant down to gently kiss Ueda on the lips.
“This isn’t a one night stand. I don’t want it to be” he gently calmed Ueda down, the other’s tears stopped falling, and he looked up at Ryo rather wide eyed, “I think… I like us together” Ryo added quietly, looking away as he felt his cheeks heat up again.
“I like us together too” Ueda answered, moving his hand to lace it with Ryo’s.
“Just… don’t ever disappear on me! I don’t think my heart could handle it” Ryo stuttered out. He wasn’t too sure why he said it, but he knew that he meant it and that there may be more meaning behind it than they realised.
“Never, I’ll never leave you again”
~~~ Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ ~~~