My reflection - chapter 35, last chapter, Ruki/Kai, Reita/Uruha
Author: yukigafuru
Title: My reflection
Chapters:36/36
Pairing: Ruki/Kai, Uruha/Reita, Aoi/OC, Aoi/Sakito
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Chapter 35
Sakito was worried about Ruki and Uruha, but he was also worried about the raven-haired guitarist. He had given large quantities of his blood, hadn’t taken enough rest afterwards and since then had been consoling his two friends. Sakito watched him carefully and therefore he noticed that almost immediately after his talk with Ruki, Aoi had swayed for a few moments. That was Sakito’s cue to get up and go to his side.
“Aoi-kun, come on, you need to get something to eat and drink. You’re swaying on your feet.”
“I’m fine.” And then looking towards his other two friends, he whispered, for only Sakito to hear him. “I can’t leave them alone.”
“I’ll carry you if I have to. Just a few minutes. There are some vending machines a bit down the hall. You can get then something to drink and to eat. You need your energy, don’t you?”
It was then that Uruha looked up and said:
“Aoi-kun, go with him. We’ll be fine. All we can do is wait after all.”
Aoi just nodded and let himself be led by Sakito. They walked down the corridor and kept walking, until they reached the elevators and Sakito called one.
“I thought it was just down the hall.”
The elevator came, but Sakito didn’t reply. Only once he pushed the button of the ground floor, he put his arms around Aoi’s shoulders and without applying any pressure, gently hugged him from behind. Oh, he knew that Aoi wasn’t going to like his idea, but it was Sakito’s duty to take care of him, especially when he wouldn’t take care of himself.
“We’re not going to buy some food from the vending machines. There’s a nice restaurant close from here. I saw it when we came. It’s still early so I’m sure they’re still open. You need something healthy to eat and a bit of time away from here.”
“No, we’re going back. This is not what we agreed on.”
Sakito lightly kissed Aoi’s neck.
“Love, listen to me. I’m worried about you.”
“I’m not the one that has a lover in the ER.”
“No, but you are a man who has two of his best friends in there. There’s no way you are as calm as you want to pretend to be. I know you’re strong but no one is this strong and just pushing yourself past your breaking point won’t be helping those two either.”
Sakito knew he had made a point when Aoi’s shoulders shrank and he released a deep sigh. He also started shivering a bit. Sakito couldn’t tell if it was the fact that he was restraining himself emotionally or just the fatigue of giving so much blood.
“Fine. But we’ll be back as soon as possible.”
“Love, do you have something to get off your chest?”
Aoi chuckled and put his own palms over Sakito’s hands.
“How do you know me so well already?”
Sakito didn’t answer.
“I just…” Aoi was obviously forcing himself to say what was on his mind, since his shaking got a bit stronger. Sakito embraced him a bit tighter. “I guess I’m just not over the shock of seeing Reita drenched in all that blood and Kai breathing so heavily. They’re two of the strongest people I’ve ever known. They’re much stronger than me and still… I can’t even imagine what Ruki-kun and Uruha-kun are going through.”
The elevator reached the first floor and Sakito had to let go of Aoi in order for them to get out, but as soon as they had left the elevator, he embraced Aoi tightly again, this time winding his arms around his torso, and pressing him tightly against his chest.
Aoi just breathed in his lover’s scent and slowly tried to calm himself. It took a bit, but he was glad that he had managed it. Sakito had been right, he had needed to get away for a few minutes and convince himself that he was truly living the whole thing.
If Aoi had only known that precisely while they were away…
…………………………
Ruki sometimes felt as if he was not truly there, he was somehow disconnected. The sounds seemed duller, the smells didn’t reach him, Uruha’s tears didn’t move him, he couldn’t feel himself shaking or the blood flowing down his hands. And still, there he was, truly waiting for a real doctor to give them some very real and dreadful news.
Ruki was brutally snapped out from his semi-awake state by the door to the operation room opening and the doctor, dressed entirely in white, with his mask still on, approaching them. Uruha got up. Ruki straightened. The doctor removed his mask when he was two steps away from them. And then he addressed them.
“Suzuki-san and Uke-san’s condition were critical when brought in. From what we could deduce, Suzuki-san had been stabbed, while Uke-san had probably been hit from behind. Suzuki-san had a severe loss of blood. Thankfully, with the prompt blood transfusion and a quick operation, Suzuki-san is now out of all danger.”
Uruha breathed relieved and slumped on the bench. It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
Ruki, for a few brief moments, thought that he’d be hearing the same kind of news but his hopes were immediately shattered.
“However, I am sorry that I can not say the same thing about Uke-san. He suffered from what we call a traumatic brain injury. There is evidence that the blood flow in the brain has been altered; we are possibly confronted with a subdural hematoma, but such a diagnosis cannot be given after only a few hours since the lesion has occurred. However, there is a severe hemorrhage, located in the parietal lobe, in the anterior intraparietal area. Which means that surgery is extremely dangerous, especially in these circumstances. Frankly, left alone, with perfusions and intra-venous medication, there are chances that the bleeding will recede; whether the recovery is total or partial is of course an unknown factor. An operation is extremely difficult and risky. We cannot even assure that the patient maintain his life. I advise waiting. He is currently in a coma.”
Ruki couldn’t speak. He could just stare at the bastard who dared talk about Kai’s life as if he was describing the weather. And Kai’s life was in his hands. The one who asked the much needed questions was Uruha.
“If you operate now, what are the chances of complete recovery?”
“About sixty percent. But only if the blood has not pressured the area too much. Right now, it is impossible to tell. In the worst case, his chances could be about twenty percent.”
“What if you do not operate?”
“He will be constantly monitored. If the situation worsens, we will be prepared to intervene immediately. There are too many unknown factors. However, if he comes out of the coma in less than 24 hours, his chances of a full recovery are over ninety percent. If the coma continues for less than 48 hours, but more than 24, than his chances of a full recovery reduce to about forty percent. The longer the wait, the harder it is to expect it, especially full motor recovery. If I may be honest, in that case, there are big chances that he will never drum again.”
Uruha didn’t even want to ask what happened if he didn’t wake up in two days. He couldn’t. Not with Ruki there, who was trembling like a leaf. The only question he knew he had to ask was:
“Can we see them?”
Reita was out of danger, so there were no objections to Uruha’s question-like demand, but in Kai’s case… However, looking at Ruki, even the doctor couldn’t be so blind as not to see what was the situation. He gave his approval, under strict indication that the patient should not be bothered. He retired swiftly, after saying that they could always discuss the case with him and had indicated his office.
Once the doctor was out of sight, Ruki simply collapsed. He felt as if someone were strangling him. His sobs came out as cries as he struggled to breathe. He couldn’t shed tears because if he’d start than he couldn’t hold on anymore. And he needed to see Kai. He had to see Kai.
Ruki didn’t even register that Aoi and Sakito had come back, or that Uruha had told them everything. He did feel the light touch that came minutes later, and when he managed to look up, he saw Aoi, smiling encouragingly, extending the blue plastic suit every visitor was supposed to wear when visiting patients in the ER.
It was all a blur again after that because one minute he was receiving the suit and the next he was in front of Kai’s bed, looking down at his beautiful face. If not for the wires and all the machines, no one could even suspect the drummer’s state. He just seemed to be sleeping peacefully, more peacefully than Ruki had ever seen him sleep. And that was precisely the reason why Ruki panicked. Because he suddenly thought: “no one that is still alive can be that peaceful. He left me. He’s already not here.”
He made a jerking move to touch Kai, wake him up, shake him awake, back to life, but he managed to stop himself in time when he heard Reita’s voice, muffled by the distance and the fatigue. But it was obviously Reita’s voice. And then sound came back to Ruki and he heard the loud noise of the machines indicating Kai’s heartbeat. Thump, thump, thum; a regular drumming. And Ruki had the weirdest thought: “even then, Kai was drumming.”
With his mind, soul and body a mess, Ruki sat down on a chair next to Kai’s bed and listened to that drumming sound. Without his permission, Ruki fell asleep.
………………………
Uruha hadn’t expected Reita to wake up so soon. He was more than ready for it to take days, with all the blood loss. As long as he knew Reita was going to be fine, he wouldn’t have minded waiting for weeks. When Reita opened his beautiful eyes, Uruha gasped and relief just washed over him. He didn’t say a word though, just in case Reita wouldn’t completely wake up just yet. But the bassist was stubborn and a couple of minutes later he was asking in a shaky voice.
“Uru?”
“Yeah. You’re in the hospital, Reita.”
‘Why?”
“You got stabbed by Ryo’s dad.”
“Ryo?”
Uruha understood that it was an effort for Reita to even speak at all, not to mention form long sentences. So he just resumed everything that happened. At first he had thought that he wouldn’t say the truth about Kai, stop Reita from worrying. But he had never been able to lie to Reita and even if he did, the lie would be out soon enough. He was scared though to see that Reita was trying to move.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing? You need to stay put.”
And Uruha grabbed Reita’s shoulders and with ease pinned him to the bed, while talking some sense into him.
“Where would you like to go? Find that bastard? The police are taking care of that. Find Ryo-kun? He’d be worried to bits if he saw you like that, not to mention that it was because of him that you got hurt. Kai-kun’s side? Do you really think Ruki-kun needs that?”
When he had finished talking, he realized that Reita had completely given up struggling and one big tear was trailing down his face.
“Rei?”
“Not crying.”
“I know.”
And then silence descended over them. Soon, Reita was back to sleep. Willingly or not, his body couldn’t stand being awake for more time. Uruha watched his sleep.
………………..
The next day, Ruki was awoken when he felt the presence of someone next to him. He looked up and was shocked to see Kai’s mother. She didn’t bother with the greetings. It wasn’t the time.
“Yuu-san let me know.”
Ruki made to sit up and give her the chair but she put a hand on his shoulder, indicating for him to sit down.
“You don’t need to. I won’t be staying long.”
At Ruki’s perplexed face, she explained.
“The doctor prohibited more than one person being in here. And I know Kai’d rather you be here. You know, Ruki-kun, I love my son and I do believe he loves me back. I accept everything he tells me, because I’ve always felt he was more than capable to make his own decisions. Maybe that is why he tells me everything. He told me about you. He loves you so much.” She paused a bit and gazed into Ruki’s eyes. “And I’m sure you love him back in the same way, if not more. There is nothing to do for me here. So I’m just going to go home and wait, wait for him to call back again. That is all I can do. But you, I believe you can get him to wake up.”
“How?” Ruki asked in a shaky voice.
“That, I do not know.”
After telling her son goodbye and giving Ruki a hug, she walked out. She didn’t shed one tear. Ruki was left alone.
“Kai, wake up. Please!” There was no reaction.
“You didn’t tell me you told her about us. She’s a wonderful mother, isn’t she?” He started saying in a normal tone, but the longer he went, the more his voice would become strangled.
“Kai, I need you. Come back to me. You promised.”
Nothing worked.
………………..
24 hours passed. Ruki despaired. And then 48 hours passed. Ruki went beyond despair. After a week, Ruki didn’t even know what world he lived in anymore. It seemed as if his dim, mute and deaf world was there to stay.
The doctor allowed more people to come in. An operation was already out of the question. The blood had receded but Kai would still not wake up.
And then, one day, Miyuki came in. And she slapped Ruki. His only reaction was to lift his gaze from Kai and look at her.
“Will you wake up already? It doesn’t even look like Kai-san is the one in the coma, but you look as if you are! Aoi-kun and Sakito-san are worried dead over you. They’ve tried everything to get you to leave this hospital, but nothing. You even change and shower here. Get a grip of yourself.”
Ruki just answered mechanically. It was the same answer he had given the other four guys. (Reita had also come)
“If I’m not here, he won’t wake up.”
“If you’re here, he won’t wake up!” She practically screamed. She managed to get Ruki’s attention. It was probably the first time since the incident that someone other than Kai did that.
“What?”
“He’ll only wake up for the one he loves.”
Ruki was even more confused. But Miyuki wouldn’t explain more. She just said: “Are you the one he fell in love with?” And then she left.
For hours, Ruki couldn’t understand what she had been on about. Of course he was the one Kai loved, wasn’t he?
Towards mid-day he had to get up and go to the toilet. And that was when it hit him.
While washing his hands, he looked up at the mirror and his reflection screamed the answer back at him. He wasn’t Ruki anymore. He was thin, had dark circles around his eyes, his hair was un-kept, he was ghostly white and his skin looked like parchment, his once blond hair somehow didn’t even seem blond anymore but a grayish whitish something. He then looked at his body. He had obviously lost some kilograms, his clothes were hanging on him and they were ghastly in the first place. He then looked back at his reflection.
“I promised, hadn’t I?”
His reflection seemed to nod.
“I broke that promise, didn’t I? I gave up; when I said I would never give up again. Somehow, along the way, I stopped believing. I stopped believing in me, I stopped believing in him. He fell in love with me during my struggles with that disease; he fell in love with me because I struggled. Who he loves is not this weak, pathetic thing but the Ruki that fights and trusts him, the Ruki that stayed awake for him.”
The Ruki before the eating disorder had lived in a bright, colorful world. The Ruki before Kai’s accident had been living in a foggy world, but a world where the sun would shine brightly from time to time, a world where he had always had by his side the brightest light to guide him through the shadows. Since the incident and the doctor had gave them the news, a bit more than a week ago, he had been living in a world where the fog had been so thick that he couldn’t take a step without hurting himself, bumping into something, a world where the sun never came out and most of all, a world without his light. And he was the only one who could bring his light back.
He went back into Kai’s room (he had been moved from the emergency room), took his hand, and in the clearest voice in a week, he declared.
“I’ll be going home for today. It must be a mess, and I know how much you hate mess. I’ll be back, okay? I’m sure in the meantime one of the guys is going to stay with you.”
In the corridor, he met Aoi, who seemed utterly shell-shocked at seeing him there.
“Ruki-kun?”
“I’ll be going home for a bit, Aoi-shi. I need to get a bit cleaned up and bring something to work on.”
“Work on?” Aoi couldn’t get over his shock. What had happened? And a horrible idea made way into his head. “Ru-chan, are you alright? Where is Kai-kun?”
Ruki almost got mad, but he didn’t even have the energy for that. And he also understood why Aoi was worried.
“I’m not delusional, Aoi-shi. Neither am I going to do something stupid. Miyuki-san got me to come to my senses. And yes, work on, because if I don’t, when he wakes up, Kai is gonna beat the crap out of me for lazing around.”
Aoi just nodded.
……………………
Life went on. It was hard, but life always seemed to find a way to move on. The first hours alone in their apartment had almost had Ruki climbing on the wall. He only managed to relax after drinking himself to sleep. The next day, he was back at the hospital but in the evening he returned to his apartment again. He cleaned up the place. The next day, he wrote some lyrics that before had never seemed to come out properly. Pouring his soul out helped. He could walk through the fog again…
A week later…He was telling Kai the news.
“They finally found him, you know. He won’t get away with less than 40 years. I think Reita-kun and Uruha-kun already told you but they’ll probably be able to adopt Ryo-kun. You really have to be amazed at what getting a good lawyer and knowing the right people can get you in Japan.
Now, your dear Ruki’s complaining time. I’ve finished all the work I had to do for months. (He chuckled.) The guys can’t even think up phrases as fast as I spurt out ideas and lyrics. I mean really, I should be the one mumbling.
I saw Miyuki-san again today. Miyuki-san is healthy and so is the baby. She told me that Aoi-shi and Sakito-kun finally had their date. I mean can you believe they weren’t the ones to tell me! I’ll let you get all the details from them.
Now, we’re all waiting for you so that Reita-kun can finally propose to Uruha-kun. He’s been planning it for months, you know. Don’t know how he’ll manage to get married in Japan. It’s definitely not gonna be a city-hall wedding. He’ll have to tell you about that.
So we’re all just waiting for you to wake up.
(He pulled the window’s curtains even wider, letting the sun’s rays warm up the room.)
And I… I’ll always be waiting, Kai, because especially now when the colors are bright and the sun is shining, I want to walk and see the world with you, together.”
Ruki almost fainted when all of a sudden, Kai opened his eyes. He also seemed like he wanted to speak but his throat was too dry. Ruki forgot all about calling the doctor or letting anyone else know. He just gave Kai a bit of water to drink and stared at him. For what seemed like an eternity, they looked at each other. Then Kai said, in what was more of a whispered-mumbling than speech, but amazingly, Ruki could understand it all:
“Ru-chan, will you marry me?” Ruki blinked. Kai added. “We can’t let those two have all the fun, now can we?”
There was no stopping Ruki’s teary kiss. Only minutes later did he realize he should have called the doctor. He did, but he didn’t really need to, because he knew then and there that Kai was back, the same Kai was back, his Kai was back. And the Gazette would be having their next concert in no time. Just before reaching the doctor’s office, this thought entered his head: “Damn, I have a wedding to plan."
A/N: And it is over. I can't believe it. It's been such a long ride. Almost felt teary. It all started as a request and well, became this. Every single minute was fun writing and I hope you've loved reading it and that you'll let me know.
About this chapter, just one thing I'd like to say. The ending might seem rushed, but it isn't. It's just made this way. I hope that if you really think about it, you'll understand why. I'm not excluding the possibility of an epilogue to make up for the wedding and everything but for me, that point right there was the point I absolutely had to end the fic. Well, if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.
Title: My reflection
Chapters:36/36
Pairing: Ruki/Kai, Uruha/Reita, Aoi/OC, Aoi/Sakito
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Chapter 35
Sakito was worried about Ruki and Uruha, but he was also worried about the raven-haired guitarist. He had given large quantities of his blood, hadn’t taken enough rest afterwards and since then had been consoling his two friends. Sakito watched him carefully and therefore he noticed that almost immediately after his talk with Ruki, Aoi had swayed for a few moments. That was Sakito’s cue to get up and go to his side.
“Aoi-kun, come on, you need to get something to eat and drink. You’re swaying on your feet.”
“I’m fine.” And then looking towards his other two friends, he whispered, for only Sakito to hear him. “I can’t leave them alone.”
“I’ll carry you if I have to. Just a few minutes. There are some vending machines a bit down the hall. You can get then something to drink and to eat. You need your energy, don’t you?”
It was then that Uruha looked up and said:
“Aoi-kun, go with him. We’ll be fine. All we can do is wait after all.”
Aoi just nodded and let himself be led by Sakito. They walked down the corridor and kept walking, until they reached the elevators and Sakito called one.
“I thought it was just down the hall.”
The elevator came, but Sakito didn’t reply. Only once he pushed the button of the ground floor, he put his arms around Aoi’s shoulders and without applying any pressure, gently hugged him from behind. Oh, he knew that Aoi wasn’t going to like his idea, but it was Sakito’s duty to take care of him, especially when he wouldn’t take care of himself.
“We’re not going to buy some food from the vending machines. There’s a nice restaurant close from here. I saw it when we came. It’s still early so I’m sure they’re still open. You need something healthy to eat and a bit of time away from here.”
“No, we’re going back. This is not what we agreed on.”
Sakito lightly kissed Aoi’s neck.
“Love, listen to me. I’m worried about you.”
“I’m not the one that has a lover in the ER.”
“No, but you are a man who has two of his best friends in there. There’s no way you are as calm as you want to pretend to be. I know you’re strong but no one is this strong and just pushing yourself past your breaking point won’t be helping those two either.”
Sakito knew he had made a point when Aoi’s shoulders shrank and he released a deep sigh. He also started shivering a bit. Sakito couldn’t tell if it was the fact that he was restraining himself emotionally or just the fatigue of giving so much blood.
“Fine. But we’ll be back as soon as possible.”
“Love, do you have something to get off your chest?”
Aoi chuckled and put his own palms over Sakito’s hands.
“How do you know me so well already?”
Sakito didn’t answer.
“I just…” Aoi was obviously forcing himself to say what was on his mind, since his shaking got a bit stronger. Sakito embraced him a bit tighter. “I guess I’m just not over the shock of seeing Reita drenched in all that blood and Kai breathing so heavily. They’re two of the strongest people I’ve ever known. They’re much stronger than me and still… I can’t even imagine what Ruki-kun and Uruha-kun are going through.”
The elevator reached the first floor and Sakito had to let go of Aoi in order for them to get out, but as soon as they had left the elevator, he embraced Aoi tightly again, this time winding his arms around his torso, and pressing him tightly against his chest.
Aoi just breathed in his lover’s scent and slowly tried to calm himself. It took a bit, but he was glad that he had managed it. Sakito had been right, he had needed to get away for a few minutes and convince himself that he was truly living the whole thing.
If Aoi had only known that precisely while they were away…
…………………………
Ruki sometimes felt as if he was not truly there, he was somehow disconnected. The sounds seemed duller, the smells didn’t reach him, Uruha’s tears didn’t move him, he couldn’t feel himself shaking or the blood flowing down his hands. And still, there he was, truly waiting for a real doctor to give them some very real and dreadful news.
Ruki was brutally snapped out from his semi-awake state by the door to the operation room opening and the doctor, dressed entirely in white, with his mask still on, approaching them. Uruha got up. Ruki straightened. The doctor removed his mask when he was two steps away from them. And then he addressed them.
“Suzuki-san and Uke-san’s condition were critical when brought in. From what we could deduce, Suzuki-san had been stabbed, while Uke-san had probably been hit from behind. Suzuki-san had a severe loss of blood. Thankfully, with the prompt blood transfusion and a quick operation, Suzuki-san is now out of all danger.”
Uruha breathed relieved and slumped on the bench. It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
Ruki, for a few brief moments, thought that he’d be hearing the same kind of news but his hopes were immediately shattered.
“However, I am sorry that I can not say the same thing about Uke-san. He suffered from what we call a traumatic brain injury. There is evidence that the blood flow in the brain has been altered; we are possibly confronted with a subdural hematoma, but such a diagnosis cannot be given after only a few hours since the lesion has occurred. However, there is a severe hemorrhage, located in the parietal lobe, in the anterior intraparietal area. Which means that surgery is extremely dangerous, especially in these circumstances. Frankly, left alone, with perfusions and intra-venous medication, there are chances that the bleeding will recede; whether the recovery is total or partial is of course an unknown factor. An operation is extremely difficult and risky. We cannot even assure that the patient maintain his life. I advise waiting. He is currently in a coma.”
Ruki couldn’t speak. He could just stare at the bastard who dared talk about Kai’s life as if he was describing the weather. And Kai’s life was in his hands. The one who asked the much needed questions was Uruha.
“If you operate now, what are the chances of complete recovery?”
“About sixty percent. But only if the blood has not pressured the area too much. Right now, it is impossible to tell. In the worst case, his chances could be about twenty percent.”
“What if you do not operate?”
“He will be constantly monitored. If the situation worsens, we will be prepared to intervene immediately. There are too many unknown factors. However, if he comes out of the coma in less than 24 hours, his chances of a full recovery are over ninety percent. If the coma continues for less than 48 hours, but more than 24, than his chances of a full recovery reduce to about forty percent. The longer the wait, the harder it is to expect it, especially full motor recovery. If I may be honest, in that case, there are big chances that he will never drum again.”
Uruha didn’t even want to ask what happened if he didn’t wake up in two days. He couldn’t. Not with Ruki there, who was trembling like a leaf. The only question he knew he had to ask was:
“Can we see them?”
Reita was out of danger, so there were no objections to Uruha’s question-like demand, but in Kai’s case… However, looking at Ruki, even the doctor couldn’t be so blind as not to see what was the situation. He gave his approval, under strict indication that the patient should not be bothered. He retired swiftly, after saying that they could always discuss the case with him and had indicated his office.
Once the doctor was out of sight, Ruki simply collapsed. He felt as if someone were strangling him. His sobs came out as cries as he struggled to breathe. He couldn’t shed tears because if he’d start than he couldn’t hold on anymore. And he needed to see Kai. He had to see Kai.
Ruki didn’t even register that Aoi and Sakito had come back, or that Uruha had told them everything. He did feel the light touch that came minutes later, and when he managed to look up, he saw Aoi, smiling encouragingly, extending the blue plastic suit every visitor was supposed to wear when visiting patients in the ER.
It was all a blur again after that because one minute he was receiving the suit and the next he was in front of Kai’s bed, looking down at his beautiful face. If not for the wires and all the machines, no one could even suspect the drummer’s state. He just seemed to be sleeping peacefully, more peacefully than Ruki had ever seen him sleep. And that was precisely the reason why Ruki panicked. Because he suddenly thought: “no one that is still alive can be that peaceful. He left me. He’s already not here.”
He made a jerking move to touch Kai, wake him up, shake him awake, back to life, but he managed to stop himself in time when he heard Reita’s voice, muffled by the distance and the fatigue. But it was obviously Reita’s voice. And then sound came back to Ruki and he heard the loud noise of the machines indicating Kai’s heartbeat. Thump, thump, thum; a regular drumming. And Ruki had the weirdest thought: “even then, Kai was drumming.”
With his mind, soul and body a mess, Ruki sat down on a chair next to Kai’s bed and listened to that drumming sound. Without his permission, Ruki fell asleep.
………………………
Uruha hadn’t expected Reita to wake up so soon. He was more than ready for it to take days, with all the blood loss. As long as he knew Reita was going to be fine, he wouldn’t have minded waiting for weeks. When Reita opened his beautiful eyes, Uruha gasped and relief just washed over him. He didn’t say a word though, just in case Reita wouldn’t completely wake up just yet. But the bassist was stubborn and a couple of minutes later he was asking in a shaky voice.
“Uru?”
“Yeah. You’re in the hospital, Reita.”
‘Why?”
“You got stabbed by Ryo’s dad.”
“Ryo?”
Uruha understood that it was an effort for Reita to even speak at all, not to mention form long sentences. So he just resumed everything that happened. At first he had thought that he wouldn’t say the truth about Kai, stop Reita from worrying. But he had never been able to lie to Reita and even if he did, the lie would be out soon enough. He was scared though to see that Reita was trying to move.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing? You need to stay put.”
And Uruha grabbed Reita’s shoulders and with ease pinned him to the bed, while talking some sense into him.
“Where would you like to go? Find that bastard? The police are taking care of that. Find Ryo-kun? He’d be worried to bits if he saw you like that, not to mention that it was because of him that you got hurt. Kai-kun’s side? Do you really think Ruki-kun needs that?”
When he had finished talking, he realized that Reita had completely given up struggling and one big tear was trailing down his face.
“Rei?”
“Not crying.”
“I know.”
And then silence descended over them. Soon, Reita was back to sleep. Willingly or not, his body couldn’t stand being awake for more time. Uruha watched his sleep.
………………..
The next day, Ruki was awoken when he felt the presence of someone next to him. He looked up and was shocked to see Kai’s mother. She didn’t bother with the greetings. It wasn’t the time.
“Yuu-san let me know.”
Ruki made to sit up and give her the chair but she put a hand on his shoulder, indicating for him to sit down.
“You don’t need to. I won’t be staying long.”
At Ruki’s perplexed face, she explained.
“The doctor prohibited more than one person being in here. And I know Kai’d rather you be here. You know, Ruki-kun, I love my son and I do believe he loves me back. I accept everything he tells me, because I’ve always felt he was more than capable to make his own decisions. Maybe that is why he tells me everything. He told me about you. He loves you so much.” She paused a bit and gazed into Ruki’s eyes. “And I’m sure you love him back in the same way, if not more. There is nothing to do for me here. So I’m just going to go home and wait, wait for him to call back again. That is all I can do. But you, I believe you can get him to wake up.”
“How?” Ruki asked in a shaky voice.
“That, I do not know.”
After telling her son goodbye and giving Ruki a hug, she walked out. She didn’t shed one tear. Ruki was left alone.
“Kai, wake up. Please!” There was no reaction.
“You didn’t tell me you told her about us. She’s a wonderful mother, isn’t she?” He started saying in a normal tone, but the longer he went, the more his voice would become strangled.
“Kai, I need you. Come back to me. You promised.”
Nothing worked.
………………..
24 hours passed. Ruki despaired. And then 48 hours passed. Ruki went beyond despair. After a week, Ruki didn’t even know what world he lived in anymore. It seemed as if his dim, mute and deaf world was there to stay.
The doctor allowed more people to come in. An operation was already out of the question. The blood had receded but Kai would still not wake up.
And then, one day, Miyuki came in. And she slapped Ruki. His only reaction was to lift his gaze from Kai and look at her.
“Will you wake up already? It doesn’t even look like Kai-san is the one in the coma, but you look as if you are! Aoi-kun and Sakito-san are worried dead over you. They’ve tried everything to get you to leave this hospital, but nothing. You even change and shower here. Get a grip of yourself.”
Ruki just answered mechanically. It was the same answer he had given the other four guys. (Reita had also come)
“If I’m not here, he won’t wake up.”
“If you’re here, he won’t wake up!” She practically screamed. She managed to get Ruki’s attention. It was probably the first time since the incident that someone other than Kai did that.
“What?”
“He’ll only wake up for the one he loves.”
Ruki was even more confused. But Miyuki wouldn’t explain more. She just said: “Are you the one he fell in love with?” And then she left.
For hours, Ruki couldn’t understand what she had been on about. Of course he was the one Kai loved, wasn’t he?
Towards mid-day he had to get up and go to the toilet. And that was when it hit him.
While washing his hands, he looked up at the mirror and his reflection screamed the answer back at him. He wasn’t Ruki anymore. He was thin, had dark circles around his eyes, his hair was un-kept, he was ghostly white and his skin looked like parchment, his once blond hair somehow didn’t even seem blond anymore but a grayish whitish something. He then looked at his body. He had obviously lost some kilograms, his clothes were hanging on him and they were ghastly in the first place. He then looked back at his reflection.
“I promised, hadn’t I?”
His reflection seemed to nod.
“I broke that promise, didn’t I? I gave up; when I said I would never give up again. Somehow, along the way, I stopped believing. I stopped believing in me, I stopped believing in him. He fell in love with me during my struggles with that disease; he fell in love with me because I struggled. Who he loves is not this weak, pathetic thing but the Ruki that fights and trusts him, the Ruki that stayed awake for him.”
The Ruki before the eating disorder had lived in a bright, colorful world. The Ruki before Kai’s accident had been living in a foggy world, but a world where the sun would shine brightly from time to time, a world where he had always had by his side the brightest light to guide him through the shadows. Since the incident and the doctor had gave them the news, a bit more than a week ago, he had been living in a world where the fog had been so thick that he couldn’t take a step without hurting himself, bumping into something, a world where the sun never came out and most of all, a world without his light. And he was the only one who could bring his light back.
He went back into Kai’s room (he had been moved from the emergency room), took his hand, and in the clearest voice in a week, he declared.
“I’ll be going home for today. It must be a mess, and I know how much you hate mess. I’ll be back, okay? I’m sure in the meantime one of the guys is going to stay with you.”
In the corridor, he met Aoi, who seemed utterly shell-shocked at seeing him there.
“Ruki-kun?”
“I’ll be going home for a bit, Aoi-shi. I need to get a bit cleaned up and bring something to work on.”
“Work on?” Aoi couldn’t get over his shock. What had happened? And a horrible idea made way into his head. “Ru-chan, are you alright? Where is Kai-kun?”
Ruki almost got mad, but he didn’t even have the energy for that. And he also understood why Aoi was worried.
“I’m not delusional, Aoi-shi. Neither am I going to do something stupid. Miyuki-san got me to come to my senses. And yes, work on, because if I don’t, when he wakes up, Kai is gonna beat the crap out of me for lazing around.”
Aoi just nodded.
……………………
Life went on. It was hard, but life always seemed to find a way to move on. The first hours alone in their apartment had almost had Ruki climbing on the wall. He only managed to relax after drinking himself to sleep. The next day, he was back at the hospital but in the evening he returned to his apartment again. He cleaned up the place. The next day, he wrote some lyrics that before had never seemed to come out properly. Pouring his soul out helped. He could walk through the fog again…
A week later…He was telling Kai the news.
“They finally found him, you know. He won’t get away with less than 40 years. I think Reita-kun and Uruha-kun already told you but they’ll probably be able to adopt Ryo-kun. You really have to be amazed at what getting a good lawyer and knowing the right people can get you in Japan.
Now, your dear Ruki’s complaining time. I’ve finished all the work I had to do for months. (He chuckled.) The guys can’t even think up phrases as fast as I spurt out ideas and lyrics. I mean really, I should be the one mumbling.
I saw Miyuki-san again today. Miyuki-san is healthy and so is the baby. She told me that Aoi-shi and Sakito-kun finally had their date. I mean can you believe they weren’t the ones to tell me! I’ll let you get all the details from them.
Now, we’re all waiting for you so that Reita-kun can finally propose to Uruha-kun. He’s been planning it for months, you know. Don’t know how he’ll manage to get married in Japan. It’s definitely not gonna be a city-hall wedding. He’ll have to tell you about that.
So we’re all just waiting for you to wake up.
(He pulled the window’s curtains even wider, letting the sun’s rays warm up the room.)
And I… I’ll always be waiting, Kai, because especially now when the colors are bright and the sun is shining, I want to walk and see the world with you, together.”
Ruki almost fainted when all of a sudden, Kai opened his eyes. He also seemed like he wanted to speak but his throat was too dry. Ruki forgot all about calling the doctor or letting anyone else know. He just gave Kai a bit of water to drink and stared at him. For what seemed like an eternity, they looked at each other. Then Kai said, in what was more of a whispered-mumbling than speech, but amazingly, Ruki could understand it all:
“Ru-chan, will you marry me?” Ruki blinked. Kai added. “We can’t let those two have all the fun, now can we?”
There was no stopping Ruki’s teary kiss. Only minutes later did he realize he should have called the doctor. He did, but he didn’t really need to, because he knew then and there that Kai was back, the same Kai was back, his Kai was back. And the Gazette would be having their next concert in no time. Just before reaching the doctor’s office, this thought entered his head: “Damn, I have a wedding to plan."
A/N: And it is over. I can't believe it. It's been such a long ride. Almost felt teary. It all started as a request and well, became this. Every single minute was fun writing and I hope you've loved reading it and that you'll let me know.
About this chapter, just one thing I'd like to say. The ending might seem rushed, but it isn't. It's just made this way. I hope that if you really think about it, you'll understand why. I'm not excluding the possibility of an epilogue to make up for the wedding and everything but for me, that point right there was the point I absolutely had to end the fic. Well, if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.