Falling in love with a fox -chapter 5, Ruka/Yomi
Chapter 5
"Confessions"
As soon as they got home Ruka asked Yomi to sit on the sofa, he went to get two cups of tea and then after placing the cups on the coffee table in front of the sofa, joined Yomi who seemed quite nervous as to Ruka’s behavior.
“Yomi, I’m not going to be gentle this time. I want straight answers. I want you to be honest with me. I think I deserve that.”
Yomi’s eyes grew the size of saucers and he was genuinely scared hearing Ruka talk like that.
“Ruka, what are you talking about?”
“Who are you running from and why? What is with the weird sleeping habits? I want you to tell me the whole truth.”
“Where did you get the idea that I’m running from someone?” Yomi asked without looking into his eyes.
“From you, actually. And I’d also like you to explain the fact that you are not human.” Ruka was tired of avoiding the questions and he was pretty sure Yomi would never answer him honestly if he didn’t ask like this.
Yomi just froze. He couldn’t comprehend what Ruka had said. How had he figured it out? He hadn’t changed in his sleep, he was sure of that and he was more than careful not to let any information slip. Yomi looked into Ruka’s eyes and he could see that it wasn’t all just a bluff. Ruka obviously had figured out a few things and continuing lying to him would only mean Ruka never trusting him again although even know the chances of having Ruka’s trust weren’t that high, Yomi thought.
“I don’t know how you’ve put two and two together, but… I’ll tell you the truth. There’s no going around it now I guess. It’s true, I’m not human and I am running from someone.”
“How can you not be human? What are you?”
“I’m a kitsune.”
Ruka was speechless at that. Did Yomi really believe this? He thought it was just impossible. Maybe he could have accepted alien or some sort of a clone or even a robot but for hell, a kitsune? How to accept that?
“You’re lying again right?”
“No, and I was sure you wouldn’t believe me. But I swear I’m not lying. We’ve always been around humans, influencing their lives. It’s just that you’ve stopped believing in us, not that we disappeared or were never there. There are many legends amongst humans about us, mostly because we’ve never shared much with you.
Through the ages, we’ve been guarding humans and at the same time pulling pranks on them, that is true. We’re pranksters by nature. We do have special powers but we are not immortal. We serve Inari but since most of you humans have stopped believing in her or the other Gods, you have chased them away. You don’t even know how much harm you did to us with your neglect and disbelief and lately with your stupidity. You’ve been killing the very nature that is our life essence. You’ve polluted the rivers and skies, the rain that falls is like poison, you’ve cut the trees and taken away the environment we feel safest in, you’ve hunted us down…I could go on like this for days. Which brings me to the reason why I’m running. I’m actually running from my family and everything I knew because of you humans. Do you know how I feel? (Ruka could see the hurt and the anger in Yomi’s eyes and for a minute he was lost in that gaze because it seemed like Yomi’s gaze could really tell everything, and all Ruka saw there was the truth. Yomi was not lying to him or inventing a story. He really believed that. Otherwise he wouldn’t be so hurt.)
For the longest time kitsune have been living together with humans, we were pretty much able to do as we please and interact with you any way we wanted to but because of your actions we had to protect ourselves and our secret so we’ve started forming communities and while finding out more about what your actions’ consequences are, the elders have decided to stop you once and for all. This time it won’t be just a prank, it’s supposed to affect you, by either making you see you’re wrong or by punishing you severely. You just never seem to learn from your mistakes.
I just refused to do what they asked me to so I ran away. Am I making any sense?”
“Actually no. It all just sounds like some sort of yakuza fox story to me.”
Yomi glared back at him and said:
“Do you really think I’m joking about all this?”
“No, Yomi, I think you believe that what you are saying is truth. I don’t think you’re lying to me.”
“But you still don’t believe me.”
“Listen, Yomi, give me just some proof.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Change to your original form.” Ruka said.
“I would but unfortunately lately I’ve grown weaker. It takes so much effort just being awake. And I don’t really want you to believe me anyway. I’ll be out of here…”
And Yomi just stood up, ready to leave.
Truth or just Yomi’s delusions, Ruka had stopped caring at the moment, seeing the defeated look in the man’s eyes. So he reached out and grabbed Yomi’s hand and pulled him back on the couch again.
“Please don’t go. More than what you are or why this is all happening I want to know how I fit in this. What am I to you Yomi?”
“How you fit in? You don’t.”
Ruka’s heart sunk at that but he let Yomi continue.
“Lately many of the ancient rules have changed. We’ve stopped protecting people and started protecting ourselves and to do that in your society takes invention and cunning and strength. We are no longer aloud to fall in love with humans but we are just to use them for our own purposes.”
The pain etched on Yomi’s face was so clear and there were tears on the verge of falling from his eyes. “It sounds so cruel, doesn’t it? And it is. Those of us that have known humans before, know that most of you are not monsters, you’re just wondering through life… Do you know what is the cause of these drastic changes, other than your race’s stupidity? Me. And I hate myself for that. You see, I’m a nine-tailed fox. And that should be impossible since nine-tailed foxes, as your legends say, are only those that have lived hundreds of years and gained immeasurable power. I’m not even a hundred years yet. But I was born like this. I’m the that marks a new beginning, a chance to turn history around. I’d cause so much death and pain and I just couldn’t do it. So I ran away. Am I a coward? How you fit in? You’re the one mistake in my plan because…”
Ruka had held his breath through Yomi’s speech because frankly he was listening to everything and he couldn’t understand it. Sure the words were clear but it just didn’t feel real. It was like watching some really stupid SF movie… It was just too absurd but the words that Yomi was about to say now made some difference because those were the words he had wanted most to hear that night.
“Because I fell in love with you. That means I broke the rule. But it’s not just that. If they found out, you’re going to be in their way. They’ll be after you too. Because there is one thing foxes will never do once they fall in love: fall easily out of love. It takes a hundred years to force that feeling away or more if that love is especially strong. And I will not be allowed to fall in love with a human.”
Ruka got all that loud and clear and he was speechless and motionless. Tears were now flowing freely down Yomi’s cheeks and he could hear the sincerity in his trembling voice. It took the man everything he had to say all that and he was crushed in the end. Only now did Ruka realize something: he didn’t really care who Yomi was or where he came from as long as he would keep being by his side, loving him because he just loved Yomi so much. So when Yomi stopped talking and just leaned on the couch’s back, crying, Ruka didn’t hesitate to put his arms around him and reassure him:
“Please don’t cry, Yomi. It’s all going to be ok.”
“Yes it is. I’m sorry for all of this. I’ll be gone in a few minutes.”
Ruka just tightened his embrace and whispered, but loud enough for Yomi to hear him.
“You’re not going anywhere. We’re in this together. Because I love you, no matter what. And you’re not getting away from me.”
“You don’t believe me do you?” Yomi sighed. He was happy about the confession and he somehow knew that Ruka meant it, that he wasn’t just saying it to reassure him because there was so much more he hadn’t told Ruka and he just knew now that Ruka’s feelings were true but at the same time, he was sad that the man didn’t believe him. Sure, it was pretty easy to prove he was telling the truth but what would that solve? Yomi smiled bitterly to himself. He had already decided…
Ruka interrupted his thoughts.
“I can’t even understand everything Yomi. Please forgive me. I know you believe it and that’s enough for now. For tonight can you just stop crying? And can’t we just be happy that we have each other?”
Yomi smiled genuinely upon hearing that. Ruka was right. That night they had each other.
“Yes, Ruka. I am happy.”
That wasn’t a lie. Yomi was happy but…
“Ruka, hold me.” Yomi whispered and then proceeded to placing a tender kiss on Ruka’s neck.
“What?” Ruka asked surprised.
Yomi entangled himself from the embrace and gazed into Ruka’s eyes, firmly saying:
“Make love to me, Ruka.”
Under other circumstances, Ruka would have thought twice about agreeing to Yomi’s decision. It felt rushed; even though they had confessed, there was this atmosphere clinging to the room, as if it was a bad omen…but he saw the passion and desire in Yomi’s eyes, eyes that were looking at him as if it all depended on this, as if there was no second chance, as if… No, he wouldn’t think about that. It was so much easier to think about Yomi’s beautiful lips, his silky skin, and his beautiful voice…
He felt as if he was losing himself in the depth of those passionate eyes and he couldn’t help his lust cloud his thoughts and overwhelm his body. Because Yomi was just perfect and he was his and that was their night… So Ruka stopped thinking and let his desires take control.
The night was perfect. They were perfect together and they couldn’t ever be apart. That was what Ruka thought while making love to Yomi that night and while falling asleep cuddling together, enveloped by the man’s unique scent, the scent that had captured him from their first meeting. But in the morning Yomi was gone and the world came crashing around Ruka because Yomi had left something behind, and it proved everything Yomi had said the night before. And only now did Ruka understand why Yomi had acted that way the night before, why they had made love like that; because there really would be no tomorrow. Yomi had left.