Bone of contention
Ah, the last time i posted an entry was like, almost a year ago eh?
So much had happened. Sat for an exam, a really crucial one, managed to scrape a pass despite barely knowing much.Promised
myself I would work harder to avoid the last minute agony and unimaginable stress but somehow or rather, managed to muck it all up
again few months down the road.
I am now entering the very final of my semester studies. 6 months from now, i would finally be relieved of a title student and enter the
workforce for real. Not that i havent done that before though. I had, using my current degree. But circumtances forced me to further
finish what i have started. There should be no regrets but I would be a lying prick if i said that there isnt/wasnt any. Because there
is this deep crevice inside my heart, named regret, that however hard i tried to forget, i knew in my heart i would never be able to.
I suppose, i will carry this burden, to my grave. I have stopped overanalysing things now. I have seriously stopped doing deep
thinking, of what the future would bring, stuff like that. I focus more on day to day living now. As if living everyday is already a toll
in my heart. This problem is never going away. This frustration that will haunt me. Its not easy to erase this dark past. I do not plan
to live like this but the past is a part of me.
When was the last time i cried? Must have been back in 2010? Man, the fact that i hold it in these past 2 years..amazing.. Its not
that im strong, because i know im not. I may smile outside, wave at people, say sweet and cheerful things to people, cheer others
up when they look down, but God knows how i have been hurting inside. But because i chose not to dwell on it, i somehow manage
to live on.
Happiness in life should be withing the power of your hands and mind. I chose to treat every simple little things that happen in my
life as my little happiness. After all, how many of us really appreciate these little happiness every day brings?.
Yours truly
Nukecider
9/4/2012
1.50am
So much had happened. Sat for an exam, a really crucial one, managed to scrape a pass despite barely knowing much.Promised
myself I would work harder to avoid the last minute agony and unimaginable stress but somehow or rather, managed to muck it all up
again few months down the road.
I am now entering the very final of my semester studies. 6 months from now, i would finally be relieved of a title student and enter the
workforce for real. Not that i havent done that before though. I had, using my current degree. But circumtances forced me to further
finish what i have started. There should be no regrets but I would be a lying prick if i said that there isnt/wasnt any. Because there
is this deep crevice inside my heart, named regret, that however hard i tried to forget, i knew in my heart i would never be able to.
I suppose, i will carry this burden, to my grave. I have stopped overanalysing things now. I have seriously stopped doing deep
thinking, of what the future would bring, stuff like that. I focus more on day to day living now. As if living everyday is already a toll
in my heart. This problem is never going away. This frustration that will haunt me. Its not easy to erase this dark past. I do not plan
to live like this but the past is a part of me.
When was the last time i cried? Must have been back in 2010? Man, the fact that i hold it in these past 2 years..amazing.. Its not
that im strong, because i know im not. I may smile outside, wave at people, say sweet and cheerful things to people, cheer others
up when they look down, but God knows how i have been hurting inside. But because i chose not to dwell on it, i somehow manage
to live on.
Happiness in life should be withing the power of your hands and mind. I chose to treat every simple little things that happen in my
life as my little happiness. After all, how many of us really appreciate these little happiness every day brings?.
Yours truly
Nukecider
9/4/2012
1.50am