The Funeral & My Family Roots.
Hi there.
I think let's introduce myself first before I talk about my family.
My name is actually 'Chor Kiet Hang'.
Yes many people don't know how to pronounce it correctly.
Just try say "Cho-r Ki-t Hang'.
Not 'Cho Keat Hang' or 'Chao Keat Hang' or 'Hong' or anything.
In the beginning, my name was supposed to be 'Chor Kit Han'.
But thanks to my ever loving father, he wrote "Chor Kiet Hang".
From the day I was born, every teacher tended to write my gender as 'male' or 'boy'.
I do sometimes wonder did they do that purposely?
I will never know.
My Chinese/Cantonese/Mandarin name is ‘曹洁娴’.
Yes, I'm proud, really proud that I have a surname of '曹'.
I won't explain much why, since you people who had studied Chinese Histories and Tales will know.
Well, I don't.
I mean, I studied in Malay/English school, therefore I didn't learn much of Chinese Histories and Tales.
The sources I got were from my mother and some Chinese TV historical drama series.
Lovely.
Okay.
Now, let's get into my family story.
I admit, I don't know my family trees or roots,
I only met and know few closer relatives but not all of them,
I don't know how many uncles/aunties or nephews/niece I have.
Be it alive or dead.
Yes, by saying nephews/nieces, I do mean my father's side family's relatives.
I didn't like them.
Still don't anyway.
Too many issues like age gap and other shits.
Yesterday's night.
If you have/check my Facebook account, you will know what I did and where I went to.
It was my third step-granduncle funeral night.
Today's morning he was cremated.
I didn't go. (I will explain later)
Last night was just like other normal Buddhist funeral night.
I don't know much about the concept.
Just some like the surroundings and preparations.
The family of the deceased will call upon every relative to attend the night or maybe few nights.
(It depends on the custom or the priest to hold how many nights for the funeral).
For him, it held 2 nights before his cremation which was today.
The tables/chairs will be blue or white.
There were 2 or fews white lanterns, written with blue inked words.
The ones I saw were, his age vertically written ‘七十有五‘ (Seventy five years old)
and his surname ‘曹' ('Cao' in Mandarin pronunciation) follows by another character below which defines him being the pure blood of '曹' name carrier.
I can't read too difficult Chinese character. (Hey, I'm Malay/Eng ed, okay?)
White lanterns are only in use when there's someone dies.
It's neither beautiful or scary.
It's just a simple thing that makes you feel hollow when you stare at it.
That's me saying. I don't know what about you.
Me being his far-relative, his step-grandniece, I think?
Usually won't go and take a peek while he was laying inside the wooden craved coffin.
I afraid to look at dead people's face, honestly.
I only looked at his picture, he, my step-granduncle whom I didn't meet/talk to before, maybe we did but I don't remember.
He, step-granduncle died because of cancer.
His son, step-uncle told us on that night that his father died because of his stubbornness.
His father didn't tell anyone of his sickness and insisted he was fine even till the last few breaths before he passed away.
I didn't see any of his children cry or showing any 'sad' faces.
Step-uncle even told us jokes and laughed.
He said when he think back that since last few months, his father, the deceased, who has retired and returned from overseas, has been showing signs.
Signs of him having sickness and dying.
He stayed and died in the government apartment where his son lives in.
The deceased met my mother few times while he was still alive in Malaysia.
He told my mother that he retired because the overseas government told him to do so.
My mother and other relatives believed him until the day he died.
We think that he might already knew that he was dying, that was why he flew home.
He might also didn't want to burden his youngest daughter, who he lived with when he was overseas for about 8-9 years.
I heard that he wasn't a good father and husband.
He didn't raise his children, but he wasn't exactly a bad father.
He just maybe didn't care or take notice much.
He was nice to his wife.
But of course I do also heard that his history with his wife was amusing.
Their wedding wasn't what you expect in this 20/21-century era.
It wasn't all lovely, happy and didn't receive many blessings.
There were arguments and fights.
Even between them, the husband and wife.
Again, of what heard, some auntie's father of mine was angry with their wedding and purposely tripped the bride's leg when the bride was handing the tea for some elders to drink. (The Chinese wedding customs, sigh)
So, my step-granduncle was mad as well and took out a watermelon knife and threw it on the table.
Then, both family's ties were severed.
Lol.
Funny.
Oh.
Not yet the funniest thing.
No.
Actually, it's not the funniest thing in my life.
It's definitely weird and funny in some way.
I think you've been wondering why I stated the deceased as 'step-granduncle'?
Maybe you're already getting what I'm going to say,
Yes.
I had two great grandmothers.
I didn't know until yesterday, my auntie told me.
Hell.
Why my parents didn't tell me?
And I have lived until me being 20 years and 10 months old only to be told by my relatives that I have such interesting family roots.
Che.
My great grandfather apparently had two wives.
The first wife died young in the age of 23 after giving birth to my grandfather.
The second wife then married and she wasn't a bad stepmother to my grandfather.
She was kind and that was why they, the steps and my grandfather got along well...
But not after my great grandfather died and leaving an old house and few inheritance behind.
The steps weren't happy and worried until they were mentally challenged.
Ha ha.
That was a joke.
Anyhow then,
The steps and my grandfather relationship came to an end.
So no wonder why I couldn't get along with the others.
I do want to know more about my family roots, you know.
Not that I'm very eager to join or reunite with them and forgive and forget whatever things had happened in between generations.
I'm not a person who's all kind and innocent but that doesn't mean I don't forgive.I do forgive but not easily.
I didn't go to the cremation of my step-granduncle, I'm a coward, I know.
You see,
Even when those two nights the family members didn't cry or showing any signs of mourning...
That doesn't mean that they're not sad nor they didn't cry.
Maybe they did, when there weren't anyone looking.
A funeral makes people think and recall back the memories you shared and have had with the deceased.
Though he wasn't their hero or idol, he was still their father.
And somehow I know that he loved his children very much.
And his wife too.
That's for sure.
I just know.
R.I.P. dear step-granduncle.
God bless your very soul.