Innocence.Silence.Devotion. Chapter 1/?
Title: Innocence.Silence.Devotion. 1/2
Pairing: ReitaxUruha / AkiraxKouyou
Rated: PG-13
Genre: AU, drama, angst
Warnings: character death
Summary: The day Akira wanted to tell Kouyou that he loved him... he was informed that he was going to die.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my imagination.
Comments: Huh... I had to get this off my chest... even if it's kinda depressive. But I hope you like it. Ah yeah... &sorry for any mistakes,English isn't my 1st language.
''Kouyou... there's something I need to ask from you.''
The honey blond teen turned his head to the left, soft blades of grass tickling his cheek while he waited for his best friend to continue.
''If I was going to die before you... I'm not saying that it's going to happen but just if. I want you to keep looking forward and enjoy your life to the fullest, even without me by your side.''
Thin eye brows furrowed and Kouyou took a sitting position, casting a look of worry at the other boy who kept his gaze towards the cloudless azure colored morning sky. He bit his lip for a second but then an uneasy laugh escaped the full lips and he lightly slapped Akira's shoulder with his left palm.
''What's gotten into you? We're 60 years early to be talking about something like this. Why... are you even bringing this up now?''
A small smile played on the other's lips but he still didn't dare to look at Kouyou, afraid that his facade might crumble away.
''I know, don't worry. I've just been thinking about it lately. Death is something natural. And since you're always clinging onto me - this got him a nudge to the side and pouty lips glaring at him- I just want to make sure that you will keep going without me.''
He then suddenly raised his arm, index finger pointing towards the endless blue. ''I will be there, always watching you. If you feel broken, if you don't know how to go on, promise me to never look at the ground to hide your tears. But to face the sky and show me your beautiful smile, show me that I don't have to worry about you but can return it.''
''I don't get wh-''
The other boy's hand on his made Kouyou shut up and he watched their fingers slowly interlacing.
''Don't worry but also don't question anything. I just want you to promise me.''
The confused teen looked up and finally, Akira's eyes had shifted from the sky to him. Kouyou felt himself shiver at the intense stare the blond was giving him and he nodded quietly, not sure what to say.
''Aww come on Kou-chan, don't make that face!'' Akira got up and playfully flicked the nose of his friend, yearning a surprised yelp and another attack at his shoulder blade which he only laughed off.
''Anyway, did you hear about that new game coming out in september?''
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The day Akira wanted to tell Kouyou that he loved him... he was informed that he was going to die.
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It was a day as beautiful as you could only wish for it. The air was filled with the chattering of birds and the smell of countless of different flowers and other plants. Golden rays of sun shine drew a warm color on the asphalt but it wasn't exactly hot as the weather was accompanied by a fresh but light wind. The streets were filled with people, it seemed that every one wanted to enjoy this especially nice day of june. Amongst the crowd was also a boy, clasping on a single white rose with a matching bow wrapped around, eyes turned towards the ground, trying to ignore the glances of people passing by. Of course, white flowers always did catch the attention of people, but Kouyou simply wanted to gag at the fake sympathy he was getting from those stares, it made him nothing but uncomfortable.
Don't try to act like you even care. I know this picture of me will be erased in a matter of seconds after passing me. Don't look sad. Because no one, fucking no one of you will ever understand what I feel. Never.
His grip on the delicate flower tightened but his mind was too clouded with flashes of blond, a fragile looking body and reassuring smiles that couldn't hide the fear and despair completely though, and so a thin trail of red began to trickle down his hand due to a thorn biting into his palm. His breath started to come out in short gasps as he looked up to see that he had almost reached his destination. The place he had been sleeping for a year now. And today would be the first time for him to visit. Kouyou stopped before the rust colored gates as he felt the knot in his throat growing painfully bigger and his knees starting to shake. All the guilt and shame he felt for leaving the other alone for so long seemed to overwhelm him and for a few moments, he turned his back towards the graveyard, trying to find his composure and control over his breathing again. Only then he noticed the crimson color staining his hand and also leaving dirty marks on the once pure bow.
He silently cursed and removed it from the rose, wrapping it around his injured hand instead.
It's okay. It's going to be okay. Now... just go.
The boy closed his eyes and nodded a few times to himself, plucking up a small amount of courage and turned around again. Ten and a half steps later and he stood right in front of the graveyard. Kouyou forced himself to continue but after only setting one foot in, he already felt the warm liquid brimming in his eyes.
It's alright. You knew this was going to be hard. But... you don't want him to hate you even more, right?
A single tear escaped the eye, falling onto the dusty and dry ground and the blond started to walk towards the reason of his being, head down and focused on his foot steps. Even though it was the first time for him to come after the funeral, Kouyou didn't even had to keep attention to the path, he knew exactly which way he had to go. It was almost like the pulling of an invisible string, directing him to his beloved.
Just after a couple of moments he was there, standing before the grave stone of the person who had meant the world to him. And still did.
Hands started to become sweaty, more tears followed to run down the pale cheeks but the boy bit his lip, holding in the sobs which desperately wanted to leave the trembling body. Suddenly his legs gave out and he made contact to hard ground, bruising his knees and palms, the white rose lying beside him. He stared at it for mere seconds before a shaky hand slowly picked it up to put it into a small empty vase of a silver color in front of him. That's when his gaze finally fell on the grave stone, the name engraved burning into his orbs and he couldn't help but silently repeat the name over and over again.
Suzuki... Akira... Ak... -kira... AkiraAkiraAkiraAkiraAkira... Aki...
He felt himself leaning forward, the tips of his fingers hesitantly touching the smooth and cold stone. He was here. After a whole year, they were finally united again. Then why... didn't he feel his emptiness fade away? Why did he feel the pain and loneliness grow even more now which each second that passed?
''Even if I won't be able to respond, please come and talk to me. So I won't feel lonely and can at least listen to that beautiful voice of yours.''
The honey blond swallowed and dry lips parted, the voice sounding alien to him.
''H-Hi... How... h-have you been A-Aki? I... I know I'm late. I've left you for so long... you... you probably hate me now, huh? I...didn't keep my promise.''
The boy forced a weak smile onto his quivering lips, wiping at his eyes with the injured hand, soaking the bow with his grief and sorrow.
''It's been quite tough, you know? S-Sometimes it feels... like you actually never left me. This past year... I've seen you everywhere. When I'm on the train, you're the person sitting next to me, when I'm sitting at the table, you're the person sitting across and flashing a smile at me, when I'm lying in my bed crying, it's your arms I feel around my shaking shoulders, your velvet voice whispering sweet nothings in my ear until I calm down and eventually fall asleep. Just... to dream of you again. But every time I reach out... every time I want to touch you... you disappear into nothingness. And I'm left alone. But... I've been alone this whole time, right? You were never really there... that way... touching you, holding you... kissing you... I won't be able to reach you that way again, ne? But I... I-''
He suddenly shut his eyes, hands closing the opened mouth before the sob was heard and slowly, the boy let his head rest on his thighs, curling up into a pitiful ball. Why...we could've spend so much more time together. But you only made us both suffer even more than needed. I wonder... do you still think that you protected me this way? Aren't you regretting it?
''I'm sorry Kouyou but I can't today. I'm seeing my girlfriend.''
If you only would've sucked at lying.
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Ahhh... writing this is painful. So I've decided to make this a Twoshot because it's just really getting to me... I suck, I'm way too emotional, I know. -sigh- But some points of this story are connected to my personal life so... it's just hard but it also feels good to release my feelings by writing this. Next part will be all about the time before Akira's death, including the GF part (don't worry, NOT really including a girl to this >.>) since Akira is a big fat liar. Lots of more drama to come... so I hope you enjoyed this and will wait for the next part :) I hope that I won't take too long with it, it should be up no later than next weekend. Maybe even this if I feel like it... we'll see.
Comments are ♥ btw. As well as constructive criticism since this is only my 2nd fic -sweats- but I have to say I'm pleased with it so far.