One-shot: Presence { ReitaxRuki }
Title: One-shot: Presence { ReitaxRuki }
Author: yujira
Pairing: ReitaxRuki
Genre: Angst, Romance
Rating: PG-15
Warnings: Eh character death+ghost appearance. Yeah, I'm awful, I know. *waits to get stabbed*
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own them. Would I spend my time writing this shit then? No, I'd rather 'enjoy' myself with the sexis. Lol.
Summary: His other hand reached up to stroke Reita's face but all the other blond could feel was a cold breeze of air brushing over his cheek. Still, a smile spread on his lips and even though he knew he wouldn't feel anything but cold, his own warm hand covered the small, fragile one.
Comments: Hnnn. I'm sorry for this but the idea just wouldn't leave my mind. :(
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Reita awoke with a short gasp leaving his lips, his body bathed in warm rays of sunlight which gently stroked the side of his face. Feeling his thundering heartbeat slowly easing down again, he rubbed over the sleepy eyes before turning to his side, revealing a beautiful being staring at him. Bleached strands of hair glowed a lush golden color in the light of the waking sun, the luscious lips which had been decorated with a soft hue of pink were tinted white, with a hint of sky blue. The already pale body seemed unnaturally white, the only clothing being an over sized white t-shirt, which made the man look even more pale and inhuman. One hand on his neck, he traced a large silver colored scar which ran all the way down to his collarbone, eyes fixated on Reita who was slowly but surely drowning in the other's alice blue orbs. His other hand reached up to stroke Reita's face but all the other blond could feel was a cold breeze of air brushing over his cheek. Still, a smile spread on his lips and even though he knew he wouldn't feel anything but cold, his own warm hand covered the small, fragile one.
''Good morning Ruki.''
The vocalist, having lost the ability to speak, only nodded briefly, his lips curling slightly as he unconsciously tightened the grip on his neck. They remained on the bed for a few more moments, simply taking in the other's presence before Reita let out a small sigh, Ruki's hand leaving his cheek as he lifted himself up from the cozy mattress. Without another look or word he left the bedroom, heading towards a hot shower with Ruki in tow. Hot steam filled the small bathroom as Reita turned the shower on, his grey sweatpants and underwear pooling around his ankles before he stepped in, Ruki following him fully dressed. The warm streams of water made him sigh in content and he closed his eye lids as he let the water droplets trickle down his face. Suddenly there was a cold sensation and the bassist felt numerous of shivers running down his spine, comprehending that Ruki was hugging him from behind, hands clasped together around the strong torso. Taka... He slowly turned around, welcoming the shorter man as his hands took hold of a clothed waist while Ruki wrapped his arms around the other's neck, the blond head resting on Reita's chest. There was no feeling of clothing under Reita's fingertips, no feeling of strands tickling his chest, no warmth filling him, having Ruki close like this had never felt more different. There was almost nothing, just a slight feel as if he was touching ice cubes, but the hot water of the shower overwhelmed and managed to almost erase everything that was left of Ruki's touch. Realizing this made Reita's grip on the vocalist tighten which the other responded by brushing his white lips over the bassist's wet chest which left the other trembling from the icy feeling. After a short while, the elder unwrapped himself from the intimate contact as the rising temperature in the bathroom was slowly starting to make him feel dizzy. Ruki understood and instantly left the shower, walking through the glass door as if it was air, no traces of water adorning his tiny body and the bleached hair.
After Akira had dried himself off, he slipped into a pair of comfy black pants and a simple crimson shirt, the tips of his blond hair still dripping with water as he entered the living room to find Ruki sitting on the couch, gaze directed towards the large stereo. Words weren't needed and the bassist made his way across the room to fulfill his lover's wish. Seconds later a soft tune was filling the apartment and the vocalist gratefully smiled at the other, but his piercing eyes weren't able to hide the sadness that was pooling within his light orbs as he listened to his own dulcet voice resonating. It turned to be a daily routine since Ruki had come back to him and Reita did nothing else but the usual, gently ruffling the top of the blond's head before sharing a careful kiss, another tremble of fear accompanying him at the alien feeling that was turning colder with each day. Five days ago his lips had still felt warm and soft against his own. His other half was slowly but surely slipping away, Reita knew it. They parted softly, without any haste and Reita pulled the delicate figure into another short hug before he headed towards the kitchen, making sure to hide the silent tears that were running down his cheeks by averting the other's gaze. But Reita was sure that his trembling shoulders gave him away anyway, Ruki had always been attentive to the smallest details. The vocalist felt his heart clenching, even though it stopped beating long time ago, as he saw the bassist retrieve. Drawing his knees closer, he wound his arms around them, chin resting on top, clear liquid escaping his eyes while he mouthed the lyrics of his own song.
I want to live,
I don't want to die,
every time I think about it my tears overflow...
I want to live,
in the end there's not one thing I can do for you...
A rich scent of cocoa filled the small kitchen as Reita poured warm milk into two large cups. The sound of the bell ringing startled him and almost made him lose his grasp on one of the cups. With an irritated groan he made his way to open the door, feeling Ruki's questioning gaze in the back of his neck as he opened.
''... Kai.''
The drummer smiled shyly at the bassist's obvious irritation and did a small wave with his hand.
''Hey Rei... Ah, I know it's very early but I couldn't sleep last night because I'd been thinking of you since it had been a while since we last saw each other and I got worried so I decided-''
''Come on in.''
With a swift motion, Reita invited his friend in and Kai's smile turned wider as he nodded and stepped into the apartment.
''I didn't expect the apartment to stay that clean and tidy.''
''You know that Ruki doesn't like messiness.''
''... right.''
The brunette lowered his head down towards the dark wooden floor as Ruki's incommensurable voice filled his ear drums, hands unconsciously playing with the hem of his shirt as he followed the blond into the kitchen.
Goodbye, see you, take care.
Because I will never, never forget you.
Goodbye, we can certainly meet again, ne? That's a promise!...
A sad smile formed on the pale being's lips as he caught sight of his bandmate, lithe fingers quickly erasing all remains of his shed tears as he stood up and minced to the kitchen to join the two. Kai's eyebrows raised a little at the sight of the two cups on the table and he peeked into the living room, staring right through Ruki's shocked expression only inches away as doing so.
''Are you already having a guest?''
Ruki shared a look with his lover, forcing a smile at the worry and pity filling Reita's orbs and sat down on one of the chairs, sniffing at the cup in front of him. Reita sighed and motioned Kai to sit down aswell, placing the second cup into the drummer's hands.
''The second... it's for... he likes it.''
The vocalist desperately tried to ignore the other crumbling slowly, he couldn't burst into tears or comfort him now, with Kai being around it would make the situaion only more awkward in the brunette's eyes. He tried to concentrate on his cup, tried to take in the scent he loved so much but there was nothing. As expected. He had lost his sense to smell already a week ago, right after losing the capability to grasp any objects. He wasn't even able to hold a mere sheet of paper anymore. There was nothing he could do to prove his existence to his bandmates, this whole time Reita had been the only one. But he was thankful to god, thankful that he was allowed to spend a little more time with his beloved. But they both could feel it... both could hear the hour glass slowly but surely running out for them.
''Akira.''
The gentle tone of Kai's voice made Reita look up, being greeted by a half-smile and a caring gaze.
''Have you ever... visited him since...? If you're afraid to go alone I can-''
''There's no need to.''
Kai's eyes widened at Reita's determined, almost angry look he shot his friend. Ruki shifted uncomfortably in his seat, trying to soothe the bassist by grabbing his hand but the blond leaned away from the cold brush, eyes locked on Kai's uneasy pair.
''He's right here. At this moment. There's no need for me to visit his buried, lifeless body which is rotting away.''
If Ruki had been fully present, he probably would've felt the need to throw up at his lover's harsh words. His vision was blurring and before any more words could escape Reita's lips he quickly stood up and dashed towards the bedroom, small hands covering his ears. Reita only then realized the intensity of his own words, covering his eyes with a trembling palm and a fake laugh filling the otherwise silent kitchen at his stupidity. A gentle touch at his arm made him jerk and before he had any time to protest, Kai had tugged him into an embrace, chin resting on top of the bassist's shoulder. He remained quiet but the warm and comforting touch was enough for Reita's tears start forming and slowly spilling from his eyes again. Wounding his arms around Kai's waist, he finally returned the hug, brown strands tickling his nose as he pressed his face against the side of Kai's neck.
''Taka... he is here, you have to believe me. But... but I can see that he'll leave me soon. Slowly... he's fading away, turning cold, I almost can't feel his touch anymore. But I don't want... I can't be without him...''
Kai didn't know how to answer him, there was no way he would confront Reita with the cruelty of reality if the other had the feeling that Ruki was still present. Reita was in such a fragile state right now...
''I know it's hard... Rei, but you know...''
His hand found it's way upon Reita's chest, lying atop his rapid heartbeat.
''As long as he's in there. He will forever keep on living within you. Even death is not able to separate you two completely.''
A choked sob passed the quivering lips and Reita hid his face in the crook of Kai's neck, wetting the soft skin and parts of his t-shirt with salty sorrow. Kai placed a chaste, friendly kiss on top of Reita's head before starting to stroke the blond hair tenderly, his eyes releasing the own grief he felt about losing not only the vocalist of their band, but one of his best friends. Ruki had been someone special, there was no one who could ever replace him. No one. He slowly loosened his hold on his blond friend as he felt Reita's breaths turning regular again and his tense muscles finally relaxing. After a few more minutes Reita ended the hug by pulling away, taking Kai's hand into his own to squeeze it lightly because his mind wasn't able to form any words to thank him. Kai smiled at the other who held his gaze down and squeezed back before standing up from his chair.
''I'm sorry but I can't stay any longer. I just wanted to check on you. But I'll make sure to call you in the evening. And if there's something you need or someone to talk to, don't hesitate to contact me ok?''
Reita nodded numbly, still not meeting the drummer's eyes.
''It's okay. I can find the door by myself. Aki... please take care of yourself, okay?''
Without waiting for an answer, Kai made his way towards the front door and seconds later a click was heard to confirm that the brunette had left the apartment. Reita lifted his head and his puffy eyes searched for the closed door of his bedroom, realizing that Ruki had been alone in there this whole time. In a matter of seconds he had reached it, a shaking hand turning the door knob as Ruki's voice pierced through his heart with every single word that was sung.
In my throat, there are thousands of questions that are like thorns.
I'm asking, ''What can I save?''
My future is dying right before my eyes...
The sight being presented to Reita left his breath stuck in his burning throat. Had Ruki always looked... partly transparent? The younger was sitting at the edge of the huge bed, face hiding between his knees as he slowly rocked back and forth, unaware of Reita's presence. The bassist took a few steps closer, slow and fearful, as if Ruki might vanish any second. With a careful motion he tried to stroke the blond's head and a surprised gasp left Reita's lips as his hand simply went through his lover, nothing but cold air brushing his calloused palm.
This can't be... No, no, no, no, no...
Again he tried to touch the petite vocalist and again his hand met nothing but air.
''Ruki! Come on, look up! I... I can't... Taka, I can't feel you...''
The sniffling sounds and rocking motions stopped as Ruki blinked and looked up into Reita's desperate expression. He slowly raised his pale hand, examining it before touching Reita's stomach. It went right through him. Ruki's eyes widened in fear and he quickly pulled back, trembles taking control of his body as he watched his own hands, turning them into fists while tears started to flood his icy orbs again. Reita tried to hug the other, over and over, but it was of no use. This was it. Ruki's touch would never reach him again. Never again would he feel those small and soft hands on his body, those plush and tender lips against his own... A dead end. They had reached it.
''So... that means you're gonna leave me soon, huh?''
Ruki did nothing, keeping his gaze on his white palms as he frantically tried to chase all those scary thoughts away that crept their way inside his head. He didn't, he didn't even want to think of having to leave Reita. Why... why had time run out for him... him only, but not for the others? Why did he had to go while everyone else could stay together? It wasn't fair. It wasn't...
''Taka... Love, it's... it's okay. I know, I know but please... would you grant me one more wish?''
The vocalist's crying stilled, sorrow filled eyes gazed up to meet Reita's who's heart froze by the endless pain that Ruki's orbs showed. With a simple hand gesture he motioned towards the bed and walked up to the other side to lie down, waiting for Ruki to do the same. After a short lasting hesitation, the younger followed the bassist and faced the other's tear stained faces, half a meter seperating the two bodies from 'touching'.
''I will... I will make sure to visit you as often as possible, okay? You... you won't be lonely. I-I will talk to you a-and...''
Reita's voice was thick with tears and a sob left the quivering pair of lips. He wouldn't avert his gaze from Ruki now, he didn't care anymore about how stupid and vulnerable he looked like when he was crying. All that mattered were those last moments where he could take in everything that was Ruki, his blond hair, his beautiful eyes, his full lips, the smooth collarbone, his slender fingers, just everything. He would memorize every little detail of his lover and never, he swore to himself that he'd never forget, not even the smallest thing. Even if Ruki was white as snow, even if his eye color had changed to an unnatural shade of ice blue, he'd always remain the most beautiful human ever lived to Reita. Because he was. And Reita was glad that Ruki had decided to spend his life with him. Had chosen him as his best friend, him as his guardian, him as his lover. And no matter how unbearably painful it would get without him...
''Just so you know. I don't regret it. I don't regret any second that we've spent together. You gave me the best years of my life... Taka...''
Through trembling lips, Ruki mouthed a short sentence and it wouldn't have been difficult for anyone to understand.
''I love you too, my dear.''
Ruki smiled softly, mirroring Reita as he carelessly let the tears spill from his eyes. A small hand rose then and even though both knew that nothing would happen, Reita did the same and their palms met in the middle of the bed, Ruki's fingertips slightly going through Reita's but not too much to make it look like they were actually touching. Memories of Ruki's warm touches filled Reita's mind then and his smile grew wider as he felt his fingertips tingling with a cold sensation. Hours passed with both blonds simply continuing to look at each other, not noticing the sun slowly starting to paint the whole room with shades of orange and red. It was way past midnight when Reita's eyes closed, replacing the image of his lover with black nothingness as he was too exhausted to even notice that he was slipping away into a dream, losing sight of Ruki, who was turning more and more transparent which each passing second now. The vocalist felt dizzy, his whole body was hurting and yet... with the last bit of strength left, he lifted his upper body to hover over the sleeping bassist. Maybe he was imagining it, maybe he was going crazy because of his longing but when his lips touched the pair of his beloved, he thought that he felt warmth, softness, gentleness, tenderness, Akira. A last thankful smile curled up at the corner of his lips and he closed his eyes, mouthing his last sentences accompanied by a beautiful ballad.
Don't forget,
Nothing will ever end
in a deep dream.
What Ruki left were twelve years filled of unforgettable memories and a wet stain on the white bed sheet, created by the indescribable pain of saying goodbye to the only person he had ever truly loved.
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*cries* Ugh I feel like shit right now. *puts a hand on her bleeding heart* I'm a horrible person for killing yet again someone from GazettE but this time I had mercy with Reita... ehem. Huh. Though writing about RUKI... man, I almost had a breakdown. But I had to write this idea down, because this whole 'feeling the presence of someone dead' thing had been bugging me because... I've been feeling it too, the past two weeks, as stupid as it might sound. Though of course, this one-shot is extremely exaggerating but... Idk. I'm sorry for writing such depressing stuff the whole time m(___)m Forgive me. Comments are still ♥. And I hope it was still enjoyable to read... I sure seem to love to include songs into my stories, eh?
Uhhh, I need a few hours of sleep now before replying to some comments or even attempting to go on skype.
But I will *winks at KouKou* Hah yes, I love that name, so I want to use it on you bebe :| *shot*
Author: yujira
Pairing: ReitaxRuki
Genre: Angst, Romance
Rating: PG-15
Warnings: Eh character death+ghost appearance. Yeah, I'm awful, I know. *waits to get stabbed*
Disclaimer: Of course I don't own them. Would I spend my time writing this shit then? No, I'd rather 'enjoy' myself with the sexis. Lol.
Summary: His other hand reached up to stroke Reita's face but all the other blond could feel was a cold breeze of air brushing over his cheek. Still, a smile spread on his lips and even though he knew he wouldn't feel anything but cold, his own warm hand covered the small, fragile one.
Comments: Hnnn. I'm sorry for this but the idea just wouldn't leave my mind. :(
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Reita awoke with a short gasp leaving his lips, his body bathed in warm rays of sunlight which gently stroked the side of his face. Feeling his thundering heartbeat slowly easing down again, he rubbed over the sleepy eyes before turning to his side, revealing a beautiful being staring at him. Bleached strands of hair glowed a lush golden color in the light of the waking sun, the luscious lips which had been decorated with a soft hue of pink were tinted white, with a hint of sky blue. The already pale body seemed unnaturally white, the only clothing being an over sized white t-shirt, which made the man look even more pale and inhuman. One hand on his neck, he traced a large silver colored scar which ran all the way down to his collarbone, eyes fixated on Reita who was slowly but surely drowning in the other's alice blue orbs. His other hand reached up to stroke Reita's face but all the other blond could feel was a cold breeze of air brushing over his cheek. Still, a smile spread on his lips and even though he knew he wouldn't feel anything but cold, his own warm hand covered the small, fragile one.
''Good morning Ruki.''
The vocalist, having lost the ability to speak, only nodded briefly, his lips curling slightly as he unconsciously tightened the grip on his neck. They remained on the bed for a few more moments, simply taking in the other's presence before Reita let out a small sigh, Ruki's hand leaving his cheek as he lifted himself up from the cozy mattress. Without another look or word he left the bedroom, heading towards a hot shower with Ruki in tow. Hot steam filled the small bathroom as Reita turned the shower on, his grey sweatpants and underwear pooling around his ankles before he stepped in, Ruki following him fully dressed. The warm streams of water made him sigh in content and he closed his eye lids as he let the water droplets trickle down his face. Suddenly there was a cold sensation and the bassist felt numerous of shivers running down his spine, comprehending that Ruki was hugging him from behind, hands clasped together around the strong torso. Taka... He slowly turned around, welcoming the shorter man as his hands took hold of a clothed waist while Ruki wrapped his arms around the other's neck, the blond head resting on Reita's chest. There was no feeling of clothing under Reita's fingertips, no feeling of strands tickling his chest, no warmth filling him, having Ruki close like this had never felt more different. There was almost nothing, just a slight feel as if he was touching ice cubes, but the hot water of the shower overwhelmed and managed to almost erase everything that was left of Ruki's touch. Realizing this made Reita's grip on the vocalist tighten which the other responded by brushing his white lips over the bassist's wet chest which left the other trembling from the icy feeling. After a short while, the elder unwrapped himself from the intimate contact as the rising temperature in the bathroom was slowly starting to make him feel dizzy. Ruki understood and instantly left the shower, walking through the glass door as if it was air, no traces of water adorning his tiny body and the bleached hair.
After Akira had dried himself off, he slipped into a pair of comfy black pants and a simple crimson shirt, the tips of his blond hair still dripping with water as he entered the living room to find Ruki sitting on the couch, gaze directed towards the large stereo. Words weren't needed and the bassist made his way across the room to fulfill his lover's wish. Seconds later a soft tune was filling the apartment and the vocalist gratefully smiled at the other, but his piercing eyes weren't able to hide the sadness that was pooling within his light orbs as he listened to his own dulcet voice resonating. It turned to be a daily routine since Ruki had come back to him and Reita did nothing else but the usual, gently ruffling the top of the blond's head before sharing a careful kiss, another tremble of fear accompanying him at the alien feeling that was turning colder with each day. Five days ago his lips had still felt warm and soft against his own. His other half was slowly but surely slipping away, Reita knew it. They parted softly, without any haste and Reita pulled the delicate figure into another short hug before he headed towards the kitchen, making sure to hide the silent tears that were running down his cheeks by averting the other's gaze. But Reita was sure that his trembling shoulders gave him away anyway, Ruki had always been attentive to the smallest details. The vocalist felt his heart clenching, even though it stopped beating long time ago, as he saw the bassist retrieve. Drawing his knees closer, he wound his arms around them, chin resting on top, clear liquid escaping his eyes while he mouthed the lyrics of his own song.
I want to live,
I don't want to die,
every time I think about it my tears overflow...
I want to live,
in the end there's not one thing I can do for you...
A rich scent of cocoa filled the small kitchen as Reita poured warm milk into two large cups. The sound of the bell ringing startled him and almost made him lose his grasp on one of the cups. With an irritated groan he made his way to open the door, feeling Ruki's questioning gaze in the back of his neck as he opened.
''... Kai.''
The drummer smiled shyly at the bassist's obvious irritation and did a small wave with his hand.
''Hey Rei... Ah, I know it's very early but I couldn't sleep last night because I'd been thinking of you since it had been a while since we last saw each other and I got worried so I decided-''
''Come on in.''
With a swift motion, Reita invited his friend in and Kai's smile turned wider as he nodded and stepped into the apartment.
''I didn't expect the apartment to stay that clean and tidy.''
''You know that Ruki doesn't like messiness.''
''... right.''
The brunette lowered his head down towards the dark wooden floor as Ruki's incommensurable voice filled his ear drums, hands unconsciously playing with the hem of his shirt as he followed the blond into the kitchen.
Goodbye, see you, take care.
Because I will never, never forget you.
Goodbye, we can certainly meet again, ne? That's a promise!...
A sad smile formed on the pale being's lips as he caught sight of his bandmate, lithe fingers quickly erasing all remains of his shed tears as he stood up and minced to the kitchen to join the two. Kai's eyebrows raised a little at the sight of the two cups on the table and he peeked into the living room, staring right through Ruki's shocked expression only inches away as doing so.
''Are you already having a guest?''
Ruki shared a look with his lover, forcing a smile at the worry and pity filling Reita's orbs and sat down on one of the chairs, sniffing at the cup in front of him. Reita sighed and motioned Kai to sit down aswell, placing the second cup into the drummer's hands.
''The second... it's for... he likes it.''
The vocalist desperately tried to ignore the other crumbling slowly, he couldn't burst into tears or comfort him now, with Kai being around it would make the situaion only more awkward in the brunette's eyes. He tried to concentrate on his cup, tried to take in the scent he loved so much but there was nothing. As expected. He had lost his sense to smell already a week ago, right after losing the capability to grasp any objects. He wasn't even able to hold a mere sheet of paper anymore. There was nothing he could do to prove his existence to his bandmates, this whole time Reita had been the only one. But he was thankful to god, thankful that he was allowed to spend a little more time with his beloved. But they both could feel it... both could hear the hour glass slowly but surely running out for them.
''Akira.''
The gentle tone of Kai's voice made Reita look up, being greeted by a half-smile and a caring gaze.
''Have you ever... visited him since...? If you're afraid to go alone I can-''
''There's no need to.''
Kai's eyes widened at Reita's determined, almost angry look he shot his friend. Ruki shifted uncomfortably in his seat, trying to soothe the bassist by grabbing his hand but the blond leaned away from the cold brush, eyes locked on Kai's uneasy pair.
''He's right here. At this moment. There's no need for me to visit his buried, lifeless body which is rotting away.''
If Ruki had been fully present, he probably would've felt the need to throw up at his lover's harsh words. His vision was blurring and before any more words could escape Reita's lips he quickly stood up and dashed towards the bedroom, small hands covering his ears. Reita only then realized the intensity of his own words, covering his eyes with a trembling palm and a fake laugh filling the otherwise silent kitchen at his stupidity. A gentle touch at his arm made him jerk and before he had any time to protest, Kai had tugged him into an embrace, chin resting on top of the bassist's shoulder. He remained quiet but the warm and comforting touch was enough for Reita's tears start forming and slowly spilling from his eyes again. Wounding his arms around Kai's waist, he finally returned the hug, brown strands tickling his nose as he pressed his face against the side of Kai's neck.
''Taka... he is here, you have to believe me. But... but I can see that he'll leave me soon. Slowly... he's fading away, turning cold, I almost can't feel his touch anymore. But I don't want... I can't be without him...''
Kai didn't know how to answer him, there was no way he would confront Reita with the cruelty of reality if the other had the feeling that Ruki was still present. Reita was in such a fragile state right now...
''I know it's hard... Rei, but you know...''
His hand found it's way upon Reita's chest, lying atop his rapid heartbeat.
''As long as he's in there. He will forever keep on living within you. Even death is not able to separate you two completely.''
A choked sob passed the quivering lips and Reita hid his face in the crook of Kai's neck, wetting the soft skin and parts of his t-shirt with salty sorrow. Kai placed a chaste, friendly kiss on top of Reita's head before starting to stroke the blond hair tenderly, his eyes releasing the own grief he felt about losing not only the vocalist of their band, but one of his best friends. Ruki had been someone special, there was no one who could ever replace him. No one. He slowly loosened his hold on his blond friend as he felt Reita's breaths turning regular again and his tense muscles finally relaxing. After a few more minutes Reita ended the hug by pulling away, taking Kai's hand into his own to squeeze it lightly because his mind wasn't able to form any words to thank him. Kai smiled at the other who held his gaze down and squeezed back before standing up from his chair.
''I'm sorry but I can't stay any longer. I just wanted to check on you. But I'll make sure to call you in the evening. And if there's something you need or someone to talk to, don't hesitate to contact me ok?''
Reita nodded numbly, still not meeting the drummer's eyes.
''It's okay. I can find the door by myself. Aki... please take care of yourself, okay?''
Without waiting for an answer, Kai made his way towards the front door and seconds later a click was heard to confirm that the brunette had left the apartment. Reita lifted his head and his puffy eyes searched for the closed door of his bedroom, realizing that Ruki had been alone in there this whole time. In a matter of seconds he had reached it, a shaking hand turning the door knob as Ruki's voice pierced through his heart with every single word that was sung.
In my throat, there are thousands of questions that are like thorns.
I'm asking, ''What can I save?''
My future is dying right before my eyes...
The sight being presented to Reita left his breath stuck in his burning throat. Had Ruki always looked... partly transparent? The younger was sitting at the edge of the huge bed, face hiding between his knees as he slowly rocked back and forth, unaware of Reita's presence. The bassist took a few steps closer, slow and fearful, as if Ruki might vanish any second. With a careful motion he tried to stroke the blond's head and a surprised gasp left Reita's lips as his hand simply went through his lover, nothing but cold air brushing his calloused palm.
This can't be... No, no, no, no, no...
Again he tried to touch the petite vocalist and again his hand met nothing but air.
''Ruki! Come on, look up! I... I can't... Taka, I can't feel you...''
The sniffling sounds and rocking motions stopped as Ruki blinked and looked up into Reita's desperate expression. He slowly raised his pale hand, examining it before touching Reita's stomach. It went right through him. Ruki's eyes widened in fear and he quickly pulled back, trembles taking control of his body as he watched his own hands, turning them into fists while tears started to flood his icy orbs again. Reita tried to hug the other, over and over, but it was of no use. This was it. Ruki's touch would never reach him again. Never again would he feel those small and soft hands on his body, those plush and tender lips against his own... A dead end. They had reached it.
''So... that means you're gonna leave me soon, huh?''
Ruki did nothing, keeping his gaze on his white palms as he frantically tried to chase all those scary thoughts away that crept their way inside his head. He didn't, he didn't even want to think of having to leave Reita. Why... why had time run out for him... him only, but not for the others? Why did he had to go while everyone else could stay together? It wasn't fair. It wasn't...
''Taka... Love, it's... it's okay. I know, I know but please... would you grant me one more wish?''
The vocalist's crying stilled, sorrow filled eyes gazed up to meet Reita's who's heart froze by the endless pain that Ruki's orbs showed. With a simple hand gesture he motioned towards the bed and walked up to the other side to lie down, waiting for Ruki to do the same. After a short lasting hesitation, the younger followed the bassist and faced the other's tear stained faces, half a meter seperating the two bodies from 'touching'.
''I will... I will make sure to visit you as often as possible, okay? You... you won't be lonely. I-I will talk to you a-and...''
Reita's voice was thick with tears and a sob left the quivering pair of lips. He wouldn't avert his gaze from Ruki now, he didn't care anymore about how stupid and vulnerable he looked like when he was crying. All that mattered were those last moments where he could take in everything that was Ruki, his blond hair, his beautiful eyes, his full lips, the smooth collarbone, his slender fingers, just everything. He would memorize every little detail of his lover and never, he swore to himself that he'd never forget, not even the smallest thing. Even if Ruki was white as snow, even if his eye color had changed to an unnatural shade of ice blue, he'd always remain the most beautiful human ever lived to Reita. Because he was. And Reita was glad that Ruki had decided to spend his life with him. Had chosen him as his best friend, him as his guardian, him as his lover. And no matter how unbearably painful it would get without him...
''Just so you know. I don't regret it. I don't regret any second that we've spent together. You gave me the best years of my life... Taka...''
Through trembling lips, Ruki mouthed a short sentence and it wouldn't have been difficult for anyone to understand.
''I love you too, my dear.''
Ruki smiled softly, mirroring Reita as he carelessly let the tears spill from his eyes. A small hand rose then and even though both knew that nothing would happen, Reita did the same and their palms met in the middle of the bed, Ruki's fingertips slightly going through Reita's but not too much to make it look like they were actually touching. Memories of Ruki's warm touches filled Reita's mind then and his smile grew wider as he felt his fingertips tingling with a cold sensation. Hours passed with both blonds simply continuing to look at each other, not noticing the sun slowly starting to paint the whole room with shades of orange and red. It was way past midnight when Reita's eyes closed, replacing the image of his lover with black nothingness as he was too exhausted to even notice that he was slipping away into a dream, losing sight of Ruki, who was turning more and more transparent which each passing second now. The vocalist felt dizzy, his whole body was hurting and yet... with the last bit of strength left, he lifted his upper body to hover over the sleeping bassist. Maybe he was imagining it, maybe he was going crazy because of his longing but when his lips touched the pair of his beloved, he thought that he felt warmth, softness, gentleness, tenderness, Akira. A last thankful smile curled up at the corner of his lips and he closed his eyes, mouthing his last sentences accompanied by a beautiful ballad.
Don't forget,
Nothing will ever end
in a deep dream.
What Ruki left were twelve years filled of unforgettable memories and a wet stain on the white bed sheet, created by the indescribable pain of saying goodbye to the only person he had ever truly loved.
.
.
.
*cries* Ugh I feel like shit right now. *puts a hand on her bleeding heart* I'm a horrible person for killing yet again someone from GazettE but this time I had mercy with Reita... ehem. Huh. Though writing about RUKI... man, I almost had a breakdown. But I had to write this idea down, because this whole 'feeling the presence of someone dead' thing had been bugging me because... I've been feeling it too, the past two weeks, as stupid as it might sound. Though of course, this one-shot is extremely exaggerating but... Idk. I'm sorry for writing such depressing stuff the whole time m(___)m Forgive me. Comments are still ♥. And I hope it was still enjoyable to read... I sure seem to love to include songs into my stories, eh?
Uhhh, I need a few hours of sleep now before replying to some comments or even attempting to go on skype.
But I will *winks at KouKou* Hah yes, I love that name, so I want to use it on you bebe :| *shot*